At Home in Hespeler

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

What’s this we hear about John Travolta and the masseuse’s (masseuse?)? Travolta, of whom it has long been whispered has a very large closet, has been accused this week by two male masseuse-er-ers of requesting the deluxe massage.

“He had a car full of condoms and choclolate cake wrapping.” said one in his $2-million lawsuit. “He showed me his semi-erect penis”

“He rubeed me in a very wrong way, and went berserk when he didn’t get what he wanted,” claimed the other when he joined (horned in on) the lawsuit.

“OMG,” we gasped here at Fluffernutter World Headquarters, “you mean scientology isn’t an effective cure for homosexuality?”

Someone better call Tom Cruise and make sure he knows that.

Lindsay Lohan stepped out in New York this week looking pretty good for a 35-year old. Wait! What? She’s only 25? Well then, let us just say the hard living is starting to show.

Oh, and tip for LaLohan: the collagen injected lips isn’t actually a good look.

Speaking of Lohan, we can stop worrying about her now that we know she’s practicing spiritual chanting at Courtney Love’s house. Apparently Love advised Lohan at the height of her legal troubles, and the advice: chant. Now she’s going to an all female chanter-size at the Love hole, which is, according to Love, “good for her.”

Well if it’s worked for Courtney Love all these years, what could possibly go wrong?

Update: Now this is just getting out of hand.

A third man is claiming John Travolta requested his help in breaking his vows of scientology.

The VIP services employee for Royal Caribbean Cruise Lines said Travolta came up to him, saying he had something on his neck, and disrobed as he got close. “He hugged me and asked me to give him a massage,” said Fabian Zanzi. He also claims Travolta offered $12,000 to have sex.

As this happened in 2009, and Fabian kept quite quiet until the $2-million lawsuits were flying, we’re listing ourselves as skeptical.

That Chris Brown sure seems
like a nice young man. Convicted of assaulting his then girlfriend, Rihanna, back in 2009, Brown is now taking verbal shots at her via song.

In the little wee hours of Thursday morning, Brown released a re-mix of Kanye West’s Way Too Cold. In it, he raps (***language warning***):

Don’t f$&% with my old bitch it’s like a bad fur,
Every industry n#%£$& done had her.
Shook the tree like a pumpkin just to have her,
Bitch is breaking codes, but I’m the password

Nice.

Rihanna immediately un-followed Brown on twitter, to which Brown replied (on twitter, naturally) “I didn’t say any names so if u took offense to it then it’s something you feel guilty about.”

As Max Smart would say, the old “I never said it was about you, but if the shoe fits” argument, second time I’ve fallen for that this month.

Like I said, nice guy.

Fluffernutter Chris Brown, Courtney Love, John Travolta, Kanye West, Lindsay Lohan, Rihanna, Scientology, Tom Cruise

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

There’s always been an equation in regards to The Rolling Stones:

Mick Jagger loves money > Mick Jagger hates Kieth Richards

It was always the one factor that made you think a 50th anniversary tour would be a go. However, recent news that a tour will not happen in 2012 leads one to think that the equation has changed. So what then to make of the news that the Stones will be going into the studio “later in April… just to throw some ideas around.”

One hopes what we can make of it is that a) a new Stones album is coming and b) the old Fleetwood Mac theory that tension makes great records.

I’m not generally sympathetic to stars who want to whine how hard they have it, and last year I started the new year by having a go at Kim Cattrall for complaining about a fan asking for a picture at an upscale (very upscale) eatery. As well, I’m not a Katy Perry fan, so how do I end up being on Perry’s side in the current controversy regarding her statements on fame in Teen Voque. Well, because she said being famous is a pain, and it most surely is. About her fans, however, she didn’t say anything negative. In fact, I love what she said about fans:

I still want to be as approachable and reasonable as possible – when I meet fans and their crying, I’ll say, “Calm down, there’s nothing to cry about. I’m not going to bite you, or attack you, or grant you three wishes.

Fame sucks, but the fans are great, what’s controversial about that? Yet this week, Perry is backtracking, stating, “the fame quote was spoken in jest.” No it wasn’t, stand by what you meant: love the songs, love the fans, not so much the other stuff.

