At Home in Hespeler

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Jaimie Foxx, courageous artist speaking truth to power:

Last Sunday at the Soul Train Awards fox said, “… give an honour to God and our Lord and Saviour, Barack Obama.”

Foxx, being not much brighter than the average bear, is now shocked, shocked! to discover these remarks are deemed controversial by Christians. Instead of complaining, or wittily noting that Obama is indeed miraculous if “he did succeed in convincing Jaimie Foxx… that God does exist,” they should lighten up, says Foxx, who no doubt will be nice and light if he’s referred to with a racial epithet during the next Catholic Music Awards.

Next time maybe Foxx can be truly courageous and say, “praise be to the prophet Barack Obama, peace be upon him,” and learn what uptight religious guys really look like

Yea, that’ll happen.

Jaimie Foxx has nothing on Justin Beiber when it comes to political scandal. Beiber, in Toronto last weekend to perform at the Grey Cup – itself not a move without controversy – had an official meet and greet with Prime Minister Stephen Harper (or is that, Prime Minister Harper had a photo-op with Justin Beiber? ed.)

Problem is, The Beeb wore coveralls, with one shoulder strap undone, street style, for the meetup. Scandal! Disgrace! A man should dress appropriately to meet the Prime Minister. I disagree. If your meeting Justin Beiber, you look like a tool in a suit, period. Prime Minister Harper, as Jaimie Foxx would no doubt tell him, needs to lighten up in his dress.

No fan of Two and a Half Men am I. Whenever I mention it here I always describe it as a “sitcom,” complete with irony quotes. So when 19-year old Christian Angus T. Jones refers to it as “filth,” who am I to argue?

Problem is, Jones is the “half” of the Two and a Half Men playing Jake, since 2003. In a YouTube video, Jones calls himself a “paid hypocrite”, the show “filth” and suggests people shouldn’t watch it.

A-men brother, I say. However, Jones has no actual intention to, say, quit the show, and has issued something of an apology, saying:

I am grateful to and have the highest regard and respect for all of the wonderful people on Two and Half Men with whom I have worked over the past ten years.
Chuck Lorre, Peter Roth and many others at Warner Bros. and CBS are responsible for what has been one of the most significant experiences in my life to date. I thank them for the opportunity they have given and continue to give me…
I apologize if my remarks reflect me showing indifference to and disrespect of my colleagues and a lack of appreciation of the extraordinary opportunity of which I have been blessed…

Lindsay Lohan is back on the Fluffernutter page. On Wednesday night she got into an altercation at a Manhattan nightclub with psychic Tiffany Mitchell.

Mitchell says she had a premonition about Lohan and wanted to do her reading, and Lohan then hauled off and nailed her one (or something like that). Lohan then referred to her by the apparently racial epithet of Gypsy. Why she didn’t have a premonition that Lohan was going to do that history does not record. Nonetheless, Lohan was taken away by police and spent a night in a Manhattan holding cell.

Lohan for her part says she did not punch her, but she did call her the name in question. The upcoming court case is likely to be lively as Mitchell has hired celebrity lawyer Gloria Allred and Lohan has hired a private detective to investigate claims Mitchell has a history of using “her ‘psychic abilities’ to extort money from people.”

There’s much at stake for Lohan, who is on probation for a California necklace pilfering case, and could be sent back to jail on that charge.

Fluffernutter Angus T. Jones, Chuck Lorre, Jaimie Foxx, Justin Beiber, Lindsay Lohan, Prime MInister Harper, Psychic, Tiffany Mitchell, Two and a Half Men

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

James Bond and the Tied Knot:

Daniel Craig and his gal pal Rachel Weisz got married last weekend in New York. The quiet ceremony was attended by one attendant each, and the couples two children from previous relationships.

No word on whether the least likeable Bond rolled the wedding car on route to the honeymoon.

Big winner of 2011, Charlie Sheen will start the fall TV season… dead.

His character on the hit “sitcom” Two and a Half Men, Charlie Harper, will be killed off in the season opener. According to TMZ.com, the show will begin with dark screen for “just a minute or two,” as characters Alan and Jake find out he is dead.

