At Home in Hespeler

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Singer Cee Lo Green created a mess out of a mess this week. Following a no contest plea for being accused of slipping Ecstasy in a woman’s drink – who then found herself waking up naked in Cee Lo’s bed – Green took to twitter to, well who knows what he thought he was doing.

Basically, Green tweeted that if you are unconscious and can’t remember it happening, it wasn’t rape. Realizing a shit storm was brewing, Green deleted the tweets, then deleted his twitter account, but not before an attempt at apologizing. He has since reactivated his account, minus the offending tweets. In the aftermath, TBS has cancelled Green’s reality show, The Good Life.

Here’s a tip for TBS: when you create a show starring a guy who recorded songs called Fuck You, Groupie Sex and Pimp’s Don’t Cry, the quick cancel doesn’t absolve you from the disaster that follows. Double so when he was already under indictment for slipping a drug to a date, with suggestions (although never charges) that he then raped her, and that didn’t cause you to cancel/ not air his show.

The big news of the week is the nude photo hacking scandal. Several major female stars, including Jennifer Lawrence, Kate Upton, Kirsten Dunst and, reportedly, up to 100 other celebrities had their iCloud accounts hacked, and nude photos stolen. The photos have, according to accounts, been trading for over a week on the pervert grapevine before a few of them leaked, notably the three above mentioned ladies.

The hacking appears to be, in fact, Apples fault, and Dunst was the first to take them to task for the leak, tweeting “Thank you iCloud,” on Tuesday (God bless her, she got the grammar correct as well – I think I’m smitten). One wonders how many of the victims were even aware that their pictures were being uploaded to iCloud, seeing as, by my recollection, Apple products default to iCloud backup, and the user must change the setting.

Fall out of the pictures is, and will be far and wide, with “comedian” Ricky Gervais being one of the first non-pictures casualties. Proving that the stupid routine isn’t actually an act, Gervais pulled a blame the victim routine tweeting “Celebrities, make it harder for hackers to get nude pics of you from your computer by not putting nude pics of yourself on your computer.” Put another way, anything Ricky Gervais owns is free for you to take if you can get into his house and grab it.

Justin Beiber came to my part of the world last weekend, where she and Selena Gomez took a quiet getaway in Perth, Ontario near Ottawa. Unfortunately, the constant presence in Beiber’s life, the paparazzi, followed (we’re assuming these weren’t Perth’s local paparazzi).

Upset by the romantice interruptis, Beiber reacted, getting into a collision with a the photographers. Thinks quickly go downhill form there… in the end, Beiber was charged with dangerous driving and assault. This is, by our recollection, Beiber’s second brush with the local law this year.

Betty White has Dyed, not died.

Reports of Betty White’s death circulated this morning, after a parody website did a piece on Betty White Dying her hair. The intelligentsia of the internet then pounced, and twitter reacted with Betty White is dead.

God Bless the collective intelligence of the internet, and long live Betty White.

Joan Rivers (1933-2014)

Other websites and other obituaries will cover Joan Rivers better than I will, but let it be said the pioneering comedienne had a remarkable career, even more so for the way she re-invented herself to keep relevant later in life. Her humour was never my style, but I deeply admire the way she had no sacred cows, something that is desperately lacking in modern day comedy.

Fluffernutter Betty White, Cee Lo Green, Jennifer Lawrence, Joan Rivers, Justin Beiber, Kate Upton, Kirsten Dunst

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Why don’t I particularly like Leonard DiCaprio? you ask. What could possibly be wrong with him? you’re thinking.

This week, DiCaprio did the same old, same old ALS Ice Bucket Challenge that all your Facebook friends are doing. DiCaprio, however, used it as an opportunity to call out Stephen Harper, whom he seems to dislike, being democratically elected by mere Canadian’s and not Hollywood approved. So from his pious perch, and while visiting the Athebasca oil sands, the little pissant couldn’t resist turning a charity stunt into a political one.

So to answer your question, I can’t stand twerps who can’t let something go, just the one time.

Hibbity-Hop impresario Suge Knight, who was in the car with Tupac Shakur when he was shot, was himself shot this weekend at an LA club.

The – ahem – 49-year old was shot multiple times by a single suspect during a party ahead of the MTV Music Video Awards.

The co-founder of Death Row Records is reportedly resting at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center. “Suge is currently resting and has lost a lot of blood, he’s human. He’s done a lot of things for the community and the culture as a whole so we ask that you respect that,” the family said.

It’s one thing when 21-year olds go to clubs and shooting breaks out – it’s not OK, and it happens far too often nowadays, but at least you can see how it can happen. But a 49-year old? And for the record, the fact that a 49-year old man can’t go to a club without risk of being shot is what the family is talking about when they say, “He’s done a lot of things for the… culture as a whole”

David Beckham booted one on his bike Friday morning, dropping his custom built motorcycle on Sunset Boulevard. Becks was leaving a tattoo parlour – cause what he needs is more tattoos – when he apparently swerved to avoid paparazzi, dropping his ride.

Later in the day, Beckham was spotted at LAX with a cast on his right arm.

Who’s dumber than Miley Cyrus? The people who run the MTV video awards? Close, but no. A lamppost? Not really. Jesse Helt? Yes, and who’s that now?

Helt is a young homeless man, whom Cyrus took to the MTV video awards as her date – if by date you mean someone she picked up literally off the street for the express purpose of manipulating him. When she won an award for “Wrecking Ball,” (which should embarrass MTV no end, but won’t), she had Helt go on stage an lecture the assembled on the plight of the homeless. Problem is, Helt has an outstanding warrant for parole violations back in his home state of Oregon.

All the attention, while I’m sure wonderful for Cyrus’ career, meant that Oregon officials took notice. So Helt has now returned to Oregon and turned himself in. He is out on bail, possibly paid for by Cyrus, but having had his 15-minutes – literally actually –  Helt can now face the consequences while Cyrus gets to go on with her privileged little life.

That’s OK though, Cyrus can feel all squishy-goodnessy about herself for raising awareness about homelessness, even if she had to screw over some homeless guy to do it.

And finally, my favourite story in, well forever. While Justin Beiber is egging houses and getting in car accidents and then blaming the paparazzi for causing them, the guys in Motley Crue mocked him this week as “weak.” The Crue guys took hell raising to unheard of heights during the 80’s, so they know a bad boy when they see it, and they don’t see it. According to Vince Neil this week:

“He started with the eggs, which was a little weak – a poor start. Then he got arrested in Miami for drag-racing and that was kinda cool – he was under the influence. Then he got arrested in Toronto and turned himself in. So he’s getting better, but he has work to do…. The next thing he’ll get arrested for is toilet-papering a house.”

Love it when the Beeb get’s taken to school, but as I always say at these stories, will somebody please tell him to pull up his pants.

Fluffernutter, Saturday Morning Coffee ALS Ice Bucket CHallenge, David Beckham, Justin Beiber, Leonardo DiCaprio, Miley Cyrus, Motley Crue, Suge Knight, Tupac, Vince Neil

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Now where was I? Ah yes, just before the unexpected Fluffernutter hiatus, Justin Beiber had a spot of bother. Something about eggs and a neighbours expensive panel work as I recall. Now I know some of you thought I must have been too tired, busy or lazy to write the Fluffernutters, but really, I couldn’t possibly write any more while this story was unresolved. As proof, I offer that Fuffernutter is suddenly, unannoucedly back, and TMZ Monday reported “D.A. to File Vandalism Charges Today in Egging Case.”