Frankly, Perry has always struck me as someone who set out to be a singer, and got caught in the fame (as compared to say, Lady Gaga, who caught the fame bug).

She should find a way to keep singing without the glare of the spotlight. Time to form a band perhaps, or do some cameos. In short, do the Joss Stone circuit

It’s crazy poker week he at Fluffernutter World Headquarters, and rock singers are wild. First up is Axl Rose, with his Davey Jones dance moves and his childlike egocentricity.

Years since he’s done anything of note, years since he’s produced listenable music, he’s still such a diva. Exhibit #umpteen-thousand happened this week when Rose released a letter declining his induction into the rock and roll hall of fame. The letter is so obviously from the mind of an out of control, arrogant moron, yet something that could only have come from Axl Rose.

I respectfully decline my induction as a member of Guns ‘N’ Roses to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. I strongly request that I not be inducted in absentia and please know that no one is authorized nor anyone be permitted to accept any induction for me or speak on my behalf.

Offering to match Rose’s disinclination to induction, Courtney Love saw Rose’s letter to the hall and raised him one wild accusation against a respected member of the rock community.

In a twitter tirade against Dave Grohl this week, the widow Cobain claims Grohl hit on her teenage daughter, Frances Bean Cobain. While the press bent over backward to poo-poo the claim based on the incontrovertible evidence that Grohl’s a nice guy and Love a whack job, the teenage daughter in question had the best response:

While I’m generally silent on the affairs of my biological mother, her recent tirade has taken a gross turn. I’ve never been approached by Dave Grohl in more than a platonic way. I’m in a monogamous relationship and very happy. Twitter should ban my mother.

Did you get that Dave Grohl? Being hit on by you would be gross. For the record, Grohl himself also denies any advances towards the Miss Cobain, and with her denial, that pretty much seems to settle that.

Breaking News: Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are engaged.

With presses duly stopped, the story of Pitt designing the ring he gave to his now fiancé. The “massive” ring was spotted when the couple were out and about Wednesday night.

Pitt and Jolie have been dating for seven years, when Pitt left his wife Jennifer Aniston for his now fiancé, Jolie. The pair have six children together, three adopted, a daughter born in 2006 and twins born in 2008.

At least we know he’s not marrying her because he has to.

Fluffernutter Angelina Jolie, Axl Rose, Brad Pitt, Courtney Love, Dave Grohl, Frances Bean Cobain, Guns 'n' roses, katy perry, Kieth Richards, Mick Jagger, Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, Rolling Stones

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Haha, you decided. Charlie Sheen is coming to town, puttin’ on a show, Andy Rooney style. Gonna get me a ticket to that – cheap at $80 – put on a “winning” t-shirt, drop $20 on parking an have me an entertaining evening. Just like the folks in Detroit.

The folks in Detroit beg to differ. Sheen opened his “My Violent Torpedo of Truth/Defeat in Not an Option” tour is losing fashion. Defeat was not just an option, it was a reality as fans booed, walked out and demanded their money back.

Sheen arrived on stage to various, disjointed video clips and semi-coherent rants quoting such diverse sources as Bob Dylan and Robert Plant.

Couldn’t have just used those two 50’s for kindling?

What’s that line about two bad guys having a gun fight? Don’t pick sides.

Courtney Love and Kelly Osbourne are having a knock ‘em down, claws out, kitty kat fight. Love is upset that Osbourne referred to her as a crack addict. ‘I’ve been clean since 2005,’ meowed Love back. ‘And I’ve seen Kelly Osbourne having an Overdose. In fact, I’ve saved Kelly Osbourne’s life,’ she purred angrily.

If fur was pointy sticks, a guy could lose an eye around here.

Review In Brief: Lincoln Lawyer

Made in Detroit meets A Time to Kill

My Violent Torpedo of Truth/Defeat is Not an Option: Day 2.

A complete make over of the show in Chicago seems to have save the Vatican Assassin from the horror of more bad reviews. Chicago fans enjoyed, and gave a standing O. The show featured Sheen and Toronto’s own Joey Vandetta in an Q & A format. The change seems to have brought focus to the show, allowing Sheen to shine through.

