At Home in Hespeler

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

This is, sans doubt, my favourite Fluffernutter story ever. EVER!

Last weekend in New Orleans Madonna was giving a concert when she decided to tell her paying audience what they needed to do:

I don’t care who you vote for, as long as it’s Obama

The crowds response was to boo, with some people walking out. Flustered, the “singer” immediately backtracked and asked if people were booing. She then went into some silliness about how fucked up America is, but how lucky they are because they have a democratic government &tc.

We need more of this. When singers, musicians et. al. start pontificating to their paying public, that public needs to let them know, we came to hear you sing.

Now here’s a question: how much trouble is the Obama campaign in when an endorsement gets booed in reliably Democrat New Orleans?

Because we like you, that is why…

Disney announced this week it is in negotiations to buy Lucasfilm inc., the production company of Star Wars filmmaker George Lucas. What this means in practical terms is a new Star Wars movie every 2-years, according to the people at Disney and Leah is now a Disney Princess and Darth Vader a Villian.

In short, the Disney Sore just became a much cooler place.

Rolling Stone Ronnie Wood is engaged once again. The twice married man that proves money trumps looks is engaged to theatre producer Sally Humphreys. Wood, who is 65 and looks twice that, has been dating 34-year old Humphreys for six months.

Proir to his relationship with the older woman, Woods left his long time wife for an 18-year old Russian model.

Fluffernutter Madonna, Ron Wood

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Wedding bells ring for two Canadian superstars, both of which carry a reputation of more star than super:

Nickelback’s Chad Kroeger and skater-gyrl Avril Lavigne are engaged. This is a match made in heaven: Heaven-fm 102.3, Kenora’s bad Canadian radio for those who can’t get played on any other station, that is.

Or as the wonderful and all wise @Yoda put it:

… Make music togetherI hope they never do. Hurting my ears already are

Speaking of bad Canadian acts that have far more fame than talent, Alanis Morissette seems to be “hot” again and, 20-years after her last hit, simply refuses to go away. This week she offered her opinion of the papparazzi:

I actually like the paparazzi. They’re forcing transparency… What are we afraid of?…

Here’s a question. Is there a faster route to starvation than being paparazzi to Alanis Morissette? And who cares if there’s transparency in Reese Witherspoon’s life? She a movie actress, not the president.

Review in Brief: The Dark Knight – On the bright side there’s Ann Hathaway in a Catwoman suit.

This one is a few weeks old, but I had it sittin’ on my computer, and may be my favorite story in a long time…

Oh, oh. Elton John’s gonna get his asked kicked.

A while ago, Madonna bashed Lady Gaga as a cheap imitation of herself. Gaga is godmother to John’s son Zachary, so…

Why is she (Madonna) such a nightmare? Sorry, her career is over. Her tour has been a disaster.

Welcome to the club Elton, I’ve been saying this since 1984.

Please Note: The Saturday Fluffernutter is now on twitter: twitter.com/SaturdayFluffer

Fluffernutter Alanis Morissette, Avril Levigne, Chad Kroeger, Elton John, Gaga, Madonna, Nickelback, Yoda

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Madonna hit the half-time stage at last weekends Super Bowl with a large cabaret style extravaganza. The once edgy singer promised NBC up and down there would be no violations of indecency rules. So what happens? Guest rapper MIA gives the camera the finger.

No big deal really, but Madonna is said to be none too pleased. To her credit (and I don’t give Madonna credit very often), Madonna’s a pro, and when she says she won’t violate the rules, that’s what will happen. Therefore, MIA is in Madonnas dog house for her unprofessionalism.

Or, as Madonna herself put it to an LA radio station

It’s one of those things, it’s such a teenager. in a way, kind of irrelevant kind of thing to do… what was the point?

It’s bad enough to give your child a bad, celebrity styled name like, say, Blue Ivy. It’s another to trademark that name, making sure to cash in on your offsprings grade school beatings. But that’s what Beyonce and Jay-Z are set to do on their weeks old newborn.

The couple are trade marking the child’s name, obstensably to protect the name being used by others. Of course, if the child itself has a career in the future, this won’t affect that, right?… right?

Here’s a question, just how low can worst ever-Bond Daniel Craig and current Bond producers sink the Bond Franchise?

Heineken Beer will produce a commercial featuring Craig as Bond and highlights from the next Bond movie, Skyfall. That’s right, the next Bond movie will premier as a beer commercial.

Maybe a double boycott is needed this fall.

Skyfall, the 23rd Movie in the James Bond franchise, is due for a November release.

After 8 seasons, producers of the hit TV series House, including star Hugh Lawrie, have announced this is the last season.

The show features a brilliant doctor who solves cases Sherlock Holmes style in a New Jersey hospital.

The show will meet it’s maker in April after 177 episodes. Perhaps it has Lupus.

Former Happy Days/Charles in Charge star Scott Baio is known as a former sex-addict. Turns out, he bedded just about anybody you would want to bed, including Brooke Shields, Melissa Gilbert, Denise Richards and Nicolette Sheridan. Now, the actor, 50, is writing a tell all book which will include details of his sexual trysts.

I’m still trying to get this straight: Heather Locklear and Pamela Anderson agree to have sex with you, that makes you a sex addict? Geez, sign us all up for therapy.

Fluffernutter Beyonce, Blue Ivy Carter, Daniel Craig, House, Hugh Lawry, James Bond, Jay Z, Madonna, MIA, Scot Baio

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Reports that Beyonce and her husband Jay-Z booked a floor at New York’s, Lenox Hill Hospital so Beyonce could have a cesarian delivery last weekend, are greatly exaggerated, says the hospital.

Apparently the singer and her rapper husband booked the entire fourth floor and their security prevented other parents of the hospital seeing their newborn, and sometimes sick, children. The hospital, however, doth protest:

The suggestion that the couple paid $1.3 million to rent an entire an entire maternity floor is sim ply not true. The family is housed in an executive suite at the hospital and is being billed the standard rate for those accommodations.

The family does have it’s own security detail on site. However, the hospital has been and continues to be in control of managing all security at the facility.

Is it just me, or did the hospital just get itself named in any lawsuits from disgruntled parents?

The new addition to the Z family is called Blue Ivy Carter, after the title of two of the stars albums.

Remember when Britney Spears was an underage singer from the bible belt and swore that she would remain a virgin until marriage? Next thing you know, she’s stepping out with Paris Hilton in a short dress and no underwear.

Now it’s 17 year old Justin Bieber’s turn to swear that adulthood won’t change the child. He tells V magazine:

I’m not going to try to conform to what people want me to be or go out there and start partying, have people see me with alcohol… I’m never goings to make myself so the parents and kids don’t respect me…

Look out Paris, looks like you have a new drinking buddy.

News in the rock world that Black Sabbath guitarist Tony Iommi has been diagnosed with lymphoma.

The guitarist was working on a new album with his former band mates – including Ozzy Osbourne – and a reunion tour of the original Black Sabbath was planned for 2012.