This all leads to the one inescapable question: whats worse, a 20-year old who eggs his neighbours house? A D.A.’s office that investigates an egging, never mind taking six months to do so? A prosecutor who says “If this isn’t a felony, nothing is,” about throwing eggs? Or a media that uses the phrase “egging case” without irony?

To paraphrase “a prosecutor in the case,” if this isn’t nuts, what is?

Meanwhile, A-1 cutey Selena Gomez, aka the former Beib-friend/current Beib-friend/former Beib-friend is, once again, on Beiber’s arm. This has friends and family worried that Beiber is a bad influence on the nice girl Gomez.

On cue, in the fashion of young ladies from time immemorial, Gomez set out to prove them right. On Tuesday night police were called to Gomez’ house after neighbours complained of a loud party. Because neighbourhood relations are something you go to Justin Beiber for advice on.

I hate talking Miley Cyrus. From cute little girl singer to hopelessly crass skank in one short step, it’s just so disappointing. This week in Spain she put in a concert in which she wore a one piece money suit, and yanked it up in wedgie fashion, showing far more than any sane human wants to see. Oh yea, and she was sticking her tongue out in that german shepherd with it’s head to the window way she seems to think is sexy.

Funny thing about the last three stories. Notice Selena Gomez is the nice girl here. Notice too, the story is her friends and family are worried about her. Now consider that Justin Beiber’s dad was one of the posse when Beiber was busted for racing on the Florida streets a few months back and Miley Cyrus’ dad, Billy Ray, has previously declared himself proud of her skank-shenanigans. A family around who’s worrying about your welfare, instead of enabling your stupidity is such a difference in a young stars life. Here’s a prediction: Gomez will be fine, but I’ll be writing about Cyrus and Beiber until I get sick of them and put them on the Paris Hilton/Kardashian list of people who, short of murder, I just won’t write about.

Harrison Ford is said to be “on the road to recovery,” after having an accident on the set of Star Wars VII: The Infinite Sequel. The 71-year old Ford, who is reprising his role as smuggler Hans Solo, broke his leg when his ship, The Millennium Falcon, fell on him. While initially reported to have broken his ankle, Ford had surgery on his broken leg, and will begin rehab shortly.

To get this straight, Han Solo is now 71 and the Millennium Falcon is falling out of the sky. I’m thinking maybe I’ll take a pass on lining up dressed as a Wookie for opening night of this one.

Actor Michael Jace appeared in court this week in the April shooting death of his wife. On May 19th Jace was charged with murder and is being held on $2-million bail in LA. Jace called 911 at the time of his wife’s shooting saying he had killed his wife.

Appearing today, the month in prison has not been good to Jace. The 52-year old star of The Shield (and black panther in Forrest Gump) looks like a 70-year old man. He has aged dramatically in the month since he first appeared.

Jace faces a 50-year sentence if convicted, but don’t look for him survive anywhere near that long.

Casey Kasem (1932-2014)

Up until a couple of years ago, “who is the voice of Shaggy in Scooby Doo?” made a great trivia question at a party. Nowadays, however, everybody seem to know that DJ Casey Kasem voiced the Great Dane’s hippy pal.

Kasem was known primarily as the host of America’s Top 40, a radio show that ran from 1970 to 2009, although it is primarily remembered nostalgically for it’s heyday on the 70’s and into the 80’s.

In his final years he suffered with Parkinson’s Disease, which ultimately took his life, and were marred by fighting over his treatment between his wife of 34-years and his children from a previous marriage. The disagreements sadly prevented Kasem form having some dignity in death, something he always projected in life. None the less, he will be remembered for his silky smooth voice and wonderful way of introducing songs through stories. May he rest in peace.

Fluffernutter Casey Kasem, Han Solo, Harrison Ford, Justin Beiber, Michael Jace, Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez, Star Wars VII

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

“Do you know who I am?”

It is the second worse line a celebrity can use in public. (the worst being, “if Anne Frank was alive today, she would be a nobody who comes to honour me.”)

Last weekend, Legally Blonde, and technically very cute, Reese Witherspoon got into some trouble with police in Georgia after asking the officer involved, “Do you know my name?” After advising Witherspoon that he’s sure it will be on the arrest sheet (it was), she said “You are about to find out who I am. You’re going to be on the national news.”

Witherspoon wound up with a disorderly conduct while her husband, Jim Toth, got a much more serious driving while intoxicated charge.

To her credit,Witherspoon the next day admitted she may have drank more than was strictly neccesary: “I clearly had one drink too many and i am deeply embarrassed about the things I said… I was disrespectful to the officer, who was just doing his job…”

Say what you want about Reese Witherspoon’s actions above, at least when she says “do you know who I am?” there’s a reasonable chance the answer is yes. Se is, after all, an A-list movie star.

Not so much Tara Reid, who pulled the “do you know who I am?” card in an LA clothing store this week (actually no, who are you? – ed). Reid, who apparently was in some movie ten years ago, was shopping at All Saints when she reportedly freaked out because, get this, she was asked to pay full price.

“Tara gets a huge discount with All Saints in the UK and Paris because she’s a walking billboard (oh, is that what they’re calling it these days – ed),” her people said. While her reps dispute that Reid was drunk and/or obnoxious while in the store, there seems to be no dispute she’s an egomaniacal cheapskate.

Then there’s Sandra Bullock. Bullock’s new movie, The Heat, is a cop movie based in Boston. Bullock plays an FBI agent sent to work on a case alongside a Local Boston cop, played by Melissa McCarthy.

Producers of The Heat have decided to host a special screening in Boston for emergency workers affected by the Boston Marathon bombing.

“I don’t think a screening would ever be enough (or) feel like it’s enough to do for them,”  the classy Bullock said.

See ladies, that’s how it’s done.

Here’s a shock headline:

Drugs, stun gun found on empty Justin Bieber tour bus by Swedish police.

Am I the only one whose first reaction was, the Swedish care if you have drugs on your bus?

Swedish police raided the bus during the Beib’s concert Wednesday, after smelling marijuana outside the bus during the day. No charges have been laid, and the drug found has not been reported, but as they smelled marijuana, and it’s Beiber’s bus, certain assumptions can be made.

This from the stories with a faint stench about them file: Country singer Billy Currington was indicted in Georgia on Wednesday for “threatening bodily harm to a man older than 65,” and making terroristic threats.

This seems to stem from a dispute with a charter boat operator who runs out of a pier near Currington’s lakeside home. The boat operator, Charles Harvey Ferrelle, says Currington jumped in his own boat and chased Ferrelle around, yelling and taking pictures.

Currington is, for his part, saying not much, but implied on twitter that Ferrelle was taking customers by his house intentionally, so that they could take pictures.

