At Home in Hespeler

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Jaimie Foxx, courageous artist speaking truth to power:

Last Sunday at the Soul Train Awards fox said, “… give an honour to God and our Lord and Saviour, Barack Obama.”

Foxx, being not much brighter than the average bear, is now shocked, shocked! to discover these remarks are deemed controversial by Christians. Instead of complaining, or wittily noting that Obama is indeed miraculous if “he did succeed in convincing Jaimie Foxx… that God does exist,” they should lighten up, says Foxx, who no doubt will be nice and light if he’s referred to with a racial epithet during the next Catholic Music Awards.

Next time maybe Foxx can be truly courageous and say, “praise be to the prophet Barack Obama, peace be upon him,” and learn what uptight religious guys really look like

Yea, that’ll happen.

Jaimie Foxx has nothing on Justin Beiber when it comes to political scandal. Beiber, in Toronto last weekend to perform at the Grey Cup – itself not a move without controversy – had an official meet and greet with Prime Minister Stephen Harper (or is that, Prime Minister Harper had a photo-op with Justin Beiber? ed.)

Problem is, The Beeb wore coveralls, with one shoulder strap undone, street style, for the meetup. Scandal! Disgrace! A man should dress appropriately to meet the Prime Minister. I disagree. If your meeting Justin Beiber, you look like a tool in a suit, period. Prime Minister Harper, as Jaimie Foxx would no doubt tell him, needs to lighten up in his dress.

No fan of Two and a Half Men am I. Whenever I mention it here I always describe it as a “sitcom,” complete with irony quotes. So when 19-year old Christian Angus T. Jones refers to it as “filth,” who am I to argue?

Problem is, Jones is the “half” of the Two and a Half Men playing Jake, since 2003. In a YouTube video, Jones calls himself a “paid hypocrite”, the show “filth” and suggests people shouldn’t watch it.

A-men brother, I say. However, Jones has no actual intention to, say, quit the show, and has issued something of an apology, saying:

I am grateful to and have the highest regard and respect for all of the wonderful people on Two and Half Men with whom I have worked over the past ten years.
Chuck Lorre, Peter Roth and many others at Warner Bros. and CBS are responsible for what has been one of the most significant experiences in my life to date. I thank them for the opportunity they have given and continue to give me…
I apologize if my remarks reflect me showing indifference to and disrespect of my colleagues and a lack of appreciation of the extraordinary opportunity of which I have been blessed…

Lindsay Lohan is back on the Fluffernutter page. On Wednesday night she got into an altercation at a Manhattan nightclub with psychic Tiffany Mitchell.

Mitchell says she had a premonition about Lohan and wanted to do her reading, and Lohan then hauled off and nailed her one (or something like that). Lohan then referred to her by the apparently racial epithet of Gypsy. Why she didn’t have a premonition that Lohan was going to do that history does not record. Nonetheless, Lohan was taken away by police and spent a night in a Manhattan holding cell.

Lohan for her part says she did not punch her, but she did call her the name in question. The upcoming court case is likely to be lively as Mitchell has hired celebrity lawyer Gloria Allred and Lohan has hired a private detective to investigate claims Mitchell has a history of using “her ‘psychic abilities’ to extort money from people.”

There’s much at stake for Lohan, who is on probation for a California necklace pilfering case, and could be sent back to jail on that charge.

Fluffernutter Angus T. Jones, Chuck Lorre, Jaimie Foxx, Justin Beiber, Lindsay Lohan, Prime MInister Harper, Psychic, Tiffany Mitchell, Two and a Half Men

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Anne Hathaway has tied the knot, marrying her man of more than four years, Adam Shulman, in a sunset wedding at Big Sur, California last Saturday.

Hathaway wore Valentino and when the minister asked if anybody had any reason to object to the marriage, the FBI did not stand up.

Kings of Leon bassist Jared Followill also stepped across the aisle this weekend, marrying model Martha Patterson. The Leonic King and the bikini beauty hitched up in a rustic ceremony in Charlotte, Tennessee.

No word on whether there was a fireplace.

Returning to our regular programming, Lindsay Lohan was assaulted in her hotel room last weekend.

Lohan invited Christian LaBella back to her room after partying at 1 Oak Saturday night. She then discovered a number of pictures of her on his phone, and confronted him about the pictures. He attacked, and Lindsay pulled the fire alarm to bring in the police. Lohan received minor scratches and turned down medical help and LaBella was charged with 2 counts of assault and 2 counts of harassment.

While Lohan is the victim in this story, I’m reminded of Glenn Hughes response to being punched by a roadie in a hotel elevator in the wee hours:

“Normal people don’t get beaten up in hotels at four in the morning.”

Here’s a quiz. Pretend your a bookie, your job is to give out odds on events. There’s four people in a room, including Mariah Carey. One of those four people has a complete diva-like meltdown. What are the odds the meltdown was someone other than Carey?

Well, get ready to pay Mr. Vegas. TMZ posted video of American Idol tryouts from Charlotte. This year judges, in case you have a modicum of taste and simply don’t know or care, are Randy Jackson, Keith Urban, Nicki Manaj and Carey. In the video, Manaj is going completely off the handle, shouting and swearing at Carey: “I told them, I’m not fuckin’ putting up with her fuckin’ highness over there.”

Carey apparently argued back, with Urban, physically between the two, tried to calm things down.

Nicki Manaj with a superiority complex: now I’ve heard everything.

Fluffernutter Anne Hathaway, Christian LaBella, Glenn Hughes, Jared Followill, Keith Urban, Lindsay Lohan, Mariah Carey, Martha Patterson, Nicki Manaj, Randy Jackson

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Lindsay Lohan stepped in a pile of destiny-doo this week. First she asked of Amanda Bynes, “hey, how come I had to do time for my driving infractions, and she doesn’t?” Lohan, you will recall, got sentenced to 30 days of art lessons in her home for a variety of probation and drug violations after a series of in car incidences.

Lohan, not recalling all the 2nd chances she was given, wondered why the un-convicted Bynes didn’t suffer the same fate she did after convictions, missed hearings, probation violations and failed drug tests.

Lohan then went out and committed an act of karma, clipping a man in New York City. Lohan got out of her Porsche Cayenne SUV, checked for damage, and went into the club she was heading too without so much as a “sorry ’bout the inconvenience,” to the man with an unspecified knee injury.

Upon leaving Dream nightclub, Lohan was then arrested for leaving the scene of an accident.

If only Amanda Bynes had been in jail…

I’d like see the coyote eat the road runner.
And I’d like to see Kneievel blown to bits.
I’d like see Rex Humbard lay his hands upon Moly Bea.
But I’d love to see Kate Middleton’s …

From the Fiddle on Nero file, an act of war has been committed against a sovereign, as a French photographer took clandestine pictures of the future Queen of Britain and her realms, Kate Middleton. Middleton was sunbathing topless at a private chateau and, it must be said, had a very reasonable expectation of privacy.

