At Home in Hespeler

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Oh this is exciting. Hot off the news that Guy Ritchie is busy casting for a King Arthur movie comes word some movie execs are trying to put together a spy movie featuring all five former James Bonds.

Sean Connery (aka Sir), George Lazenby, Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton and Pierce Bronson – ages ranging from 62-year old Bronson to 82-year old Moore – have apparently been approached about appearing in the The Expendables style spy movie.

Word is Moore is game, but Connery is not interested. “I don’t think he (Connery) wants to be associated with Bond anymore,” Moore told Britain’s Sun newspaper.

We have a new child star with trouble. Jake Lloyd, who played young Anakin Skywalker in Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace (otherwise known as Star Wars IV) found himself in legal trouble this week.

Driving through Charleston South Carolina like he was Podracing on Tatooine, an officer noted he seemed to be driving erratically. Seeing the police lights behind him, Lloyd made like he was in the Boonta Eve Classic and took off. Pursuit ensued, ending only when Lloyd lost control of his podracer, er car, and crashed through a fence and into several trees.

Needless to say, Lloyd didn’t get off with a warning and was arrested on charges of reckless driving, failure to stop, resisting arrest and driving without a licence. As of this writing, he remained in custody.

Tweets from Yoko (A new Fluffernutter Feature): “Imagine letting a goldfish swim across the sky. Let it swim from the West to the East. Drink a liter of water.”

“I’m not funny, can’t sing, not much of an actor and I look like I probably smell pretty bad,” Russell Brand might well have said to the left-wing anti-democracy protestors in London Saturday. “But I still feel pretty much responsible for the voting patterns of 64-million people”

The crowd responds with a roar and a chant of “stick it to the rich,” until someone notices the obvious. “Hey,” he yells, pointing at Brand, “he’s rich.”

“I’ve got a stick,” yells another,

“So do I,” yells another. And so did they all. So it came to pass the Russell Brand ran form the stage, angrily pursued by the only group on earth truly stupid enough to care who Russell Brand is or what he says.

note: the above is, as Hollywood says, “based on an historical event.” If you want to see the most heartwarming video you will ever see, the YouTube video of Brand being chased away by his people, the anti-austerity protestors in London last week will restore your faith in humanity.

Rapper Puff Daddy, P. Diddy, Diddy, El Puffaroo has been arrested for a kettle-ball assault in Los Angeles.

Polkaroo, whose real name is Sean Combs (we think) was arrested at UCLA’s training complex for suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon, the deadly weapon being the kettle-ball. P. Diddly-Doo’s son, Justin Combs is a defensive back for UCLA’s football team, who have been working out at the facility.

No word on the identity of the victim, or motive for the assault, however the betting board here at Fluffernutter World Headquarters is that someone mistook Combs for H.R. Puffinstuff.

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All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Next year marks the 50th anniversary of the James Bond movie franchise. The producers at MGM have decided that to celebrate they would have a new movie with the pouty man-child Bond, and have a special event in which they would bring back all the actors who have played Bond to discuss the role.

Problem: Sean Connery has turned them down, not citing the complete wimpification of the character by the current Bond-holder. We here at Fluffernutter World Headquarters are betting that’s the reason anyway.

Review in Brief: Barney’s Version: Sublime!

If you ever wondered where those great copies of movies that hit the internet before the movie is even out come from, consider the following:

Police are investigating the theft of a DVD of the Mel Gibson movie, The Beaver. The DVD was stolen from Gibson’s mailbox.

Directed by Jodie Foster and starring Foster and Gibson, The Beaver is due for release on March 23, but now, coming soon to an interwebs near you.

Nosing through Oscar nominations, I noted that Paul Giamatti was not nominated for his role of Barney Panofsky in Barney’s Version.

Let it be said, without hesitation, that whoever wins the Best Actor Oscar was the second best actor this year – third best if his name isn’t Colin Firth.