Ritchie Havens (1941-2013)

At 5:00 on Friday August 15th, 1969, Ritchie Havens stepped on the stage in Bethel NY to perform 4 songs to open Woodstock. Anywhere between 45-minutes and 2-and-a-half hours later, Havens left the stage having, according Havens, played every song he knows, including Happy Birthday and some Christmas carols. According to legend, Havens was an unexpected hit with the audience, and all of the other bands where stuck in traffic trying to get to the show, so organizers asked him to keep playing.

Havens was a working musician all his life, announcing his retirement from touring after 45-years in March, 2012. This week, Ritchie Havens died suddenly of a heart attack, age 72. May he Rest in Peace

Fluffernutter, Saturday Morning Coffee Billy Currington, Justin Beiber, Reese Witherspoon, Ritchie Havens, Sandra Bullock, Tara Reid

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Justin Beiber’s disastrous week in London ended in the style in which it was lived. Apparently his erratic behavior was caused by overwork: “I was working out every morning and had a huge show every night.”

He’s 21, and a morning in the gym, and 2-hours of dancing in the evening is too grueling? What the hell happened to the youth.

Meanwhile, the Beiber’s are complaining Justin had to have his 21st birthday without his family being present. This from his mother’s twitter account:

First bday I’m not with you! Miss u like crazy.

Beiber himself said of his week in London, “I’m far away from home. I miss my family.

How rock star of him.

On top of that which we covered last week, Beiber’s Big Week ended with a shouting match with a paparazzi last Friday, challenging the photographer to a fight. Beiber, leaving his hotel, pushed the photographer out of the way. When the photographer complained, Beiber charged at him, yelling,

What the fuck did you say? What did you say? I’m gonna fucking beat the fuck out of you.

A couple of days earlier his pal, the rapper Lil Twist ( seriously?) crashed the Beib’s Fisker Karma car into a lamp post in LA. This after getting a ticket a week earlier for illegally tinted windows.

After leaving London, Beiber cancelled a concert in Portugal on Tuesday, citing his rough week.

Crashing cars and fighting is very rock star: threatening to fight without doing so, having somebody else crash your car and canceling concerts? I repeat, what’s wrong with kids, and “rock” stars, these days?

Best part of the Week of Beiber was Olivia Wilde tweeting, “Beiber, put your fucking shirt on…” The tweet got a reaction, but not the one she was expecting – Beiber’s fans flooded her twitter feed with angry abuse.

Sadly, Wilde has now backtracked a little, saying she tweeted out of concern for Beiber. Truth be told, I would respect her far more if she responded by saying, “sorry, what I meant to say was, pull up your pants, you look like a moron.”

Gweneth Paltrow has it all, looks, wealth, fame, perfect family and pretentiously high self-esteem that borders on narcissistic. In her new cookbook, the actress recounts a story of serving a meal to friends in the garden of her London home when she suddenly fell ill. She thought she was having a stroke and “that I was going to die.” Doctors later diagnosed her with a migraine and a panic attack. Because panic attacks are just like strokes.

Oh and, can’t wait to try that recipe.

Fluffernutter Fisker Karma, Gweneth Paltrow, Justin Beiber, Lil Twist, Olivia Wilde

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Bad week for the Beib. After a number of mini scandals, such as showing up at his hotel shirtless (and pants around his thighs, savant like), getting kicked out of a London Hotel for trying to sneak underage friends in to his 19th birthday party and showing late for a concert, Justin Beiber took to twitter to spout off. He comes off sounding like a spoiled brat, upset by all the good fortune that has befallen him.

“… judge me on the facts, judge me on the music…” tweeted the twit. OK, I’ll bite: the fact is, your music sucks.

Now, tweet off, and take your bad haircut and low hanging pants with you.

Kevin “Elmo” Clash, puppeteer and accused child diddler, has asked that three complaints of inappropriate sexual conduct be thrown out of court. His lawyers filed a motion last Friday in Manhattan asking the complaints be dismissed due to statute of limitations having expired.

Because nothing says not guilty like a technicality. Let’s hope the judge says no, and either the three now adult men or Clash can have their day in court.

From the quality = repetition file:

Fresh off her Oscar for singing the James Bond theme Skyfall, Adele has been contracted to do the theme song for…. the next Bond film.

Canadian Rap-tor Drake caused a stir this week when he dropped, literally, $50,000 at a Charlotte strip club.

The entertainer apparently showed at the Cameo nightclub with his posse and “Basketball Wives LA star” (that’s a joke, surely) Draya Michelle. According to TMZ, Drake pulled out a box of cash and made it rain money inside the club. Pictures from the club show patrons standing in an inch of dollar bills.

Canadians, who claim Drake as their own, are left wondering, where did we go wrong? And why doesn’t he blow that $50,000 somewhere locally, like say, the Airport Strip?

Justin Beiber update. Beiber passed out after his London show Thursday, and was taken to hospital for observation.

We know this because he tweeted a picture of him lying in a hospital bed… shirtless and with the sheets low enough to show an inch of underwear. Sigh.

Oh, oh, trouble at Boy Scout camp. Canadian “singer” Carly Rae Jepsen has pulled out from performing at the National Summer Jamboree in West Virginia this July. Jepsen is upset about the Boy Scouts position on gay rights, which is they are not 100% all in for them, and has cancelled the previously agreed to performance. While Jepsen is big on gay rights, her concept of contractual obligation seems to leave something to be desired.

The real question is, however, what is the Boy Scouts doing booking a 27-year old who dresses like a slutty school girl?

Very bad news this week from TV’s Rhoda, Valerie Harper. Harper has announced she has terminal brain cancer, with months left to live.

Harper played Mary Tyler Moore’s neighbour, Rhoda for four years, before moving on to her own show for another five years. In 2009 Harper was diagnosed with lung cancer. The new diagnosis is for “leptomeningeal carcinomatosis, a rare condition that occurs when cancer cells spread into the fluid-filled membrane surrounding the brain.”

Stompin’ Tom Connors (1936-2013).

Canadian music icon Stompin’ Tom Connors passed this week at his home in Peterborough. Connors was a true folk singer, writing and performing songs about average people and small Canadian towns. He accompanied himself by stomping his booted foot on a piece of plywood, hence the sobriquet “Stompin'”

Connors, who was born in Newfoundland, raised in PEI and spent the majority of his adult life living in Ontario, was a strongly Canadian patriot. Connors was 77-years old and died of natural causes. He left a message for his fans, written in his last days which was posted on his website after his passing.

Fluffernutter Adele, Carly Rae Jepsen, Drake, elmo, James Bond, Justin Beiber, Kevin Clash, Mary Tyler Moore, Rhoda, Skyfall, Stompin' Tom, Valerie Harper

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Jaimie Foxx, courageous artist speaking truth to power:

Last Sunday at the Soul Train Awards fox said, “… give an honour to God and our Lord and Saviour, Barack Obama.”

Foxx, being not much brighter than the average bear, is now shocked, shocked! to discover these remarks are deemed controversial by Christians. Instead of complaining, or wittily noting that Obama is indeed miraculous if “he did succeed in convincing Jaimie Foxx… that God does exist,” they should lighten up, says Foxx, who no doubt will be nice and light if he’s referred to with a racial epithet during the next Catholic Music Awards.

Next time maybe Foxx can be truly courageous and say, “praise be to the prophet Barack Obama, peace be upon him,” and learn what uptight religious guys really look like

Yea, that’ll happen.

