At Home in Hespeler

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Twilight: New Moon, the movie that was given numerous zero and one star reviews, topped last weekends box office with a $258.8M worldwide weekend. It also set a new opening day high when it took $72.2M. This isn’t shocking, when movie prices increase the same number of people bring in more money. However, it can’t be comfortable being a critic in an industry that’s in deep decline, knowing the value a large swath of the population puts on your opinion is zero, or even negative.

Taylor Swift won four awards at last weekends American Music Awards, including Artist of the Year. Swift thanked God, her mother and Kanye West when receiving the award.

West, who’s career has taken a bit of a hit after interrupting Swift’s acceptance speech for femal video of the year at the MTV video awards, again interrupted her speech, asking three giggling girls coming home from Twilight: New Moon if they would like fries with that.

The other big winner at the |AMAs was Michael Jackson, who released no new music but did release his mortal coil to great success.

The controversy of the show was Adam Lambert’s homo-erotic dance routine. Many fans complained about the routine, others complained that the complainers are really homo-phobic. Lambert’s problem is, however, that he’s not Madonna – he came to success on family friendly American Idol, not as a skanky-ho who fished the bottom of the moral barrel. In short, the homo-phobes he offended are his fans.

Review in Brief – Twilight: New Moon: It was better than the first Twilight movie, dad.

The NFL announced this week that his years Superbowl half time show will be headlined by the Who, with Pete Townsend, Roger Daltrey and a bunch of guys not named Keith Moon and John Entwistle (or even Kenny Jones)

Canada lost one of it’s treasures this past week when singer/songwriter Haydain Neale passed away, age 39. Neale, who is, is variously reported to be from Hamilton and Guelph, died of lung cancer last Sunday.

Here is Haidain Neale, and his band Jacksoul, with Sleepless.

Fluffernutter Adam Lambert, AMAs. American Music Awards, Haydain Neale, Jacksoul, John Entwistle, Kanye West, Kenny Jones, Kieth Moon, Michael Jackson, Pete Townsend, Roger Daltry, Sleepless, Superbowl, Taylor Swift, The Who, Twilight: NEw Moon

Senator Edward Kennedy, Long time Democratic senator from Massachusetts, Younger brother of John F Kennedy and Robert Kennedy, last of the Kennedy political dynasty, Lion of the senate, civil rights leader, Father, Husband, uncle, patriarch steals the spotlight from Michael Jackson by dying.

“You’d think that someone who fought so hard for civil rights for so long would allow the country to finish mourning for Michael in an appropriate way,” The President of the Michael Jackson fan club said in a prepared statement. “

In a related story, the footage from Senator Kennedys final rehearsal is being prepared for DVD release, with all the profits going to the recently founded charity The Senator Edward Kennedy Foundation for Giving Money to His Family.

If you’re thinking the style sounds familiar, from a different age, before blogs and RSS readers, you would be right: The legendary CPFOG.com (pro-noun-ced Zip-Fog) is back, and this time it’s a blog.

If you don’t recall CPFOG, it is where I got my start in on-line writing, doing jokes, album and single reviews (the latter of which has transmogrified into The Great Canadian Music Hunt), and of course the equally legendary Sophists Saga (which, too, will return one day).

Welcome back to my Close Personal Friend (and little, big brother) Gord. Glad that nasty business has finally cleared up, and the jury has bought your story (or whatever the reason was you disappeared).

Uncategorized Michael Jackson, Ted Kennedy

Saturday Fluffernutter – all the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities.

David Arquette, has chosen to live in a box. Obscurity being beyond his capability to accept, Arquette is somehow going to feed the homeless by living in a box on top of  Madison Square Garden in New York (on top, presumably, as to avoid any pesky commoners), which he did a few days this past week. Lest you feel Arquette is sacrificing too much, it should be noted, he is living there on a 9 – 5 basis, hardly roughing it by any measure outside of Hollywood.

Review in Brief – Easy Virtue: Charming and amusing – one of the best movies the geniuses who run Hollywood never thought to tell you about. Great quote of 2009: “I shall enjoy passing on the news, sir.”

