At Home in Hespeler

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Fluffernuttery

Big weekend last if you are Venice. Not the inhabitants of that once proud Principality, but Venice itself: the Palazzo’s, the Grand Canal, the little wooden boats not seen since Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. The Clooneys and his wife, formerly Amal Alamuddin, tied the knot at the Aman Hotel on the Grand Canal.

Clooney was very pretty in black tux, while Alamuddin was tall and ruggedly handsome in red. The guest list was full on A-list, assuming you consider Anna Wintour and Cindy Crawford A-list, two people every media outlet I saw couldn’t help but splash across their pages.

And while George and Alamuddin went for the big show style wedding the real star of the show was the gorgeous city of Venice, which is currently holding for George Clooney’s agent, who is none to pleased with it.

More trouble for former very cute teen star Amanda Bynes. Now a 28-year old for teen star, trouble has managed to find her. Saturday night, at somewhere in the neighbourhood of 3AM, Bynes was stopped by the CHiPs guys (no not Erik Estrada, the real ones) and arrested for driving under the influence of a controlled subsistence. She was then booked and remained in custody until noon Sunday, when she was released on $15,000 bond.

Question: Where was Frankie Muntz to keep Bynes out of trouble, I always that was his job.

Cat Stevens, aka Yusaf Islam, is tired of self imposed obscurity, has booked a concert tour of six cities. The man who once agreed that a Fatwa against Salmon Rushdie for daring to write The Satanic Verses was proper and correct. Now he has the gall to call his little tour the Peace Train Tour, so you can be sure there be lots of hectoring the don’t agree with cold blooded murder types in the audience on their evilness.

Anyway, he has cancelled his New York show because the tickets are paper tickets, not pdf files that people print themselves or something. Remarkably, this doesn’t seem to be an environmental complaint, but something about scalpers being able to resell paper tickets, but not printed PDF tickets, or something.

Look, bottom line here: if you go see this fuck-wad who dislikes free speech and thinks murdering authors whose works disagree with his world view is OK, shame on you.

Sad news out of the AC/DC camp. With a new album ready to come down the pipe, and tour plans being made, the band has announced that rhythm guitarist Malcolm Young is suffering from Dementia. Reports are that the 62-year old Young, brother of lead guitarist/perennial school boy Angus, is already in long term care.

Oh dear! Charlie Sheen is back in the news, and it ain’t good.

Sheen is being investigated by LAPD for battery against a dental technician and assault with a deadly weapon against his dentist. The story is Sheen went to the dentist for an abscess while high on crack. When the technician put the gas mask on him, he freaked, flailing his arms and hitting the technician. When the dentist finally came in, Sheen allegedly pulled a knife on him.

Nobody was hurt, but it’s reported the LAPD plans to send the case on to the D.A. to decide if charges will be laid.

Fluffernutter, Saturday Morning Coffee AC/DC, Amal Alamuddin, Amanda Bynes, Angus Young, Anna Wintour, Cat Stevens, Charlie Sheen, Cindy Crawford, Frankie Muntz, George Clooney, Malcolm Young, Venice, Yusaf Islamz

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Charlie Sheen showed up in Illinois at the Gathering of the Juggalos Saturday to host the musical event on the main stage of the festival. He was promptly booed and had bottles thrown at him.

“I should have worn my fu&%ing goggles,” he told the crowd, before exiting, stage left (all these Hollywood guys exit stage left – never stage right).

Frankly, that’s the boring part of the story. Here’s the meat.

The Gathering of the Juggalos is a four day “rap and wrestling festival,” put on by rapper (I presume) Violent J.

“I think the Juggalos won’t be respected until 20 years after they’re done,“ said the Insane Clown Posse member. “Everybody will look back on it and say, that was great. That was history.”

Here’s your dilemma: it’s 20 years in the future, and your doing a I remember when with your kids. “I remember,” you say, “a rap and wrestling festival called Juggalos, put on by a guy in a group called the Insane Clown Posse called Violent J.” Do you use the word respect without irony?