The pictures were then published in a French magazine, and quickly thereafter to the internet, where a google search will turn them up pretty post haste.

William, who’s mother died being chased on the streets of Paris by paparazzi, was furious and the couple has filed suit. The photographer, meanwhile, is currently in hiding. From whom, we can’t quite figure, but at least it’s not from a mob named Mohammad.

True love always finds a way. So it is with Rob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart, the Twilight heart throbs who keep their teenage fans in a tizzy with their on-screen/off-screen romance.

A while back the off-screen portion of the romance ended when Stewart was found to be having an affair with Rupert Sanders, who is much older, married and director of her movie Snow White and the Huntsman. Heartbroken and humiliated, Pattinson dumped the unfaithful Stewart and moved out of their Hollywood “love-nest.”

This week, all is right with the world again as Pattinson and Stewart have reignited the flame of love and gotten back together.

On an unrelated note, their new movie together, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2, is in theaters November 16th.

Fluffernutter Amanda Bynes, Kate Middleton, Kristen Stewart, Lindsay Lohan, Robert Pattinson, The Twilight Saga

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

The biggest news of the week, of the millenium possibly, entertainment and otherwise, was completely ignored by the media: Aliens from another planet contacted us this week. Their message for humanity: enough of the derivative crap.

In related news, rap “artist” will.i.am was the first person to premiere a song from space.

i.am had his new track, Reach for the Stars, played through the speakers of the Curiosity Rover, which is currently on Mars, and broadcast back to earth.

Meanwhile, back on the above mentioned earth, specifically L.A., Major will.i.am was doing the late night drive home from McDonalds with singer Cheryl Cole, bragging about his whole, FirstSongBroadcastFromMars-apalooza, when he drove his Cadillac into a parked car.

Cole is in an arm sling and will.is.in a neck brace.

Let’s see, late night, a McDonalds run, drove into a parked car – yea, the problem was his martian song.

Speaking of car accidents, this is one of the best stories ever. Justin Beiber was pulled over on an L.A. freeway by a CHIP, and two papparazzi racing to the scene for a picture crashed into each other.

Ironically, all the celebrity web sites have pictures of the scene.

It’s been a long summer with little or no Lindsay Lohan stories to offer. Thankfully, as fall comes into view, Lohan returns to the Fluffernutter fold.

Lohan was presented this week with an unpaid $46,350.04 bill from L.A.’s Chateau Marmont Hotel after a 47-day stay in June and July. She is, says the Marmont, persona-non grata until she has settled her account.

You know, if I was a celebrity looking for a place to stay in L.A., I’d chose a place that doesn’t run to the media, but maybe that’s just me.

The sad news of the death of Sage Stallone, son of Sylvester, comes to a close this week. The LA coroner reports Sage died, age 36, of atherosclerotic coronary artery disease- a heart attack to you and me.

There were no drugs found in Stallone’s blood except a small amount of “sub-therapeutic level of hydrocodone,” or vicodin.

Fluffernutter Chateau Marmont, cheryl cole, Curiosity Rover, Justin Beiber, Lindsay Lohan, Reach for the Stars, Sage Stallone, Sylvester Stallone, will.i.am

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

What’s this we hear about John Travolta and the masseuse’s (masseuse?)? Travolta, of whom it has long been whispered has a very large closet, has been accused this week by two male masseuse-er-ers of requesting the deluxe massage.

“He had a car full of condoms and choclolate cake wrapping.” said one in his $2-million lawsuit. “He showed me his semi-erect penis”

“He rubeed me in a very wrong way, and went berserk when he didn’t get what he wanted,” claimed the other when he joined (horned in on) the lawsuit.

“OMG,” we gasped here at Fluffernutter World Headquarters, “you mean scientology isn’t an effective cure for homosexuality?”

Someone better call Tom Cruise and make sure he knows that.

Lindsay Lohan stepped out in New York this week looking pretty good for a 35-year old. Wait! What? She’s only 25? Well then, let us just say the hard living is starting to show.

Oh, and tip for LaLohan: the collagen injected lips isn’t actually a good look.

Speaking of Lohan, we can stop worrying about her now that we know she’s practicing spiritual chanting at Courtney Love’s house. Apparently Love advised Lohan at the height of her legal troubles, and the advice: chant. Now she’s going to an all female chanter-size at the Love hole, which is, according to Love, “good for her.”

Well if it’s worked for Courtney Love all these years, what could possibly go wrong?

Update: Now this is just getting out of hand.

A third man is claiming John Travolta requested his help in breaking his vows of scientology.

The VIP services employee for Royal Caribbean Cruise Lines said Travolta came up to him, saying he had something on his neck, and disrobed as he got close. “He hugged me and asked me to give him a massage,” said Fabian Zanzi. He also claims Travolta offered $12,000 to have sex.

As this happened in 2009, and Fabian kept quite quiet until the $2-million lawsuits were flying, we’re listing ourselves as skeptical.

That Chris Brown sure seems
like a nice young man. Convicted of assaulting his then girlfriend, Rihanna, back in 2009, Brown is now taking verbal shots at her via song.

In the little wee hours of Thursday morning, Brown released a re-mix of Kanye West’s Way Too Cold. In it, he raps (***language warning***):

Don’t f$&% with my old bitch it’s like a bad fur,
Every industry n#%£$& done had her.
Shook the tree like a pumpkin just to have her,
Bitch is breaking codes, but I’m the password

Nice.

Rihanna immediately un-followed Brown on twitter, to which Brown replied (on twitter, naturally) “I didn’t say any names so if u took offense to it then it’s something you feel guilty about.”

As Max Smart would say, the old “I never said it was about you, but if the shoe fits” argument, second time I’ve fallen for that this month.

Like I said, nice guy.

Fluffernutter Chris Brown, Courtney Love, John Travolta, Kanye West, Lindsay Lohan, Rihanna, Scientology, Tom Cruise

Saturday Fluffernutter: The Girls, Girls, Lindsay Lohan & Girls Edition

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

This is news that would shock my mom: Mariah Carey is the only person ever to give birth. At least, that’s what Carey seems to believe.

I don’t think I understood the enormity and the magnitude of what it (pregnancy) really does to your body: It’s not just , “Oh, you don’t look pretty and you have a bump”…

It’s difficult to understand what I went through because my pregnancy was very unique in terms of what happened to me.

The jaw drops.

…my sister is a multibazillionaire, and I’m homeless…

Madonna’s brother, 55 year old Anthony Ciccone is homeless in Michigan, after losing his job at his father‘s winery. This, apparently, is all Madonna’s fault.

