At Home in Hespeler

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

“There was no scandal: there was just sex” Josh Schmenge

So Heidi Klum and Seal hit the skids. In the usual nasty aftermath stage of a marriage, Seal proposed that Klum was acting scandalously with her longtime bodyguard, Martin Kristen. “Sleeping with the help,” was his unhelpful terminology.

“Hmph! No scandal here,” replied Klum.

This week she clarified her remarks: “What Josh Schmenge said.”

You gotta admire George Clooney, he’s had non-scandals with a number of beautiful women. His latest, model Stacy Keibler, may be the most beautiful, and by a long shot.

Last week a report emerged that they’re finished. A report that’s being denied by all concerned. Clooney’s people say their happy together, likewise Keibler’s. Which leads to the one important question:

are Keibler’s handlers her elfs?

Chris Brown has always been such a nice guy. Now he’s a nice guy with art.

Brown showed off a new tattoo on his neck this week, that looked like the beaten face of his ex-girlfriend Rihanna, whom he was convicted of assaulting a few years back.

“Oh no, no!” say’s Brown. “It’s art,” specifically a design of a skull for the Mexican celebration of the day of the dead. Well, maybe, but when you have beaten Rihanna, you need to be careful about tattooing dead/beaten faces on your neck.

Personally, I think neck tattoos mark you as dumb as a post, whoever it’s a beaten face of.

This story saddens me. Amanda Bynes was the cute, perky teen star who had an infectious enthusiasm. Now, she’s the worst driver in California.

In June she was arrested for DUI after a hit and run incident in April. Then last week she had yet another fender bender. Standing in front of his honour on Thursday, she was told point blank, stop driving without a license. So what do you do when the judge says, “don’t”?

For Bynes the answer is do!

Mere hours after being told stop driving already, she was in a fender bender, bumping a car while backing out of the parking lot. In fairness, paparazzi had surrounded her car and flash bulbs were popping, possibly making it hard for Bynes to actually see. But when the judge just finished saying don’t drive, it’s hard to blame the paparazzi for taking your picture driving.

Bynes needs to find a computer and google “Lindsay Lohan.” Surprising, really, that she hasn’t heard of Lohan before this.

Fluffernutter Amanda Bynes, Chris Brown, George Clooney, Heidi Klum, Josh Schmenge, Martin Kristen, Rihanna, Seal, Stacy Keibler

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

What’s this we hear about John Travolta and the masseuse’s (masseuse?)? Travolta, of whom it has long been whispered has a very large closet, has been accused this week by two male masseuse-er-ers of requesting the deluxe massage.

“He had a car full of condoms and choclolate cake wrapping.” said one in his $2-million lawsuit. “He showed me his semi-erect penis”

“He rubeed me in a very wrong way, and went berserk when he didn’t get what he wanted,” claimed the other when he joined (horned in on) the lawsuit.

“OMG,” we gasped here at Fluffernutter World Headquarters, “you mean scientology isn’t an effective cure for homosexuality?”

Someone better call Tom Cruise and make sure he knows that.

Lindsay Lohan stepped out in New York this week looking pretty good for a 35-year old. Wait! What? She’s only 25? Well then, let us just say the hard living is starting to show.

Oh, and tip for LaLohan: the collagen injected lips isn’t actually a good look.

Speaking of Lohan, we can stop worrying about her now that we know she’s practicing spiritual chanting at Courtney Love’s house. Apparently Love advised Lohan at the height of her legal troubles, and the advice: chant. Now she’s going to an all female chanter-size at the Love hole, which is, according to Love, “good for her.”

Well if it’s worked for Courtney Love all these years, what could possibly go wrong?

Update: Now this is just getting out of hand.

A third man is claiming John Travolta requested his help in breaking his vows of scientology.

The VIP services employee for Royal Caribbean Cruise Lines said Travolta came up to him, saying he had something on his neck, and disrobed as he got close. “He hugged me and asked me to give him a massage,” said Fabian Zanzi. He also claims Travolta offered $12,000 to have sex.

As this happened in 2009, and Fabian kept quite quiet until the $2-million lawsuits were flying, we’re listing ourselves as skeptical.

That Chris Brown sure seems
like a nice young man. Convicted of assaulting his then girlfriend, Rihanna, back in 2009, Brown is now taking verbal shots at her via song.

In the little wee hours of Thursday morning, Brown released a re-mix of Kanye West’s Way Too Cold. In it, he raps (***language warning***):

Don’t f$&% with my old bitch it’s like a bad fur,
Every industry n#%£$& done had her.
Shook the tree like a pumpkin just to have her,
Bitch is breaking codes, but I’m the password

Nice.

Rihanna immediately un-followed Brown on twitter, to which Brown replied (on twitter, naturally) “I didn’t say any names so if u took offense to it then it’s something you feel guilty about.”

As Max Smart would say, the old “I never said it was about you, but if the shoe fits” argument, second time I’ve fallen for that this month.

Like I said, nice guy.

Fluffernutter Chris Brown, Courtney Love, John Travolta, Kanye West, Lindsay Lohan, Rihanna, Scientology, Tom Cruise