Winning…

Mr. Mariah Carey, Nick Cannon said this week that he and the boss are done having kids.

I (Cannon) do (want more children), Mariah doesn’t. She was like, “That’s it, I’m done! Two at once!

Translation, it turns out having kids was not all about Mariah, and it won’t happen again.

When Nasa sent a spacecraft into the far reaches of space full of artefacts from earth in order to communicate with any aliens who may intercept the craft, among the artefacts where Chuck Berry records. According to Father Guido Sarducci, the craft returned with a note inside: “Send more Chuck Berry.”

The city of St. Louis understands the sentiment, and this week voted to erect an 8-foot statue of the rock and roll legend. The statue will be built on a new public bikeway near Blueberry Hill, the club where Berry has played a regular gig over the past 15 years.

The statue has it’s detractors, notably 86-year old Elsie Glickbert, who notes that 84-year old Berry is a convicted felon. Berry was convicted in 1962 of “transporting a woman across state lines for immoral purposes.”

Hard to understand why, 15 years after Bill Clinton, people aren’t more concerned about those 60’s era “immoral purposes” convictions.

Time to shave, trim the unwanted hairlettes and suck in the gut: Téa Leoni is back on the market. Leoni and her husband of 14 years, Californication’s David Duchovny, have separated for the second time in three years.

The couple separated for a year in 2008 after Duchovny “underwent treatment for sex issues,” i.e. was found to be a serial philanderer. They reunited a year later

No word on what caused this years split, but one can’t help but wildly speculate that the words “pecker,” and “pants” where used during the decisive argument.

Free at last, free at last… Lindsay Lohan is free at last.

Lindsay Lohan, felonious actress, was released from home detention after serving 35 days in house arrest for stealing a $2,500 necklace.

Her monitoring equipment was removed Wednesday morning, freeing Lohan from her days spent painting. No word on what she did after being released, we just hope it had nothing to do with either her probationary restriction against drugs and alcohol or David Duchovny.

Fluffernutter Californication, Charlie Sheen, Chuck Berry, Daniel Craig, David Duchovny, James Bond, Lindsay Lohan, Mariah Carey, Nick Cannon, Rachel Weisz, St. Louis, Téa Leoni, Two and a Half Men

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

While Charlie Sheen managed the almost impossible, getting himself fired from three and a half men, CBS has done the unimaginable: made itself look dumber and having less self control than Charlie Sheen.

After a few incidents of wife beating, a scared-hooker-in-the-closet-cocaine-binge, yet another briefcase full of blow and hooker scandal and a judge ordering his children removed from his care, Sheen finally went too far: he insulted his bosses, resulting in his firing from his hit TV show. Since then the Wild Thing has gone somewhat off the deep end with online YouTube rants, bizarre interviews and an upcoming speaking tour where he’ll say God only knows what.

The easy thing for CBS to do is stick to it’s guns, and don’t let him back on his show unless he gets himself straightened out.

So why is CBS now saying they want him back? And will they pay him the $1M more an episode that Sheen has said will be his price to come back? Probably, because stupid things are what enablers do, and CBS has become just that in this sad saga.

Sarah Palin strikes again: Wyclef Jean shot while campaigning in Haiti.

In yet another example of an out of control tea party, singer/guitarist Wyclef Jean was shot while campaigning for Haitian Presidential candidate Michel Martelly. Rapper Busta Rhymes was in the car with Jean when shots were fired at it, grazing the Wyclefian hand.

While no evidence actually exists that the shooting had anything to do with the American Tea Party movement, we all know the Tea Party is not a fan of rap music or men named Jean.

Da proof, after all, is in in da proof.

Lindsay Lohan has decided her problems stem from that age old issue of… her name. What La Lohan needs, says La Lohan to self, is a change of moniker. So, officially, her new name will be…

Lindsay.

No Lohan, just Lindsay.

Yea, that’ll fool the bailiff.

Speaking of Lindsay, she has opted for trial by jury in her case of the pilfered choker. There was rumour she was resigned to the idea of some jail time and was going to accept a plea bargain, but has decided not to accept a plea, and will be judged by a jury of her peers.

