At Home in Hespeler

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Love this: New York Times fashion reporter Cathy Horyn said of designer Donatella Versace, after seeing Lady Gaga’s outfits, “be choosier, Ms. Versace.”

This week, Gaga hit back:

Shouldn’t columnists and reviewers, such as Cathy Horyn, employ a more modern and forward approach to criticism, one that separates them from the average individual at home on their laptop?”

Speaking as an average individual at home on my laptop, who doesn’t get paid to be snide to the vastly over-rated, yes, some level of sophistication would be nice.

But then again, professional singers should be more modern and forward, separating them from the average teenage wannabee on YouTube, but you can’t have everything.

Alec Balwin and George Clooney, two guys who suppose to tell us little people how we should vote (i.e. like them), have both eschewed politics in no uncertain terms. Alec Balwin, for example, asks rhetorically

Would I rather be handcuffed to the emergency command centre in Maspeth during a hurricane, holding down the fort and making sure all the ploughs are working… or would I rather spend some of that 30 Rock money traveling the world with my girlfriend?

Er, yes well. George Clooney on the other hand – a person not afraid to criticize those who make the tough decision, at least until three years ago – doesn’t have the stomach for tough decisions:

If I make a mistake it’s not going to cost 100,000 people their lives. I’m very happy telling stories. Films don’t hurt people.

What is the antonym for putting your money where your mouth is?

If not politics, how about ice cream Alec Baldwin?

In a 1998 Saturday Night Live skit, Alec Baldwin played Pete Schweddy, a baker who was trying to market rum, popcorn and cheese balls, known as “Schweddy Balls.” Now Ben & Jerry has created a vanilla and rum-flavoured ice cream with fudge-covered rum balls. The name? Schweddy Balls Ice Cream.

Ice cream or politics… ice cream or politics… yea I’d pick ice cream too.

This is a small blog, 100 or so visitors a day. On top of that, I play in a band that performs for 100 people once every six months or so. What this means is I am famous enough to be on Dancing with the Stars, if only I would lower my expectations.

Case in point, Chaz Bono, famous by being daughter of Sonny and Cher and changing her status from maiden to man. He is now “losing weight,” by dancing in preparation of the show.

Now, I am aware Chaz has not been a man for long, so I’m willing to extend the courtesy of explaining certain inalienable facts to Mr. Bono: Men don’t dance to lose weight. Women dance to lose weight, women dance because they enjoy it, women dance with other women and women dance like no one else is watching. Men dance to meet/impress/please the women. Men play basketball, jog, ride a bike or box to lose weight. They dance cause they have to. And men never, ever, dance with other men, especially to lose weight.

So I’m driving down the road, and a sweet, petite blond is jogging along the sidewalk. Hey, is that perennial cutie Reese Witherspoon? I slow down, half checking out Reese, half watching where I’m going, when to my horror I turn into Reese Witherspoon. I can see how it would happen.

However, when Witherspoon was hit while jogging in Santa Monica this week, it had nothing to do with some guy checking her out. Rather it was an 84 year old woman, who was driving 20 miles and hour because she’s an 84 year old woman.

Nonetheless, Witherspoon was taken by ambulance for minor injuries, and released.

Keith: The Movie.

Rolling Stone guitarist Keith Richards autobiography, Life, is set to get the big movie treatment. The big question is, who play’s Keith? Johnny Depp seems obvious, but what if he’s not available? Who do you get to handle that character?

Here’s my cast choices:

Kieth: Johnny Depp
Brian Jones: Owen Wilson
Mick Jagger: Ben Affleck
Bill Wyman: Benicio del Toro
Charlie Watts: George Clooney
Anita Pallenberg: Olivia Wilde
Mick Taylor: Kevin Bacon (he has to be in every movie)
Ron Wood: Hugh Lawrie

The Academy of Motion Picture &tc. have announced that this years Oscars will be hosted by… Eddie Murphy. Yes, the guy who voices Donkey.

Because apparently Ray J. Johnson was unavailable.

Fluffernutter alec baldwin, Cathy Horyn, Chaz Bono, George Clooney, Johnny Depp, Keith Richards, Lady Gaga, Pete Schweddy, Reese Witherspoon

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Amy Winehouse was planning to tour Europe. At the first show in Belgrade she could barely stand or sing, couldn’t remember the words and wasn’t doing much better reading them off the teleprompter. It was, and this is a quote, “shambolic.”

