At Home in Hespeler

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Dear Lindsay:

The rules are simple. Here’s how it works. You do your treatment program, you pass two drug tests a week, you stay out of jail.

Two drug tests a week Lindsay Lohan is mandated to take. Two. You know they’re coming. So how does she do? She fails both of them. On two separate, mandatory samples she tests positive for two separate drugs: cocaine on one test, amphetamine on the second. Two tests, two fails, two different drugs.

It’s hard to muster much sympathy for the bail revoked/4 weeks in jail she got for her transgression.

Paris Hilton had a better week. She dropper her silly, “it’s not my purse it’s not my – errr – gum,” defence and pleaded guilty to cocaine possession on Monday.

Hilton had been charged after being pulled over in Las Vegas on August 28th. The purse she was carrying had a small amount of cocaine. She was also charged with obstructing police after telling the officers on the scene that the purse wasn’t hers. That charge was dropped.

Hilton was fined $2,000 an ordered to complete 200 hours of community service. She was also given a suspended sentence and warned that any arrests in Nevada would result in jail time.

************

Update: The news turned bad by weeks end. It turns out some countries don’t like to allow cocaine users in. Japan, apparently, is particularly fussy on this point, and the lady so gay they named a city after her was refused entry to Japan on Tuesday.

Sigh! Another week, another sex scandal on Sesame Street… wait… what did I just write?

Singer, fashionista and all round ingénue Katy Perry was to appear on Sesame Street this week, performing a song with Elmo (who’s nose feels so good &tc.). Perry, famous for the song I Kissed a Girl was set to perform her single Hot and Cold on the pre-school MTV. The producers of Sesame Street released the clip on YouTube and then pulled it from the show “based on feedback.”

This blog has never, ever been an advocate for the sexualizing of children, and abhors the practice. But frankly, other than some really bad lip synching, there’s nothing wrong with the segment. An argument can be made that Perry is not the kind of role model we want for pre-schoolers (an argument can be made she’s not the type of role model we want for pre-teens, her target audience, but I digress), but this particular clip is tame.

Judge Judy: legal-beagle of stunning intellectual stupor:

Lindsay Lohan, I think, has to be given a dose of reality. I don’t think she has been living in the real world for a long time.

Most people stop using drugs on jail. If you‘re in jail for three months, nobody is going to get Lindsay Lohan drugs in jail.

It is ignorant idiocy to suggest drugs are not available in jail – they are more prevalent in jail than out. Other than that, she kind of has a point though.

Eddie Fisher (1928-2010) – It’s hard to imagine how big Eddie Fisher once was. Pre-Beatles pop star, host of two TV shows, father to actress Carrie (Princess Leah) Fisher, he was also what today would be major tabloid fodder.

Married to superstar Debbie Reynolds, who was Carrie’s mother, he left her for Elizabeth Taylor. Think Brad dumps Jen for Angie and your in the neighbourhood. By today’s standards, Eddie Fisher would be staring at you from the grocery store and gas station check out pretty much every week.

He was also married to Connie Stevens, a big star in her own right, as well as Terry Richard ( 21, beauty queen, he was 47) and business woman Betty Lin.

Fisher was 82, and died Wednesday from complications from a recent hip surgery.

While you were busy watching Elmo on YouTube, America lost a true icon.

Fluffernutter carrie fisher, connie stevens, debbie reynolds, eddie fisher, elizabeth taylor, elmo, judge judy, katy perry, Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Paris, Brittany, Lindsay and … George? He’s prettier and a better singer than Paris, Brittany and Lindsay. Now George Michael joins the first two in the going to jail for driving while stupid category.

The former Wham! singer was sentenced to eight weeks in prison after pleading guilty to possession of cannabis and driving under the influence of drugs. He was also fined $1,725.

What’s the betting line on Michael not getting out for good behaviour?