I’m no fan of Madonna, and I’m usually ready to blame her for almost any of the worlds woes, but if you can’t keep a job at your own father’s winery, if you are a 55 year old man who uses the word multibazillionaire with straight face (he also used the phrase, “a bazillion times”), maybe the problem isn’t other people.

Lets see, Mariah, Madonna… who am I missing? Ah yes, Britney.

Ticket prices for Britney Spears Femme Fatale show in Birmingham are being slashed. Originally prices at $88, they are now going for $48 on the website Groupon.com. Rumour is, over half the seats are unsold.

Says a Live Nation spokesman:

Offering a deal on Groupon is not a reflection of the quality… of the show.

No, having Britney Spears on the stage is a “reflection of the quality of the show.” All the rest is just business.

Demi Moore, trying to save her marriage to perrenial tool and man/child, emphasis on child, Ashton Kutcher, visited him on the set of Two and a Half Men last week.

Lets see, Kutcher’s accused of being a cad who bedded a nubile young woman. To help things along, Moore went to the set of his show, where he plays a cad who beds nubile young women.

I’m missing something, aren’t I?

Parole Violation, Shlamole Volation.

I guess Lindsay Lohan wasn’t just lying around awaiting judgement on her parole violation hearing, possibly heading back into custody.

Instead, she headed over to Playboy inc. to have her picture taken for the magazine. The magazine is allegedly paying Lohan $1-million for the shoot of Lohan in nothing but her… well nothing.

Meanwhile, over at FleshLight inc., makers of sex toys, they want in on the action. They are offering Lohan $1-million to launch her own line of sex toys. Included in the offer is a request to make a mold of Lohan’s – ahem – VIP room, to make an “authentic,” Lohan sex toy.

Fluffernutter, Magazine Anthony Ciccone, Ashton Kutcher, Britney Spears, Demi Moore, Lindsay Lohan, Madonna, Mariah Carey, Playboy

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

A large part of the tragedy of the Amy Winehouse story comes via her father, Mitch Winehouse. When Rehab, Winehouse’s ode to denial was a hit he begged fans not to buy the song and album. Your just encouraging her, he said at the time, and it’s going to kill her.

At a private funeral this week, he offered a 40 minute eulogy, telling hundreds of her friends and family while she may have been a troubled star, or a talented singer to millions, to them she was their “angel.”

The poor man humanizes this sad story and makes you wish for a different outcome.

Meanwhile, Amy’s ex-husband Blake Fielder-Civil did not attend the funeral. Fielder, who divorced Winehouse in 2009 after a 2-year marriage, is serving a 32-month sentence for burglary and possession of a firearm. While he is reported in “inconsolable,” over the news of her death, he did not ask for compassionate leave to attend the funeral. He apparently didn’t want to attend in handcuffs out of respect for Winehouse and her family. If true, it may be the first decent thing he’s done since he and Winehouse came to public notice.

Ashton Kutcher is a moron. I know, I know, “news flash.” But seriously, here’s what he tweeted after Amy Winehouse died:

I nevr know wht 2 post after paying respect 2 sum1 who died. Just seems lk anything funny is inappropriate. mayB I’ll just go C HarryPotter

Besides making my spell check cry, there is so much wrong with this. Yes, anything funny is inappropriate, but so is dismissively adding you’ll go “C HarryPotter.” Of course perhaps that was a little joke- the very sentence after saying jokes are inappropriate. Sigh.

Here’s the thing, you stupid, stupid man. If you can’t even take the time to spell correctly for a small tribute to someone who has just died, then don’t bother! Better nothing be said than an illiterate rambling that comes across as disrespectful for the deceased, and makes you look dumb as a bag of hammers – very dumb hammers.

Meanwhile U2 does it right, dedicating Stuck in a Moment You Can’t Get Out Of, to Winehouse.

“We wrote this next song for Michael Hutchence,” Bono told the audience, “but you will understand if tonight we play it for Amy Winehouse.”

Hutchence was the former singer for the band INXS, who committed suicide in 1997.

See Ashton Kutcher, that’s how it’s done, a nice sentiment simply stated. It doesn’t have to be about you.

Sandra Bullok’s ex- moron husband Jesse James has split from the woman he left Bullock for. Tattoo model Kat Von D and James announced this week they have broken up.

Lets see, can’t stick with the wholesome, pretty all American girl, can’t stick with the filthy tattooed skank. Maybe James just doesn’t do this whole relating with other humans very well.

Will they, or won’t they?

Gene Simmons got down on bended knee this week on his reality show, Gene Simmons Family Jewels. Simmons proposed to his long time lover and mother of his 2 adult children, during the finale of the reality show.

After a spat on the Joy Behar show a few weeks ago, it looked like splitsville for the pair. Wether the proposal was filmed before or since the Behar show, I can’t seem to find out.I Guess we have to tune in next season to see what she says.

It’s all so romantic.

Not everybody split up this week, some people were reconciling. Case in point: Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton.

The two had fallen out previously, but this week Lohan turned up at a Hilton party. While the two did not hug, kiss and/or announce an upcoming night on the town sans underwear, the appearance marks the first time the two have been seen in the same space in some time.

You know what Paris and Lindsay together means, don’t you. Means we here at Fluffernutter World Headquarters are going to have a banner season.

Fluffernutter Amy Wi, Ashton Kutcher, Blake Fielder-Civil, Bono, Gene Simmons, Gene Simmons Family Jewels, Jesse James, Kat Von D, Lindsay Lohan, Michael Hutchence, Mitch Winehouse, Paris Hilton, Sandra Bullock, Shannon Tweed, U2

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

James Bond and the Tied Knot:

Daniel Craig and his gal pal Rachel Weisz got married last weekend in New York. The quiet ceremony was attended by one attendant each, and the couples two children from previous relationships.

No word on whether the least likeable Bond rolled the wedding car on route to the honeymoon.

Big winner of 2011, Charlie Sheen will start the fall TV season… dead.

His character on the hit “sitcom” Two and a Half Men, Charlie Harper, will be killed off in the season opener. According to TMZ.com, the show will begin with dark screen for “just a minute or two,” as characters Alan and Jake find out he is dead.

Winning…

Mr. Mariah Carey, Nick Cannon said this week that he and the boss are done having kids.

I (Cannon) do (want more children), Mariah doesn’t. She was like, “That’s it, I’m done! Two at once!

Translation, it turns out having kids was not all about Mariah, and it won’t happen again.

When Nasa sent a spacecraft into the far reaches of space full of artefacts from earth in order to communicate with any aliens who may intercept the craft, among the artefacts where Chuck Berry records. According to Father Guido Sarducci, the craft returned with a note inside: “Send more Chuck Berry.”