A jury of her peers? Who would be on that? Paris Hilton? Britney Spears? The ghost of Dana Plato?

It should be noted that Lindsay has maintained her innocence from the get go, and this case has the stink of mis-understanding gone too far.

Pinetop Perkins (1913-2011)

When you think of the blues masters, you think of young black men of the dust bowl era, moving up and down the Mississippi watershed, playing juke joints and parties for food and whiskey, mostly whiskey. Robert Johnson, dead of poisoning by a jealous boyfriend at 27; Lead Belly, pardoned of murder after singing a song requesting a pardon during Governor Pat Morris Neff‘s visit to Sugar Land Prison; Muddy Waters, who lived long enough to demand his due from the little white boys who would later take up his music and call it their own.

This week, we lost one of those original bluesmen. Pinetop Perkins was originally a guitar player, but changed to piano, becoming the premier boogie woogie piano player.

He played on Sonny Boy Williams King Biscuit Time Radio show. Played with Earl Hooker, recorded with Sam Phillips at Sun studios and replaced Otis Span in the Muddy Waters Band in 1969. My favourite Pinetop Perkins story relates to an arm injury that forced him to stop playing guitar: according to Wikipedia, in true Fluffernutter fashion, he “injured the tendons in his left arm in a fight with a chorus girl.” The life of a bluesman is fraught with peril.

In 2004, the car he was driving was totalled in a crash with a train. The then 91-year old Perkins was uninjured.

Pinetop Perkins played right to the end, playing his local a couple of times a week, and having gigs booked well into this year (Zep Fest 2011 was one event he was booked into). He was the oldest person to win a Grammy, earning the 2010 Best Traditional Blues Album in February, age 97. He was of the last two surviving bluesmen known to have been friends with Robert Johnson.

He died this week in Austin Texas, a life well lived.

RIP Pinetop Perkins

Elizabeth Taylor (1932-2011)

Elizabeth Taylor had classic beauty and violet eyes that stole the hearts of millions. She starred in Lassie movies as a child (with co-star Roddy McDowell), National Velvet at age 12, Cleopatra in 1960 – the largest, most lavish movie made at the time. Some have said in the last week she was the last of the movie stars – and certainly was among the biggest stars of the golden age of film.

Even after she was no longer starring in the big movies of the day, she was still a star, gracing the tabloids ‘til the end, and raising money and awareness for AIDS in the latter years of her life. She was larger than life.

Her health, however, was not always good and she suffered a number of problems through the years. This week she died after spending the last month in hospital with symptoms related to congestive heart failure, age 79. She was surrounded by her four children when she passed.

Fluffernutter Britney Spears, Busta Rhymes, Charlie Sheen, Dana Plato, elizabeth taylor, Lead Belly, Lindsay Lohan, Michel Martelly, Paris Hilton, Pinetop Perkins, Robert Johnson, Sarah Palin, Two and a Half Men, Wyclef Jean, Zep Fest 2011

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Hey, you’re Charlie Sheen. Your executive producer is done with you, your ex-wives are none too pleased, child protection authorities have removed your children and there are people writing op-eds saying things along the lines of websites like this one ought to not be making fun of you, because it’s clear you have a mental illness.
But everybody can’t hate you, right? There must be someone in your corner who doesn’t think you need psychiatric help, yes?

No?

It seems Sheen’s quote last week that he was a “Vatican assassin warlock,” has angered… warlocks. The covenous male witches are angered that he portrayed them in a negative light, or some such true bit of silliness.

Twenty years ago this would have been real news, but is anybody surprised that people are this thin skinned and openly ridiculous anymore? What’s really surprising is that The Pope’s office hasn’t confirmed that Sheen has never worked for the Vatican, as either an assassin or a warlock.

The taxman took down Al Capone, now he’s after the Godfather, Al Pacino.

Tax officials have filed a lien against Pacino for $188,000. Pacino’s people don’t dispute the amount, and say it has to do with the stars former financial advisor Kenneth Starr, who recently admitted to embezzling $30 million from clients.

Pacino, it seems, is going to the bank on this one, not to share a cell with Wesley Snipes.

The inevitable finally happened on Monday night and Charlie Sheen was fired from his long running sitbore, Two and a Half Men.