Here’s a dilemma. Your a Federal Trade Commission investigator. Ashton Kutcher served as a guest editor for Details magazine, in which several stocks were recommended. Kutcher, it turns out, invested in a number of those stocks.

So, FTC investigator, do you investigate this possible breach of securities law, or do you say to yourself, “any person who takes investment advice from Ashton Kutcher deserves to lose his shirt?”

This week, the FTC chose option B. They chose wisely.

Review in Brief: Cowboys and Aliens: The title suggests this could be a very dumb movie: the title is guilty of severe understatement.

Dilemma #3. For the last year or two you have been tabloid fodder. You have just lost your high paying TV job. What acts of desperation are you willing perform to stay in the spotlight?

If your name is Kat Von D, AKA Skanky Tat Ho, the answer is, you are willing to reconcile with serial moron Jesse James.

James and Tat Ho, er Von D, have rekindled their lust and announced their engagement, mere weeks after announcing they were splitting up, but days after it was announced Von D’s TV show was being cancelled.

Dilemma #4: You’re having a baddish day, and it is deteriorating. You have a train to catch, and your running late. How to perk up the day, just a little?

Get Gwyneth Paltrow to run you over.

The story of Paltrow and Lara Lundstrom Clarke on September 11, 2001 came to light this week. Paltrow, it seems, saved the life of Clarke by hitting her with her Mercedes SUV. Clarke was then late for her train, and was not in 2 World Trade Centre when it was hit by a hijacked plane.

“At that time I was annoyed at everything that had made me late that day, including Gwyneth Paltrow… (But) if I had made that train I would have been at my desk on the 77th floor of 2 World Trade Center.”
She wrote a letter to Paltrow detailing her experience on the morning of the terrorist attacks and the actress’ publicist reveals the star was “deeply moved” by the story.

Thank God! Paltrow wasn’t driving a Prius. And yes, when you’re Gwyneth Paltrow, even 9/11 is about you.

Dilemma the last: Your on a plane from Paris to Dublin, except the plane is delayed on the runway. You have to go to the bathroom, but the cabin crew, in the strange, draconian wisdom that airline employees have developed over the past number of years, tell you a can not go to the bathroom.

Of course, as sarcastic teachers have been teaching their students at least since I was in grade 6, may not go to the bathroom and can not go to the bathroom are two different things.

The cabin crew said can not, when what they really meant was may not. What do you do?

If your French actor Gerard Depardieu, you give a lesson. Specifically, Depardieu peed into a bottle. Unfortunately, his bladder was bigger than his bottle and their was spillage.

The plane was delayed a further two hours while Mr. Jutzi taught a lesson on Merlin’s laugh.

Fluffernutter Ashton Kutcher, Charlie Sheen, Gerard Depardieu, Gwyneth Paltrow, Insane Clown Posse, Jesse James, Juggalos, Kat Von D, Merlin’s laugh

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

James Bond and the Tied Knot:

Daniel Craig and his gal pal Rachel Weisz got married last weekend in New York. The quiet ceremony was attended by one attendant each, and the couples two children from previous relationships.

No word on whether the least likeable Bond rolled the wedding car on route to the honeymoon.

Big winner of 2011, Charlie Sheen will start the fall TV season… dead.

His character on the hit “sitcom” Two and a Half Men, Charlie Harper, will be killed off in the season opener. According to TMZ.com, the show will begin with dark screen for “just a minute or two,” as characters Alan and Jake find out he is dead.

Winning…

Mr. Mariah Carey, Nick Cannon said this week that he and the boss are done having kids.

I (Cannon) do (want more children), Mariah doesn’t. She was like, “That’s it, I’m done! Two at once!

Translation, it turns out having kids was not all about Mariah, and it won’t happen again.

When Nasa sent a spacecraft into the far reaches of space full of artefacts from earth in order to communicate with any aliens who may intercept the craft, among the artefacts where Chuck Berry records. According to Father Guido Sarducci, the craft returned with a note inside: “Send more Chuck Berry.”