The city of St. Louis understands the sentiment, and this week voted to erect an 8-foot statue of the rock and roll legend. The statue will be built on a new public bikeway near Blueberry Hill, the club where Berry has played a regular gig over the past 15 years.

The statue has it’s detractors, notably 86-year old Elsie Glickbert, who notes that 84-year old Berry is a convicted felon. Berry was convicted in 1962 of “transporting a woman across state lines for immoral purposes.”

Hard to understand why, 15 years after Bill Clinton, people aren’t more concerned about those 60’s era “immoral purposes” convictions.

Time to shave, trim the unwanted hairlettes and suck in the gut: Téa Leoni is back on the market. Leoni and her husband of 14 years, Californication’s David Duchovny, have separated for the second time in three years.

The couple separated for a year in 2008 after Duchovny “underwent treatment for sex issues,” i.e. was found to be a serial philanderer. They reunited a year later

No word on what caused this years split, but one can’t help but wildly speculate that the words “pecker,” and “pants” where used during the decisive argument.

Free at last, free at last… Lindsay Lohan is free at last.

Lindsay Lohan, felonious actress, was released from home detention after serving 35 days in house arrest for stealing a $2,500 necklace.

Her monitoring equipment was removed Wednesday morning, freeing Lohan from her days spent painting. No word on what she did after being released, we just hope it had nothing to do with either her probationary restriction against drugs and alcohol or David Duchovny.

Fluffernutter Californication, Charlie Sheen, Chuck Berry, Daniel Craig, David Duchovny, James Bond, Lindsay Lohan, Mariah Carey, Nick Cannon, Rachel Weisz, St. Louis, Téa Leoni, Two and a Half Men

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Here’s what I thought when I heard that Lindsay Lohan was sentenced to house arrest for her probation violation, and she was going to spend the time painting. I thought she was going to paint the house.

Uh, no. Lindsay Lohan doesn’t do work, she has hobbies:

Lohan… was spotted stocking up on art canvases and supplies… she has decided to her time to explore new hobbies…

The thing is, if Lindsay Lohan wants to help herself, never mind finding ways to waste time, and learn to do some work for yourself would be the advice I would give. Put away the canvasses, little tubes and brushes, buy paint buy the gallon, a six pack of rollers, and paint the house. Learn to do something for yourself instead of finding something to do by yourself.

Rapper Sean Kingston was jet skiing in Miami last weekend when he crashed into the Palm Ave. Bridge.

He was zooming around the McArthur Causeway with a female passenger on is personal watercraft when the bridge suddenly jumped. Kingston is in hospital in critical condition.

The accident, according to authorities, was not alcohol related.

This isn’t offensive.

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s four-year old daughter Shiloh is a tomboy. She likes comfortable boys clothes and, presumably, a bit of the rough and tumble (or do we now live in a universe where tomboy is expressly an matter of fashion?)

Chaz Bono, the former daughter of Sonny and Cher, stated rather publicly that he wants to talk to the pair about gender identity – because their four year old is a bit of a tom boy. Cause this is what Chaz does, he volunteers for a support group for “kids with gender identity issues.” And by kids, he obviously means, four year olds. One suspects Chaz should be careful where he treads here, lest Angie beats him sensless.

Here’s a thought. Instead of Chaz counselling Bard and Angelina on the gender identity of their child, perhaps Chaz should get Brad to counsel him on eating for one.

The cast of Jersey Shore have invaded Florence Italy. While traipsing around the beautiful renaissance city, Shore cast member Snooki hit a police car from behind in a “low-speed impact.”

The accident is considered to be… not alcohol related. Snooki, alcohol or no, has lost her Italian driving privileges.

Fluffernutter Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, Chaz Bono, Jersey Shore, Lindsay Lohan, Sean Kingston, Snooki, Sonny and Cher

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

In season three of Californication Rick Springfield had a brilliant part, playing… Rick Springfield. The fictoional Rick Springfield was a hard partying, cocaine snorting, hard drinking, over sexed celebrity, living hard off his former glory.

Rick Springfield the real guy was pulled over this week, and after smelling alcohol, had to submit to a field sobriety test, which he failed.

Talk about taking your work home with you.

Lindsay Lohan can’t catch a break. After expressing an interest in playing Fleetwood Mac singer Stevie Nicks in a biopic, Nicks has nixed the idea, at least until Lohan pass a field sobriety test. said Nicks:

I was completely messed up for a long time and I got it together… If she could get it together, she could have a really big career and she could do great things.

Fall Out Boy’s (they’re a band) Patrick Stump has spoken up about the reaction to the killing of Osama bin Laden:

The thing that’s hard for me as an American is that… obviously it’s a symbolic victory for the War on Terror but at the end of the day I don’t think it’s cool to celebrate any one’s death. I just don’t believe in that.

I’m guessing they should just change the name of the band now to Fall Out, Boy!

Other celebrity reactions to bin Ladens death:

• “I guess I won’t be invited to any more bin Laden weddings.” – Elton John
• “The death of Osama bin Laden is a prediction of the Global Warming models.” – Al Gore
• “Why didn’t they call the Vatican Ninja Assassins if they had a job to do.” – Charlie Sheen
• “I want to play him in the movie.” – Lindsay Lohan

Ricardo Chavira, who plays Carlos on Desperate Housewives, was arrested Tuesday Night for “suspicion of driving under the influence.”

Chavira was being held on $25,000 bail after, “failing a field sobriety test.”

Fluffernutter Californication, Fall Out Boy, Fleetwood Mac, Lindsay Lohan, Osama Bin Laden, Patrick Stump, Ricardo Chavira, Rick Springfield, Stevie Nicks

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

While Charlie Sheen managed the almost impossible, getting himself fired from three and a half men, CBS has done the unimaginable: made itself look dumber and having less self control than Charlie Sheen.

After a few incidents of wife beating, a scared-hooker-in-the-closet-cocaine-binge, yet another briefcase full of blow and hooker scandal and a judge ordering his children removed from his care, Sheen finally went too far: he insulted his bosses, resulting in his firing from his hit TV show. Since then the Wild Thing has gone somewhat off the deep end with online YouTube rants, bizarre interviews and an upcoming speaking tour where he’ll say God only knows what.

The easy thing for CBS to do is stick to it’s guns, and don’t let him back on his show unless he gets himself straightened out.

So why is CBS now saying they want him back? And will they pay him the $1M more an episode that Sheen has said will be his price to come back? Probably, because stupid things are what enablers do, and CBS has become just that in this sad saga.

Sarah Palin strikes again: Wyclef Jean shot while campaigning in Haiti.