In an 11-page letter sent to Sheen’s lawyers, Warner Brothers outlined the reasons for the firing. Among the reasons cited is a favourite here at Fluffernutter World Headquarters, “moral turpitude.”

As the tattoo says, “winner.”

Celebrity Tweet: @joanrivers: Charlie Sheen’s brain cells are just like the cast of Celebrity Apprentice. As of today, there are only 15 left.

Lindsay Lohan fights back.

After a surveillance video of Lohan taking a necklace, which resulted in theft charges against Lohan, hit the internet, Lohan hit back against Kamofie & Company.

K&C sold the video to Associated Press for a reported $40,000, after being overwhelmed with requests to see it, thus making it “beyond our control,” to do anything but sell it. Or something.

Lohan, who faces a felony grand theft charge that could see her sent to prison, has sued, claiming K&C had no right to sell her image.

The truth is Lohan is hard to believe sometimes, but a company that sells surveillance footage and then claims doing so was “beyond their control,” are dubious complainants.

Oh, here’s a beauty: Britney Spears – yes that Britney Spears, the skanky, trashy one – believes she is the reincarnation of Audrey Hepburn. As in the classy, graceful, epitome of distinguished lady, most beautiful woman of the 20th century, Audrey Hepburn.

Besides the ego such a statement takes, the complete ignorance in what reincarnation is, is astounding. Britney, you see, was 11 when Audrey Hepburn died. Somewhere the sixteen year old who is the reincarnated Audrey Hepburn is spitting mad, right about now.

Mel Gibson is having a good week. First, he struck a plea deal that avoids a trial and possible jail time in his domestic violence charges. Then, Charlie Sheen has a public breakdown, and nobody even notices Gibson had a court date coming up.

Gibson has pled guilty to simple battery charges, avoiding the corporal injury on a spouse charge he was originally up on. The plea will see Gibson undergo counselling and not receive jail time for his misdemeanour domestic violence.

The charge relates to a fight he had with his ex-girlfirend, Oksana Grigorieva, in January 2010. The two have been engaged in a bitter split and custody battle over their baby daughter, Lucia.

Lady Gaga Goes Gogo: She may be that kind of girl, but she’s not that kind of girl. Lady Gaga is upset that a company in Britain selling breast milk ice cream calls itself Baby Gaga Ice Cream.

Apparently she thinks it’s offensive to have her name associated with minors, or something. She has threatened to sue the company, who make the ice cream of breast milk, vanilla beans and lemon zest.

Somewhere, I smell a PR disaster for gogoGaga, who was criticized in the last week for appearing on stage scantily dressed with a 10 year old, and wearing a dress made of meat: but don’t dare invoke my name when selling breast mile ice cream! Sigh.

I am so tired of these pop tartlets who make a career out of offending the populous, and then are so easily offended. Get a sense of humour, a real one where you can laugh at yourself as well as others, or get off the stage.

Fluffernutter Al Pacino, Audrey Hepburn, Baby Gaga Ice Cream, Britney Spears, Charlie Sheen, Kamofie & Company, Kenneth STarr, Lady Gaga, Lindsay Lohan, Mel Gibson, Oksana Grigorieva, Pope, Two and a Half Men, Vatican, Warlocks, Warner Brothers

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

The Kings Speech was the big Oscar winner with Best Movie, Best Actor (Colin Firth), Best Director and Best Original Screenplay.

Highlights of the telecast include the lovely Melissa Leo, who won best supporting actress for The Fighter, saying on national, prime time television:

When I watched Kate two years ago it looked so fuckin’ easy.

The other highlight was jerk off Christian Bale seeming to forget his wife’s name during the thank you’s.

Lowlight was Gweneth Paltrow singing.

The anti-Oscar’s, also known as The Razzies, went off as usual Saturday night in Los Angeles. The Razzies “celebrate” all that is bad in movies, giving awards to the worst movies and performances of the year.

Worst movie of the year went to The Last Airbender, a movie I hadn’t even heard of, but got a $320million box office received a 6% rating on Rotten Tomatoes.