The city of St. Louis understands the sentiment, and this week voted to erect an 8-foot statue of the rock and roll legend. The statue will be built on a new public bikeway near Blueberry Hill, the club where Berry has played a regular gig over the past 15 years.

The statue has it’s detractors, notably 86-year old Elsie Glickbert, who notes that 84-year old Berry is a convicted felon. Berry was convicted in 1962 of “transporting a woman across state lines for immoral purposes.”

Hard to understand why, 15 years after Bill Clinton, people aren’t more concerned about those 60’s era “immoral purposes” convictions.

Time to shave, trim the unwanted hairlettes and suck in the gut: Téa Leoni is back on the market. Leoni and her husband of 14 years, Californication’s David Duchovny, have separated for the second time in three years.

The couple separated for a year in 2008 after Duchovny “underwent treatment for sex issues,” i.e. was found to be a serial philanderer. They reunited a year later

No word on what caused this years split, but one can’t help but wildly speculate that the words “pecker,” and “pants” where used during the decisive argument.

Free at last, free at last… Lindsay Lohan is free at last.

Lindsay Lohan, felonious actress, was released from home detention after serving 35 days in house arrest for stealing a $2,500 necklace.

Her monitoring equipment was removed Wednesday morning, freeing Lohan from her days spent painting. No word on what she did after being released, we just hope it had nothing to do with either her probationary restriction against drugs and alcohol or David Duchovny.

Fluffernutter Californication, Charlie Sheen, Chuck Berry, Daniel Craig, David Duchovny, James Bond, Lindsay Lohan, Mariah Carey, Nick Cannon, Rachel Weisz, St. Louis, Téa Leoni, Two and a Half Men

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Haha, you decided. Charlie Sheen is coming to town, puttin’ on a show, Andy Rooney style. Gonna get me a ticket to that – cheap at $80 – put on a “winning” t-shirt, drop $20 on parking an have me an entertaining evening. Just like the folks in Detroit.

The folks in Detroit beg to differ. Sheen opened his “My Violent Torpedo of Truth/Defeat in Not an Option” tour is losing fashion. Defeat was not just an option, it was a reality as fans booed, walked out and demanded their money back.

Sheen arrived on stage to various, disjointed video clips and semi-coherent rants quoting such diverse sources as Bob Dylan and Robert Plant.

Couldn’t have just used those two 50’s for kindling?

What’s that line about two bad guys having a gun fight? Don’t pick sides.

Courtney Love and Kelly Osbourne are having a knock ‘em down, claws out, kitty kat fight. Love is upset that Osbourne referred to her as a crack addict. ‘I’ve been clean since 2005,’ meowed Love back. ‘And I’ve seen Kelly Osbourne having an Overdose. In fact, I’ve saved Kelly Osbourne’s life,’ she purred angrily.

If fur was pointy sticks, a guy could lose an eye around here.

Review In Brief: Lincoln Lawyer

Made in Detroit meets A Time to Kill

My Violent Torpedo of Truth/Defeat is Not an Option: Day 2.

A complete make over of the show in Chicago seems to have save the Vatican Assassin from the horror of more bad reviews. Chicago fans enjoyed, and gave a standing O. The show featured Sheen and Toronto’s own Joey Vandetta in an Q & A format. The change seems to have brought focus to the show, allowing Sheen to shine through.

$80 plus to watch someone be interviewed, and these people are happy? And what’s this about the crowd giving a “standing O?” What was it, a crowd of gymnasts?

Despite her criminal lack of talent, Madonna denies claims she is being investigated by the FBI.

Madonna’s charity, Raising Malawi, was created to produce a girls school in the poverty stricken country – because what young girls without food or clean water need is lessons in fake Jewish mysticism.

A couple of million dollars was raised through her celebrity connections. The money is gone and penny one has not been spent on building a school. Neither a classroom nor a mud-hut dormitory has been built.

Yet despite that, despite the fact cheques were cashed, receipts issued, despite the fact the people running the charity on the ground were treating themselves to golf club memberships and other lavish expenses, neither the FBI or IRS have any plans to investigate.