The band has moved it’s recording and rehearsing from LA to England, and Iommi has been both writing and recording since his diagnosis. HIs illness has, in fact, given the band “a kick up the rump- it’s great to hear him churning out those riffs again.”

The band plans to honour their summer European dates, but no word on any further concerts at this stage.

Here’s wishing Tony Iommi well.

Review in brief – Girl With The Dragon Tattoo: Silence of the Lambs, but dark and edgy.

The Golden Globes were held last Sunday, and all the stars dressed up, drank up and prepared to listen to Ricky Gervais mock them, which he really didn’t.

Unlike the Oscars, the Golden Globes breaks down the movies into categories, but some prognostication of the Oscars can be made based on the Golden Globes. The Golden Globe winners to watch for at the Oscars are: George Clooney, best actor for The Descendants (beating hsi pal, and other oscar favourite, Brad Pitt in Moneyball; Meryl Streep as best actress in The Iron Lady; The Artist for best movie.

The Golden Globe for most honest reaction goes to Elton John’s husband David Furnish. Of news that Elton lost to Madonna for best song, Furnish turned on his twitter app and wrote:

Madonna. Best song???? F**k off!!!…
Madonna winning Best Original Song truly shows how these awards have nothing to do with merit. Her acceptance speech was embarrassing in it’s narcissism. And her critisism ofGaga shows how desperate she really is. (sic)

He later clarified things telling the New York Post:

I think it was a fluke. When this happens you have to question the integrity of the awards. Did Madonna get the Golden Globe because she attended the awards and agreed to be a presenter?

Can you sing Madonna’s song? Can you hum it? It’s a song nobody has heard from a film few have seen. The award should have gone to Mary J. Blige or Elton.

Nice back-peddling David.

For the record, if I had a vote, I’d pick Madonna’s song. And yes, it pains me deeply to write that.

Fluffernutter Beyonce, Black Sabbath, Blue Ivy Carter, Brad Pitt, Britney Spears, David Furnish, Elton John, George Clooney, Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, Golden Globes, Jay Z, Justin Beiber, Madonna, Mary J Blige, Meryl Streep, moneyball, Ozzy Osbourne, Paris Hilton, Ricky Gervais, The Artist, The Descendants, The Iron Lady, Tony Iommi

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

I’m not a football fan, don’t base my month of January around the Super Bowl. Really, don’t watch it very much, don’t much care. If I do end up watching it, it’s always the same story: I turn on the half-time show, and decide to stick with the second half of the game.

This week it was announced he half-time show for Super Bowl XLVI will be headlined by… Madonna. The “singer” says she will team up with Cirque de Solei to produce a Super Bowl extravaganza.

All this gives me a big headstart when planning my January: In no conceivable way will I be busy on Super Bowl Sunday.

Wonder if all those football fans wish they hadn’t played their half-time show petition card on Nickelback?

Speaking of over the hill singers who can’t actually sing, Britney Spears turned thirty last weekend. The dancer with the headset donned her wholly underwear and went skating in Houston with her boyfriend, Jason Trawick.

As Britney Spears leaves her 20’s behind, it’s a worthwhile exercise to look back and remember the decade that was: the panti-less nights; her sister, who managed to avoid the talentless yet famous trap; and whatever became of her husband, Kevin Federline?

Well, since you asked, Federline is in Australia where he was recently hospitalised for heat exhaustion. He is in Australia filming a celebrity weight loss show called Excess Baggage. While Britney spent their breakup tramping around with Paris Hilton, Federline ate away his heartbreak, gaining 85 pounds. He lost 30 pounds in 2010, filming VH1’s Celebrity Fit Club: Boot Camp, but gained it all back. Hence, he was in the Australian outback filming Excess Baggage when he showed signs of heat exhaustion.

Here’s a question. Federline’s resume has one skill on it: dancer. Why does he need physical trainers in the Australian outback? Put down the sandwhich, turn on the music and dance for a couple of hours a day. It’s your one job, how hard can it be to do it?

Or was that whole dancer thing just a fabrication to convince us that Britney hadn’t married a completely useless tool.

Hey not all marriages have to end in appearances on Celebrity Fit Club: Boot Camp. Thus we all live in hope that Sinead O’Connor’s fourth marriage to Barry Herridge has better luck.

The singer and her “unknown boyfriend,” tied the knot in the back of a pink Cadillac at the Little White Wedding Chapel in Las Vegas Nevada this week. O’Connor met Herridge online three months ago, and the bulk of their relationship has been mostly of the virtual variety.

What I want to see is the morning he wakes up and realizes the woman he married is former singer Sinead O’Connor. Sure hope he’s not catholic.

Alec Baldwin had a flying sh*t-fit this week, when asked to turn off his phone based video game during take off. An American Airlines air-hostess asked Baldwin to turn off his phone while the plane was in the taxi-way. Baldwin refused and, according to the airline, left his seat and went to the bathroom to continue the game. He caused such a scene that he was escorted from the plane and had to take a later plane.

Baldwin says, much as he was moving to Canada if George Bush won in 2004, that he will never take American Airlines again, at which the bankrupt airline no doubt replies good riddance.

In Baldwin’s defence, he is an idiot.

Harry Morgan (1915-2011):

Henry Morgan is known mostly, and significantly, as Col. Sherman Potter in M*A*S*H from 1975 until it’s end in 1982. As a main character in one of TV’s most popular ever shows, Morgan virtually entered millions of homes every week for almost a decade.

So it is that we sadly say Goodbye, Farewell and Amen to Morgan, who died this week age 96. Morgan died at his home in Los Angeles.

Besides M*A*S*H, Morgan played officer Bill Gannon on Dragnet from 1967 to 1970 and appeared in over 100 movies, including two of my personal favourite oldies, High Noon and the Glenn Miller Story.

Morgan was predeceased by a son, and his wife of 45 years, Eileen and is survived by his second wife, three sons and eight grandchildren.

It was, in short, a life well lived and well worth celebrating.

Britney, Fluffernutter alec baldwin, American Airlines, Britney Spears, Henry Morgan, Kevin Federline, Madonna, Sinead O’Connor, Superbowl

Saturday Fluffernutter: The Girls, Girls, Lindsay Lohan & Girls Edition

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

This is news that would shock my mom: Mariah Carey is the only person ever to give birth. At least, that’s what Carey seems to believe.

I don’t think I understood the enormity and the magnitude of what it (pregnancy) really does to your body: It’s not just , “Oh, you don’t look pretty and you have a bump”…

It’s difficult to understand what I went through because my pregnancy was very unique in terms of what happened to me.

The jaw drops.

…my sister is a multibazillionaire, and I’m homeless…

Madonna’s brother, 55 year old Anthony Ciccone is homeless in Michigan, after losing his job at his father‘s winery. This, apparently, is all Madonna’s fault.