Worst Actor was Ashton Kutcher for his role in Killers, and worst actress went to the girls in Sex in the City 2.

Unlike last year when Sandra Bullock attended the Razzies and showed real grace and class by accepting her worst actress award, none of the winners appeared this year.

The week that was: Chuck Sheen

Monday: Sheen fired his long-time publicist, Stan Rosenfeld hours after Rosenfeld quit. Sheen has been going off the publicity reservation a fair bit the past few weeks, and his publicist Rosenfeld seems to have had enough. In an interview, Sheen said Rosenfeld had erred in October when defending Sheen’s action:

I respect Stan, he was doing the best he could at the moment. Had I conformed with him, I probably would have come up with something better

Because his improvisations the last week have turned out so well, presumably.

Sheen later said of Rosenfeld: “He’s not allowed to quit, so you’re fired.”

Tuesday: After a series of bizarre interviews, Sheen joins Twitter, listing as his occupation, unemployed winner. By nights end he had over 400,000 followers, and I‘d make a joke about them being all twits, if only I wasn‘t one of them.

His interviews, meanwhile, continue to be some of the most colourful ever:

It (the AA principles) was written for normal people, people that aren’t special. People that don’t have tiger blood, you know, Adonis DNA…
I’m tired of pretending like I’m not a bitching, a total freaking rock star from Mars… You can’t process me with a normal brain…
They picked a fight with a warlock.

He also demanded a raise to return to his hit – ahem – “sitcom“ Two and a Half Men: “I’ll even do season 10, but… it’s 3 mil an episode (he was making $2 million an episode).

The day goes so bad for Sheen, that one media outlet dubbed it, “Charlie Sheen’s Scorched Earth Tour,” and former Two and a Half Men producer Chuck Lorre called it a “…Sprint from from Grace.”

Wednesday: Late Tuesday night a judge removed custody of his kids from Sheen. His ex-wife, Brooke Mueller, complained Sheen threatened her. Not, however, an I’ll kill you, you f%$#in’ bi%$&, kind of threat, but the kind of threat a guy with “fire breathing fists” would level:

I will cut your head off, put it in a box and send it to your mom.

He later tweeted: @Charlie sheen “My sons are fine… My path is clear… Defeat is not an option!”

Is it just me, or should the briefcase full of blow, the bevy of hookers, the outrageous statements in the media and the absolute appearance that Sheen may be having a very public breakdown of some kind not seem reason enough to remove the kids from the home. It takes a direct threat of the jihaddi kind to make a judge step up and protect those kids?

Friday: Sheen set a record with 1M twitter followers in 24 hours. It is now expected Sheen can make $1M on a yearly basis selling ads on his twitter feed. Because what Charlie Sheen needs is greater access to easy money.

Wonder how many twitter followers stop following Sheen once he’s running twitterads? One, I know of for sure.

Christina Aquilera was passenger in a car Tuesday when it got pulled over. She was, according to police, “not capable of taking care of herself. She was incapacitated… She was just intoxicated.”

A few hours in the holding cell to sleep it off, and Christina was on her way without charge.

Not so lucky was her boyfriend, Matthew Rutler, who was driving the car. He was arrested for suspicion of drunken driving.

After a big day being feted by Prince Charles, Catherine Zeta-Jones CBE was punched by a photographer in London. Returning from Buckingham Palace last week, Jones and husband, Michael Douglas, exited their car and entered their hotel in a flurry of photographers.

“How dare you punch me,” Jones suddenly yelled. “I want a police officer right now. He punched me. The guy coming in here, he punched me.”

Douglas, who is recovering from throat cancer treatments, turned to accost the photog.

Good on Douglas, who looks weakened but well these days, for standing up for his wife.

Last week I reported a story in which some in the music industry were criticizing artists who played well paying, private parties for the Gaddafi’s in Libya.

This week, Nelly Furtatdo has announced she will repay what she was given to perform for the murderous dictator. Problem is, Ms. Furtado, payment is only part of the problem. Mu’amar Gaddafi was a murderous thug long before anyone thought of tweeting about it. You had to know, and that says far more about you than paying back the money after the fact does.