Jaimie Foxx has nothing on Justin Beiber when it comes to political scandal. Beiber, in Toronto last weekend to perform at the Grey Cup – itself not a move without controversy – had an official meet and greet with Prime Minister Stephen Harper (or is that, Prime Minister Harper had a photo-op with Justin Beiber? ed.)

Problem is, The Beeb wore coveralls, with one shoulder strap undone, street style, for the meetup. Scandal! Disgrace! A man should dress appropriately to meet the Prime Minister. I disagree. If your meeting Justin Beiber, you look like a tool in a suit, period. Prime Minister Harper, as Jaimie Foxx would no doubt tell him, needs to lighten up in his dress.

No fan of Two and a Half Men am I. Whenever I mention it here I always describe it as a “sitcom,” complete with irony quotes. So when 19-year old Christian Angus T. Jones refers to it as “filth,” who am I to argue?

Problem is, Jones is the “half” of the Two and a Half Men playing Jake, since 2003. In a YouTube video, Jones calls himself a “paid hypocrite”, the show “filth” and suggests people shouldn’t watch it.

A-men brother, I say. However, Jones has no actual intention to, say, quit the show, and has issued something of an apology, saying:

I am grateful to and have the highest regard and respect for all of the wonderful people on Two and Half Men with whom I have worked over the past ten years.
Chuck Lorre, Peter Roth and many others at Warner Bros. and CBS are responsible for what has been one of the most significant experiences in my life to date. I thank them for the opportunity they have given and continue to give me…
I apologize if my remarks reflect me showing indifference to and disrespect of my colleagues and a lack of appreciation of the extraordinary opportunity of which I have been blessed…

Lindsay Lohan is back on the Fluffernutter page. On Wednesday night she got into an altercation at a Manhattan nightclub with psychic Tiffany Mitchell.

Mitchell says she had a premonition about Lohan and wanted to do her reading, and Lohan then hauled off and nailed her one (or something like that). Lohan then referred to her by the apparently racial epithet of Gypsy. Why she didn’t have a premonition that Lohan was going to do that history does not record. Nonetheless, Lohan was taken away by police and spent a night in a Manhattan holding cell.

Lohan for her part says she did not punch her, but she did call her the name in question. The upcoming court case is likely to be lively as Mitchell has hired celebrity lawyer Gloria Allred and Lohan has hired a private detective to investigate claims Mitchell has a history of using “her ‘psychic abilities’ to extort money from people.”

There’s much at stake for Lohan, who is on probation for a California necklace pilfering case, and could be sent back to jail on that charge.

Fluffernutter Angus T. Jones, Chuck Lorre, Jaimie Foxx, Justin Beiber, Lindsay Lohan, Prime MInister Harper, Psychic, Tiffany Mitchell, Two and a Half Men

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

The biggest news of the week, of the millenium possibly, entertainment and otherwise, was completely ignored by the media: Aliens from another planet contacted us this week. Their message for humanity: enough of the derivative crap.

In related news, rap “artist” will.i.am was the first person to premiere a song from space.

i.am had his new track, Reach for the Stars, played through the speakers of the Curiosity Rover, which is currently on Mars, and broadcast back to earth.

Meanwhile, back on the above mentioned earth, specifically L.A., Major will.i.am was doing the late night drive home from McDonalds with singer Cheryl Cole, bragging about his whole, FirstSongBroadcastFromMars-apalooza, when he drove his Cadillac into a parked car.

Cole is in an arm sling and will.is.in a neck brace.

Let’s see, late night, a McDonalds run, drove into a parked car – yea, the problem was his martian song.

Speaking of car accidents, this is one of the best stories ever. Justin Beiber was pulled over on an L.A. freeway by a CHIP, and two papparazzi racing to the scene for a picture crashed into each other.

Ironically, all the celebrity web sites have pictures of the scene.

It’s been a long summer with little or no Lindsay Lohan stories to offer. Thankfully, as fall comes into view, Lohan returns to the Fluffernutter fold.

Lohan was presented this week with an unpaid $46,350.04 bill from L.A.’s Chateau Marmont Hotel after a 47-day stay in June and July. She is, says the Marmont, persona-non grata until she has settled her account.

You know, if I was a celebrity looking for a place to stay in L.A., I’d chose a place that doesn’t run to the media, but maybe that’s just me.

The sad news of the death of Sage Stallone, son of Sylvester, comes to a close this week. The LA coroner reports Sage died, age 36, of atherosclerotic coronary artery disease- a heart attack to you and me.

There were no drugs found in Stallone’s blood except a small amount of “sub-therapeutic level of hydrocodone,” or vicodin.

Fluffernutter Chateau Marmont, cheryl cole, Curiosity Rover, Justin Beiber, Lindsay Lohan, Reach for the Stars, Sage Stallone, Sylvester Stallone, will.i.am

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

A scuffle happened last weekend as Justin Beiber and his girlfriend, Selema Gomez, where doing date night Sunday in Los Angeles. Heading into the movie theatre, Beiber had a run in with a photographer. The upshot of the events are, Beiber lost a shoe in the scuffle and the photog went to police to complain Beiber beat him up.

I’m busy trying to imagine the circumstances under which I tell anybody if Justin Beiber beats me up, but I’m just not that imaginative. The working theory here at Fluffernutter World Headquarters is that the photographer is hoping for a big payday, but without a shred of dignity, what’s money?

While police in LA where looking to have a quiet chat with The Beib, The Beib went on the lamb, escaping justice by flying to Europe. JB landed in Norway, where a concert Wednesday left 49 people injured and the mayor of Olso, Fabian Stang, had to hide behind a tree to avoid being trampled by a horde of rampaging Beiber fans all hopped up on estrogen.

Stang ordered an investigation into events, and police, after conferring for seven minutes, concluded his worship was a pussy.

Once again, however, The Stratford Sinatra fled before the investigation got to the asking hard questions stage (slipping out under veil of night with fake papers is our bet) and turned up in Paris. JBeeb then held an impromptu concert on a balcony, singing some of his hits like Baby and One Time through a megaphone. The Latin Quarter was soon filled with screaming kids, interrupting the world famous Paris calm. Wine, we are led to believe, was drunk.

No word on if or where the mayor of Paris had to hide to avoid the marauding pre-teens.

Meanwhile, in Vancouver Beiber fans are upset because The Justin has announced a Canadian tour and is leaving Vancouver off it’s date list. Vancouver, apparently, hasn’t had a good riot in almost a year. This is doubly upsetting because The Beib is being backed up by local pop singer Carly Rae Jepsen. For her part, Jepsen took to twitter to assure fans a Vancouver date is coming. Somebody notify the RCMP.

Fluffernutter Justin Beiber

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Reports that Beyonce and her husband Jay-Z booked a floor at New York’s, Lenox Hill Hospital so Beyonce could have a cesarian delivery last weekend, are greatly exaggerated, says the hospital.

Apparently the singer and her rapper husband booked the entire fourth floor and their security prevented other parents of the hospital seeing their newborn, and sometimes sick, children. The hospital, however, doth protest:

The suggestion that the couple paid $1.3 million to rent an entire an entire maternity floor is sim ply not true. The family is housed in an executive suite at the hospital and is being billed the standard rate for those accommodations.

