At Home in Hespeler

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Life in Prison:

No, not another Lindsay Lohan story. In this case it’s Joseph Hyuangmin Son, more commonly known as Austin Powers villain Random Task.

Son was convicted of a 1990 Christmas Eve gang rape in Huntington Beach California. DNA evidence was unable to connect the actor to the rape until 2008.

He was sentenced this week to life in prison.

I’m not sure, but I’m guessing that life in prison in California is a bit nastier than taking up painting, the way Ms. Lohan performed her less severe sentence.

Oh, this can’t be good. There’s a new show coming up called H8R (hater, for those of us over 40 (IQ) who don’t get the abbreviations kids are using these days), in which the some celebrity confronts an on-line “hater.”

Hosted by Mario Lopez, H8R sets up scenarios where celebrities ambush their biggest haters… the celebrity then spends a little time with the hater, to try and change his or her mind.

Jersey Shores Snooki, for example, walks up to one of her haters and says, “I saw your rant about me. You don’t even know me. What is wrong with you?”

A battle of wits with Snooki? The knees tremble at the thought. Good thing I have no clue who she is and don’t think I’ve ever mentioned her before.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going out front to wait Sean Penn and Mario Lopez.

The envelopes are still sealed, but we already know Paul McCartney will be one of the winners at the 54th annual Grammy Awards on Feb 10th.

McCartney is going to be honoured as the 2012 MusiCares Person of the Year for both his “creative accomplishments and his charitable work.”

The 69 year old Knight has won 14 Grammy’s previously.

On Wayne’s World, Wayne and Garth attend an Aerosmith concert. Trying to access the backstage area after the show, Wayne protests to the security guard, “my girlfriend is back there.”

“A lot of guys girlfriends are back there,” the security guard replies.

It’s one thing being a young man, and losing the girlfriend to Aerosmith. It happens. It’s another world altogether when your middle aged, and the guy guarding the backstage area of the Casino, where the guys from Journey are popping Geritoil and drinking Midol, says, “A lot of guys wives are back there.”

If you are one half of publicity hound couple, and White House gate crashers, Tareq and Michaele Salahi, that’s exactly what you were told, figuratively if not literally.

Tareq reported “Real Housewife of DC” Michaele missing this week, claiming she was kidnapped. She wasn’t.

It turns out she had run off with Journey guitarist Neal Schon, and didn’t want Tareq to know where she was. “She and Neil are together, in Memphis, for Journey’s concert tonight,” Journey representatives Scoop Marketing announced.

Translation: a lot of guys wives are back there!

First no Mario Lopez at my door, now I don’t receive a cease and desist from Scarlett Johansson’s lawyer.

Doing a celebrity column, it is possible I should hang my head in shame and I accept this judgement.

This week two pictures of Johansson, wearing nothing but her Keds, as the old song goes, was leaked online. The catch is, she took the picture herself. The leak itself seems to be the work of hackers, and therefore, the picture itself is illegally acquired. Hence, the ceases and desists.

Maybe if I say some nasty things about Ms. Johansson, she will knock on my door and ask, “what is wrong with you?”

Fluffernutter Aerosmith, Joseph Hyuangmin Son, Journey, Mario Lopez, Michaele Salahi, Neal Schon, Paul McCartney, Random Task, Scarlett Johannson, Sean Penn, Snooki, Tareq Salahi

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Hottie Scarlett Johannson has split from hunky Ryan Reynolds after two years of wedded bliss:

After long and careful consideration on both our parts, we’ve decided to end our marriage.

Wouldn’t it have been better if they had given “long and careful consideration,” before they got married? And wouldn’t it have been more honest if the announcement had said, “We’ve both decided we can’t continue to live with someone prettier than me.” ?

Brother and Sister in TV life, ex-husband and wife off TV. In a marriage that was so creepy for no good reason, Dexter siblings Michael C. Hall and Jennifer Carpenter have split.

They have been, reports indicate, “separated for some time.”

Having missed the last few weeks, here is some stories worth noting:

• Miley Cyrus caught on video smoking from a bong: Hammered Montana: Non-Stop Dank Party
• Wesley Snipes surrenders to authorities to begin his three year prison term for income tax evasion: how the world is better after this Federal Snipe hunt I‘m still not sure.
• Willie Nelson pot bust in Texas: who ever imagined if you cross Hannah Montana with Wesley Snipes, you’d get Willie Nelson?

We used to have a saying in our youthful, less delicate days of yore: wouldn’t f#@& her with your …

From the “perhaps we can just forgo the whole horseman drama and go straight to separating the sinners and the faithful,” department:

If Mariah Carey is pregnant is a sign of the apocalypse, what is Mariah Carey is expecting twins a sign of? Surely not just that the IQ of the Carey/Cannon household will soon approach triple digits?

And hey, who’s that guy with the beard and sandals?

The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame has announced it’s 2011 inductees…

Ladies and Gentlemen, the cream of rock and roll music, class of 2011:

• Neil Diamond
• Tom Waits
• Alice Cooper
• Darlene Love
• Dr. John

Leon Russell will also be given the award formerly known as the sideman (now called, boringly, the award for musical excellence).

Alice Cooper is a definite, Dr. John and Tom Waits OK, but in the most liberal definitions of rock and roll, how does Neil Diamond get inducted? And who is Darlene Love? If a music geek like me has never heard of her, should she really be in a hall of fame?

Blake Edwards (1922-2010) – Highlights’ of a life well lived:

Blake Edwards was married to Julie Andrews and was played by John Lithgow on film. He script wrote on Orson Welles infamous The War of the Worlds and created the Peter Gunn series. He had his hand in Victor Victoria, The Party and The Day of Wine and Roses. He is responsible for The Pink Panther series of movies.

For all the above, and so much more that Blake Edwards accomplished, there is still one achievement that, to my mind, is the feather in Edwards career cap. Edwards directed Breakfast at Tiffany’s, one of the best movies ever.

Edwards died this week, with his wife and children by his side, of complications of pneumonia in Santa Monica. He was 88.

Fluffernutter Alice Cooper, Blake Edwards, Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Darlene Love, Dexter, Dr. John, Hannah Montana, Jennifer Carpenter, Julie Andrews, Leon Russell, Mariah Carey, Michael C. Hall, Miley Cyrus, Neil Diamond, Nick Canon, Orson Welles, Pamela Anderson, Peter Gunn, Playboy, Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, Ryan Reynolds, Scarlett Johannson, The Day of Wine and Roses, The Party, The War of the Worlds, Tom Waits, Victor Victoria, Wesley Snipes, Willie Nelson