In yet another example of an out of control tea party, singer/guitarist Wyclef Jean was shot while campaigning for Haitian Presidential candidate Michel Martelly. Rapper Busta Rhymes was in the car with Jean when shots were fired at it, grazing the Wyclefian hand.

While no evidence actually exists that the shooting had anything to do with the American Tea Party movement, we all know the Tea Party is not a fan of rap music or men named Jean.

Da proof, after all, is in in da proof.

Lindsay Lohan has decided her problems stem from that age old issue of… her name. What La Lohan needs, says La Lohan to self, is a change of moniker. So, officially, her new name will be…

Lindsay.

No Lohan, just Lindsay.

Yea, that’ll fool the bailiff.

Speaking of Lindsay, she has opted for trial by jury in her case of the pilfered choker. There was rumour she was resigned to the idea of some jail time and was going to accept a plea bargain, but has decided not to accept a plea, and will be judged by a jury of her peers.

A jury of her peers? Who would be on that? Paris Hilton? Britney Spears? The ghost of Dana Plato?

It should be noted that Lindsay has maintained her innocence from the get go, and this case has the stink of mis-understanding gone too far.

Pinetop Perkins (1913-2011)

When you think of the blues masters, you think of young black men of the dust bowl era, moving up and down the Mississippi watershed, playing juke joints and parties for food and whiskey, mostly whiskey. Robert Johnson, dead of poisoning by a jealous boyfriend at 27; Lead Belly, pardoned of murder after singing a song requesting a pardon during Governor Pat Morris Neff‘s visit to Sugar Land Prison; Muddy Waters, who lived long enough to demand his due from the little white boys who would later take up his music and call it their own.

This week, we lost one of those original bluesmen. Pinetop Perkins was originally a guitar player, but changed to piano, becoming the premier boogie woogie piano player.

He played on Sonny Boy Williams King Biscuit Time Radio show. Played with Earl Hooker, recorded with Sam Phillips at Sun studios and replaced Otis Span in the Muddy Waters Band in 1969. My favourite Pinetop Perkins story relates to an arm injury that forced him to stop playing guitar: according to Wikipedia, in true Fluffernutter fashion, he “injured the tendons in his left arm in a fight with a chorus girl.” The life of a bluesman is fraught with peril.

In 2004, the car he was driving was totalled in a crash with a train. The then 91-year old Perkins was uninjured.

Pinetop Perkins played right to the end, playing his local a couple of times a week, and having gigs booked well into this year (Zep Fest 2011 was one event he was booked into). He was the oldest person to win a Grammy, earning the 2010 Best Traditional Blues Album in February, age 97. He was of the last two surviving bluesmen known to have been friends with Robert Johnson.

He died this week in Austin Texas, a life well lived.

RIP Pinetop Perkins

Elizabeth Taylor (1932-2011)

Elizabeth Taylor had classic beauty and violet eyes that stole the hearts of millions. She starred in Lassie movies as a child (with co-star Roddy McDowell), National Velvet at age 12, Cleopatra in 1960 – the largest, most lavish movie made at the time. Some have said in the last week she was the last of the movie stars – and certainly was among the biggest stars of the golden age of film.

Even after she was no longer starring in the big movies of the day, she was still a star, gracing the tabloids ‘til the end, and raising money and awareness for AIDS in the latter years of her life. She was larger than life.

Her health, however, was not always good and she suffered a number of problems through the years. This week she died after spending the last month in hospital with symptoms related to congestive heart failure, age 79. She was surrounded by her four children when she passed.

Fluffernutter Britney Spears, Busta Rhymes, Charlie Sheen, Dana Plato, elizabeth taylor, Lead Belly, Lindsay Lohan, Michel Martelly, Paris Hilton, Pinetop Perkins, Robert Johnson, Sarah Palin, Two and a Half Men, Wyclef Jean, Zep Fest 2011

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Hey, you’re Charlie Sheen. Your executive producer is done with you, your ex-wives are none too pleased, child protection authorities have removed your children and there are people writing op-eds saying things along the lines of websites like this one ought to not be making fun of you, because it’s clear you have a mental illness.
But everybody can’t hate you, right? There must be someone in your corner who doesn’t think you need psychiatric help, yes?

No?

It seems Sheen’s quote last week that he was a “Vatican assassin warlock,” has angered… warlocks. The covenous male witches are angered that he portrayed them in a negative light, or some such true bit of silliness.

Twenty years ago this would have been real news, but is anybody surprised that people are this thin skinned and openly ridiculous anymore? What’s really surprising is that The Pope’s office hasn’t confirmed that Sheen has never worked for the Vatican, as either an assassin or a warlock.

The taxman took down Al Capone, now he’s after the Godfather, Al Pacino.

Tax officials have filed a lien against Pacino for $188,000. Pacino’s people don’t dispute the amount, and say it has to do with the stars former financial advisor Kenneth Starr, who recently admitted to embezzling $30 million from clients.

Pacino, it seems, is going to the bank on this one, not to share a cell with Wesley Snipes.

The inevitable finally happened on Monday night and Charlie Sheen was fired from his long running sitbore, Two and a Half Men.

In an 11-page letter sent to Sheen’s lawyers, Warner Brothers outlined the reasons for the firing. Among the reasons cited is a favourite here at Fluffernutter World Headquarters, “moral turpitude.”

As the tattoo says, “winner.”

Celebrity Tweet: @joanrivers: Charlie Sheen’s brain cells are just like the cast of Celebrity Apprentice. As of today, there are only 15 left.

Lindsay Lohan fights back.

After a surveillance video of Lohan taking a necklace, which resulted in theft charges against Lohan, hit the internet, Lohan hit back against Kamofie & Company.

K&C sold the video to Associated Press for a reported $40,000, after being overwhelmed with requests to see it, thus making it “beyond our control,” to do anything but sell it. Or something.

Lohan, who faces a felony grand theft charge that could see her sent to prison, has sued, claiming K&C had no right to sell her image.

The truth is Lohan is hard to believe sometimes, but a company that sells surveillance footage and then claims doing so was “beyond their control,” are dubious complainants.

Oh, here’s a beauty: Britney Spears – yes that Britney Spears, the skanky, trashy one – believes she is the reincarnation of Audrey Hepburn. As in the classy, graceful, epitome of distinguished lady, most beautiful woman of the 20th century, Audrey Hepburn.

Besides the ego such a statement takes, the complete ignorance in what reincarnation is, is astounding. Britney, you see, was 11 when Audrey Hepburn died. Somewhere the sixteen year old who is the reincarnated Audrey Hepburn is spitting mad, right about now.

Mel Gibson is having a good week. First, he struck a plea deal that avoids a trial and possible jail time in his domestic violence charges. Then, Charlie Sheen has a public breakdown, and nobody even notices Gibson had a court date coming up.