As if karaoke night run through a pitch adjuster isn’t enough, as if the idea that paying your dues means listening to one judges mean-ish commentary for ten weeks, isn’t enough, there is now one more reason not to watch American Idol: Jennifer Lopez will be judging this years show.

To anyone who has taken the debate with me through the years that American Idol is about finding talented people and not about dispensing celebrity on those not talented enough to otherwise earn it: Jennifer Lopez is judging American Idol.

Former Led Zeppelin singer Robert Plant stepped in it this week, but came out unharmed.

While on the Today show, he referred to his pre-Zeppelin Band of Joy as playing blues and “spook music.” Spook is, of course, a derogatory term for African-Americans.

Such a comment, uttered on network television in the middle of the day will result in one of two things happening, regardless of the original intent of the comment. Either a large scale media kerfuffle, resulting in career suicide or nothing at all. The latter, which is what happens, is an indication of cultural obsolescence.

Not good news either if you’re the producers of The Today show, and nobody noticed a reference to spook music during your show.

Fluffernutter American Idol, Brittany Spears, George Michael, jennifer lopez, Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Robert Plant

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Was it really just two week s ago when I asked what I would write about if Lindsay Lohan got her act cleaned up? That day, the night before the post went up in fact, Paris Hilton got busted with someone else’s purse that contained gum that looked, smelled and tasted suspiciously like cocaine (good thing she didn’t step in it – haha).

This week, Brittany Spears comes to the rescue, or more specifically her former security guard does. He filed a sexual harassment lawsuit this week that claims :

– that he heard her loudly have “sexual relations while her two children where in the suite.”
– that he saw her “having vigorous sexual relations,” on two occasions
– Spears flashed him, intentionally dropping a lighter so she could bend over to pick it up in front of him, while wearing no underwear
– abused her children, hitting son Preston with his belt
– fed the children crab meat, although they are allergic.
– called herself white trash.

I’m not sure what the point of the last one is: if 1-5 is accurate, then #6 is just acknowledging a universal truth.

The Toronto International Film Festival (TIFF) began this week in Toronto. Here in Southern Ontario our news reports will now prominently feature the comings and goings of B actors, who have B roles in B movies that are premiering here in Toronto. As the 80’s came to a close, Toronto liked to talk about itself as a “World Class City.” Twenty years later, we fawn over Ryan Kwanten for having the good grace to honour us with his presence.

Or maybe I’m just cynical and wrong. Lets see what’s on:

Day 1… Festival Opening… Oh, an international premier…

Score: A Hockey Musical.

What’s the strangest celebrity death you can recall?

On Friday last, former ELO cellist Mike Edwards was driving on the highway when a 650lb bale of hay fell off a farm tractor, rolled down a large embankment and hit Edwards car, killing Edwards instantly.

This was all the stranger as I always thought that when a runaway hay bale ran over you it picked you up and continued on, arms and legs sticking out of the bale, and tossed you out at the end of it’s path, dazed but none the worse for wear. Of course, my mom always thought I watched too many cartoons.

Even odder than Edwards death, was the YouTube announcement of his death. It was positively Pytonesque, complete with news announcer who had a Michael Palin accent and could pronounce neither “Edwards,” or “Orchestra.”

ELO was a highly different band. Love them or hate them, ELO was the product of an era when anything went in rock and roll, and guys dragging double basses and cellos around the stage (literally) while band leader Jeff Lynne played a distorted Les Paul and sang was different and interesting. They were part standard rock band, part small orchestra and completely unusual.

Mike Edwards (1948-2010)

Fluffernutter Brittany Spears, ELO, Lindsay Lohan, Mike Edwards, Paris Hilton, Ryan Kwanten, Score: A Hockey Musical, TIFF

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Last week at this time I mused on the subject of Lindsay Lohan, and what would I fill this space with if she stays out of trouble? I put the post to bed Friday night, put myself to bed, and by the time I woke up, Paris Hilton had answered my call:

LOS ANGELES – Socialite, celebrity TV and website favorite Paris Hilton has been released by Las Vegas police after her arrest for possessing cocaine Friday night…

For the record, Paris claims

a) it wasn’t her purse
b) yes the prescription medications were hers
c) it wasn’t her cocaine and
d) she thought the cocaine was gum.