It was so bad that her management – the people responsible for profiting off her work – have cancelled all shows and ordered her to “address her problems.”

According to one source:

It has been hard for Ray (manager Ray Cosbert) to watch her get into trouble over the years. There’s only so much he can do – but enough’s enough. She’s going away and this time it could be for years.

Hands up everybody who read the headline, Porn Star Says She Was An Intern for Clinton, and assumed it was Bill, not Hillary she worked for?

Former Bikini Kill rocker Kathleen Hanna has taken aim at Katy Perry, Lady Gaga, Jason Mraz and James Blunt in a new CNN rant.
Wait… who? Kathleen Hanna?

If your going to do a celebrity spat story, shouldn’t everybody involved be known?

The creep of the week award goes to actor Doug Hutchison, 51, who this week married country singer Courtney Alexis Stodden, 16, in Las Vegas.

Hutchison is best known for his role as the unpopular, sadistic prison guard, Percy Wetmore, in 1999‘s The Green Mile… Stodden was toilet trained in 1999, but only just.

Ryan Dunn (1977-2011)

Jackass star Ryan Dunn met an untimely demise last weekend when his last stunt, drunk driving in a Porsche 911 GT3, went horribly wrong.

Dunn’s Porsche crashed into a wooded area at high speed in West Chester Pennsylvania.

A few hours before the crash, Dunn uploaded a twitter-pic of himself, drink in hand, from a local bar. The owner of the bar, however, claims Dunn only had a few drinks and was not drunk. Police disagree, noting that toxicology tests indicate he was more than twice the legal limit at the time of the accident.

Dunn as well as his passenger, 30-year-old Zachary Hartwell, a friend of Dunn’s, were both killed immediately.

Peter Falk  (1927-2011)

Peter Falk was a prolific and dynamic actor, who starred on Broadway, in movies and on television.

After a stint in the Merchant Marines and getting a degree in English Literature, he began cutting his teeth on stage in the 1950’s.

By the end of the decade, he was acting in movies. In 1960 he received a Best Supporting Actor nomination for the role of Abe Reles in Murder Inc.. He was back with another nomination in 1961, for the role as Joy Boy in Pocketful of Miracles.

It was in TV where Falk achieved his greatest success, portraying Lieutenant Columbo 69 times in the TV drama, Columbo. Columbo ran intermittently from 1968-2003.

Falk died this week at his home. He had been suffering from Alzheimer’s and Dementia in his later years.

Fluffernutter Amy Winehouse, Courtney Alexis Stodden, Doug Hutchison, James Blunt, Jason Mraz, Kathleen Hanna, katy perry, Lady Gaga, Lieutenant Columbo, Peter Falk, Ray Cosbert, Ryan Dunn, Zachary Hartwell

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

In the past, Lady Gaga has dressed up as a nun and swallowed a rosary (which, completely indecently, I’d like to see). The Catholic Church, remarkably, disapproved. Now, however, she has really gone and done it.

In the video for her new song, Judas, Gaga portrays Mary Magdalene opposite some guy as Judas. The Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights is not happy, saying of Lady Gaga:

She is trying to rip off Christian idolatry to shore up her talentless, mundane and boring performances.

Hey, if she can swallow a rosary, she can’t be that talentless.

Notice how this all sounds so familiar. She is not only offending the Catholic League, she is blatantly ripping off Madonna’s schtick, who herself is talentless, mundane and boring.

Speaking of Madonna, Andrew Lloyd Webber is trying to get her to star in a musical movie of Sunset Boulevard. He is trying to get her to play Norma Desmond, an aging, washed up former star.

The question is, why would Madonna agree to play on the big screen what she plays everyday in real life?

Review in Brief: Bob Seger at Air Canada Center

Rock ‘n’ Roll ‘n’ Only forgetting a few of the words.

Been a rough year for Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas. Fresh from fighting his thought to be fatal throat cancer, a few weeks ago he was seen on video valiantly challenging a group of photographers after one of them seemed to hit his wife. Now, it is her who needs the medical attention.

Catherine Zeta-Jones has checked into a mental health facility to “seek treatment for bi-polar disorder.”

Lets be clear what this is: after a year of looking after a very sick husband, Catherine Zeta-Jones is physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. That’s what happens to care givers. If there’s any suggestion we should infer from this, it is that Catherine Zeta-Jones didn’t farm out the job of looking after Michael Douglas, and took on too much of the strain herself. She deserves praise and our fervent hopes that she get well soon. Personally, I wish Hollywood had a lot more classy, dignified, decent people like her.

