At Home in Hespeler

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

It was a dark and stormy night. The gates of the Bayside Prison for Men were locked, and officer Belding was doing the rounds of Cell Block D. Suddenly the quiet was disturbed by a Screech coming from the shower.

A prisoner suddenly appeared and sprinted down the hall.

“Morris, slow down. No running in the cell block,” called out officer Belding.

“Sorry sir,” Zach Morris responded, as he slowed to a quick walk until he was around the corner, where he picked up his sprint again. He made it to the showers in time to see Screech, his long time friend, with his pants around his ankles. Max, an inmate so large he was referred to as ‘The Max’ was holding a bar of soap and unzipping his prison fatigues. “Put down that soap,” Zach yelled.

He didn’t. Instead, five other large prisoners stepped out from the shadows. “Oh look Kapowski,” the one with the soap said to Screech. “Your buddy Spano is here.”

Zach was grabbed by two inmates and thrown into the showers, banging his head off the shower knob. Lying on the wet floor, he looked directly into the camera and said, “I kind of wish Mario Lopez had agreed to this reunion show right now. This isn’t going to end well.”

“This isn’t going to end well” is exactly what I thought when I heard that Dustin Diamond, aka Saved By The Bell’s Screech Powers, could be sentenced to prison time for his part of a bar fight last December.

Screech, err Diamond, allegedly stabbed Casey Smet in the hand. This week he was convicted of misdemeanour charges of disorderly conduct and carrying a concealed weapon. He could face up to a year in prison for the two offences (nine months for the weapon offence, 90 days for the disorderly conduct).

It’s one thing to be the toughest guy in a bar fight in Santa Monica. It’s a whole other issue going to prison with a bunch of guys who grew up watching you as Screech in Saved By The Bell.

This isn’t going to end well, indeed.

It’s a longstanding Fluffernutter rule: I don’t do Kardashian stories in any way, shape or form.

That goes double this week.

This months Forbes magazine has a list of America’s Richest Self-Made Women. The cover features Jessica Alba, whose company The Honest Company is evaluated at $1-billion, with revenue of $10-million. Alba herself is said to be worth about $200-million.

Hmmm, Jessica Alba marriage material, never saw that one coming.

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Fluffernutter Dustin Diamond, Jessica alba, Mario Lopez, saved by the bell, screech, zack morris