At Home in Hespeler

Here’s a riddle. What would happen if I photoshopped my head onto that famous Lee Harvey Oswald picture of him holding his rifle (seen right). Is that a crime? What would happen to me?

Waterloo Regional Police, who are the locals here in Hespeler, arrested a dad last week because his daughter drew, on a whiteboard, a picture of him with a gun. The stated reason for arrest? Possession of an illegal weapon. The facts of the case are well known and have been rehashed ad-naseum, so I won’t dwell on them here. The pertinent details involve the “illegal weapon,” handcuffs and a strip search (“co-parent” Gregg Bereznick, Superintendent of Education with the Waterloo Region District School Board, was excluded from the procedure of arresting and strip searching).

A search of 26-year-old father of four Jessie Sansone’s home was almost certainly as illegal as the strip search, and produced one clear plastic toy gun, nowhere near the cache they would have found in my home many years ago. But, of course, my story was satire, it could never really happen &tc. Except, as it turns out, it is from my bad joke to Waterloo Regional Police’s policy manual.

The police, of course, stand by the arrest, even though no charges have been laid, and won’t be unless it is Police Board Act charges, and I wouldn’t bet against that happening. So the arrest for possession of an illegal weapon, a weapon that exists only in the imagination of a four year old, is good policing. If that is so, then surely a picture of an Hespeler area blogger standing with Lee Harvey Oswald’s Carcano, is also possession of an illegal weapon, photoshop notwithstanding. And surely as he would appear to be standing outside in a public place, rather carelessly I would say, a little dangerous to the public order could be thrown in, all the more reason for that cavity search.

pimply minions of bureaucracy Family CHildren Services, Gregg Bereznick, Jessie Sansone, Waterloo, Waterloo Regional Police

Six years ago wrote this post in response to some dumb law some dumb politician was on about. Making it harder to buy toy guns, or some such stupidity, as I recall.

This weeks stupidity by the Waterloo Region District School Board, Family and Children’s Services of the Waterloo Region and Waterloo Regional Police (especially the police), gave me a mind to repost it. It seems somehow appropriate.

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Hespeler – Authorities today discovered a cache of illegal toys in the room of a local 8 year old boy. Among the toys discovered where a Chinese manufactured pump action water blaster 1000, a spider man web blaster and a Chinese made cap gun that authorities fear may have been purchased over the counter a dollar store. “The Water Blaster alone can deliver 1/2 a liter of water non-stop” said an adult at the scene “There were handcuffs too, and not the cheap plastic ones either, metal ones.” Authorities also discovered a lone ranger mask, a tire iron for bicycles, 3 hockey pucks “of the kind that is sometimes used in ‘chuck-a-puck’ competitions”, and an H2O Ammo water clip. Not shown in the picture was a Hurl, once used in an assault on a sister and a pointy stick, causing local mothers to fear that someone could lose an eye.

The 8 year old will be sent to his room to wait ’til his father gets home. Further grounding is expected, with crown prosecutors wanting two weeks without TV, while child care experts say time served waiting for Dad is sufficient punishment.

seized weapons are being tested to see if they are related to any unsolved soakings or frightenings of twitchy neighbours with loud ‘bangy’ noises.

Here is a complete inventory of the confiscated booty:

Elastic Gun
Chinese manufactured Shield Blaster 1000 water soaker.
Chinese manufactured Pump Action Water Gun
H2O AMMO Water Clip
Hot Wheels Jet Launcher, with Jet
Spider man Web Blaster with holder
Finger pointed in the classic gun position
Bicycle Tire Iron
3 “Chuck-a-Puck” style Hockey Pucks
Plastic Bullets
Plastic Holster
2 Used Elastic Bands
Irish Manufactured Hurl
24? Pointy Stick

Also found were:

Wild Planet Spy Listener with attached ear phone
Infra-pink Spy glasses/ Walkie Talkie
Lone Ranger style mask
Handcuffs and Coin Rollers and a couple of dollars in coins.

I think that covers how I feel about this.

crime and justice, Jacobian Piece of Impertinence, pimply minions of bureaucracy Family CHildren Services, Hespeler, Police, Toy Gun, Waterloo Region