Gibson has pled guilty to simple battery charges, avoiding the corporal injury on a spouse charge he was originally up on. The plea will see Gibson undergo counselling and not receive jail time for his misdemeanour domestic violence.

The charge relates to a fight he had with his ex-girlfirend, Oksana Grigorieva, in January 2010. The two have been engaged in a bitter split and custody battle over their baby daughter, Lucia.

Lady Gaga Goes Gogo: She may be that kind of girl, but she’s not that kind of girl. Lady Gaga is upset that a company in Britain selling breast milk ice cream calls itself Baby Gaga Ice Cream.

Apparently she thinks it’s offensive to have her name associated with minors, or something. She has threatened to sue the company, who make the ice cream of breast milk, vanilla beans and lemon zest.

Somewhere, I smell a PR disaster for gogoGaga, who was criticized in the last week for appearing on stage scantily dressed with a 10 year old, and wearing a dress made of meat: but don’t dare invoke my name when selling breast mile ice cream! Sigh.

I am so tired of these pop tartlets who make a career out of offending the populous, and then are so easily offended. Get a sense of humour, a real one where you can laugh at yourself as well as others, or get off the stage.

Fluffernutter Al Pacino, Audrey Hepburn, Baby Gaga Ice Cream, Britney Spears, Charlie Sheen, Kamofie & Company, Kenneth STarr, Lady Gaga, Lindsay Lohan, Mel Gibson, Oksana Grigorieva, Pope, Two and a Half Men, Vatican, Warlocks, Warner Brothers

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Last week we reported Lindsay Lohan was involved in an investigation over a missing piece of jewellery.

On Monday, Lohan was charged with felony grand theft for stealing the $2,500 necklace.

Her attorney, having seen the evidence, says the case is defensible. Lets see now: video of Lohan wearing necklace in store; police notified necklace missing; police notify Lohan they will search her house; Lohan assistant returns necklace.

Am I missing something? Either it was loaned to her, in which case Lohan has some piece of paper indicating that, or it was not loaned to her. Produce the receipt for loan of the jewellery, and it’s defensible. Otherwise, it seems pretty open and shut.

Pretentious, self righteous Pink has decided to poke in the eye the paparazzi. Bearing in mind that paparazzi take pictures of people who don’t want their picture taken, thus who don’t pose for those pictures, Pink’s logic is strange:

…because the paparazzi of today have absolutely no photographic skill or artistry whatsoever, and their pictures are hideous. I’m going to post a self-portrait I took yesterday morning… 3 wks (weeks) of photo classes for me and I am already a far better photographer than anyone of them…

In short, just because you make money doing something, don’t think that means you have talent.

OK, I’ll bite: how much money has Pink made as a singer?

Will they or won’t they? The Rolling Stones have been rumoured to be well into the planning stages of a fall 2011 tour. But there’s a tiny, um…, fly in the ointment. It seems Mick Jagger is not talking to Keith Richards after his biography, and later in an interview, Keith referred to Mick’s “tiny todger.”

For those who don’t get English witticisms, tiny todger is euphemism for “he is a bigger dick than he has.”

Things are no better in the Guns’n’Roses camp, where Slash and Axl Rose haven’t had much to say to each other since the early 1990’s.

Recently Slash has made noises about reuniting the original Guns’n’Roses, assuming Axl approached Slash, apologies ‘n’ hand.

Keep waiting.

On his Twitter account this week Rose said:

Contrary to anyone’s claims there are no concrete plans, nor where there ever for a tour and certainly not to replace anyone in the band, beyond a collection of random ideas thrown out by various individuals without any real foundation

Can’t he just say Slash has a tiny todger and be done with it?

Gary Moore (1952-2011)

Gary Moore was one of the greats of the electric guitar, full stop. Less known than many other guitar heroes, Moore was nonetheless one of the very best.

Best known for his work in Thin Lizzy and as a solo artist, Moore was a top player in the rock world for fourty years.

Born in Belfast, he left in 1969 at age 16 to join a band, Skid Row, in Dublin.  There, he would play with Phil Lynott, who would later draft him to play in his band, Thin Lizzy.

To understand the mark Gary Moore has left in the music world, you need to follow some classic musicians on twitter. His passing this week of a suspected heart attack is being mourned by many. One of the true greats and, by all accounts, a fine human being.

RIP Gary Moore.

Fluffernutter Axl Rose, Gary Moore, Guns 'n' roses, Keith Richards, Lindsay Lohan, Mick Jagger, Pink, Rolling Stones, Slash, Thin Lizzy

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Next year marks the 50th anniversary of the James Bond movie franchise. The producers at MGM have decided that to celebrate they would have a new movie with the pouty man-child Bond, and have a special event in which they would bring back all the actors who have played Bond to discuss the role.

Problem: Sean Connery has turned them down, not citing the complete wimpification of the character by the current Bond-holder. We here at Fluffernutter World Headquarters are betting that’s the reason anyway.

Review in Brief: Barney’s Version: Sublime!

If you ever wondered where those great copies of movies that hit the internet before the movie is even out come from, consider the following:

Police are investigating the theft of a DVD of the Mel Gibson movie, The Beaver. The DVD was stolen from Gibson’s mailbox.

Directed by Jodie Foster and starring Foster and Gibson, The Beaver is due for release on March 23, but now, coming soon to an interwebs near you.

Nosing through Oscar nominations, I noted that Paul Giamatti was not nominated for his role of Barney Panofsky in Barney’s Version.

Let it be said, without hesitation, that whoever wins the Best Actor Oscar was the second best actor this year – third best if his name isn’t Colin Firth.

Last week it was emergency hernia surgery after Charlie Sheen attempted to lift his pay cheque. This week it’s rehab for Wild Thing Vaughn after his cocaine and hookers binge gone bad, also known as the weekend.

Charlie is, according to his manager, “looking forward to regaining his sobriety.”

Personally, I look forward to when he gets a good look at ex-wife Denise Richards while sober, and realizes what those hookers really cost him.

Farrah Fawcett… Swimsuit… Smithsonian…

We aren’t even done with the Charlie Sheen bevy of hookers; briefcase full of cocaine; rehab cycle and here comes Lindsay Lohan.

Lohan was the last celebrity story cycle and here she comes again. Ms. Lohan is being investigated by Los Angeles Police after a $2,500 necklace was stolen from an LA jewellery store. Surveillance footage apparently shows Lohan wearing the necklace before it disappeared.

A Lohan flunky returned the necklace to police, who were considering executing a search warrant before it was turned in.

This is Lohan’s third time being involved in a missing jewellery story. She was investigated after gems went missing from a photo shoot in 2009. A Beverly Hills jeweller also threatened legal action after she reportedly failed to return $2M worth of pieces loaned to her for an event.