No official word on what the hell kind of gum Paris Hilton chews, but for the record Paris: nose candy is a slang term.

Authorities believed her story so much they took all the way until Tuesday to charge her with fellony possession of a controlled substance.

Axl Rose is a notoriously unreliable guy. Guns ‘N’ Roses shows are often so late, not only is the start time listed on tickets considered a suggestion, but so is the date. If you’re going to see G’N’R be prepared, be very prepared, to sit around waiting for Axl to show, and a couple of hours from support act to headliner is not unusual. It is lame and unprofessional, but it also is what it is.

Last Friday, Guns ’N’ Roses took to the stage an hour late at Britain’s famous Reading Festival. Organizers had been given strict orders from the Police that the festival was to go acoustic at 11:30. So that’s what they did, cutting the power on G’N’R during Paradise City. Ever the hint taker, Axl attempted to continue using a bullhorn, but as the guy with the McDonalds bag on his head was strumming a solid body guitar without power, he quickly lost the groove of the song, and gave up.

Reading Organizer Melvin Benn had earlier in the week assured festival goers that Guns ‘N’ Roses would perform on time, as he was under immense pressure to make sure it was so.

It was, of course, not so. Sorry Melvin.

Dad’s an electrician (retired). Industrial, mostly, but he has done some contract work through the years. And his basement is a mess. Wall to ceiling stuff, mostly what us kids accumulated through the years that they never had the heart to throw out. One day it’s going to need cleaning out, and who knows what we’ll find? Some things, however, I pretty much don’t expect to stumble across.

When renovating John Lennon’s Tittenhurst Park home, near Ascot, in 1972, a contractor kept the toilet with blue flowers painted around the bowl. “Put some flowers in it,” Lennon is reported to have told him. Whether he ever did or not is unreported.

What his son-in-law did, however, is a matter of public record. He sold it at auction last weekend for $15,500 (£9,500).

Makes a guy wonder what dear-old-dad has down there: Celine Dion’s bidet, perhaps?

GreatFreudianTweets Batman:

@saman12 unfortunately there are no words to describe how sorry I am.

Unfortunately, Lindsay Lohan’s ex was tweeting about her bulldog attacking and killing a Maltese in LA Monday, not granting a moment of self evaluation.

Uncategorized Axl Rose, Buckethead, Celine Dion, Guns 'n' roses, John Lennonm Tittenhurst PArk, Lindsay Lohan, Melvin Benn, Paris Hilton, Reading Festival, Sam Ronson

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Brad Pitt is a good leftie. He doesn’t believe in the death penalty for, say, someone who kidnaps a child and spends three days molesting them before killing them. Paul Bernardo, as an example, should be spared the death penalty.

But run a company that has an environmental accident?

I was never for the death penalty before, but I am willing to look at it again (for BP executives)

I love the headline in this weeks In Touch. Angelina Jolie, it claims, calls Brad stupid behind his back.

Talk about belabouring the obvious.

Free at last, free at last. Thank Justice Revel, Lindsay’s free at last.

Lindsay Lohan has been sprung after serving 13 days of a 90 day jail sentence and 22 days of a three month rehab program.

“She is healthy, clear-headed positive and looking forward,” her lawyer said.

Lohan will have to reside at home, submit to random drug and alcohol testing, take psychotherapy four days a week, behaviour therapy twice a week and attend a 12-step program for addicts. Should Lohan fail her drug and alcohol test, “She’ll go to jail for 30 days,” according to TMZ.

You know, the kid (and she is a kid) can act, unlike those other celebrity-celebrities she hangs around with. I hope she gets her act together, while at the same time wondering what I’ll write on Saturday’s if she does.