I’m no fan of Madonna, and I’m usually ready to blame her for almost any of the worlds woes, but if you can’t keep a job at your own father’s winery, if you are a 55 year old man who uses the word multibazillionaire with straight face (he also used the phrase, “a bazillion times”), maybe the problem isn’t other people.

Lets see, Mariah, Madonna… who am I missing? Ah yes, Britney.

Ticket prices for Britney Spears Femme Fatale show in Birmingham are being slashed. Originally prices at $88, they are now going for $48 on the website Groupon.com. Rumour is, over half the seats are unsold.

Says a Live Nation spokesman:

Offering a deal on Groupon is not a reflection of the quality… of the show.

No, having Britney Spears on the stage is a “reflection of the quality of the show.” All the rest is just business.

Demi Moore, trying to save her marriage to perrenial tool and man/child, emphasis on child, Ashton Kutcher, visited him on the set of Two and a Half Men last week.

Lets see, Kutcher’s accused of being a cad who bedded a nubile young woman. To help things along, Moore went to the set of his show, where he plays a cad who beds nubile young women.

I’m missing something, aren’t I?

Parole Violation, Shlamole Volation.

I guess Lindsay Lohan wasn’t just lying around awaiting judgement on her parole violation hearing, possibly heading back into custody.

Instead, she headed over to Playboy inc. to have her picture taken for the magazine. The magazine is allegedly paying Lohan $1-million for the shoot of Lohan in nothing but her… well nothing.

Meanwhile, over at FleshLight inc., makers of sex toys, they want in on the action. They are offering Lohan $1-million to launch her own line of sex toys. Included in the offer is a request to make a mold of Lohan’s – ahem – VIP room, to make an “authentic,” Lohan sex toy.

Fluffernutter, Magazine Anthony Ciccone, Ashton Kutcher, Britney Spears, Demi Moore, Lindsay Lohan, Madonna, Mariah Carey, Playboy

One likes to believe in the freedom of music.

Rush – Spirit of Radio.

Rolling Stone did a reader survey asking what was the worst song of the 80‘s? Here’s how the poll was reported in the Sun newspaper chain:

Starship’s We Built This City has been named the worst song from the worst musical decade in a new Rolling Stone magazine poll.

The 80’s are the “worst musical decade?” 

Well, it is if you take it as given that time ended on December 31st, 1989. However, if by decade you are including the 90’s and the recently ended oughts, then it’s hard to see how the 80’s are the worst of it. Put simply, the 80’s, at their very worst, was Madonna. The 90’s and 00’s brought us talent-less diva’s who cite Madonna as an influence.

Since the 1980’s music has descended into a beauty contest with an auto-tune soundtrack. Glee is not the worst offender, it is an inevitable stop on the road, but compare Glee to it’s 1980’s counterpart, Fame, to see how far the music industry has fallen. To suggest  that the 80’s is the low point, and somehow now we are above that decade is delusional. Of course, everyone thought the 80’s music was great in the 80’s, including We Built This City (we also thought Grace Slick’s pink outfit with matching running shoes was pretty cool too). And agreed, the decline began in the 80’s, but it’s been a steady decline ever since.

The Rolling Stone readers survey: Worst Songs of the 80’s:

1. Starship – We Built This City
2. Europe – The Final Countdown
3. Chris De Burgh – Lady In Red
4. Wham! – Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go
5. Men Without Hats – The Safety Dance
6. Falco – Rock Me Amadeus
7. Bobby McFerrin – Don’t Worry Be Happy
8. Toni Basil – Mickey
9. Taco – Puttin’ On The Ritz
10. Rick Astley – Never Gonna Give You Up

I’ll give you Rock me Amadeus, Don’t Worry Be Happy and Never Gonna Give You Up. Awful songs, deserving to be on any worst of list. And Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go and Mickey wouldn’t be on my list, but I get why there here. The Final Countdown is also worthy of inclusion, but for the life of my I don’t know why.

But seriously, no Madonna songs? No Duran Duran? I could make a credible top ten worst songs of the 80’s list consisting of nine Madonna and Duran Duran songs, plus Paula Abduls, Opposites Attract . But conceding that may be extreme, where is The Beasty Boys/ Aerosmith’s Walk This Way? which is both bad and an abomination.

Here’s a riddle: would Fred Astaire’s Puttin’ On The Ritz make a worst song of the 30’s list? No, I thought not. Yet the Taco version sounds pretty much like the Astaire version, and as we’ve already seen the 80’s called the worst musical decade, this seems contradictory. And if we’re hating songs from that period redone in the 80’s, wouldn’t you vote for David Lee Roth’s Just a Gigolo/I Ain’t Got Nobody? And why do so many people hate Lady in Red so much? It’s a nice song, and granted it gets played too often at weddings, but so does You Are So Beautiful and Up Were You Belong, and nobody is putting Joe Cocker on any worst of lists.

But the two songs I’ll never understand is Safety Dance and We Built This City. Safety Dance was the only song on the list I was completely surprised by: there are people who don’t like this fun little dance song? I can’t imagine what bothers people about it. The words are OK, again a little bit of fun.

We can dance if we want to.
We can leave your friends behind.
‘Cause your friends don’t dance and if they don’t dance
Well they’re no friends of mine…

It’s not, “If you start me up, if you start me up I never stop…” I grant you. Musically, Safety Dance isn’t so bad either. Certainly it has some of those cheesy keyboards, but that’s just about every song of the decade. If your going to have a token cheesy keyboard song on the list – and I think you should – I Got You or Tainted Love are much better choices.

We Built This City didn’t just come out #1 for worst song of the 80’s, as voted on by Rolling Stone readers, it came in #1 by a margin of more than 2-1 against the number two song. Is We Built This City rally that bad? Personally, I don’t mind it. It’s a snappy pop song, unworthy of a former supposedly-great hippy band, I grant. But if that’s the criteria, there’s a long list of those bands, and Starship is not the worst of the bunch. There is some suggestion Starship is being punished for a) selling out and b) singing a song against selling out. The band that changed it’s name three times, moans about corporation changing names and playing, “corporation games.” The left leaning readers of Rolling Stone can’t stand the hypocrisy, seems to be the argument, as if left wing readers of Rolling Stone have ever cared about hypocrisy before.

But the readers of Rolling Stone have spoken, and We Built This City is worse than Like A Virgin, Hungry Like a Wolf and In The Air Tonight. It says more about Rolling Stone readers than it does the songs, and what it says to me is, don’t read Rolling Stone.

The Freedom of Music 80's, Madonna, Rolling Stone, Safety Dance, Starship, We Built This City

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

In the past, Lady Gaga has dressed up as a nun and swallowed a rosary (which, completely indecently, I’d like to see). The Catholic Church, remarkably, disapproved. Now, however, she has really gone and done it.

In the video for her new song, Judas, Gaga portrays Mary Magdalene opposite some guy as Judas. The Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights is not happy, saying of Lady Gaga:

She is trying to rip off Christian idolatry to shore up her talentless, mundane and boring performances.