Fluffernutter Ashton Kutcher, Brooke Mueller, Catherine Zeta Jones, Charlie Sheen, Christian Bale, Christina Aquilera, Chuck Lorre, Colin Firth, Gweneth Paltrow, Kaddafi Duck, Matthew Rutler, Melissa Leo, Michael Douglas, Mu'amar Gaddafi, Nelly Furtado, Prince Charles, razzies, Sandra Bullock, Sex in the City 2, Stan Rosenfeld, The Kings Speech, The Last Airbender, Two and a Half Men

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

It’s open warfare on the Two and a Half Men set.
Sheen went on a flat out rant against executive producer Chuck Lorre Thursday, causing producers to shut down production of the show, and put it‘s future in doubt. Calling Lorre a “contaminated little maggot,” Sheen proved once again that his recent negative drug tests are tainted:

Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words – imagine what I could have done with my fire breathing fists.

His fists breath? Fire??

Review in Brief: Anna Nicole, the Opera: John Paul Jones on bass and a big blowsy blond singing, what could possibly be wrong with that?

(ed’s note: the above opera was not actually seen by the reviewer)

Speaking of Charlie Sheen and floozy blonds, one of Sheen’s hooker friends from his infamous, briefcase full of blow party is back in the news. After the party, and the fame, Kacey Jordan discovered she was pregnant.

The pregnancy is no more, as Jordan told TMZ.com “I don’t have a baby anymore.”

And was Charlie Sheen the father?

“I really don’t know.”

Singing’s a nice gig. Ask Mariah Carey, Usher or Beyonce. On New Years Eve 2009 Carey was jetted to the Caribbean island of St. Barts and paid $1M to sing 4 songs, four – $250,000/song. Nice! Usher and Beyonce both had similar gigs in the year that followed, although actual money amounts have not been disclosed.

Nice gig! Nice people, not so much.

The host of Carey’s million dollar new years eve “shityesapalooza” was the sons of Libyan protest-straffer Mu’amar Gaddafi (or Kaddafi Duck, as I recall it in a famous 80’s era cartoon).

The big billed Bedouin has recently declared war on Libya. This is bad because

a)war is bad and

b) he’s Libyan.

A leader at war with, and murdering his own people is bad company. Now, some music industry types are asking, why were the stars performing for this nutcase and his family. Case in point, Grammy winning band Arcade Fire’s manager David T. Viecelli:

People put a big paycheck on the table, and people don’t consider where the money is coming from, or what they’re at least passively endorsing. I don’t want to specifically say Beyonce or Mariah Carey behaved unethically, because I don’t know all the details. But if it’s true that Mu’amar Gaddafi’s son says, “I’ve got $50 million, come and play for my buddies,” I really think you have to say no to that.

Added former president of Reprise Records Howie Klein:

When I saw Beyonce and Usher and whoever else out there partying with these Libyan criminals… these are people who have stolen tens of millions of dollars from their nation…

Actually what they have in common is they are shooting at their own people, but lets not split hairs.

I can’t speak for Beyonce or Usher, but in fairness to Mariah Carey, she’s really not that smart.

Friday Charlie Sheen Update:

About his bosses at CBS, including Jewish creator and producer of his *ahem* sit-“com” Two and a Half Men:

These people are a bunch of AA Nazis.

As one observer put it, Sheen has an awful expensive lifestyle to afford on residuals.

Catherine Zeta-Jones was awarded the Commander of the Order of the British Empire this week, at a ceremony at Buckingham Palace. The British actress, along with husband Michael Douglas and their children, Dylan and Carys to the ceremony. Zeta-Jones (CBE), was honoured for her charity work and services to the film industry.

Also honoured was American actor Henry (The Fonz) Winkler, who received an Order of the British Empire (OBE) for his work with children’s charities.

Fluffernutter Anna Nicole, Arcade Fire, Beyonce, Catherine Zeta Jones, Charlie Sheen, Chuck Lorre, David T. Viecelli, Henry Winkler, Howie Klein, John Paul Jones, Kacey Jordan, Kaddafi Duck, Mariah Carey, Michael Douglas, Mu’amar Gaddafi, Opera, St. Barts, The Fonz, Two and a Half Men, Usher