Sex and the City siren Kim Cattrall is newly single after splitting with her longtime boyfriend, chef Alan Wyse. Wyse is twenty years Cattrall’s junior. The couple had been together approximately five years, before their split, “a while ago.”

The real relationship news though, guys, is that 29 year old Jessica Simpson and Dallas Cowboy quarterback Tony Romo have called it quits. Romo split with Simpson the day before her 29th birthday Thursday last. She was scheduled to have a Ken and Barbie birthday party, but instead called it off and went on Twitter to announce it.

Call me conventional, but if your having a Ken and Barbie 29th birthday party, don’t be surprised when the mature person in the relationships decides he’s had enough.

While us guys can celebrate the whole Jessica Simpson is single fiasco and hope she’s looking to a slum it in a smallish Southern Ontario town with a largish Southern Ontario man, you women have lost one this week: Robert Redford married abstract artist Sibylle Szaggars this week in Hamburg. Sorry ladies.

Us Weekly has a stunning video of Michael Jackson’s much reported accident during the film of a Pepsi commercial in 1984. During the sixth take the pyrotechnics goes off early, lighting his hair. The flame burns for a good five or so seconds.

Local boy made good, Brampton comedian Russell Peters, was listed this week of the Forbes top 10 earning comedians with an estimated worth of $10M. For the record, I’m pretty sure I was nice to Russell once, way back when: very , very nice.

A stage being erected for a Madonna concert this Sunday in Marseille, France collapsed this week, killing 2 and injuring 8 others. She has since offered the following comments:

“We’re here to give life and to inspire life. I feel so, so devastated to be in any way associated with anyone’s suffering. Let’s all just take a moment to appreciate life in general…We are all so blessed and so lucky to be alive.”

The concert has been canceled.

Fluffernutter Alan Wyse, Brampton, David Arquette, Easy Virtue, Forbes, France, Hamburg, Jessica Simpson, Ken and Barbie, Kim Cattrall, Madison Square, Madonna, Marseille, Michael Jackson, New York, Pepsi, Robert Redford, Russel Peters, Sibylle Szaggars, Tony Romo

Saturday Fluffernutter – all the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities.

The Return of the “Led Zeppelin rumour of the week, courtesy of Ramble On:”

Is Led Zeppelin going to help fill the hole in the 02 arena’s schedule left by Michael Jackson’s death? Reports are that the Zeppeliners has been offered some or all of his 50 date slot. No word from Camp Zeppelin as of yet, but with a start date of next week, you have to think this is improbable to say the least.

In other Zeppelin news, singer Robert Plant received the Commander of the British Empire this week from Prince Charles in a ceremony at Buckingham Palace. Plant’s honour means he now outranks Led Zeppelin founder and guitarist Jimmy Page, who has an Order of the British Empire. 

Mrs. Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes will be appearing in an upcoming episode of “So You Think You Can Dance.” She will be paying homage to Judy Garland by singing and dancing “Get Happy,” from the 1950 musical Summer Stock.

Here’s the Garland original:

Socialite, and professional BFF Paris Hilton will take the stand this week in a lawsuit by investors for the movie Pledge This.  Producers of the movie claim Hilton reneged on a contract to promote the film when she refused interviews and “other promotional opportunities.”

Fluffernutter Abba, BFF, Get Happy, Jimmy Page, Jimmy Page OBE, Judy Garland, Katie Holmes, Led Zeppelin, Michael Jackson, Paris Hilton, Prince Charles, Robert Plant, Robert Plant CBE, Summer Stock

Saturday Fluffernutter – all the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities.

Michael Jackson, Michael Jackson and, oh yea, Michael Jackson. When the “legit” news outlets are 24/7 on a long past his prime singer, you know what’s dominating the entertainment press.  I don’t want to be writing about him, however, this post is called The FlufferNutter and is dedicated to all those fluffyheaded nuts in Hollywood. There can be little argument that Michael Jackson was the king of fluffyheads and nuts, so without further ado…

Michael Jackson had been dead about two hours, and I was watching the TV with another guy. I turned to him and said, all these people who are praising him now, are going to be denying they ever did so in two years, when all the real stories are told about him. My logic was, all the people who kept quiet, either for financial or contractual reasons or out of plain politeness, now had lost all incentive to stay quiet. The real Michael Jackson story would be told, and it would be appalling to all decent people.