The family does have it’s own security detail on site. However, the hospital has been and continues to be in control of managing all security at the facility.

Is it just me, or did the hospital just get itself named in any lawsuits from disgruntled parents?

The new addition to the Z family is called Blue Ivy Carter, after the title of two of the stars albums.

Remember when Britney Spears was an underage singer from the bible belt and swore that she would remain a virgin until marriage? Next thing you know, she’s stepping out with Paris Hilton in a short dress and no underwear.

Now it’s 17 year old Justin Bieber’s turn to swear that adulthood won’t change the child. He tells V magazine:

I’m not going to try to conform to what people want me to be or go out there and start partying, have people see me with alcohol… I’m never goings to make myself so the parents and kids don’t respect me…

Look out Paris, looks like you have a new drinking buddy.

News in the rock world that Black Sabbath guitarist Tony Iommi has been diagnosed with lymphoma.

The guitarist was working on a new album with his former band mates – including Ozzy Osbourne – and a reunion tour of the original Black Sabbath was planned for 2012.

The band has moved it’s recording and rehearsing from LA to England, and Iommi has been both writing and recording since his diagnosis. HIs illness has, in fact, given the band “a kick up the rump- it’s great to hear him churning out those riffs again.”

The band plans to honour their summer European dates, but no word on any further concerts at this stage.

Here’s wishing Tony Iommi well.

Review in brief – Girl With The Dragon Tattoo: Silence of the Lambs, but dark and edgy.

The Golden Globes were held last Sunday, and all the stars dressed up, drank up and prepared to listen to Ricky Gervais mock them, which he really didn’t.

Unlike the Oscars, the Golden Globes breaks down the movies into categories, but some prognostication of the Oscars can be made based on the Golden Globes. The Golden Globe winners to watch for at the Oscars are: George Clooney, best actor for The Descendants (beating hsi pal, and other oscar favourite, Brad Pitt in Moneyball; Meryl Streep as best actress in The Iron Lady; The Artist for best movie.

The Golden Globe for most honest reaction goes to Elton John’s husband David Furnish. Of news that Elton lost to Madonna for best song, Furnish turned on his twitter app and wrote:

Madonna. Best song???? F**k off!!!…
Madonna winning Best Original Song truly shows how these awards have nothing to do with merit. Her acceptance speech was embarrassing in it’s narcissism. And her critisism ofGaga shows how desperate she really is. (sic)

He later clarified things telling the New York Post:

I think it was a fluke. When this happens you have to question the integrity of the awards. Did Madonna get the Golden Globe because she attended the awards and agreed to be a presenter?

Can you sing Madonna’s song? Can you hum it? It’s a song nobody has heard from a film few have seen. The award should have gone to Mary J. Blige or Elton.

Nice back-peddling David.

For the record, if I had a vote, I’d pick Madonna’s song. And yes, it pains me deeply to write that.

Fluffernutter Beyonce, Black Sabbath, Blue Ivy Carter, Brad Pitt, Britney Spears, David Furnish, Elton John, George Clooney, Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, Golden Globes, Jay Z, Justin Beiber, Madonna, Mary J Blige, Meryl Streep, moneyball, Ozzy Osbourne, Paris Hilton, Ricky Gervais, The Artist, The Descendants, The Iron Lady, Tony Iommi

The Fluffernutter: The Girls, Girls, Justin Beiber and Girls Edition

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

E! Network went into emergency lockdown Monday, as brass went into panic mode when it was announced that some person who is infinitely famous, and entirely unaccomplished, and her basketball playing husband (and former Toronto Raptor), are divorcing after 72 days. E! paid millions to air a multi-episode show of the wedding, which they only finished airing last week.

Sadly, shame is not known to have permeated the E! meeting, in which executives who foist this crap on the public bore no real responsibility for their actions. I mean, even I, a sniping blogger who employs and old fashioned and backward approach to criticism (read: I have morals), won’t use her name.

Achievement first, then you get your name in the Saturday Fluffernutter.

The worst kept secret in celebrity-dom was confirmed this week: Jessica Simpson is pregnant. Simpson was rumoured to be shopping the official announcement to various publications. Showing uncommon restraint, the celebrity press all declined to pay the reported $500,000 to have the scoop for all of thirty seconds.

However, pregnancy is only a secret so long, and this week Simpson announced what everybody already knew – Simpson and fiancé Eric Johnson will have a ring bearer/flower girl for their wedding, expected before the end of 2012.

Oh-oh. Lindsay Lohan faced the full wrath of the law Wednesday, facing Judge Stephanie Sautner for various probabtion violations. The judge threw the paperback at Lohan, handing her 30 days in jail, of which she will spend… minutes before being released. She will likely be out, said Sheriff’s officials, without having to change her clothes.

You know what I don’t understand, I don’t understand why Lohan doesn’t take this more seriously.

This is a story that, if you’ll excuse the use of the phrase, doesn’t really pass the sniff test.

A Justin Beiber fan claims Beiber is the father of her three month old daughter after having, “sex backstage at a concert in Los Angeles.”

Maybe it’s just me but, “sex backstage,” gives an image of banging groupies on the buffet table, ala backstage at Mötley Crüe as described in Nicky Sixx’s Heroin Diaries. I imagine a young, tightly scripted, image conscious money machine like Beiber doesn’t have the chance to have sex backstage, on the buffet table or anywhere else.

Paternity tests will occur, and my bet is, this story goes away just as quick as those tests can get done.

And if not, the law seems to be on standby to ask the fan in question why she was having sex with a minor, backstage or otherwise.

Fluffernutter Justin Beiber

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Good news for Charlie Sheen. He has passed, according top reports, two drug tests since his home-based rehab began. He is feeling good, and ready to work.

So good, and so ready, in fact, that he went to work. Turned up at the set and, surprise, it was locked up tight:

…I was banging on the stage door, going, ‘Hello?’ and I don’t know what happened, I guess they’re closed. Nobody told me. I just figured I was supposed to go back to work because I‘m ready…

Did I mention he passed two drug tests?

Karma, meet Justin Beiber: Justin – karma: Young master Beiber had the weekend set up just perfect. A new docu-flick, Never Say Never, on Friday, preceding the Grammy’s on Sunday. Top the box office, two big awards and on Monday morning, Beiber arrived in the BIG time. He sets ‘em up, and then he knocks ‘em down…

Or get’s knocked down: Monday morning everybody was talking about fellow Canadian’s Arcade Fire, who did win big at the Grammys’ and Just Go With It, the 1 star Adam Sandler, Jennifer Aniston flick, which was #1 at the box office.

Consolation prize was a Brit award Tuesday for International Breakthrough act, beating – gasp – the Glee cast.

Arcade Fire, conversely, enjoyed a good karma weekend, thank you for asking. The Montreal rockers won a major Grammy for album of the year. They celebrated with a small, private party at their LA hotel’s rooftop patio. They then jetted to London for the Brit Awards, where they won best international album and best international group.

Congratulations to a group of real musicians, making real solid rock music. Lets hope they are the beginning of a trend, not a one-off “talent beats pretty” event.