Hey, if she can swallow a rosary, she can’t be that talentless.

Notice how this all sounds so familiar. She is not only offending the Catholic League, she is blatantly ripping off Madonna’s schtick, who herself is talentless, mundane and boring.

Speaking of Madonna, Andrew Lloyd Webber is trying to get her to star in a musical movie of Sunset Boulevard. He is trying to get her to play Norma Desmond, an aging, washed up former star.

The question is, why would Madonna agree to play on the big screen what she plays everyday in real life?

Review in Brief: Bob Seger at Air Canada Center

Rock ‘n’ Roll ‘n’ Only forgetting a few of the words.

Been a rough year for Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas. Fresh from fighting his thought to be fatal throat cancer, a few weeks ago he was seen on video valiantly challenging a group of photographers after one of them seemed to hit his wife. Now, it is her who needs the medical attention.

Catherine Zeta-Jones has checked into a mental health facility to “seek treatment for bi-polar disorder.”

Lets be clear what this is: after a year of looking after a very sick husband, Catherine Zeta-Jones is physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. That’s what happens to care givers. If there’s any suggestion we should infer from this, it is that Catherine Zeta-Jones didn’t farm out the job of looking after Michael Douglas, and took on too much of the strain herself. She deserves praise and our fervent hopes that she get well soon. Personally, I wish Hollywood had a lot more classy, dignified, decent people like her.

Then again, what would I write about?

Fluffernutter Andrew Lloyd Webber, Bob Seger, Catherine Zeta Jones, Judas, Lady Gaga, Madonna, Mary Magdalene, Michael Douglas, Sunset Boulevard

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Haha, you decided. Charlie Sheen is coming to town, puttin’ on a show, Andy Rooney style. Gonna get me a ticket to that – cheap at $80 – put on a “winning” t-shirt, drop $20 on parking an have me an entertaining evening. Just like the folks in Detroit.

The folks in Detroit beg to differ. Sheen opened his “My Violent Torpedo of Truth/Defeat in Not an Option” tour is losing fashion. Defeat was not just an option, it was a reality as fans booed, walked out and demanded their money back.

Sheen arrived on stage to various, disjointed video clips and semi-coherent rants quoting such diverse sources as Bob Dylan and Robert Plant.

Couldn’t have just used those two 50’s for kindling?

What’s that line about two bad guys having a gun fight? Don’t pick sides.

Courtney Love and Kelly Osbourne are having a knock ‘em down, claws out, kitty kat fight. Love is upset that Osbourne referred to her as a crack addict. ‘I’ve been clean since 2005,’ meowed Love back. ‘And I’ve seen Kelly Osbourne having an Overdose. In fact, I’ve saved Kelly Osbourne’s life,’ she purred angrily.

If fur was pointy sticks, a guy could lose an eye around here.

Review In Brief: Lincoln Lawyer

Made in Detroit meets A Time to Kill

My Violent Torpedo of Truth/Defeat is Not an Option: Day 2.

A complete make over of the show in Chicago seems to have save the Vatican Assassin from the horror of more bad reviews. Chicago fans enjoyed, and gave a standing O. The show featured Sheen and Toronto’s own Joey Vandetta in an Q & A format. The change seems to have brought focus to the show, allowing Sheen to shine through.

$80 plus to watch someone be interviewed, and these people are happy? And what’s this about the crowd giving a “standing O?” What was it, a crowd of gymnasts?

Despite her criminal lack of talent, Madonna denies claims she is being investigated by the FBI.

Madonna’s charity, Raising Malawi, was created to produce a girls school in the poverty stricken country – because what young girls without food or clean water need is lessons in fake Jewish mysticism.

A couple of million dollars was raised through her celebrity connections. The money is gone and penny one has not been spent on building a school. Neither a classroom nor a mud-hut dormitory has been built.

Yet despite that, despite the fact cheques were cashed, receipts issued, despite the fact the people running the charity on the ground were treating themselves to golf club memberships and other lavish expenses, neither the FBI or IRS have any plans to investigate.

Madonna remains committed and focused on what matters: helping the children of Malawi.

Dear children of Malawi: the cheque, and the membership, is in the mail.

Love
Madonna

Fluffernutter A Time to Kill, Charlie Sheen, Courtney Love, Defeat in Not an Option, FBI, Kelly Osbourne, Lincoln Lawyer, Made in Detroit, Madonna, Malawi, My Violent Torpedo of Truth, Vatican Assassin, Winning

Ashton Kutcher has told Men’s Health that he keeps himself in tip top shape to “prepare for end days.” Kutcher apparently believes, rather ardently, that a technological Armageddon is coming, and if you don’t practice Krav Maga and yoga (the latter in blazing hot temperatures), you will not survive the apocalypse.

In honor of the New Year, we here at Fluffernutter World Headquarters, situated in a bus buried under 10 feet of solid clay somewhere south and west of Guelph, offer this years best fluffernutters or, as we prefer to call them, signs of the Apolalypse:

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

From the “perhaps we can just forgo the whole horseman drama and go straight to separating the sinners and the faithful,” department:

If Mariah Carey is pregnant is a sign of the apocalypse, what is Mariah Carey is expecting twins a sign of? Surely not just that the IQ of the Carey/Cannon household will soon approach triple digits?
And hey, who’s that guy with the beard and sandals?

Justin Beiber: Minute 16.
A couple of weeks ago Justin Beiber lashed out at a fan looking for an autograph. Famous for about a year, Beiber is already tired of all these kids, children really, throwing their money at him. If only they would go away, he could enjoy his fame in peace.

Last weekend Beiber was accused of assaulting a 12 year old boy at Planet Lazer in Vancouver. While playing he hit/ran over the lad, who complained to management, and then police.

The boy says he hit him, Beiber says it was an accident. I say Justin Beiber’s fifteen minutes are up.

Madonna is rumoured to have dumped her 24 year old Latin lover, Jesus Luz for Brazillian dancer Brahim Rachiki.
For the record, Madonna lists herself as a “children’s author” amongst other things on her CV. Here’s a tip: if you are buying your children books by Madonna, you’re a bad parent!

If you are using Madonna as a role model for your kids, pre-teen, teen, young adults, you are a bad parent.

Want to know why society is a mess? Popular TV show Glee! Had a Madonna episode, where they raved about what a wonderful role model she was for young women. Any society, anywhere, who thinks filthy, skanky, slutty Madonna can possibly be a role model, is a mess. Full stop.

Kim Cattrall is one of life’s lucky ones. A good career, success, money. So how does she feel about it?

Recently I was enjoying a quiet lunch in Liverpoo… this guy approaches… He says, “C’mon, stand up – I want a photo with you.” My response was, “I won’t do it. I’m not working right now…”

Quick reminder for Cattrall: this guy you so sneeringly dismiss, he’s the reason you can afford to lunch at Liverpoo.

Boy George was exiled from guy-ville this week, although authorities prefer it be called released from prison.  He served 27 days of an eight week sentence and got early release after the other prisoners complained they needed the rest.