The game is, not surprisingly, already afoot with a new Michael Jackson book about to be released by Ian Halperin. Halperin, most famous for his collaborative books on Kurt Cobain in which it is suggested that Courtney Love may have had Cobain murdered, has been working on his biography for a while now, and timed it’s release for July 2009 because he felt Jackson was likely to die around that time. He was, of course, uncannily accurate. Look for this to be the first of many books with the dirt on Michael Jackson.

The arguments that Michael Jackson was a great talent tend to elude me. I have spent the last week dismissing them as the ravings of a lunatic society. However, the video from the Mowtown 25th Anniversary show where Jackson first performs the moonwalk during Billy Jean has made me do a rethink. This is pop music at it’s absolute finest, and it is a brilliant performer at his peak.

Remembering Michael Jackson naturally enough brings out some other strange memories. Parody specialist Weird Al Yankovich, the worlds greatest rock ‘n’ roll accordionist, did great parodies of the 80’s pop hits and their videos. Here, he nails Michael Jackson’s Beat it with Eat It.

If you liked that, his Madonna parody, Like A Surgeon is even better.

Karl Malden – 1912- 2009

In Non-MJ news,  the world lost a different type of great this week when Karl Malden died at age 97 in Los Angeles. Malden won an Oscar for his supporting role in A Streetcar Named Desire in 1951 alongside Marlon Brando. But it was his Oscar nominated role as Father Barry, again alongside Brando, in 1954’s On The Waterfront that is Maldens great work in my opinion.

Karl Malden was a fine actor and equally important he was, by all accounts, a fine person. Married for over 70 years, remarkable by any standard, astounding by Hollywoods, Malden is survived by his wife Mona (nee: Greenberg), daughters Mila and Cara, granddaughters, Alison, Emily, and Cami, and great-grandchildren, Mila, Stella, Charlie, and Thomas Karl. Condolences to all of them.

Fluffernutter Beat It, Billy Jean, Courtney Love, Eat It, Ian Halperin, Karl Malden, Kurt Cobain, Like a Surgeon, Like a Virgin, Madonna, Marlon Brando, Michael Jackson, Motown, On The Waterfront, Weird Al

Saturday Fluffernutter – all the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities.

The Black Eyed Pea’s manager,  Liborio Molina,  laid a minor beating on blogger, and complete fuckwad Perez Hilton in Toronto last weekend. Sadly, the beating was only minor.

Oh, I know, I know: violence never solved anything; it’s never the answer. I agree, I accept those arguments. I just can’t help feel that if I was there, I wouldn’t have been able to resist putting a boot to the weasel while he was down.

Jon and Kate Gosselin, of Jon and Kate Plus 8 fame, announced on their show that after ten years, eight kids and little if any dignity, they are separating.

I can’t help but feel when I watch these two these days, that they are two people who had no idea what they were signing on for when they took the TV show, and are caught in the celebrity trap way over their heads.

Ed McMahon (1923-2009)

Known mostly as Johnny Carson’s sidekick, Ed McMahon was a known entertainment entity for over 50 years.  His work includes, outside of the Tonight Show, Star Search, The Jerry Lewis Telethon, TV Bloopers and Practical Jokes and numerous commercials and promotions.

McMahon had been suffering various medical problems the past few years, and past away Tuesday at the age of 86 in the Ronald Reagan UCLA Medical Center in Los Angeles.

Michael Jackson (1958-2009).

Michael Jackson’s death comes as both a complete surprise and really not very surprising at the same time. While it was sudden and unexpected, by the same token did any one expect him to live a long life? He always seemed destined to be a tragic character. Once the sudden shock has worn off, his death doesn’t seem shocking in the same way the Heath Ledger or John Lennon’s was.

As for Michael Jackson himself, I have nothing to say that is charitable and will leave it at that.