Karma Juice: A report from the National Enquirer says unconvicted murderer OJ Simpson was beaten unconscious by white supremacists at the Nevada prison he now calls home. Simpson allegedly was talking about his relationships with white women when the prisons Nazi element took offence.

Now what is that saying about picking sides when Nazi’s and OJ Simpson are fighting? Oh yea, c’mon lightning.

Poppa Montana, Billy Ray Cyrus, is speaking out about his daughters recent run of wild behaviour: three tattoos; an underage 18th birthday Party at a bar; a video of her smoking a big bong. The problem, says Miley Cyrus’ dad is her handlers.

This is an 18 year old girl, so I don’t want to make fun. We’ve all seen the path another semi-wild 18 year old ended up on in Lindsay Lohan. So here’s what Papa Billy had to say:

The damn show (Hannah Montanna) destroyed my family. I’d take it back in a second. For my family to be here and just everybody be okay, safe and sound and happy and normal would have been fantastic. Heck yea, I’d erase it all in a second if I could.

I’m scared for her (daughter Miley). She’s got a lot of people around her that’s putting her in a great deal of danger. I know she’s 18, but I still feel like, as her daddy, I’d like to help.”

She seems to be, in truth, acting like a pretty normal 18 year old, or at least, not outrageously unlike an 18 year old, and Billy Ray Cyrus sounds exactly like a worried dad should. While it’s agreed the danger can become more pronounced in a big star like Cyrus, as of yet it doesn’t seem to be anything more than sowing a few wild oats.

Lets all hope it never become more.

Uncle Leo (1922-2011)

Farewell to Seinfeld’s Uncle Leo, aka Len Lesser, who died this week age 88.

Among his other roles, Lesser was three times in Get Smart, including his turn as Luden, in The Decoy. He gets the great line at around 4:30 in the video below, “No torture? What do you have against torture.”

RIP Len Lasser.

Fluffernutter Adam Sandler, Arcade Fire, Billy Ray Cirus, Charlie Sheen, Get Smart, Glee Cast, Grammy, Hannah Montana, Jennifer Aniston, Just Go With It, Justin Beiber, Len Lesser, Miley Cyrus, Never Say Never, OJ Simpson, Seinfeld, Uncle Leo

Ashton Kutcher has told Men’s Health that he keeps himself in tip top shape to “prepare for end days.” Kutcher apparently believes, rather ardently, that a technological Armageddon is coming, and if you don’t practice Krav Maga and yoga (the latter in blazing hot temperatures), you will not survive the apocalypse.

In honor of the New Year, we here at Fluffernutter World Headquarters, situated in a bus buried under 10 feet of solid clay somewhere south and west of Guelph, offer this years best fluffernutters or, as we prefer to call them, signs of the Apolalypse:

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

From the “perhaps we can just forgo the whole horseman drama and go straight to separating the sinners and the faithful,” department:

If Mariah Carey is pregnant is a sign of the apocalypse, what is Mariah Carey is expecting twins a sign of? Surely not just that the IQ of the Carey/Cannon household will soon approach triple digits?
And hey, who’s that guy with the beard and sandals?

Justin Beiber: Minute 16.
A couple of weeks ago Justin Beiber lashed out at a fan looking for an autograph. Famous for about a year, Beiber is already tired of all these kids, children really, throwing their money at him. If only they would go away, he could enjoy his fame in peace.

Last weekend Beiber was accused of assaulting a 12 year old boy at Planet Lazer in Vancouver. While playing he hit/ran over the lad, who complained to management, and then police.

The boy says he hit him, Beiber says it was an accident. I say Justin Beiber’s fifteen minutes are up.

Madonna is rumoured to have dumped her 24 year old Latin lover, Jesus Luz for Brazillian dancer Brahim Rachiki.
For the record, Madonna lists herself as a “children’s author” amongst other things on her CV. Here’s a tip: if you are buying your children books by Madonna, you’re a bad parent!

If you are using Madonna as a role model for your kids, pre-teen, teen, young adults, you are a bad parent.

Want to know why society is a mess? Popular TV show Glee! Had a Madonna episode, where they raved about what a wonderful role model she was for young women. Any society, anywhere, who thinks filthy, skanky, slutty Madonna can possibly be a role model, is a mess. Full stop.

Kim Cattrall is one of life’s lucky ones. A good career, success, money. So how does she feel about it?

Recently I was enjoying a quiet lunch in Liverpoo… this guy approaches… He says, “C’mon, stand up – I want a photo with you.” My response was, “I won’t do it. I’m not working right now…”

Quick reminder for Cattrall: this guy you so sneeringly dismiss, he’s the reason you can afford to lunch at Liverpoo.

Boy George was exiled from guy-ville this week, although authorities prefer it be called released from prison.  He served 27 days of an eight week sentence and got early release after the other prisoners complained they needed the rest.

Dear Lindsay:

The rules are simple. Here’s how it works. You do your treatment program, you pass two drug tests a week, you stay out of jail.

Two drug tests a week Lindsay Lohan is mandated to take. Two. You know they’re coming. So how does she do? She fails both of them. On two separate, mandatory samples she tests positive for two separate drugs: cocaine on one test, amphetamine on the second. Two tests, two fails, two different drugs.

It’s hard to muster much sympathy for the bail revoked/4 weeks in jail she got for her transgression.

Sigh! Another week, another sex scandal on Sesame Street… wait… what did I just write?

Singer, fashionista and all round ingénue Katy Perry was to appear on Sesame Street this week, performing a song with Elmo (who’s nose feels so good &tc.). Perry, famous for the song I Kissed a Girl was set to perform her single Hot and Cold on the pre-school MTV. The producers of Sesame Street released the clip on YouTube and then pulled it from the show “based on feedback.”

This blog has never, ever been an advocate for the sexualizing of children, and abhors the practice. But frankly, other than some really bad lip synching, there’s nothing wrong with the segment. An argument can be made that Perry is not the kind of role model we want for pre-schoolers (an argument can be made she’s not the type of role model we want for pre-teens, her target audience, but I digress), but this particular clip is tame.

Brad Pitt is a good leftie. He doesn’t believe in the death penalty for, say, someone who kidnaps a child and spends three days molesting them before killing them. Paul Bernardo, as an example, should be spared the death penalty.

But run a company that has an environmental accident?

I was never for the death penalty before, but I am willing to look at it again (for BP executives)

I love the headline in this weeks In Touch. Angelina Jolie, it claims, calls Brad stupid behind his back.
Talk about belabouring the obvious.

Mr. Zeta Jones, Actor Michael Douglas, announced this week he was diagnosed with throat cancer. Mr. Jones will undergo chemotherapy and is “very optimistic,” of a full recovery.

Back in June his son Cameron, from a previous marriage, was sentenced to five years in prison for dealing methamphetamine and possessing heroin. Which just goes to show, even Kirk Douglas’s son, who’s married to Catherine Zeta Jones can have a shitty go of things.

You can, in fact, have it all and legitimately wonder, “why me?”

I saw the Jennifer Aniston ugly duckling photo shoot last week: the one where she makes herself up to look just like Barbara Streisand. A fine example of how to turn beauty butt ugly in one make-up session.