Dear Lindsay:

The rules are simple. Here’s how it works. You do your treatment program, you pass two drug tests a week, you stay out of jail.

Two drug tests a week Lindsay Lohan is mandated to take. Two. You know they’re coming. So how does she do? She fails both of them. On two separate, mandatory samples she tests positive for two separate drugs: cocaine on one test, amphetamine on the second. Two tests, two fails, two different drugs.

It’s hard to muster much sympathy for the bail revoked/4 weeks in jail she got for her transgression.

Sigh! Another week, another sex scandal on Sesame Street… wait… what did I just write?

Singer, fashionista and all round ingénue Katy Perry was to appear on Sesame Street this week, performing a song with Elmo (who’s nose feels so good &tc.). Perry, famous for the song I Kissed a Girl was set to perform her single Hot and Cold on the pre-school MTV. The producers of Sesame Street released the clip on YouTube and then pulled it from the show “based on feedback.”

This blog has never, ever been an advocate for the sexualizing of children, and abhors the practice. But frankly, other than some really bad lip synching, there’s nothing wrong with the segment. An argument can be made that Perry is not the kind of role model we want for pre-schoolers (an argument can be made she’s not the type of role model we want for pre-teens, her target audience, but I digress), but this particular clip is tame.

Brad Pitt is a good leftie. He doesn’t believe in the death penalty for, say, someone who kidnaps a child and spends three days molesting them before killing them. Paul Bernardo, as an example, should be spared the death penalty.

But run a company that has an environmental accident?

I was never for the death penalty before, but I am willing to look at it again (for BP executives)

I love the headline in this weeks In Touch. Angelina Jolie, it claims, calls Brad stupid behind his back.
Talk about belabouring the obvious.

Mr. Zeta Jones, Actor Michael Douglas, announced this week he was diagnosed with throat cancer. Mr. Jones will undergo chemotherapy and is “very optimistic,” of a full recovery.

Back in June his son Cameron, from a previous marriage, was sentenced to five years in prison for dealing methamphetamine and possessing heroin. Which just goes to show, even Kirk Douglas’s son, who’s married to Catherine Zeta Jones can have a shitty go of things.

You can, in fact, have it all and legitimately wonder, “why me?”

I saw the Jennifer Aniston ugly duckling photo shoot last week: the one where she makes herself up to look just like Barbara Streisand. A fine example of how to turn beauty butt ugly in one make-up session.

Want to know what my reaction was: “glad I never laminated that list.”

But this Thursday she was on Regis and Kelly, when she said about the photo shoot:

I play dress up. I do it for a living – like a retard.

Cue the professionally aggrieved, specifically Pete Burns, CEO of Arc:

I was extraordinarily offensive and inappropriate. Frankly, someone in her position ought to know better.

Someone in her position? What, an actress? A fairly average actress who if it wasn’t for the fact she has a very cute, girl next door thing going on you would never have heard of? She should know better than who? The President?

You know who should know better than to say really stupid, intellectually challenged, things: people with CEO on the business card.

Mr. Diana Krall, Elvis Costello, this week joined the “shut up and sing,” club. Costello cancelled two upcoming concerts in Israel, stating:

…merely having your name added to a concert schedule may be interpreted as a political act…

This in contrast to cancelling already scheduled concerts, which is an apolitical act.

Last word to Israeli Sport and Culture Minister Limor Livant:

An artist who boycotts his fans in Israel is not worthy of performing in front of them.

Sean Penn pleaded no contest to charges of vandalism this week after he was videotaped kicking a photographer. He was sentenced to 300 hours of community service and three years of informal probation.

How does an assault, on video, become vandalism? What’s the charge for spray painting walls? A speeding ticket?

Russell Crowe, somewhat known for being quick to rile, got upset and stormed out of an interview in England this week. When the interviewer suggested Crowe had a bit of an Irish accent in his new movie, Robin Hood, Crowe became angered and yelled:

What would you be talkin’ about, ya fekin gobsheit! Ya stupid wee man, ya wouldn’t know an Irish accent if it dropped it’s pot of gold on your toes.

He then finished his Guiness and stormed off.

Top signs that Russell Crowe is angry:

• Puts a petrol bomb under your bonnet
• Stands and drops his pants, all the while yelling Pogue Mahone
• Knee-caps you with a hurl.
• Dons an Aaron sweater and says, “I like it too.”
• Drops his pot of gold on your toes.
• Guest edit’s the Globe and Mail
• Bops you on the head with his shillelagh.

Joni Mitchell gave a rare interview last week with the LA Times:

We (Bob Dylan) and I are like night and day, he and I. Bob is not authentic at all. He’s a plagiarist, and his name and voice are fake. Everything about Bob is deception.

Oh, my! Tell us what you really think Joni.

She had more to say regarding Grace Slick and Janis Joplin being drunken tramps – they were “sleeping with their whole bands and falling down drunk” – and Madonna:

Americans have decided to be stupid and shallow since 1980. Madonna is like Nero; she marks the turning point.

Madonna as anti-Christ. There’s an argument I can get behind.

Other revelations in the Joni Mitchell interview:

• The Red Hot Chilli Peppers are neither red, hot nor chilli peppers.
• Jakob Dylan plagiarised his fathers last name.
• The Led Zeppelin song Going to California, heretofore thought to be written about Joni Mitchel, was really written about “That Girl” Marlo Thomas.
• The reason the Toronto Maple Leafs have not won a Stanley Cup in 40 years is that Joni Mitchell cursed them by writing about them in her song Raised on Robbery.
• Jose Feliciano is the judge for the People Magazine’s most beautiful people.
• Bob Dylan mumbles

Sixteen year old singing sensation/tweener heartthrob Justin Beiber commented to People magazine this week about President Barack Obama mis-pronouncing his name at Beiber’s first visit to the White House last year:

He messed up my name, but I give it to him. He’s not (the) age category I sing to. He’s not “one less lonely girl”.

I would have preferred if he had said, “Dude. You can pronounce Netanyahu, but you can’t get Bee-ber? Put it on the teleprompter and get it right next time.” However, the “it’s more than I expect from some old, square guy,” routine that he went with was good too.

Life and Style magazine has gone undercover to find out, which Hollywood big shots have big shooters. The big men about town, in no particular order, we hope, are: Leonardo DiCaprio, Ashton Kutcher, Jamie Foxx, David Arquette, David Spade, Jamie Kennedy, Brian Austen Green, Jaret Leto and Andy Dick.

Noticeably absent from the list is any of those Hollywood loudmouth types (DiCaprio excepted) like Sean Penn or Matt Damon, proving once again, guys with big dicks don’t have to go around acting like they have big dicks.

In an interview with Parade magazine, Elton John angered Christians by stating that Jesus Christ was:

…a compassionate super-intelligent gay man who understood human problems.