$80 plus to watch someone be interviewed, and these people are happy? And what’s this about the crowd giving a “standing O?” What was it, a crowd of gymnasts?

Despite her criminal lack of talent, Madonna denies claims she is being investigated by the FBI.

Madonna’s charity, Raising Malawi, was created to produce a girls school in the poverty stricken country – because what young girls without food or clean water need is lessons in fake Jewish mysticism.

A couple of million dollars was raised through her celebrity connections. The money is gone and penny one has not been spent on building a school. Neither a classroom nor a mud-hut dormitory has been built.

Yet despite that, despite the fact cheques were cashed, receipts issued, despite the fact the people running the charity on the ground were treating themselves to golf club memberships and other lavish expenses, neither the FBI or IRS have any plans to investigate.

Madonna remains committed and focused on what matters: helping the children of Malawi.

Dear children of Malawi: the cheque, and the membership, is in the mail.

Love
Madonna

Fluffernutter A Time to Kill, Charlie Sheen, Courtney Love, Defeat in Not an Option, FBI, Kelly Osbourne, Lincoln Lawyer, Made in Detroit, Madonna, Malawi, My Violent Torpedo of Truth, Vatican Assassin, Winning

Saturday Fluffernutter – all the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities.

Michael Jackson, Michael Jackson and, oh yea, Michael Jackson. When the “legit” news outlets are 24/7 on a long past his prime singer, you know what’s dominating the entertainment press.  I don’t want to be writing about him, however, this post is called The FlufferNutter and is dedicated to all those fluffyheaded nuts in Hollywood. There can be little argument that Michael Jackson was the king of fluffyheads and nuts, so without further ado…

Michael Jackson had been dead about two hours, and I was watching the TV with another guy. I turned to him and said, all these people who are praising him now, are going to be denying they ever did so in two years, when all the real stories are told about him. My logic was, all the people who kept quiet, either for financial or contractual reasons or out of plain politeness, now had lost all incentive to stay quiet. The real Michael Jackson story would be told, and it would be appalling to all decent people.

The game is, not surprisingly, already afoot with a new Michael Jackson book about to be released by Ian Halperin. Halperin, most famous for his collaborative books on Kurt Cobain in which it is suggested that Courtney Love may have had Cobain murdered, has been working on his biography for a while now, and timed it’s release for July 2009 because he felt Jackson was likely to die around that time. He was, of course, uncannily accurate. Look for this to be the first of many books with the dirt on Michael Jackson.

The arguments that Michael Jackson was a great talent tend to elude me. I have spent the last week dismissing them as the ravings of a lunatic society. However, the video from the Mowtown 25th Anniversary show where Jackson first performs the moonwalk during Billy Jean has made me do a rethink. This is pop music at it’s absolute finest, and it is a brilliant performer at his peak.

Remembering Michael Jackson naturally enough brings out some other strange memories. Parody specialist Weird Al Yankovich, the worlds greatest rock ‘n’ roll accordionist, did great parodies of the 80’s pop hits and their videos. Here, he nails Michael Jackson’s Beat it with Eat It.

If you liked that, his Madonna parody, Like A Surgeon is even better.

Karl Malden – 1912- 2009

In Non-MJ news,  the world lost a different type of great this week when Karl Malden died at age 97 in Los Angeles. Malden won an Oscar for his supporting role in A Streetcar Named Desire in 1951 alongside Marlon Brando. But it was his Oscar nominated role as Father Barry, again alongside Brando, in 1954’s On The Waterfront that is Maldens great work in my opinion.

Karl Malden was a fine actor and equally important he was, by all accounts, a fine person. Married for over 70 years, remarkable by any standard, astounding by Hollywoods, Malden is survived by his wife Mona (nee: Greenberg), daughters Mila and Cara, granddaughters, Alison, Emily, and Cami, and great-grandchildren, Mila, Stella, Charlie, and Thomas Karl. Condolences to all of them.

Fluffernutter Beat It, Billy Jean, Courtney Love, Eat It, Ian Halperin, Karl Malden, Kurt Cobain, Like a Surgeon, Like a Virgin, Madonna, Marlon Brando, Michael Jackson, Motown, On The Waterfront, Weird Al