Want to know what my reaction was: “glad I never laminated that list.”

But this Thursday she was on Regis and Kelly, when she said about the photo shoot:

I play dress up. I do it for a living – like a retard.

Cue the professionally aggrieved, specifically Pete Burns, CEO of Arc:

I was extraordinarily offensive and inappropriate. Frankly, someone in her position ought to know better.

Someone in her position? What, an actress? A fairly average actress who if it wasn’t for the fact she has a very cute, girl next door thing going on you would never have heard of? She should know better than who? The President?

You know who should know better than to say really stupid, intellectually challenged, things: people with CEO on the business card.

Mr. Diana Krall, Elvis Costello, this week joined the “shut up and sing,” club. Costello cancelled two upcoming concerts in Israel, stating:

…merely having your name added to a concert schedule may be interpreted as a political act…

This in contrast to cancelling already scheduled concerts, which is an apolitical act.

Last word to Israeli Sport and Culture Minister Limor Livant:

An artist who boycotts his fans in Israel is not worthy of performing in front of them.

Sean Penn pleaded no contest to charges of vandalism this week after he was videotaped kicking a photographer. He was sentenced to 300 hours of community service and three years of informal probation.

How does an assault, on video, become vandalism? What’s the charge for spray painting walls? A speeding ticket?

Russell Crowe, somewhat known for being quick to rile, got upset and stormed out of an interview in England this week. When the interviewer suggested Crowe had a bit of an Irish accent in his new movie, Robin Hood, Crowe became angered and yelled:

What would you be talkin’ about, ya fekin gobsheit! Ya stupid wee man, ya wouldn’t know an Irish accent if it dropped it’s pot of gold on your toes.

He then finished his Guiness and stormed off.

Top signs that Russell Crowe is angry:

• Puts a petrol bomb under your bonnet
• Stands and drops his pants, all the while yelling Pogue Mahone
• Knee-caps you with a hurl.
• Dons an Aaron sweater and says, “I like it too.”
• Drops his pot of gold on your toes.
• Guest edit’s the Globe and Mail
• Bops you on the head with his shillelagh.

Joni Mitchell gave a rare interview last week with the LA Times:

We (Bob Dylan) and I are like night and day, he and I. Bob is not authentic at all. He’s a plagiarist, and his name and voice are fake. Everything about Bob is deception.

Oh, my! Tell us what you really think Joni.

She had more to say regarding Grace Slick and Janis Joplin being drunken tramps – they were “sleeping with their whole bands and falling down drunk” – and Madonna:

Americans have decided to be stupid and shallow since 1980. Madonna is like Nero; she marks the turning point.

Madonna as anti-Christ. There’s an argument I can get behind.

Other revelations in the Joni Mitchell interview:

• The Red Hot Chilli Peppers are neither red, hot nor chilli peppers.
• Jakob Dylan plagiarised his fathers last name.
• The Led Zeppelin song Going to California, heretofore thought to be written about Joni Mitchel, was really written about “That Girl” Marlo Thomas.
• The reason the Toronto Maple Leafs have not won a Stanley Cup in 40 years is that Joni Mitchell cursed them by writing about them in her song Raised on Robbery.
• Jose Feliciano is the judge for the People Magazine’s most beautiful people.
• Bob Dylan mumbles

Sixteen year old singing sensation/tweener heartthrob Justin Beiber commented to People magazine this week about President Barack Obama mis-pronouncing his name at Beiber’s first visit to the White House last year:

He messed up my name, but I give it to him. He’s not (the) age category I sing to. He’s not “one less lonely girl”.

I would have preferred if he had said, “Dude. You can pronounce Netanyahu, but you can’t get Bee-ber? Put it on the teleprompter and get it right next time.” However, the “it’s more than I expect from some old, square guy,” routine that he went with was good too.

Life and Style magazine has gone undercover to find out, which Hollywood big shots have big shooters. The big men about town, in no particular order, we hope, are: Leonardo DiCaprio, Ashton Kutcher, Jamie Foxx, David Arquette, David Spade, Jamie Kennedy, Brian Austen Green, Jaret Leto and Andy Dick.

Noticeably absent from the list is any of those Hollywood loudmouth types (DiCaprio excepted) like Sean Penn or Matt Damon, proving once again, guys with big dicks don’t have to go around acting like they have big dicks.

In an interview with Parade magazine, Elton John angered Christians by stating that Jesus Christ was:

…a compassionate super-intelligent gay man who understood human problems.

US Christians are particularly angry, claiming labelling Jesus a “sexual deviant” is akin to labelling Elton John “fashionable.”

Other little know Elton John religious facts:

• Elton played Candle in the Wind at Jesus’ crucifixion, changing the words to Goodbye, Jesus. Dude
• A recently discovered first draft of an English translation of the bible refers to the holy trinity as The Father, The Captain Fantastic and The Brown Dirt Cowboy.
• John the Baptist also wore powder blue track pants.
• On Halloween 1517, Martin Luther posted a scathing review of the previous nights Elton John concert in Wittenberg on the church door. Pope Leo X, an Elton John fan, declared the review a hearsay and ex-communicated Luther.
• Benny and the Jets is about a Super Bowl III party in the Hampton’s with Pope Benedict, who then went by the sobriquet Benny the Bishop.
• A Priest’s vestments were originally modelled after Elton John’s early stage clothes.
• Elton John was due to appear at Jeuruselum-a-palooza in 1095 when he got a bout of food sickness. Fans rioted, causing the Imams of the Caliphate to issue a crowd control fatwa. The ensuing battle was the First Crusade.John was only able to escape with his life when the Knights Templar snuck him out of the holy city. They would be his bodyguards for the next 1,000 years for which he signed over royalty rights to his Greatest Hits album.
• Jesus’ sandals were made by Gianni Versace.

The Late Shift II: Conan the Leftoutinthecoldian – There really is one story in entertainment this week: Leno vs. O’Brien.

In a redux of 1991’s decision to replace Johnny Carson with Jay Leno instead of heir apparent David Letterman, NBC announced is shaking up The Late Show, once again anointing Leno and leaving hair apparent O’Brien out in the cold.

Leno’s new 10PM show has bombed, and NBC announced they were moving Leno back to 11:30 with a new half-hour show. O’Brien balked at being moved to midnight, telling NBC to go letter their man. Leno will return to the Late Night fold, with Jimmy Kimmel retaining O’Briens old 12:30 slot. And O’Brien? It appears he will take heed of Leno’s advice to NBC when the story started to break last week and travel: Fox, he said, is beautiful this time of year.

Who the long term winner will be is anybody’s guess, but it seem likely there will be one long term loser: Leno’s reputation as a nice guy.

So your Tiger Woods. Your nice guy image is in tatters, your reputation need rebuilding. Your wife is leaving, and taking with her the kids and $300M. Pat Burns is on Montreal radio telling the world your gorgeous Swedish wife took a nine iron to your face before you got in the Cadillac, which she then took the nine iron to the windows of. What do you need to revive your image? How about a magazine cover with you looking like it was taken in the prison yard:

The world is upside down when I feel sorry for Tiger Woods.