Madonna remains committed and focused on what matters: helping the children of Malawi.

Dear children of Malawi: the cheque, and the membership, is in the mail.

Love
Madonna

Fluffernutter A Time to Kill, Charlie Sheen, Courtney Love, Defeat in Not an Option, FBI, Kelly Osbourne, Lincoln Lawyer, Made in Detroit, Madonna, Malawi, My Violent Torpedo of Truth, Vatican Assassin, Winning

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

While Charlie Sheen managed the almost impossible, getting himself fired from three and a half men, CBS has done the unimaginable: made itself look dumber and having less self control than Charlie Sheen.

After a few incidents of wife beating, a scared-hooker-in-the-closet-cocaine-binge, yet another briefcase full of blow and hooker scandal and a judge ordering his children removed from his care, Sheen finally went too far: he insulted his bosses, resulting in his firing from his hit TV show. Since then the Wild Thing has gone somewhat off the deep end with online YouTube rants, bizarre interviews and an upcoming speaking tour where he’ll say God only knows what.

The easy thing for CBS to do is stick to it’s guns, and don’t let him back on his show unless he gets himself straightened out.

So why is CBS now saying they want him back? And will they pay him the $1M more an episode that Sheen has said will be his price to come back? Probably, because stupid things are what enablers do, and CBS has become just that in this sad saga.

Sarah Palin strikes again: Wyclef Jean shot while campaigning in Haiti.

In yet another example of an out of control tea party, singer/guitarist Wyclef Jean was shot while campaigning for Haitian Presidential candidate Michel Martelly. Rapper Busta Rhymes was in the car with Jean when shots were fired at it, grazing the Wyclefian hand.

While no evidence actually exists that the shooting had anything to do with the American Tea Party movement, we all know the Tea Party is not a fan of rap music or men named Jean.

Da proof, after all, is in in da proof.

Lindsay Lohan has decided her problems stem from that age old issue of… her name. What La Lohan needs, says La Lohan to self, is a change of moniker. So, officially, her new name will be…

Lindsay.

No Lohan, just Lindsay.

Yea, that’ll fool the bailiff.

Speaking of Lindsay, she has opted for trial by jury in her case of the pilfered choker. There was rumour she was resigned to the idea of some jail time and was going to accept a plea bargain, but has decided not to accept a plea, and will be judged by a jury of her peers.

A jury of her peers? Who would be on that? Paris Hilton? Britney Spears? The ghost of Dana Plato?

It should be noted that Lindsay has maintained her innocence from the get go, and this case has the stink of mis-understanding gone too far.

Pinetop Perkins (1913-2011)

When you think of the blues masters, you think of young black men of the dust bowl era, moving up and down the Mississippi watershed, playing juke joints and parties for food and whiskey, mostly whiskey. Robert Johnson, dead of poisoning by a jealous boyfriend at 27; Lead Belly, pardoned of murder after singing a song requesting a pardon during Governor Pat Morris Neff‘s visit to Sugar Land Prison; Muddy Waters, who lived long enough to demand his due from the little white boys who would later take up his music and call it their own.

This week, we lost one of those original bluesmen. Pinetop Perkins was originally a guitar player, but changed to piano, becoming the premier boogie woogie piano player.

He played on Sonny Boy Williams King Biscuit Time Radio show. Played with Earl Hooker, recorded with Sam Phillips at Sun studios and replaced Otis Span in the Muddy Waters Band in 1969. My favourite Pinetop Perkins story relates to an arm injury that forced him to stop playing guitar: according to Wikipedia, in true Fluffernutter fashion, he “injured the tendons in his left arm in a fight with a chorus girl.” The life of a bluesman is fraught with peril.

In 2004, the car he was driving was totalled in a crash with a train. The then 91-year old Perkins was uninjured.

Pinetop Perkins played right to the end, playing his local a couple of times a week, and having gigs booked well into this year (Zep Fest 2011 was one event he was booked into). He was the oldest person to win a Grammy, earning the 2010 Best Traditional Blues Album in February, age 97. He was of the last two surviving bluesmen known to have been friends with Robert Johnson.