The investigation continues.

Fluffernutter Barney's Version, Charlie Sheen, Farrah Fawcett, James Bond, Jodie Foster, Lindsay Lohan, Mel Gibson, Oscar, Paul Giamatti, Sean Connery

Ashton Kutcher has told Men’s Health that he keeps himself in tip top shape to “prepare for end days.” Kutcher apparently believes, rather ardently, that a technological Armageddon is coming, and if you don’t practice Krav Maga and yoga (the latter in blazing hot temperatures), you will not survive the apocalypse.

In honor of the New Year, we here at Fluffernutter World Headquarters, situated in a bus buried under 10 feet of solid clay somewhere south and west of Guelph, offer this years best fluffernutters or, as we prefer to call them, signs of the Apolalypse:

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

From the “perhaps we can just forgo the whole horseman drama and go straight to separating the sinners and the faithful,” department:

If Mariah Carey is pregnant is a sign of the apocalypse, what is Mariah Carey is expecting twins a sign of? Surely not just that the IQ of the Carey/Cannon household will soon approach triple digits?
And hey, who’s that guy with the beard and sandals?

Justin Beiber: Minute 16.
A couple of weeks ago Justin Beiber lashed out at a fan looking for an autograph. Famous for about a year, Beiber is already tired of all these kids, children really, throwing their money at him. If only they would go away, he could enjoy his fame in peace.

Last weekend Beiber was accused of assaulting a 12 year old boy at Planet Lazer in Vancouver. While playing he hit/ran over the lad, who complained to management, and then police.

The boy says he hit him, Beiber says it was an accident. I say Justin Beiber’s fifteen minutes are up.

Madonna is rumoured to have dumped her 24 year old Latin lover, Jesus Luz for Brazillian dancer Brahim Rachiki.
For the record, Madonna lists herself as a “children’s author” amongst other things on her CV. Here’s a tip: if you are buying your children books by Madonna, you’re a bad parent!

If you are using Madonna as a role model for your kids, pre-teen, teen, young adults, you are a bad parent.

Want to know why society is a mess? Popular TV show Glee! Had a Madonna episode, where they raved about what a wonderful role model she was for young women. Any society, anywhere, who thinks filthy, skanky, slutty Madonna can possibly be a role model, is a mess. Full stop.

Kim Cattrall is one of life’s lucky ones. A good career, success, money. So how does she feel about it?

Recently I was enjoying a quiet lunch in Liverpoo… this guy approaches… He says, “C’mon, stand up – I want a photo with you.” My response was, “I won’t do it. I’m not working right now…”

Quick reminder for Cattrall: this guy you so sneeringly dismiss, he’s the reason you can afford to lunch at Liverpoo.

Boy George was exiled from guy-ville this week, although authorities prefer it be called released from prison.  He served 27 days of an eight week sentence and got early release after the other prisoners complained they needed the rest.

Dear Lindsay:

The rules are simple. Here’s how it works. You do your treatment program, you pass two drug tests a week, you stay out of jail.

Two drug tests a week Lindsay Lohan is mandated to take. Two. You know they’re coming. So how does she do? She fails both of them. On two separate, mandatory samples she tests positive for two separate drugs: cocaine on one test, amphetamine on the second. Two tests, two fails, two different drugs.

It’s hard to muster much sympathy for the bail revoked/4 weeks in jail she got for her transgression.

Sigh! Another week, another sex scandal on Sesame Street… wait… what did I just write?

Singer, fashionista and all round ingénue Katy Perry was to appear on Sesame Street this week, performing a song with Elmo (who’s nose feels so good &tc.). Perry, famous for the song I Kissed a Girl was set to perform her single Hot and Cold on the pre-school MTV. The producers of Sesame Street released the clip on YouTube and then pulled it from the show “based on feedback.”

This blog has never, ever been an advocate for the sexualizing of children, and abhors the practice. But frankly, other than some really bad lip synching, there’s nothing wrong with the segment. An argument can be made that Perry is not the kind of role model we want for pre-schoolers (an argument can be made she’s not the type of role model we want for pre-teens, her target audience, but I digress), but this particular clip is tame.

Brad Pitt is a good leftie. He doesn’t believe in the death penalty for, say, someone who kidnaps a child and spends three days molesting them before killing them. Paul Bernardo, as an example, should be spared the death penalty.

But run a company that has an environmental accident?

I was never for the death penalty before, but I am willing to look at it again (for BP executives)

I love the headline in this weeks In Touch. Angelina Jolie, it claims, calls Brad stupid behind his back.
Talk about belabouring the obvious.

Mr. Zeta Jones, Actor Michael Douglas, announced this week he was diagnosed with throat cancer. Mr. Jones will undergo chemotherapy and is “very optimistic,” of a full recovery.

Back in June his son Cameron, from a previous marriage, was sentenced to five years in prison for dealing methamphetamine and possessing heroin. Which just goes to show, even Kirk Douglas’s son, who’s married to Catherine Zeta Jones can have a shitty go of things.

You can, in fact, have it all and legitimately wonder, “why me?”

I saw the Jennifer Aniston ugly duckling photo shoot last week: the one where she makes herself up to look just like Barbara Streisand. A fine example of how to turn beauty butt ugly in one make-up session.

Want to know what my reaction was: “glad I never laminated that list.”

But this Thursday she was on Regis and Kelly, when she said about the photo shoot:

I play dress up. I do it for a living – like a retard.

Cue the professionally aggrieved, specifically Pete Burns, CEO of Arc:

I was extraordinarily offensive and inappropriate. Frankly, someone in her position ought to know better.

Someone in her position? What, an actress? A fairly average actress who if it wasn’t for the fact she has a very cute, girl next door thing going on you would never have heard of? She should know better than who? The President?

You know who should know better than to say really stupid, intellectually challenged, things: people with CEO on the business card.

Mr. Diana Krall, Elvis Costello, this week joined the “shut up and sing,” club. Costello cancelled two upcoming concerts in Israel, stating:

…merely having your name added to a concert schedule may be interpreted as a political act…

This in contrast to cancelling already scheduled concerts, which is an apolitical act.

Last word to Israeli Sport and Culture Minister Limor Livant:

An artist who boycotts his fans in Israel is not worthy of performing in front of them.

Sean Penn pleaded no contest to charges of vandalism this week after he was videotaped kicking a photographer. He was sentenced to 300 hours of community service and three years of informal probation.

How does an assault, on video, become vandalism? What’s the charge for spray painting walls? A speeding ticket?

Russell Crowe, somewhat known for being quick to rile, got upset and stormed out of an interview in England this week. When the interviewer suggested Crowe had a bit of an Irish accent in his new movie, Robin Hood, Crowe became angered and yelled:

What would you be talkin’ about, ya fekin gobsheit! Ya stupid wee man, ya wouldn’t know an Irish accent if it dropped it’s pot of gold on your toes.

