At Home in Hespeler

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

There’s always been an equation in regards to The Rolling Stones:

Mick Jagger loves money > Mick Jagger hates Kieth Richards

It was always the one factor that made you think a 50th anniversary tour would be a go. However, recent news that a tour will not happen in 2012 leads one to think that the equation has changed. So what then to make of the news that the Stones will be going into the studio “later in April… just to throw some ideas around.”

One hopes what we can make of it is that a) a new Stones album is coming and b) the old Fleetwood Mac theory that tension makes great records.

I’m not generally sympathetic to stars who want to whine how hard they have it, and last year I started the new year by having a go at Kim Cattrall for complaining about a fan asking for a picture at an upscale (very upscale) eatery. As well, I’m not a Katy Perry fan, so how do I end up being on Perry’s side in the current controversy regarding her statements on fame in Teen Voque. Well, because she said being famous is a pain, and it most surely is. About her fans, however, she didn’t say anything negative. In fact, I love what she said about fans:

I still want to be as approachable and reasonable as possible – when I meet fans and their crying, I’ll say, “Calm down, there’s nothing to cry about. I’m not going to bite you, or attack you, or grant you three wishes.

Fame sucks, but the fans are great, what’s controversial about that? Yet this week, Perry is backtracking, stating, “the fame quote was spoken in jest.” No it wasn’t, stand by what you meant: love the songs, love the fans, not so much the other stuff.

Frankly, Perry has always struck me as someone who set out to be a singer, and got caught in the fame (as compared to say, Lady Gaga, who caught the fame bug).

She should find a way to keep singing without the glare of the spotlight. Time to form a band perhaps, or do some cameos. In short, do the Joss Stone circuit

It’s crazy poker week he at Fluffernutter World Headquarters, and rock singers are wild. First up is Axl Rose, with his Davey Jones dance moves and his childlike egocentricity.

Years since he’s done anything of note, years since he’s produced listenable music, he’s still such a diva. Exhibit #umpteen-thousand happened this week when Rose released a letter declining his induction into the rock and roll hall of fame. The letter is so obviously from the mind of an out of control, arrogant moron, yet something that could only have come from Axl Rose.

I respectfully decline my induction as a member of Guns ‘N’ Roses to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. I strongly request that I not be inducted in absentia and please know that no one is authorized nor anyone be permitted to accept any induction for me or speak on my behalf.

Offering to match Rose’s disinclination to induction, Courtney Love saw Rose’s letter to the hall and raised him one wild accusation against a respected member of the rock community.

In a twitter tirade against Dave Grohl this week, the widow Cobain claims Grohl hit on her teenage daughter, Frances Bean Cobain. While the press bent over backward to poo-poo the claim based on the incontrovertible evidence that Grohl’s a nice guy and Love a whack job, the teenage daughter in question had the best response:

While I’m generally silent on the affairs of my biological mother, her recent tirade has taken a gross turn. I’ve never been approached by Dave Grohl in more than a platonic way. I’m in a monogamous relationship and very happy. Twitter should ban my mother.

Did you get that Dave Grohl? Being hit on by you would be gross. For the record, Grohl himself also denies any advances towards the Miss Cobain, and with her denial, that pretty much seems to settle that.

Breaking News: Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are engaged.

With presses duly stopped, the story of Pitt designing the ring he gave to his now fiancé. The “massive” ring was spotted when the couple were out and about Wednesday night.

Pitt and Jolie have been dating for seven years, when Pitt left his wife Jennifer Aniston for his now fiancé, Jolie. The pair have six children together, three adopted, a daughter born in 2006 and twins born in 2008.

At least we know he’s not marrying her because he has to.

Fluffernutter Angelina Jolie, Axl Rose, Brad Pitt, Courtney Love, Dave Grohl, Frances Bean Cobain, Guns 'n' roses, katy perry, Kieth Richards, Mick Jagger, Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, Rolling Stones

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Last week we reported Lindsay Lohan was involved in an investigation over a missing piece of jewellery.

On Monday, Lohan was charged with felony grand theft for stealing the $2,500 necklace.

Her attorney, having seen the evidence, says the case is defensible. Lets see now: video of Lohan wearing necklace in store; police notified necklace missing; police notify Lohan they will search her house; Lohan assistant returns necklace.

Am I missing something? Either it was loaned to her, in which case Lohan has some piece of paper indicating that, or it was not loaned to her. Produce the receipt for loan of the jewellery, and it’s defensible. Otherwise, it seems pretty open and shut.

Pretentious, self righteous Pink has decided to poke in the eye the paparazzi. Bearing in mind that paparazzi take pictures of people who don’t want their picture taken, thus who don’t pose for those pictures, Pink’s logic is strange:

…because the paparazzi of today have absolutely no photographic skill or artistry whatsoever, and their pictures are hideous. I’m going to post a self-portrait I took yesterday morning… 3 wks (weeks) of photo classes for me and I am already a far better photographer than anyone of them…

In short, just because you make money doing something, don’t think that means you have talent.

