At Home in Hespeler

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Hey, you’re Charlie Sheen. Your executive producer is done with you, your ex-wives are none too pleased, child protection authorities have removed your children and there are people writing op-eds saying things along the lines of websites like this one ought to not be making fun of you, because it’s clear you have a mental illness.
But everybody can’t hate you, right? There must be someone in your corner who doesn’t think you need psychiatric help, yes?

No?

It seems Sheen’s quote last week that he was a “Vatican assassin warlock,” has angered… warlocks. The covenous male witches are angered that he portrayed them in a negative light, or some such true bit of silliness.

Twenty years ago this would have been real news, but is anybody surprised that people are this thin skinned and openly ridiculous anymore? What’s really surprising is that The Pope’s office hasn’t confirmed that Sheen has never worked for the Vatican, as either an assassin or a warlock.

The taxman took down Al Capone, now he’s after the Godfather, Al Pacino.

Tax officials have filed a lien against Pacino for $188,000. Pacino’s people don’t dispute the amount, and say it has to do with the stars former financial advisor Kenneth Starr, who recently admitted to embezzling $30 million from clients.

Pacino, it seems, is going to the bank on this one, not to share a cell with Wesley Snipes.

The inevitable finally happened on Monday night and Charlie Sheen was fired from his long running sitbore, Two and a Half Men.

In an 11-page letter sent to Sheen’s lawyers, Warner Brothers outlined the reasons for the firing. Among the reasons cited is a favourite here at Fluffernutter World Headquarters, “moral turpitude.”

As the tattoo says, “winner.”

Celebrity Tweet: @joanrivers: Charlie Sheen’s brain cells are just like the cast of Celebrity Apprentice. As of today, there are only 15 left.

Lindsay Lohan fights back.

After a surveillance video of Lohan taking a necklace, which resulted in theft charges against Lohan, hit the internet, Lohan hit back against Kamofie & Company.

K&C sold the video to Associated Press for a reported $40,000, after being overwhelmed with requests to see it, thus making it “beyond our control,” to do anything but sell it. Or something.

Lohan, who faces a felony grand theft charge that could see her sent to prison, has sued, claiming K&C had no right to sell her image.

The truth is Lohan is hard to believe sometimes, but a company that sells surveillance footage and then claims doing so was “beyond their control,” are dubious complainants.

Oh, here’s a beauty: Britney Spears – yes that Britney Spears, the skanky, trashy one – believes she is the reincarnation of Audrey Hepburn. As in the classy, graceful, epitome of distinguished lady, most beautiful woman of the 20th century, Audrey Hepburn.

Besides the ego such a statement takes, the complete ignorance in what reincarnation is, is astounding. Britney, you see, was 11 when Audrey Hepburn died. Somewhere the sixteen year old who is the reincarnated Audrey Hepburn is spitting mad, right about now.

Mel Gibson is having a good week. First, he struck a plea deal that avoids a trial and possible jail time in his domestic violence charges. Then, Charlie Sheen has a public breakdown, and nobody even notices Gibson had a court date coming up.

Gibson has pled guilty to simple battery charges, avoiding the corporal injury on a spouse charge he was originally up on. The plea will see Gibson undergo counselling and not receive jail time for his misdemeanour domestic violence.

The charge relates to a fight he had with his ex-girlfirend, Oksana Grigorieva, in January 2010. The two have been engaged in a bitter split and custody battle over their baby daughter, Lucia.

Lady Gaga Goes Gogo: She may be that kind of girl, but she’s not that kind of girl. Lady Gaga is upset that a company in Britain selling breast milk ice cream calls itself Baby Gaga Ice Cream.

Apparently she thinks it’s offensive to have her name associated with minors, or something. She has threatened to sue the company, who make the ice cream of breast milk, vanilla beans and lemon zest.

Somewhere, I smell a PR disaster for gogoGaga, who was criticized in the last week for appearing on stage scantily dressed with a 10 year old, and wearing a dress made of meat: but don’t dare invoke my name when selling breast mile ice cream! Sigh.

I am so tired of these pop tartlets who make a career out of offending the populous, and then are so easily offended. Get a sense of humour, a real one where you can laugh at yourself as well as others, or get off the stage.

Fluffernutter Al Pacino, Audrey Hepburn, Baby Gaga Ice Cream, Britney Spears, Charlie Sheen, Kamofie & Company, Kenneth STarr, Lady Gaga, Lindsay Lohan, Mel Gibson, Oksana Grigorieva, Pope, Two and a Half Men, Vatican, Warlocks, Warner Brothers

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Next year marks the 50th anniversary of the James Bond movie franchise. The producers at MGM have decided that to celebrate they would have a new movie with the pouty man-child Bond, and have a special event in which they would bring back all the actors who have played Bond to discuss the role.

Problem: Sean Connery has turned them down, not citing the complete wimpification of the character by the current Bond-holder. We here at Fluffernutter World Headquarters are betting that’s the reason anyway.

Review in Brief: Barney’s Version: Sublime!

If you ever wondered where those great copies of movies that hit the internet before the movie is even out come from, consider the following:

Police are investigating the theft of a DVD of the Mel Gibson movie, The Beaver. The DVD was stolen from Gibson’s mailbox.

Directed by Jodie Foster and starring Foster and Gibson, The Beaver is due for release on March 23, but now, coming soon to an interwebs near you.

Nosing through Oscar nominations, I noted that Paul Giamatti was not nominated for his role of Barney Panofsky in Barney’s Version.

Let it be said, without hesitation, that whoever wins the Best Actor Oscar was the second best actor this year – third best if his name isn’t Colin Firth.

Last week it was emergency hernia surgery after Charlie Sheen attempted to lift his pay cheque. This week it’s rehab for Wild Thing Vaughn after his cocaine and hookers binge gone bad, also known as the weekend.

Charlie is, according to his manager, “looking forward to regaining his sobriety.”

Personally, I look forward to when he gets a good look at ex-wife Denise Richards while sober, and realizes what those hookers really cost him.

Farrah Fawcett… Swimsuit… Smithsonian…

We aren’t even done with the Charlie Sheen bevy of hookers; briefcase full of cocaine; rehab cycle and here comes Lindsay Lohan.

Lohan was the last celebrity story cycle and here she comes again. Ms. Lohan is being investigated by Los Angeles Police after a $2,500 necklace was stolen from an LA jewellery store. Surveillance footage apparently shows Lohan wearing the necklace before it disappeared.

A Lohan flunky returned the necklace to police, who were considering executing a search warrant before it was turned in.

This is Lohan’s third time being involved in a missing jewellery story. She was investigated after gems went missing from a photo shoot in 2009. A Beverly Hills jeweller also threatened legal action after she reportedly failed to return $2M worth of pieces loaned to her for an event.

The investigation continues.

Fluffernutter Barney's Version, Charlie Sheen, Farrah Fawcett, James Bond, Jodie Foster, Lindsay Lohan, Mel Gibson, Oscar, Paul Giamatti, Sean Connery