He then finished his Guiness and stormed off.

Top signs that Russell Crowe is angry:

• Puts a petrol bomb under your bonnet
• Stands and drops his pants, all the while yelling Pogue Mahone
• Knee-caps you with a hurl.
• Dons an Aaron sweater and says, “I like it too.”
• Drops his pot of gold on your toes.
• Guest edit’s the Globe and Mail
• Bops you on the head with his shillelagh.

Joni Mitchell gave a rare interview last week with the LA Times:

We (Bob Dylan) and I are like night and day, he and I. Bob is not authentic at all. He’s a plagiarist, and his name and voice are fake. Everything about Bob is deception.

Oh, my! Tell us what you really think Joni.

She had more to say regarding Grace Slick and Janis Joplin being drunken tramps – they were “sleeping with their whole bands and falling down drunk” – and Madonna:

Americans have decided to be stupid and shallow since 1980. Madonna is like Nero; she marks the turning point.

Madonna as anti-Christ. There’s an argument I can get behind.

Other revelations in the Joni Mitchell interview:

• The Red Hot Chilli Peppers are neither red, hot nor chilli peppers.
• Jakob Dylan plagiarised his fathers last name.
• The Led Zeppelin song Going to California, heretofore thought to be written about Joni Mitchel, was really written about “That Girl” Marlo Thomas.
• The reason the Toronto Maple Leafs have not won a Stanley Cup in 40 years is that Joni Mitchell cursed them by writing about them in her song Raised on Robbery.
• Jose Feliciano is the judge for the People Magazine’s most beautiful people.
• Bob Dylan mumbles

Sixteen year old singing sensation/tweener heartthrob Justin Beiber commented to People magazine this week about President Barack Obama mis-pronouncing his name at Beiber’s first visit to the White House last year:

He messed up my name, but I give it to him. He’s not (the) age category I sing to. He’s not “one less lonely girl”.

I would have preferred if he had said, “Dude. You can pronounce Netanyahu, but you can’t get Bee-ber? Put it on the teleprompter and get it right next time.” However, the “it’s more than I expect from some old, square guy,” routine that he went with was good too.

Life and Style magazine has gone undercover to find out, which Hollywood big shots have big shooters. The big men about town, in no particular order, we hope, are: Leonardo DiCaprio, Ashton Kutcher, Jamie Foxx, David Arquette, David Spade, Jamie Kennedy, Brian Austen Green, Jaret Leto and Andy Dick.

Noticeably absent from the list is any of those Hollywood loudmouth types (DiCaprio excepted) like Sean Penn or Matt Damon, proving once again, guys with big dicks don’t have to go around acting like they have big dicks.

In an interview with Parade magazine, Elton John angered Christians by stating that Jesus Christ was:

…a compassionate super-intelligent gay man who understood human problems.

US Christians are particularly angry, claiming labelling Jesus a “sexual deviant” is akin to labelling Elton John “fashionable.”

Other little know Elton John religious facts:

• Elton played Candle in the Wind at Jesus’ crucifixion, changing the words to Goodbye, Jesus. Dude
• A recently discovered first draft of an English translation of the bible refers to the holy trinity as The Father, The Captain Fantastic and The Brown Dirt Cowboy.
• John the Baptist also wore powder blue track pants.
• On Halloween 1517, Martin Luther posted a scathing review of the previous nights Elton John concert in Wittenberg on the church door. Pope Leo X, an Elton John fan, declared the review a hearsay and ex-communicated Luther.
• Benny and the Jets is about a Super Bowl III party in the Hampton’s with Pope Benedict, who then went by the sobriquet Benny the Bishop.
• A Priest’s vestments were originally modelled after Elton John’s early stage clothes.
• Elton John was due to appear at Jeuruselum-a-palooza in 1095 when he got a bout of food sickness. Fans rioted, causing the Imams of the Caliphate to issue a crowd control fatwa. The ensuing battle was the First Crusade.John was only able to escape with his life when the Knights Templar snuck him out of the holy city. They would be his bodyguards for the next 1,000 years for which he signed over royalty rights to his Greatest Hits album.
• Jesus’ sandals were made by Gianni Versace.

The Late Shift II: Conan the Leftoutinthecoldian – There really is one story in entertainment this week: Leno vs. O’Brien.

In a redux of 1991’s decision to replace Johnny Carson with Jay Leno instead of heir apparent David Letterman, NBC announced is shaking up The Late Show, once again anointing Leno and leaving hair apparent O’Brien out in the cold.

Leno’s new 10PM show has bombed, and NBC announced they were moving Leno back to 11:30 with a new half-hour show. O’Brien balked at being moved to midnight, telling NBC to go letter their man. Leno will return to the Late Night fold, with Jimmy Kimmel retaining O’Briens old 12:30 slot. And O’Brien? It appears he will take heed of Leno’s advice to NBC when the story started to break last week and travel: Fox, he said, is beautiful this time of year.

Who the long term winner will be is anybody’s guess, but it seem likely there will be one long term loser: Leno’s reputation as a nice guy.

So your Tiger Woods. Your nice guy image is in tatters, your reputation need rebuilding. Your wife is leaving, and taking with her the kids and $300M. Pat Burns is on Montreal radio telling the world your gorgeous Swedish wife took a nine iron to your face before you got in the Cadillac, which she then took the nine iron to the windows of. What do you need to revive your image? How about a magazine cover with you looking like it was taken in the prison yard:

The world is upside down when I feel sorry for Tiger Woods.

Fluffernutter Andy Dick., Angelina Jolie, Ashton Kutcher, Barack Obama, Barbara Streisand, Bob Dylan, Boy George, Brad Pitt, Brahim Rachiki, Brian Austen Green, Cameron Douglas, Catherine Zeta Jones, Conan O'Brien, David Arquette, David Letterman, David Spade, Diana Krall, Elton John, Elvis Costello, Glee!, Grace Slick, Guelph, Jamie Foxx, Jamie Kennedy, Janis Joplin, Jaret Leto, Jay Leno, Jennifer Aniston, Jesus Luz, Johnny Carson, Joni Mitchell, Jose Feliciano, Justin Beiber, katy perry, Kim Cattrall, Kirk Douglas, Krav Maga, Led Zeppelin, Leonardo DiCaprio, Limor Livant, Lindsay Lohan, Madonna, Mariah Carey, Matt Damon, Michael Douglas, Pat Burns, Paul Bernardo, Pete Burn, Regis and Kelly, Robin Hood, Russell Crowe, Sean Penn, Sesame Street, The Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Tiger Woods, yoga