Then again, what would I write about?

Fluffernutter Andrew Lloyd Webber, Bob Seger, Catherine Zeta Jones, Judas, Lady Gaga, Madonna, Mary Magdalene, Michael Douglas, Sunset Boulevard

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Hey, you’re Charlie Sheen. Your executive producer is done with you, your ex-wives are none too pleased, child protection authorities have removed your children and there are people writing op-eds saying things along the lines of websites like this one ought to not be making fun of you, because it’s clear you have a mental illness.
But everybody can’t hate you, right? There must be someone in your corner who doesn’t think you need psychiatric help, yes?

No?

It seems Sheen’s quote last week that he was a “Vatican assassin warlock,” has angered… warlocks. The covenous male witches are angered that he portrayed them in a negative light, or some such true bit of silliness.

Twenty years ago this would have been real news, but is anybody surprised that people are this thin skinned and openly ridiculous anymore? What’s really surprising is that The Pope’s office hasn’t confirmed that Sheen has never worked for the Vatican, as either an assassin or a warlock.

The taxman took down Al Capone, now he’s after the Godfather, Al Pacino.

Tax officials have filed a lien against Pacino for $188,000. Pacino’s people don’t dispute the amount, and say it has to do with the stars former financial advisor Kenneth Starr, who recently admitted to embezzling $30 million from clients.

Pacino, it seems, is going to the bank on this one, not to share a cell with Wesley Snipes.

The inevitable finally happened on Monday night and Charlie Sheen was fired from his long running sitbore, Two and a Half Men.

In an 11-page letter sent to Sheen’s lawyers, Warner Brothers outlined the reasons for the firing. Among the reasons cited is a favourite here at Fluffernutter World Headquarters, “moral turpitude.”

As the tattoo says, “winner.”

Celebrity Tweet: @joanrivers: Charlie Sheen’s brain cells are just like the cast of Celebrity Apprentice. As of today, there are only 15 left.

Lindsay Lohan fights back.

After a surveillance video of Lohan taking a necklace, which resulted in theft charges against Lohan, hit the internet, Lohan hit back against Kamofie & Company.

K&C sold the video to Associated Press for a reported $40,000, after being overwhelmed with requests to see it, thus making it “beyond our control,” to do anything but sell it. Or something.

Lohan, who faces a felony grand theft charge that could see her sent to prison, has sued, claiming K&C had no right to sell her image.

The truth is Lohan is hard to believe sometimes, but a company that sells surveillance footage and then claims doing so was “beyond their control,” are dubious complainants.

Oh, here’s a beauty: Britney Spears – yes that Britney Spears, the skanky, trashy one – believes she is the reincarnation of Audrey Hepburn. As in the classy, graceful, epitome of distinguished lady, most beautiful woman of the 20th century, Audrey Hepburn.

Besides the ego such a statement takes, the complete ignorance in what reincarnation is, is astounding. Britney, you see, was 11 when Audrey Hepburn died. Somewhere the sixteen year old who is the reincarnated Audrey Hepburn is spitting mad, right about now.

Mel Gibson is having a good week. First, he struck a plea deal that avoids a trial and possible jail time in his domestic violence charges. Then, Charlie Sheen has a public breakdown, and nobody even notices Gibson had a court date coming up.

Gibson has pled guilty to simple battery charges, avoiding the corporal injury on a spouse charge he was originally up on. The plea will see Gibson undergo counselling and not receive jail time for his misdemeanour domestic violence.

The charge relates to a fight he had with his ex-girlfirend, Oksana Grigorieva, in January 2010. The two have been engaged in a bitter split and custody battle over their baby daughter, Lucia.

Lady Gaga Goes Gogo: She may be that kind of girl, but she’s not that kind of girl. Lady Gaga is upset that a company in Britain selling breast milk ice cream calls itself Baby Gaga Ice Cream.

Apparently she thinks it’s offensive to have her name associated with minors, or something. She has threatened to sue the company, who make the ice cream of breast milk, vanilla beans and lemon zest.

Somewhere, I smell a PR disaster for gogoGaga, who was criticized in the last week for appearing on stage scantily dressed with a 10 year old, and wearing a dress made of meat: but don’t dare invoke my name when selling breast mile ice cream! Sigh.

I am so tired of these pop tartlets who make a career out of offending the populous, and then are so easily offended. Get a sense of humour, a real one where you can laugh at yourself as well as others, or get off the stage.