Farrah Fawcett  (1947-2009)

A far more tragic death of a far more worthy celebrity, Farrah Fawcett was a beautiful woman to the end, and one known for a good deal of smarts as well. Other than a brief period when she seemed to go off the rails a number of years ago, including a sad appearance on Letterman in which she appeared drugged, Fawcett was rarely controversial. Her red bikinied poster is the greatest selling poster of all time, and she will be remembered as a classic beauty for many years.

In her final illness, she displayed courage and class, allowing the cameras in to film a biopic called Farrah’s Story, which documented Fawcett cancer and she  talked about her life.

RIP Farrah Fawcett.

Fluffernutter * little Gosselin's, Black Eyed Peas, divorce, Farrah Fawcett, Jon and Kate Plus 8, Jon Gosselin, Kate Gosselin, Liborio Molino, Marriage, Michael Jackson, Perez Hilton, Prince of Pop, Ryan O'Neil, seperating, wedding, will-i-am

Saturday Fluffernutter – all the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities.

There are levels of fame, each rung on the celebrity ladder being more intense than the last. I submit for your perusal, Jon, Kate and eight. The reality show began it’s fifth season under a cloud of tabloid rumours. Is Jon cheating on Kate? Is Kate really short for Cruella? Child authorities are investigating the family? Celebrity has reached a new pinnacle for the family of ten, and the spotlight much brighter. As unfair as it is, and it is unfair, when you invite the camera into your life, you invite all that goes with it. If you don’t like that, end the show and spend your days counting your residuals.

Renowned 60’s producer Phil Spector has been sentenced to 19 years to life for the 2nd degree murder of “b movie actress” Lana Clarkson. I always like to see the media give Clarkson the “b movie actress” designation as it shows their true colors: it is designed to imply she was somehow less of a person. He, after all, helped create some of the greatest music of the baby boomers generation, she was merely a “b movie actress.”  Glad to see the courts didn’t fall for the ploy and 69 year old Spector, a guy who could teach Michael Jackson a thing or two about being a freakshow, will likely die behind bars.

Imagine coming up with a show idea as bad as Pirate Master, then having someone claim you stole it. This is Survivor Mark Burnett’s reality.  A drivelswigger name of  James Papa says Burnett is a freebooter who hornswaggled his show idea.  He is suing for 2,000,000 dubloons, to be paid at a one for one ratio in American dollars.

Avast!

Hard to believe it was 17 years ago that the whole Leno/Letterman war happened, but it was. History may well record that Leno won the day, but in war it’s not winning the battles that counts, it’s the last man standing that wins. Sorry Jay, at the end of the day Letterman wins by default. Hmmm, wonder if there’s a lesson in there for western civilization?

Farrah Fawcett appears to be in her last days as she loses her fight with cancer. Fawcett is reportedly no longer receiving any treatment and has been saying her goodbyes to friends and family.  Doctors are reportedly saying she has no more than a month to live.  This is one of the stories you wish you could find a happy ending for, but that seems increasingly unlikely and all I can do is wish Fawcett peace in her remaining days. 

Fluffernutter b movie actress, Cancer, David Letterman, Farrah Fawcett, Hornswaggle, James Papa, Jay Leno, Jon and Kate Plus Eight, Jon Gosselin, Kate Gosselin, Lana Clarkson, Mark Burnett, Michael Jackson, Phil Spector, Pirate Master, Survivor, Tabloids, Tonight Show

One likes to believe in the freedom of music.

Rush – Spirit of Radio.

What happened? When did music become so bad? I don’t know what it is lately, but I feel like the whole music industry has fallen over a cliff. Good God, who are these people who have taken that which was so vital in our lives, and fucking ruined it?

I recently read a book by a guy called Dave Thompson called I Hate New Music: The Classic Rock Manifesto. He frankly makes far too many good points to write off as a crank. Good point 1: even if you think a new song is good, will you be listening to it in a year, five years, ten years from now? I know that answer, because I’ve fallen for it too many times. Good point 2: You want to know how hard the mighty can fall? From “In My Time of Dying” to “Radioactive.” That’s how hard.