Last week it was emergency hernia surgery after Charlie Sheen attempted to lift his pay cheque. This week it’s rehab for Wild Thing Vaughn after his cocaine and hookers binge gone bad, also known as the weekend.

Charlie is, according to his manager, “looking forward to regaining his sobriety.”

Personally, I look forward to when he gets a good look at ex-wife Denise Richards while sober, and realizes what those hookers really cost him.

Farrah Fawcett… Swimsuit… Smithsonian…

We aren’t even done with the Charlie Sheen bevy of hookers; briefcase full of cocaine; rehab cycle and here comes Lindsay Lohan.

Lohan was the last celebrity story cycle and here she comes again. Ms. Lohan is being investigated by Los Angeles Police after a $2,500 necklace was stolen from an LA jewellery store. Surveillance footage apparently shows Lohan wearing the necklace before it disappeared.

A Lohan flunky returned the necklace to police, who were considering executing a search warrant before it was turned in.

This is Lohan’s third time being involved in a missing jewellery story. She was investigated after gems went missing from a photo shoot in 2009. A Beverly Hills jeweller also threatened legal action after she reportedly failed to return $2M worth of pieces loaned to her for an event.

The investigation continues.

Fluffernutter Barney's Version, Charlie Sheen, Farrah Fawcett, James Bond, Jodie Foster, Lindsay Lohan, Mel Gibson, Oscar, Paul Giamatti, Sean Connery

He was the first Bond, the guy who defined the role. Tackling Dr. No, bedding Ursula Andress. That itself is enough to warrant birthday wishes.

There’s his “Chicago Way” speech, in The Untouchables:

They pull a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue. That’s the Chicago way!

Birthday wishes all around for that one.

However, Sean Connery really gets 80th birthday wishes because if you have something to say that’s not really funny, but you want it to be funny, you can simply say in a Sean Connery accent. Now it’s funny!

So Happy 80th Birthday Sean Connery, because of all the laughs you got me, and all the entertainment you’ve given me.

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All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities.

It takes a special kind of drunk to get kicked out of the MTV video awards, but Kanye West is not just a special kind of drunk, but a special kind of asshole. While Taylor Swift was accepting her award for best female video, West interrupted her acceptance speech to complain that Beyonce should have won the award. The cognac swilling douche-bag then was escorted out of the awards, possibly making him the first musician to be too drunk for the music industry.

How do you tell a real punk rocker from a fake punk rocker?

Real punk rockers don’t have their own line of clothing.

It’s that time of year here in Southern Ontario when the Toronto International Film Festival takes over the Arts pages of the newspapers. We don’t navel gaze or anything here in the “center of the universe,” but the next month will feature story after story of “celebrities” who deign to grace us with their presence, most of whom 99% of the population has never heard of. Case in point:  The Toronto Sun reported twice this week that Viggo Mortensen was seen about town with a Montreal Canadians sweater, causing the city of Toronto to say en masse, “who the f&%k is Viggo Mortensen?”

Jay Leno debuted his new Prime Time show this week, with massive ratings for Mondays inaugural show which featured Kanye West apologizing for being, well see above.  While initial rating where positive, critics where finding that while the show promised to be something new, the only thing different was the time slot. Otherwise it was a minor variation on the late night talk show.

Reports this week that Harrison Ford is thinking of riding the Indiana Jones pony one more time. Ford is reported to be working on a story with Stephen Spielberg and George Lucas and is prepared to “put on the costume again… if the script is good.” Funny, that didn’t stop him with the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Another report has Sean Connery looking to reprise his role as Ford’s father, Henry Jones.

Patrick Swayze (1952-2009) – Farewell to Patrick Swayze, star of the movies Ghost and Dirty dancing. Swayze passed on Monday after a long battle with pancreatic cancer at age 57.

In the long line of Hollywood movie stars/dancers, Swayze will find a place with some of the best, and certainly was the best of his generation.

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