Fluffernutter Andy Dick., Angelina Jolie, Ashton Kutcher, Barack Obama, Barbara Streisand, Bob Dylan, Boy George, Brad Pitt, Brahim Rachiki, Brian Austen Green, Cameron Douglas, Catherine Zeta Jones, Conan O'Brien, David Arquette, David Letterman, David Spade, Diana Krall, Elton John, Elvis Costello, Glee!, Grace Slick, Guelph, Jamie Foxx, Jamie Kennedy, Janis Joplin, Jaret Leto, Jay Leno, Jennifer Aniston, Jesus Luz, Johnny Carson, Joni Mitchell, Jose Feliciano, Justin Beiber, katy perry, Kim Cattrall, Kirk Douglas, Krav Maga, Led Zeppelin, Leonardo DiCaprio, Limor Livant, Lindsay Lohan, Madonna, Mariah Carey, Matt Damon, Michael Douglas, Pat Burns, Paul Bernardo, Pete Burn, Regis and Kelly, Robin Hood, Russell Crowe, Sean Penn, Sesame Street, The Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Tiger Woods, yoga

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Justin Beiber: Minute 16.

A couple of weeks ago Justin Beiber lashed out at a fan looking for an autograph. Famous for about a year, Beiber is already tired of all these kids, children really, throwing their money at him. If only they would go away, he could enjoy his fame in peace.

Last weekend Beiber was accused of assaulting a 12 year old boy at Planet Lazer in Vancouver. While playing he hit/ran over the lad, who complained to management, and then police.

The boy says he hit him, Beiber says it was an accident. I say Justin Beiber’s fifteen minutes are up.

Breaking News: Keith Richards bedded bandmate Brian Jones’s girlfriend Anita Pallenberg in the back of his Bentley on a trip from Morocco to Paris.

I’ll be glad when Keith Richards Autobiography is published, and we can stop getting these 40 year old news flashes. Last weekend it was a 60’s era drug and booze fuelled vacation with John Lennon in the back of his Bentley.

Whose autobiography is this anyway, Keith Richards’, or Keith Richards Bentley’s?

Madonna is rumoured to have dumped her 24 year old Latin lover, Jesus Luz for Brazillian dancer Brahim Rachiki.

For the record, Madonna lists herself as a “children’s author” amongst other things on her CV. Here’s a tip: if you are buying your children books by Madonna, you’re a bad parent!

If you are using Madonna as a role model for your kids, pre-teen, teen, young adults, you are a bad parent.

Want to know why society is a mess? Popular TV show Glee! Had a Madonna episode, where they raved about what a wonderful role model she was for young women. Any society, anywhere, who thinks filthy, skanky, slutty Madonna can possibly be a role model, is a mess. Full stop.

Barbara Billingsley (1915-2010):

Pearl wearing, Jive talking Beaver mom Barbara Billingsley died Sunday. Billingsley played June Cleaver, TV mom to Wally and The Beaver, on Leave it to Beaver. The show ran between 1957 and 1963.

Known as the perfect mom who did house work in pearls and heels, both of those traits were, in fact, sops to Billingsley’s vanity: The pearls covered a “hollow” in her neck, the heels came later to disguise the fact her TV sons were gaining on her in height.

Her next most famous role was a spoof, playing an older lady who spoke “jive,” translating for a couple of black passengers in the comedy “Airplane.”

Barbara Billingsley died of polymyagia at the age of 95 last Saturday. May she Rest in Peace.

Tom Bosley (1927-2010) From the bad week to be a perfect TV parent department:

If June Cleaver was the perfect mom, then “Mr. C.,” Howard Cunningham on Happy Days may have been the perfect TV dad. As the father of Ritchie and Joannie he was always calm and wise: even when he caught underage Ritchie at the strip club.

Possibly more important than his many, many movie, stage and TV roles, Tom Bosley served in the U.S. Navy during the Second World War.

He died Tuesday at age 83. He had been battling a staph infection, but cause of death is currently unknown. Rest in Peace, Tom Bosley.

Fluffernutter Anita Pallenberg, Barbara Billingsley, Brahim Rachiki, Brian Jones, Happy Days, Jesus Luz, John Lennon, Justin Beiber, Keith Richards, Leave it to Beaver, Madonna, Tom Bosley

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Singer Ricky Martin, long rumoured to be gay, last week announced he was… gay.

In a statement on his website, Martin said week:

I am proud to say that I am a fortunate homosexual man. I am very blessed to be who I am.

No real surprise, I can’t listen to Livin’ La Vida Loca without feeling gay, never mind singing it every night.

Sixteen year old singing sensation/tweener heartthrob Justin Beiber commented to People magazine this week about President Barack Obama mis-pronouncing his name at Beiber’s first visit to the White House last year:

He messed up my name, but I give it to him. He’s not (the) age category I sing to. He’s not “one less lonely girl”.

I would have preferred if he had said, “Dude. You can pronounce Netanyahu, but you can’t get Bee-ber? Put it on the teleprompter and get it right next time.” However, the “it’s more than I expect from some old, square guy,” routine that he went with was good too.

Life and Style magazine has gone undercover to find out, which Hollywood big shots have big shooters. The big men about town, in no particular order, we hope, are: Leonardo DiCaprio, Ashton Kutcher, Jamie Foxx, David Arquette, David Spade, Jamie Kennedy, Brian Austen Green, Jaret Leto and Andy Dick.

Noticeably absent from the list is any of those Hollywood loudmouth types (DiCaprio excepted) like Sean Penn or Matt Damon, proving once again, guys with big dicks don’t have to go around acting like they have big dicks.

From the Department of Segues I never thought I’d use: speaking of Penises (penisi?), Mutt Lange’s ex-wife (a very quiet guy if your ever looking for one) Shania Twain is back in the public eye, causing millions of penisi world-wide top thump around in excitement, “I was in a very deep, dark slump, and I needed to find a way to get myself out of it,” Twain told People, causing thousands of those penises to explode.

Malcolm McLaren (1946-2010) – In 1976 Malcolm McLaren took a band he was managing and replaced first the bass player, then added a singer. The singer, who would audition for McLaren miming to an Alice Cooper song wearing an I hate Pink Floyd short (the words written on after the fact), changed his name to Johnny Rotten, the band to the Sex Pistols. They would stay together two years, scandalising Britain with their celebration of the Queen’s Silver Jubilee with their version of God Save the Queen (She ain’t a human bein’).

The Sex Pistols broke up on their first American tour, and McLaren would go on to break up Adam and the Ants, and regroup them as Bow Wow Wow and Adam Ant. He also had a lengthy music career of his own, begining with 1983’s Duck Walk.

McLaren died this week, aged 64, after a battle with the rare form of cancer, malignant mesothelioma.

Fluffernutter Adam ANt, Andy Dick., Ashton Kutcher, Barak Obama, Bow Wow Wow, Brian Austen Green, David Arquette, David Spade, Duck Walk, God Save the Queen, Jamie Foxx, Jamie Kennedy, Jaret Leto, Johnny Rotten, Justin Beiber, Leonardo DiCaprio, Livin’ La Vida Loca, Malcolm McLaren, Matt Damon, Mutt Lange, Netanyahu, Ricky Martin, Sean Penn, Sex Pistols, Shania Twain