Thompson cites the end of good music as coming from between 1976 and 1978. Boston’s debut album was the beginning of the end, not because it was a bad album, but because it was so carefully crafted, and sold so many copies. By 1978 these carefully crafted albums were also selling millions:

Infinity by Journey.
You Can Tune a Piano but you Can’t Tuna Fish by REO Speedwagon.
Don’t Look Back by Boston.
The Cars by The Cars
Double Vision by Foreigner
Toto by Toto
Pieces of Eight by Styx
Hemispheres by Rush

Never again would a band go into the studio for 18 days, and come out with a masterworks like Led Zeppelin did with 1976’s Presence. Now, the music was a commodity, to be manufactured to maximize sales.

Think I exaggerate? Think the state of the music world is just fine? Riddle me this, who was the hottest selling act this week? If you answered the not guilty of paedophilia in the strictly OJ Simpson sense of the word, Michael Jackson, the freakiest freak in freakville, give yourself ten points.  The spastic, hasn’t demonstrated an ounce of talent in twenty years, and no more than that ever, Jackson was selling out 50 shows at London’s 02 arena. 50 shows sold out in 5 hours. Never mind music, what has gone wrong in our world when that many people will pay approximately $100 each to see this thing, this diddler? But hey, it’s the hottest show in music, which really should be the end of this rant. What could possibly follow to demonstrate that the world of music is no longer worth your attention?

Britney Spears, that’s what. She’s doing wonderful business in her comeback tour. This weeks New York show had the ever awful Madonna in attendance.  Despite favourable reviews (well one) Madonna caused a stir when she left mid-show. Now clear your head and ponder that one item. In the middle of a concert, Madonna leaves and that’s the news.  Would they have shut down the tour if she yawned mid-performance? Why would any body care that Madonna left? Surely they were paying attention to the singer on stage? Alas, there was no singer. The lady dancing, sans musicians, with the top hat and microphone, she was lip syncing. The whole show, except the one time when she said, “Peace, New York.” People paid up to $750 to see Britney Spears not sing? Which is, I suspect, about $745 more than they would pay to hear her sing. But fear not, merchandise, including $150 velvet ensembles and $30 knockoff top hats, flew off the shelves.  Because, you see, post 1978, it’s about the merchandise.

It’s too easy, however, to blame all that’s wrong with the music business on Britney Spears, Michael Jackson, even Madonna. Largely accurate in many ways, but easy.  When Kiss recorded their first live album, Paul Stanley can be heard at one point asking the audience, “do you believe in rock and roll?” After an affirmative cheer, he commands the audience, “stand up for what you believe in.” This was before the invention of the Kiss Army, of which I was an inaugural member, but I have no doubt listening to Kiss Alive now that the audience followed this command like an army following an order.  Yes! we believed in Rock and roll, and Yes! we would stand up for what we believed in. That’s what we thought then, music wasn’t a commodity, it was a movement. We hated disco because it threatened our way of life, our core belief.  Disco was the Taliban, circa 1975 and liking disco was a subversive act. Disco died away for many reasons, not the least of which because there was a Kiss Army to kick it’s ass.

So why was Kiss’ resident demon/fire breather/blood spitter, Gene Simmons, in Toronto this week peddling baby clothes? Because Kiss is a commodity, that’s why. Because while the Kiss Army may have believed in rock and roll, the members themselves have long believed in the commodification thereof. Because in 1978, when Kiss was releasing comic books, it stopped being about the music.  And now, thirty years later, it really is that bad.

The Freedom of Music 02 arena, 1976, 1978, Boston, Britney Spears, Dave Thompson, Don't Look Back, Double Vision, Foreigner, Freedom, Hemispheres, I Hate New Music, I Hate New Music: The Classic Rock Manifesto, In My Time of Dying, Infinity, Journey, Kiss, Kiss Alive!, Kiss Army, Led Zeppelin, Madonna, Michael Jackson, Music, Pieces of Eight, Presence, Radioactive, REO Speedwagon, Rush, Styx, Taliban, The Cars, The Classic Rock Manifesto, Toto, You Can Tune a Piano but you Can't Tuna Fish