At Home in Hespeler

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Life in Prison:

No, not another Lindsay Lohan story. In this case it’s Joseph Hyuangmin Son, more commonly known as Austin Powers villain Random Task.

Son was convicted of a 1990 Christmas Eve gang rape in Huntington Beach California. DNA evidence was unable to connect the actor to the rape until 2008.

He was sentenced this week to life in prison.

I’m not sure, but I’m guessing that life in prison in California is a bit nastier than taking up painting, the way Ms. Lohan performed her less severe sentence.

Oh, this can’t be good. There’s a new show coming up called H8R (hater, for those of us over 40 (IQ) who don’t get the abbreviations kids are using these days), in which the some celebrity confronts an on-line “hater.”

Hosted by Mario Lopez, H8R sets up scenarios where celebrities ambush their biggest haters… the celebrity then spends a little time with the hater, to try and change his or her mind.

Jersey Shores Snooki, for example, walks up to one of her haters and says, “I saw your rant about me. You don’t even know me. What is wrong with you?”

A battle of wits with Snooki? The knees tremble at the thought. Good thing I have no clue who she is and don’t think I’ve ever mentioned her before.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going out front to wait Sean Penn and Mario Lopez.

The envelopes are still sealed, but we already know Paul McCartney will be one of the winners at the 54th annual Grammy Awards on Feb 10th.

McCartney is going to be honoured as the 2012 MusiCares Person of the Year for both his “creative accomplishments and his charitable work.”

The 69 year old Knight has won 14 Grammy’s previously.

On Wayne’s World, Wayne and Garth attend an Aerosmith concert. Trying to access the backstage area after the show, Wayne protests to the security guard, “my girlfriend is back there.”

“A lot of guys girlfriends are back there,” the security guard replies.

It’s one thing being a young man, and losing the girlfriend to Aerosmith. It happens. It’s another world altogether when your middle aged, and the guy guarding the backstage area of the Casino, where the guys from Journey are popping Geritoil and drinking Midol, says, “A lot of guys wives are back there.”

If you are one half of publicity hound couple, and White House gate crashers, Tareq and Michaele Salahi, that’s exactly what you were told, figuratively if not literally.

Tareq reported “Real Housewife of DC” Michaele missing this week, claiming she was kidnapped. She wasn’t.

It turns out she had run off with Journey guitarist Neal Schon, and didn’t want Tareq to know where she was. “She and Neil are together, in Memphis, for Journey’s concert tonight,” Journey representatives Scoop Marketing announced.

Translation: a lot of guys wives are back there!

First no Mario Lopez at my door, now I don’t receive a cease and desist from Scarlett Johansson’s lawyer.

Doing a celebrity column, it is possible I should hang my head in shame and I accept this judgement.

This week two pictures of Johansson, wearing nothing but her Keds, as the old song goes, was leaked online. The catch is, she took the picture herself. The leak itself seems to be the work of hackers, and therefore, the picture itself is illegally acquired. Hence, the ceases and desists.

Maybe if I say some nasty things about Ms. Johansson, she will knock on my door and ask, “what is wrong with you?”

Fluffernutter Aerosmith, Joseph Hyuangmin Son, Journey, Mario Lopez, Michaele Salahi, Neal Schon, Paul McCartney, Random Task, Scarlett Johannson, Sean Penn, Snooki, Tareq Salahi

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Here’s what I thought when I heard that Lindsay Lohan was sentenced to house arrest for her probation violation, and she was going to spend the time painting. I thought she was going to paint the house.

Uh, no. Lindsay Lohan doesn’t do work, she has hobbies:

Lohan… was spotted stocking up on art canvases and supplies… she has decided to her time to explore new hobbies…

The thing is, if Lindsay Lohan wants to help herself, never mind finding ways to waste time, and learn to do some work for yourself would be the advice I would give. Put away the canvasses, little tubes and brushes, buy paint buy the gallon, a six pack of rollers, and paint the house. Learn to do something for yourself instead of finding something to do by yourself.

Rapper Sean Kingston was jet skiing in Miami last weekend when he crashed into the Palm Ave. Bridge.

He was zooming around the McArthur Causeway with a female passenger on is personal watercraft when the bridge suddenly jumped. Kingston is in hospital in critical condition.

The accident, according to authorities, was not alcohol related.

This isn’t offensive.

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s four-year old daughter Shiloh is a tomboy. She likes comfortable boys clothes and, presumably, a bit of the rough and tumble (or do we now live in a universe where tomboy is expressly an matter of fashion?)

Chaz Bono, the former daughter of Sonny and Cher, stated rather publicly that he wants to talk to the pair about gender identity – because their four year old is a bit of a tom boy. Cause this is what Chaz does, he volunteers for a support group for “kids with gender identity issues.” And by kids, he obviously means, four year olds. One suspects Chaz should be careful where he treads here, lest Angie beats him sensless.

Here’s a thought. Instead of Chaz counselling Bard and Angelina on the gender identity of their child, perhaps Chaz should get Brad to counsel him on eating for one.

The cast of Jersey Shore have invaded Florence Italy. While traipsing around the beautiful renaissance city, Shore cast member Snooki hit a police car from behind in a “low-speed impact.”

The accident is considered to be… not alcohol related. Snooki, alcohol or no, has lost her Italian driving privileges.

Fluffernutter Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, Chaz Bono, Jersey Shore, Lindsay Lohan, Sean Kingston, Snooki, Sonny and Cher