US Christians are particularly angry, claiming labelling Jesus a “sexual deviant” is akin to labelling Elton John “fashionable.”

Other little know Elton John religious facts:

• Elton played Candle in the Wind at Jesus’ crucifixion, changing the words to Goodbye, Jesus. Dude
• A recently discovered first draft of an English translation of the bible refers to the holy trinity as The Father, The Captain Fantastic and The Brown Dirt Cowboy.
• John the Baptist also wore powder blue track pants.
• On Halloween 1517, Martin Luther posted a scathing review of the previous nights Elton John concert in Wittenberg on the church door. Pope Leo X, an Elton John fan, declared the review a hearsay and ex-communicated Luther.
• Benny and the Jets is about a Super Bowl III party in the Hampton’s with Pope Benedict, who then went by the sobriquet Benny the Bishop.
• A Priest’s vestments were originally modelled after Elton John’s early stage clothes.
• Elton John was due to appear at Jeuruselum-a-palooza in 1095 when he got a bout of food sickness. Fans rioted, causing the Imams of the Caliphate to issue a crowd control fatwa. The ensuing battle was the First Crusade.John was only able to escape with his life when the Knights Templar snuck him out of the holy city. They would be his bodyguards for the next 1,000 years for which he signed over royalty rights to his Greatest Hits album.
• Jesus’ sandals were made by Gianni Versace.

The Late Shift II: Conan the Leftoutinthecoldian – There really is one story in entertainment this week: Leno vs. O’Brien.

In a redux of 1991’s decision to replace Johnny Carson with Jay Leno instead of heir apparent David Letterman, NBC announced is shaking up The Late Show, once again anointing Leno and leaving hair apparent O’Brien out in the cold.

Leno’s new 10PM show has bombed, and NBC announced they were moving Leno back to 11:30 with a new half-hour show. O’Brien balked at being moved to midnight, telling NBC to go letter their man. Leno will return to the Late Night fold, with Jimmy Kimmel retaining O’Briens old 12:30 slot. And O’Brien? It appears he will take heed of Leno’s advice to NBC when the story started to break last week and travel: Fox, he said, is beautiful this time of year.

Who the long term winner will be is anybody’s guess, but it seem likely there will be one long term loser: Leno’s reputation as a nice guy.

So your Tiger Woods. Your nice guy image is in tatters, your reputation need rebuilding. Your wife is leaving, and taking with her the kids and $300M. Pat Burns is on Montreal radio telling the world your gorgeous Swedish wife took a nine iron to your face before you got in the Cadillac, which she then took the nine iron to the windows of. What do you need to revive your image? How about a magazine cover with you looking like it was taken in the prison yard:

The world is upside down when I feel sorry for Tiger Woods.

Fluffernutter Andy Dick., Angelina Jolie, Ashton Kutcher, Barack Obama, Barbara Streisand, Bob Dylan, Boy George, Brad Pitt, Brahim Rachiki, Brian Austen Green, Cameron Douglas, Catherine Zeta Jones, Conan O'Brien, David Arquette, David Letterman, David Spade, Diana Krall, Elton John, Elvis Costello, Glee!, Grace Slick, Guelph, Jamie Foxx, Jamie Kennedy, Janis Joplin, Jaret Leto, Jay Leno, Jennifer Aniston, Jesus Luz, Johnny Carson, Joni Mitchell, Jose Feliciano, Justin Beiber, katy perry, Kim Cattrall, Kirk Douglas, Krav Maga, Led Zeppelin, Leonardo DiCaprio, Limor Livant, Lindsay Lohan, Madonna, Mariah Carey, Matt Damon, Michael Douglas, Pat Burns, Paul Bernardo, Pete Burn, Regis and Kelly, Robin Hood, Russell Crowe, Sean Penn, Sesame Street, The Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Tiger Woods, yoga

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Justin Beiber: Minute 16.

A couple of weeks ago Justin Beiber lashed out at a fan looking for an autograph. Famous for about a year, Beiber is already tired of all these kids, children really, throwing their money at him. If only they would go away, he could enjoy his fame in peace.

Last weekend Beiber was accused of assaulting a 12 year old boy at Planet Lazer in Vancouver. While playing he hit/ran over the lad, who complained to management, and then police.

The boy says he hit him, Beiber says it was an accident. I say Justin Beiber’s fifteen minutes are up.

Breaking News: Keith Richards bedded bandmate Brian Jones’s girlfriend Anita Pallenberg in the back of his Bentley on a trip from Morocco to Paris.

I’ll be glad when Keith Richards Autobiography is published, and we can stop getting these 40 year old news flashes. Last weekend it was a 60’s era drug and booze fuelled vacation with John Lennon in the back of his Bentley.

Whose autobiography is this anyway, Keith Richards’, or Keith Richards Bentley’s?

Madonna is rumoured to have dumped her 24 year old Latin lover, Jesus Luz for Brazillian dancer Brahim Rachiki.

For the record, Madonna lists herself as a “children’s author” amongst other things on her CV. Here’s a tip: if you are buying your children books by Madonna, you’re a bad parent!

If you are using Madonna as a role model for your kids, pre-teen, teen, young adults, you are a bad parent.

Want to know why society is a mess? Popular TV show Glee! Had a Madonna episode, where they raved about what a wonderful role model she was for young women. Any society, anywhere, who thinks filthy, skanky, slutty Madonna can possibly be a role model, is a mess. Full stop.

Barbara Billingsley (1915-2010):

Pearl wearing, Jive talking Beaver mom Barbara Billingsley died Sunday. Billingsley played June Cleaver, TV mom to Wally and The Beaver, on Leave it to Beaver. The show ran between 1957 and 1963.

Known as the perfect mom who did house work in pearls and heels, both of those traits were, in fact, sops to Billingsley’s vanity: The pearls covered a “hollow” in her neck, the heels came later to disguise the fact her TV sons were gaining on her in height.

Her next most famous role was a spoof, playing an older lady who spoke “jive,” translating for a couple of black passengers in the comedy “Airplane.”

Barbara Billingsley died of polymyagia at the age of 95 last Saturday. May she Rest in Peace.

Tom Bosley (1927-2010) From the bad week to be a perfect TV parent department:

If June Cleaver was the perfect mom, then “Mr. C.,” Howard Cunningham on Happy Days may have been the perfect TV dad. As the father of Ritchie and Joannie he was always calm and wise: even when he caught underage Ritchie at the strip club.

Possibly more important than his many, many movie, stage and TV roles, Tom Bosley served in the U.S. Navy during the Second World War.

He died Tuesday at age 83. He had been battling a staph infection, but cause of death is currently unknown. Rest in Peace, Tom Bosley.

Fluffernutter Anita Pallenberg, Barbara Billingsley, Brahim Rachiki, Brian Jones, Happy Days, Jesus Luz, John Lennon, Justin Beiber, Keith Richards, Leave it to Beaver, Madonna, Tom Bosley

One likes to believe in the freedom of music.

Rush – Spirit of Radio.