OK, I’ll bite: how much money has Pink made as a singer?

Will they or won’t they? The Rolling Stones have been rumoured to be well into the planning stages of a fall 2011 tour. But there’s a tiny, um…, fly in the ointment. It seems Mick Jagger is not talking to Keith Richards after his biography, and later in an interview, Keith referred to Mick’s “tiny todger.”

For those who don’t get English witticisms, tiny todger is euphemism for “he is a bigger dick than he has.”

Things are no better in the Guns’n’Roses camp, where Slash and Axl Rose haven’t had much to say to each other since the early 1990’s.

Recently Slash has made noises about reuniting the original Guns’n’Roses, assuming Axl approached Slash, apologies ‘n’ hand.

Keep waiting.

On his Twitter account this week Rose said:

Contrary to anyone’s claims there are no concrete plans, nor where there ever for a tour and certainly not to replace anyone in the band, beyond a collection of random ideas thrown out by various individuals without any real foundation

Can’t he just say Slash has a tiny todger and be done with it?

Gary Moore (1952-2011)

Gary Moore was one of the greats of the electric guitar, full stop. Less known than many other guitar heroes, Moore was nonetheless one of the very best.

Best known for his work in Thin Lizzy and as a solo artist, Moore was a top player in the rock world for fourty years.

Born in Belfast, he left in 1969 at age 16 to join a band, Skid Row, in Dublin.  There, he would play with Phil Lynott, who would later draft him to play in his band, Thin Lizzy.

To understand the mark Gary Moore has left in the music world, you need to follow some classic musicians on twitter. His passing this week of a suspected heart attack is being mourned by many. One of the true greats and, by all accounts, a fine human being.

RIP Gary Moore.

Fluffernutter Axl Rose, Gary Moore, Guns 'n' roses, Keith Richards, Lindsay Lohan, Mick Jagger, Pink, Rolling Stones, Slash, Thin Lizzy

Seeing as I post a semi-weekly item called Freedom of Music, it seems appropriate that I have something to say about Dire Straits, Money for Nothing being given illiberal treatment. First, there is some misconceptions to clear up.

Mark Knopfler did not write Money for Nothing as an anti-anti-gay song. He was not commenting generally, or specifically on anti-gay sentiment. Unlike Mark Twain using the word, well THE WORD, in Huckleberry Finn, there is no evidence that he was making specific social commentary on homophobia.

Oh, I know: how do I know what Mark Knopfler was thinking when he wrote Money for Nothing? Well, I don’t. And neither do all the boring blow-hards trying to justify their anger at this decision by citing artistic merit and “context.” Context be dammed. It is bad when apparatchiks start telling you what you can and cannot hear on radio. Even if Money for Nothing was blatantly homophobic, it would be wrong for some government appointee to tell you you can’t hear it, full stop.

Which brings us to point two: the Canadian Broadcast Standards Council (CBSC) is not a government agency. However, it was set up under the guidance of the Canadian Radio-television and Telecommunications Commission (CRTC), which is definitely a government agency. Lose you CRTC license, and you are out of business: lose your good standing with CBSC, and you lose your CRTC license. Radio stations that play the unedited version of Money for Nothing stand to lose their license. It may not be a government agency that censored the radio stations, but it has the full force of government behind it, so it may as well be: would, in fact, be better if it were, then you could phone you MP and demand correction.

Some people have speculated that the ruling could affect more than just this one song. What about the Pogues Christmas song, Fairytale of New York? for example. Couldn’t they now ban that? Not could, did. In an interview with Charles Adler last week, Ron Cohen head of the CBSC said, “we didn’t ban the song, we banned the word.” With that a whole slew of songs are off the radio, including the song voted number #1 Christmas song by the stodgy old BBC listeners. Guns ‘N’ Roses song One in a Million is out too. Gone. Never to be played in it’s complete version on the radio.

The offence, however, some say, only applies to the word faggot. Fag is in, so Charlie Daniels Uneasy Rider is good to go:

…he’s a friend of them long haired, hippy-type, pinko fags! I betchya he’s even got a commie flag. Tacked up on the wall inside of his garage…

Here’s a game. You run a radio station, and somebody wants to play Uneasy Rider. “It doesn’t say faggot,” argues the DJ, “just fag.” Do you let him play it? Do you take the chance that your going to be hauled before the CBSC? Or do you take the easy route and say, play something else. I know what I’d do, and it wouldn’t have anything to do with one of the rock worlds funniest songs playing on my radio station. Ban one word, and it turns into a de-facto ban of how many others? In one fell ruling you can wipe dozens of songs off the radio.

And all of that doesn’t matter one whit. This is an issue of freedom, and in Canada we are less free today than we were at this time last week. Free countries don’t protect people by banning speech and songs: free countries protect people from from having their speech, or songs, banned.