Jimmy Fallon wants you to tweet him – if you are blonde, lean, long, female and between the ages of 21 and 35. The rest of us can send him a message on Twitter.

Fallon, who is hosting this Sundays Emmy’s, wants twits to send tweets on twitter to him commenting on the show. The shows writers will incorporate them into his material.

In other words, the only people who get paid any real money to write any more (i.e. TV writers), now want you to write the jokes. They get the credit – and the pay check.

You can tweet Fallon at @jimmyfallon

I am not a Martin Short fan. Nothing against the man – he seems nice enough – but his style of comedy is not my taste. That said, I wish him no ill will. Sadly, ill will seems to have found Martin Short anyway. His wife of 30 years, Nancy Dolman, died last weekend at their California home.

Cause of death is unknown, but there have been reports that she diagnosed with cancer three years ago. She was 58. Condolences to Martin Short and their three children.

Fluffernutter Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, Jimmy Fallon, Lindsay Lohan, Marsha Revel, Martin Short, Nancy Dolman, Twitter

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

When last we checked in, Lindsay Lohan was off to the Women’s Prison. “Ninety days,” said Judge Revel to the weeping Lohan back in early July.

“Thirteen days,” replied the California Penal Department, “for good behaviour.”

It’s all very surprising: You lock Lindsay Lohan in a building full of bull dykes and Penal-ses, good behaviour is not what you expect her to get off on.

Mitch Miller (1911-2010)

Mitch Miller wore a number of hats in the musical world: musician, singer, conductor, producer and record company exec. A highly successful and long career, including a number of albums as “Mitch Miller and His Orchestra,” Columbia records house band. As well “Mitch Miller and His Gang” had a number of successful records.

He also produced a number of artists for Columbia Records during the 1950’s, including Frank Sinatra, Tony Bennett and Rosemary Clooney.

But it is as the inspiration behind The Flintstones “Hum Along With Herman,” that most Americans remember Mitch Miller. “Sing Along With Mitch,” ran for three year in the 1960’s. With the Mitch Miller Singers, Mitch would lead sing-a-longs on a variety of popular songs.

Miller was married for 65 years to Francis Alexander, who predeceased him. He died this week in New York City, age 99.

Fluffernutter Lindsay Lohan, mitch miller

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Mr. Diana Krall, Elvis Costello, this week joined the “shut up and sing,” club. Costello cancelled two upcoming concerts in Israel, stating “…merely having your name added to a concert schedule may be interpreted as a political act…” This in contrast to cancelling already scheduled concerts, which is an apolitical act.

Last word to Israeli Sport and Culture Minister Limor Livant:

An artist who boycotts his fans in Israel is not worthy of performing in front of them.

I know, I know, you’re anxious to know. You can’t sleep at night wondering, worried. That one question that nags at you and won’t go away: how was Lindsay Lohan’s week?

Funny you should ask, actually. She lost her passport. Stolen, along with her other personal papers. Of course, losing your passport in France, better yet Cannes isn’t so bad. So you stick around, maybe visit Paris, until the embassy gets it looked after. Lets face it, it’s not like she has work to go to.

Alas, karma isn’t just a bitch, she’s a mean girl. While the consul was explaining to LiLo that it was going to take a few days, perhaps a week to get her a passport, the judge at a probation hearing in California was explaining to her lawyer why she was issuing a warrant forLohan’s arrest.

Ronnie James Dio (1942-2010)

When Ozzy Osbourne left Black Sabbath the reasonable assumption would be that the legendary heavy metal band was done. They could get a new singer, but it would just be death throes. Surely Black Sabbath without it’s unique voice out front, could no longer reasonably be Black Sabbath. Who did they think they were, AC/DC?

A funny thing happened on the way to the requiem. Sabbath replaced Osbourne with former Rainbow singer Ronnie James Dio and produced what many metal and Black Sabbath fans consider the finest metal album, never mind Black Sabbath album, Heaven and Hell.