What’s going to save the music industry from itself? You know what I mean, that whole CDs, golden goose, dead thing. To hear the rockstars and industry execs tell it, sharing files – they call it pirating for Gods sake – will ruin the industry. Who’s going to make music if you can’t make obscene amounts of money doing so?

“Make a few bob and then open a hairdressing salon,” Ringo Starr answered when asked what he hoped to get out of The Beatles. It was The Beatles first trip to the United States, and the press was already asking “what next?” I’ll make enough money to start a little shop, thought Ringo. By the time I get around to writing Octopuses Garden, I’ll have no one to sing it to except my customers. They probably all thought that: A bookstore for John; a music store for George; a hat store for Nigel (Tufnel, the oft forgotten sixth Beatle).

Who indeed?

During a television interview aired worldwide before The Who’s live simulcast farewell concert from Toronto in 1982, Roger Daltry talked about the band’s habit of breaking their equipment at the end of their shows: ‘we would run into a store, grab a guitar off the wall and run out again saying over our shoulder, I’ll pay you later,’ he said. ‘We didn’t make any money until the mid-70’s.’ Yet they managed to come out with Tommy and Who’s Next, alternatively known as the greatest rock opera and the CSI soundtrack album.

Kiss would work their way to the west coast, and have to book gigs, any gig, to eat and travel their way back to New York. Ever seen those early Kiss shows? Phenomenal. They were hungry, they had attitude and they were good. They started making money around the time of the Destroyer album. They stopped making listenable music exactly around the Destroyer album. “They prostituted themselves,” a high school buddy said one day about Beth. I rather think not, think Beth was in retrospect, a reasonably heartfelt song. It was immediately after Beth that the Kiss act became red-light. “This is a great Rod Stewart song,” Paul Stanley told the band about Hard Luck Woman, hoping to sell the song to Stewart. That, my friend, is prostituting yourself.

Nobody got into the music business for the business potential until sometime in the late 70’s or early 80‘s. Before that, even the big stars figured by the time they were 30, then 40, they wouldn’t be acting like rock stars. Mick Jagger said once that he couldn’t imagine running around a stage when he’s 60. He knew then what he refuses to acknowledge now: that he’s become somewhat absurd. But somewhere late in the 70’s, early in the 80’s guys started choosing rock star as a career option. It is considered a remarkable coincidence that people stopped making rock music that was transcendental at the same time.

Who am I kidding? The moment musicians stopped thinking I’ll give it all I got until I’m 28 or so, then get a real job is the moment music changed. If you imagine music as a career, what you’re going to do for the rest of your life, then you’re not about to go out on a limb because you believe from the depths of your soul that the 3rd bar in the 2nd verse should be a C#m instead of an E. If the record company guy, the one in the charcoal suit, says it should be an E, then who are you to withhold the master tapes and risk your future until he concedes your point? And while one C#m may not matter in the grand scheme, once you concede the 3rd bar in the 2nd verse, then why not cut the solo because nobody does solos anymore? And why not rewrite the last verse to make it more radio friendly? Never mind that you talked to God on that solo, or the third verse was absolute poetry, this is about selling records. So why not let the art director from the design department design your album covers, why worry your pretty little head over artistic direction? After all, it’s not art, it’s business.

While the artists were busy working for the man, the people who buy the product, the important line in the supply and demand curve, stopped buying. Instead they, ahem, stole it. Not stole as in left the store with a product, stole as in they took a bunch of 0’s and 1’s that one person voluntarily put on their computer, and moved them to your computer without removing or in any way changing them. Want to talk about the law? Here’s a basic law of economics: price = scarcity. Without scarcity, there’s no need for price. Computer files are technically an unlimited resource. They can be duplicated an infinite number of times without experiencing any degradation of the original file. And if you can duplicate something ad-infinitum, you can’t impose a price on it in the long run. Notice I said can’t, not won’t or shouldn’t, but can’t. You cannot impose a price on something that has no scarcity. And if you can’t impose a price on a music file, the business model of the career recording artist falls apart.

My favourite theory is that recording will become the incidental effort, to promote the live experience that the musician offers. Sooner or later musicians will give away files, sell records and CDs to those (say, me) who must have them, but will make their money for what they do today, or rather tonight, not what they did back in 1982. For this to happen, some things within the industry will have to change, not the least of which is the expectation that musicians should be paid in perpetuity: musicians will have to be first, and always, musicians. Brittany Spears need not apply, we need people who can step on a stage, and sing, or play their instrument; the idea that a concert should be a spectacle will have to end. If you need a ten piece band and dancers – especially if you need dancers – then you can’t be expected to turn a profit on tour. No profit, no performance, it needs to be that simple. A five man band giving it their all, ala the Stones 1972 can be profitable work. An eleven man band playing Jumping Jack Flash while Mick, Keith and Ronny prance and preen ala the Stones now, no Dice, Tumblin’ or otherwise; prices need to come down. Sure Roger Waters or Madonna can carry a circus act, tractor trailer loads full of bricks and flying pigs, then charge $150, but nobody else can. Fourty dollars to hear some band on the margins is too much, they need to be able to play, profitably, for less, maybe a lot less. The trick is get enough people in the seats for $20, and sell them shirts, ring-tones, iPhone cases and downloads of the show.

I mention this because it is, I think, the future, and it is coming sooner than most believe. Here’s an item from this weeks paper:

Christina Aquilera has announced a 20-date North American tour… in support of her upcoming album Bionic. Fans will receive a digital copy of the album with every ticket purchased before June 4.

Give away the music, sell the concert. It’s a new idea, and will take some working out, but it’s economically viable. To put it simply, performance is a scarce commodity, one that can be charged for. As it gets harder and harder to collect on the bits and bites sitting on your hard drive, it will become more viable to look to the performance of music to make a living.

What’s going to save the music industry from itself? That’s easy: musicians. And when they do, music consumers will be better off for it.

The Freedom of Music, This Week on my I-Pod Beatles, Beth, Bionic, Brittany Spears, Christina Aquilera, CSI, Destroyer, George HArrison, Hard Luck Woman, John Lennon, Jumping Jack Flash, Keith Richards, Kiss, Madonna, Mick Jagger, Nigel Tufnel, Octopuses Garden, paul stanley, Ringo Starr, Roger Daltry, Roger Waters, Rolling Stones, Ron Wood, The Who, Tommy, Toronto, Who’s Next

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Joni Mitchell gave a rare interview last week with the LA Times:

We (Bob Dylan) and I are like night and day, he and I. Bob is not authentic at all. He’s a plagiarist, and his name and voice are fake. Everything about Bob is deception.

Oh, my! Tell us what you really think Joni.

She had more to say regarding Grace Slick and Janis Joplin being drunken tramps – they were “sleeping with their whole bands and falling down drunk” – and Madonna:

Americans have decided to be stupid and shallow since 1980. Madonna is like Nero; she marks the turning point.