That is what is wrong with this decision. It has nothing to do with the fact the song has been played thousands of times over twenty five years, no harm done. It doesn’t matter whether it’s pro or anti-gay song. When you argue those points, you concede that limits are appropriate. And once you have conceded that, then the argument is a drawing of the lines. Don’t want your favourite song banned from the airwaves, then don’t agree to lines, any lines being drawn. That is the way free countries act.

pimply minions of bureaucracy, The Freedom of Music Canadian Broadcast Standards Council, Canadian Radio-television and Telecommunications Commission, CBSC, Charlie Daniels, CRTC, Dire Straits, Fairytale of New York, Guns 'n' roses, Mark Knopfler, Money for Nothing, One in a Million, Pogues, Uneasy Rider

It’s Dire Straits day in Hespeler, if for no other reason than because the pimply minions of bureaucracy don’t want it to be. First the “not a hate crime” Dire Straits:

Oh-oh what were those words?

The caretaker was crucified for sleeping at his post…
How come Jesus gets Industrial Disease?

Wouldn’t that violate certain UN approved blasphemy laws, and isn’t it hateful towards Christians? And what can a Betty Davis fan feel like when she hears that song?

Still and all, not quite hateful enough. Live, from the CBSC in idiotic Ottawa, Ontario, Dire Straits performing a Canadian hate crime: Money for Nothing:

P.S. to Alanis Morissette: Ottawa bureaucrats banning Money for Nothing is irony.

If you heard Charles Adler interview Ron Cohen yesterday, you’ll know it wasn’t the song they banned, it was the word “faggot,” Therefore, from the Department of One Fell Swoops:

And I suppose that “Well he’s a friend of them long haired, hippy-type, pinko fags! I betchya he’s even got a commie flag. Tacked up on the wall inside of his garage,” is out:

Now personally, if I owned a radio station, this one wouldn’t get airplay.

The CBSC didn’t ban one song, it banned a word, thus many songs.

Cool For Cats Canada, CBSC, Charlie Daniels, Dire Straits, Guns 'n' roses, Industrial Disease, Money for Nothing, Pogues, Unease Rider

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Last week at this time I mused on the subject of Lindsay Lohan, and what would I fill this space with if she stays out of trouble? I put the post to bed Friday night, put myself to bed, and by the time I woke up, Paris Hilton had answered my call:

LOS ANGELES – Socialite, celebrity TV and website favorite Paris Hilton has been released by Las Vegas police after her arrest for possessing cocaine Friday night…

For the record, Paris claims

a) it wasn’t her purse
b) yes the prescription medications were hers
c) it wasn’t her cocaine and
d) she thought the cocaine was gum.

No official word on what the hell kind of gum Paris Hilton chews, but for the record Paris: nose candy is a slang term.

Authorities believed her story so much they took all the way until Tuesday to charge her with fellony possession of a controlled substance.

Axl Rose is a notoriously unreliable guy. Guns ‘N’ Roses shows are often so late, not only is the start time listed on tickets considered a suggestion, but so is the date. If you’re going to see G’N’R be prepared, be very prepared, to sit around waiting for Axl to show, and a couple of hours from support act to headliner is not unusual. It is lame and unprofessional, but it also is what it is.

Last Friday, Guns ’N’ Roses took to the stage an hour late at Britain’s famous Reading Festival. Organizers had been given strict orders from the Police that the festival was to go acoustic at 11:30. So that’s what they did, cutting the power on G’N’R during Paradise City. Ever the hint taker, Axl attempted to continue using a bullhorn, but as the guy with the McDonalds bag on his head was strumming a solid body guitar without power, he quickly lost the groove of the song, and gave up.

Reading Organizer Melvin Benn had earlier in the week assured festival goers that Guns ‘N’ Roses would perform on time, as he was under immense pressure to make sure it was so.

It was, of course, not so. Sorry Melvin.

Dad’s an electrician (retired). Industrial, mostly, but he has done some contract work through the years. And his basement is a mess. Wall to ceiling stuff, mostly what us kids accumulated through the years that they never had the heart to throw out. One day it’s going to need cleaning out, and who knows what we’ll find? Some things, however, I pretty much don’t expect to stumble across.

When renovating John Lennon’s Tittenhurst Park home, near Ascot, in 1972, a contractor kept the toilet with blue flowers painted around the bowl. “Put some flowers in it,” Lennon is reported to have told him. Whether he ever did or not is unreported.

What his son-in-law did, however, is a matter of public record. He sold it at auction last weekend for $15,500 (£9,500).

Makes a guy wonder what dear-old-dad has down there: Celine Dion’s bidet, perhaps?

GreatFreudianTweets Batman:

@saman12 unfortunately there are no words to describe how sorry I am.

Unfortunately, Lindsay Lohan’s ex was tweeting about her bulldog attacking and killing a Maltese in LA Monday, not granting a moment of self evaluation.

Uncategorized Axl Rose, Buckethead, Celine Dion, Guns 'n' roses, John Lennonm Tittenhurst PArk, Lindsay Lohan, Melvin Benn, Paris Hilton, Reading Festival, Sam Ronson