In 2007 Dio rejoined with his Black Sabbath bandmates, calling the band Heaven & Hell. They remained a viable touring act until last August. They were scheduled to perform some shows this summer, but early this month those shows were cancelled due to Dio’s health.

He died this week of stomach cancer at the age of 67.

Fluffernutter AC/DC, Black Sabbath, Diana Krall, Elvis Costello, Heaven and Hell, Limor Livant, Lindsay Lohan, Ozzy Osbourne, Ronnie James Dio

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Nashville is sinking man, and Taylor don’t wanna swim…

It’s not making the news like other natural disasters do, mostly it seems because Nashvillian’s are looking after themselves, not looking for the federal government to look after them. However, Nashville is enduring a major flood and the country music world is stepping up. The Country Music Association is donating half the proceeds from their annual CMA music festival to flood relief. The festival runs June 10-13 in Nashville.

Meanwhile, Taylor Swift is donating half-a-million dollars to flood relief. She made the announcement on a local telethon, “Flood Relief with Vince Gill and Friends.”

In other country music news, two of country’s “hottest singles,” are off the market as Miranda Lambert and Blake Shelton are engaged. Thirty-three year old Shelton, winner of 2010’s Country Music Associations, “Vocal Event of the Year,” proposed to proposed to the twenty-six year old, five time Academy of Country Music Award winner on Sunday in Oklahoma.

Being an olde timey kind of guy, Shelton even asked Lambert’s father, Rick, for permission to marry her. Rick apparently didn’t reply:

You marry Miranda? have you seen Miranda? Have you seen you? Go away and come back when you have won as many awards as her.

No word on when the wedding will be.

Meanwhile, in London, Julie Andrews fans are flooding the airwaves with complaints after Andrews gave a concert Saturday at the O2 arena in which she sang only two songs. The legendary actress and singer sang A Cockeyed Optimist, and My Funny Valentine, but left the bulk of the singing to others. Andrews, 74, who had a botched voice operation in 1997, also narrated a musical staging of the children’s book she wrote with her daughter.

One Brit-tab ran the headline, “The Tills are Alive with the Sounds of Refunds.”

Sean Penn pleaded no contest this week to charges of vandalism this week after he was videotaped kicking a photographer. He was sentenced to 300 hours of community service and three years of informal probation. How does an assault, on video, become vandalism? What’s the charge for spray painting walls? A speeding ticket?

In other celebrity legal news, Lindsay Lohan missed a court appearance in her impaired driving case a few weeks ago, leading to speculation she will plead no contest to embezzlement.

Russell Crowe, somewhat known for being quick to rile, got upset and stormed out of an interview in England this week. When the interviewer suggested Crowe had a bit of an Irish accent in his new movie, Robin Hood, Crowe became angered and yelled:

What would you be talkin’ about, ya fekin gobsheit! Ya stupid wee man, ya wouldn’t know an Irish accent if it dropped it’s pot of gold on your toes.

He then finished his Guiness and stormed off.

Top signs that Russell Crowe is angry:

– Puts a petrol bomb under your bonnet
– Stands and drops his pants, all the while yelling Pogue Mahone
– Knee-caps you with a hurl.
– Dons an Aaron sweater and says, “I like it too.”
– Drops his pot of gold on your toes.
– Guest edit’s the Globe and Mail
– Bops you on the head with his shillelagh.

Lena Horne (1917 – 2010). Lena Horne was known as an actress and civil rights activist, but it was her silky voice by which millions knew her. Enduring racism early in her career, Horne became an activist in the American civil rights movement of the 1960‘s. She appeared in seven feature films, including Stormy Weather, which produced her biggest hit, the title track.

Lena Horne died this week, aged 92.

Fluffernutter A Cockeyed Optimist, Blake Shelton, Country Music Association, Julie Andrews, Lena Horne, Lindsay Lohan, Miranda Lambert, My Funny Valentine, Nashville, O2 arena, Robin Hood, Russell Crowe, Sean Penn, Taylor Swift, Vince Gill