Madonna as anti-Christ. There’s an argument I can get behind.

Other revelations in the Joni Mitchell interview:

The Red Hot Chilli Peppers are neither red, hot nor chilli peppers.

Jakob Dylan plagiarized his fathers last name.

The Led Zeppelin song Going to California, heretofore thought to be written about Joni Mitchel, was really written about That Girl Marlo Thomas.

The reason the Toronto Maple Leafs have not won a Stanley Cup in 40 years is that Joni Mitchell cursed them by writing about them in her song Raised on Robbery.

Jose Feliciano is the judge for the People Magazine’s most beautiful people.

Bob Dylan mumbles

Sandra Bullock has filed for divorce from her wayward husband, Jesse James. While Bullock was apparently devastated by revelations of James multiple affairs, she was equally appalled by a picture showing him in Nazi dress, using his finger to mock-up a Hitler moustache and giving a Nazi salute:

The photo shocked me and made me sad. This is not the man I married… anything Nazi…have no place in my life. And the man I married felt the same.

Am I the only person in this world who sees the iron cross that James uses as his business logo and thinks of the Nazi’s?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

People Magazine came out with their 2010 Most Beautiful Woman issue for 2010, and the winner is… Julia Roberts?

Even in her prime 20 years ago I wouldn’t put Julia Roberts on my top 50 beautiful women list, a list that includes my wife, my neighbour and my singer. But in an edition of People Magazine that will heavily feature Sandra Bullock, Julia Roberts will be on the cover as most beautiful? Absurd!

Fluffernutter Bob Dylan, Going to California, Grace Slick, Jakob Dylan, Janis Joplin, Jesse James, Joni Mitchell, Jose Feliciano, Julia Roberts, Led Zeppelin, Madonna, Marlo Thomas, People Magazine, Raised on Robbery, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Sandra Bullock, Stanley Cup, Toronto Maple Leafs

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Jennifer Lopez is reported to be “upset with the academy” because she was not given an oscar nod for 2006’s El Cantante. Lopez starred in the movie alongside her husband Marc Anthony about the life of Puerto Rican salsa singer Hector Lavoe. According to the New York Daily News, Lopez is frustrated that the members of the academy never saw El Cantante, therefore couldn’t properly judge her superiority.

No fear, Lopez fans. Lopez herself says “I have the utmost faith and no doubt that it will [happen] one day.”

As if they’re giving an Oscar to Jennifer Lopez before Madonna gets one.

In other Diva news, Mariah Carey gave a seven minute acceptance speech after winning some award or another at the Palm Springs International Film Festival. Some called it rambling; some suggested she was jet lagged; some have said she was “tipsy on champagne.”  However, I know too much party, not enough brains when I see it, and this girl has had too much party:

So your Tiger Woods. Your nice guy image is in tatters, your reputation need rebuilding. Your wife is leaving, and taking with her the kids and $300M. Pat Burns is on Montreal radio telling the world your gorgeous Swedish wife took a nine iron to your face before you got in the Cadillac, which she then took the nine iron to the windows of. What do you need to revive your image? How about a magazine cover with you looking like it was taken in the prison yard:

The world is upside down when I feel sorry for Tiger Woods.

The death of Johnson and Johnson heiress Casey Johnson may be one of the saddest spectacles you’ll ever witness. The 30 year old was found dead in her home and the death was announced by her “fiance”, reality star Tila Tequila. Tequila has been in a piddling match with blogger Perez Hilton and, in the illiterate twitterings of access hollywoods Billy Bush:

Gross… claims 2 b mourning fiancée but seems 2 b pumping her new gossip blog.   (How come he can’t spell “to be” but can get the accented é in fiancée?)

Now Johnson’s longtime girlfriend Courtenay Semel, daughter of Terry Semel, the former chairman of both Yahoo! Inc. and Warner Bros., has lashed out at Teguila:

The thing I find the most sickening is that the media is giving [her] the one thing she craves: attention. Tila, you knew her for a week.

I understand her sentiment but, frankly,  this whole thing is pretty sickening. If you take no other lesson from At Home in Hespeler kids, take this: if you seek fame regardless of price, don’t be surprised when the bill comes due and the cost is your dignity – in life and in death.

The above aside, this the sad death of a 30 year old woman. Her life was uneasy, with drugs, debt, estrangement from her family, a recent burglary charge. A woman who appeared to never got comfortable with life. Her family is apparently devastated, her father, Jets owner Woody Johnson, lost a brother to drug abuse in 1975, has now lost a daughter. It’s a sad story, and condolences to the people who loved Casey Johnson.

Fluffernutter Billy Bush, Casey Johnson, El Cantante, Jay Lo, jennifer lopez, Madonna, Mariah Carey, NEw York Jets, Palm Springs International Film Festiva, Perez Hilton, Tiger Woods, Tila Tequila, Vanity Fair, Woody Johnson

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities.

Plus Eight Kate, the soon to be former Mrs. Gosselin, is currently working overtime to try and extend her fifteen minutes in the spotlight. While her estranged husband, the h-less Jon, is spending his fame cycle getting him some, Kate seems to have greater designs. On September 14 she steps out of the house to co-host The View.  Whoopie Goldberg and Kate Gosselin together on the same stage: that would almost be worth watching, if it wasn’t Whoopie Goldberg and Kate Gosselin that is.

Fans in Romania booed Madonna during a concert in Bucharest this week. Madonna introduced her Gypsy, er… Roma, dancers to the crowd and then posited that discrimation against Gyps… um… Roma made her, “sad.”

Aww. The crowd informed Madonna that if they wanted a lecture on how to treat Gyp… ah… Roma, they would go to a lecture. Turns out Romanian for shut up and sing is booo. Personally, I’d rather hear a lecture from Madonna than listen to her sing, but then again I wouldn’t go to a Madonna concert if you poked out my eyes and stuck needles in my ears.

Gerard Butler has been increasing his profile over the last few years. This week he became a-list when he was seen out and about with Jennifer Aniston, his co-star in a new movie they are filming in New Yorks meat packing district.  The pity of it is, he’s no Brad Pitt. If she’s going to go for average  looking guys, hey, I’m average.

Adam Goldstein (1973-2009) – DJ Goldstein, member of the rock band Crazy Town and DJ for such acts as Madonna, Will Smith and Jay-Z, was found dead Friday in his New York City apartment. He was 36 years old.

I come from a time and place where putting a record on a turntable was how you listened to music, not something musical itself, so I don’t get the whole DJ phenomenon.  However, Goldstein was in the news last year for surviving a deadly airplane crash with Blink 182’s Travis Barker. Four people died in that crash.

According to People magazine Goldstein’s publicist released a statement Friday confirming the news of his death. “The circumstances surrounding his death are unclear. Out of respect for his family and loved ones, please respect their privacy at this time,”

Fluffernutter Gerard Butler, Jennifer Aniston, Jon and Kate Plus Eight, Kate Gosselin, Madonna, Whoopie Goldberg