Fluffernutter Al Pacino, Audrey Hepburn, Baby Gaga Ice Cream, Britney Spears, Charlie Sheen, Kamofie & Company, Kenneth STarr, Lady Gaga, Lindsay Lohan, Mel Gibson, Oksana Grigorieva, Pope, Two and a Half Men, Vatican, Warlocks, Warner Brothers

One likes to believe in the freedom of music.

Rush – Spirit of Radio.

Yesterday was Independent Record Store Day. Did you miss it? Are you, at this moment, slapping your forehead because you forgot all about it? Not likely. More like your saying to yourself, “there’s an independent record store day?” Why, yes there is, it’s a promotional event by some players in the music industry, and is significant because a number of artists supported the idea, and got behind it.

Of course, if you go the right websites, are on the right mailing lists, you knew about it. And quite a few people go to those websites, subscribe to those mailing lists. At Other Music in New York City, they lined up around the block to get in. Easy for them, you might think. They still have record stores in New York. While it’s true New York has everything, including a street with two chess shops across the road from each other and a peanut butter restaurant, you didn’t have to be in Manhattan to enjoy Record Store Day. Chances were there was someplace within a short enough drive. Out here in Cambridge, I had four or five options nearby, more than ten if I was willing to put in an hours driving.

Why, on the other hand, would you want to attend Independent Record Store Day? Why stand in line on Saturday to shop at a store that was there Friday, and still will be, presumably, Monday. The reason is that, as I mentioned earlier, a number of artists got behind the idea. Real, artists, significant artists, with long histories in the music world, released new material specifically for this event. We aren’t talking a new Lady Gaga video here, although she may have done so. How about a new Rolling Stones single, only on vinyl? The song, Plundered My Soul, is a find from the vaults. A lost song from the Exile on Main St. sessions, Plundered My Soul is a great rocker. Proof that The Rolling Stones were once a great band, especially considering Plunder My Soul didn’t make the final cut.

Plunder My Soul singles, which sadly were gone by the time I got off my lazy ass and wandered over to Encore Records, are already selling on eBay in the $30 to $60 range . As an aside, the Kitchener Record claims there was also a line-up at Encore Records at opening time. They did have a number of the items specially released for Record Store Day. A number of vinyl albums, Jeff Beck’s new one, and John Hiatt’s newest for example. Myself, I picked up two 10” singles, a new, Bruce Springsteen and a Them Crooked Vultures picture disk.

The Springsteen features two previously released tracks, but tracks that have never been out in a physical format before. Both have gotten the iTunes treatment, but the limited edition 10” is just for Record Store Day. The A side, Wrecking Ball, was recorded and written specifically for his 2009 Giant’s Stadium concerts. Giant’s Stadium will go under the wrecking ball itself. The song itself, according to Pitchfork upon it’s iTunes release,  is:

dedicated to the big building, New Jersey, living, dying, turning 60, and trying to hold onto memories in the age of parking lots.

B side is a live version of Ghost of Tom Joad from 2008.

The real treat of my day, the real keeper, is the Them Crooked Vultures 10” picture disc. In case you haven’t been keeping track, Them Crooked Vultures is a new “super group,” with Led Zeppelin bassist John Paul Jones, Foo Fighters frontman, and ex-Nirvana drummer Dave Grohl back on the drums, and Queens of the Stone Age front man Josh Homme on guitar and vocals. They are loud, brash, ballsy and real, real good. Their imagery, various drawings of a humanoid with a vulture head, is always excellent. Displayed in a Crooked Vultures red see through envelope, the picture disc is an excellent piece. The disc contains an album cut Mind Eraser, No Chaser, and a new live song, Hwy 1 on side one, and an interview on side two.

Over all Independent Record Store Day seems to have been a success, both for the stores that took part, and for me personally. It is simply great to be buying a new song, on vinyl, by some favourite artists, at a favourite record store. What more could a music fan ask for?

The Freedom of Music, This Week on my I-Pod, Uncategorized Bruce Springsteen, Dave Grohl, Encore Records, Exile on Main St, Foo Fighters, Ghost of Tom Joad, Giant's Stadium, Hwy 1, Independent Record Store Day, Jeff Beck, John Hiatt, John Paul Jones, Josh Homme, Lady Gaga, Led Zeppelin, Mind Eraser No Chaser, New York City, Other Music, Plundered My Soul, Queens of a Stone Age, Record Store Day, Rolling Stones, Them Crooked Vultures, Wrecking Ball