He died this week in Austin Texas, a life well lived.

RIP Pinetop Perkins

Elizabeth Taylor (1932-2011)

Elizabeth Taylor had classic beauty and violet eyes that stole the hearts of millions. She starred in Lassie movies as a child (with co-star Roddy McDowell), National Velvet at age 12, Cleopatra in 1960 – the largest, most lavish movie made at the time. Some have said in the last week she was the last of the movie stars – and certainly was among the biggest stars of the golden age of film.

Even after she was no longer starring in the big movies of the day, she was still a star, gracing the tabloids ‘til the end, and raising money and awareness for AIDS in the latter years of her life. She was larger than life.

Her health, however, was not always good and she suffered a number of problems through the years. This week she died after spending the last month in hospital with symptoms related to congestive heart failure, age 79. She was surrounded by her four children when she passed.

Fluffernutter Britney Spears, Busta Rhymes, Charlie Sheen, Dana Plato, elizabeth taylor, Lead Belly, Lindsay Lohan, Michel Martelly, Paris Hilton, Pinetop Perkins, Robert Johnson, Sarah Palin, Two and a Half Men, Wyclef Jean, Zep Fest 2011

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Hey, you’re Charlie Sheen. Your executive producer is done with you, your ex-wives are none too pleased, child protection authorities have removed your children and there are people writing op-eds saying things along the lines of websites like this one ought to not be making fun of you, because it’s clear you have a mental illness.
But everybody can’t hate you, right? There must be someone in your corner who doesn’t think you need psychiatric help, yes?

No?

It seems Sheen’s quote last week that he was a “Vatican assassin warlock,” has angered… warlocks. The covenous male witches are angered that he portrayed them in a negative light, or some such true bit of silliness.

Twenty years ago this would have been real news, but is anybody surprised that people are this thin skinned and openly ridiculous anymore? What’s really surprising is that The Pope’s office hasn’t confirmed that Sheen has never worked for the Vatican, as either an assassin or a warlock.

The taxman took down Al Capone, now he’s after the Godfather, Al Pacino.

Tax officials have filed a lien against Pacino for $188,000. Pacino’s people don’t dispute the amount, and say it has to do with the stars former financial advisor Kenneth Starr, who recently admitted to embezzling $30 million from clients.

Pacino, it seems, is going to the bank on this one, not to share a cell with Wesley Snipes.

The inevitable finally happened on Monday night and Charlie Sheen was fired from his long running sitbore, Two and a Half Men.

In an 11-page letter sent to Sheen’s lawyers, Warner Brothers outlined the reasons for the firing. Among the reasons cited is a favourite here at Fluffernutter World Headquarters, “moral turpitude.”

As the tattoo says, “winner.”

Celebrity Tweet: @joanrivers: Charlie Sheen’s brain cells are just like the cast of Celebrity Apprentice. As of today, there are only 15 left.

Lindsay Lohan fights back.

After a surveillance video of Lohan taking a necklace, which resulted in theft charges against Lohan, hit the internet, Lohan hit back against Kamofie & Company.

K&C sold the video to Associated Press for a reported $40,000, after being overwhelmed with requests to see it, thus making it “beyond our control,” to do anything but sell it. Or something.

Lohan, who faces a felony grand theft charge that could see her sent to prison, has sued, claiming K&C had no right to sell her image.

The truth is Lohan is hard to believe sometimes, but a company that sells surveillance footage and then claims doing so was “beyond their control,” are dubious complainants.

Oh, here’s a beauty: Britney Spears – yes that Britney Spears, the skanky, trashy one – believes she is the reincarnation of Audrey Hepburn. As in the classy, graceful, epitome of distinguished lady, most beautiful woman of the 20th century, Audrey Hepburn.

Besides the ego such a statement takes, the complete ignorance in what reincarnation is, is astounding. Britney, you see, was 11 when Audrey Hepburn died. Somewhere the sixteen year old who is the reincarnated Audrey Hepburn is spitting mad, right about now.

Mel Gibson is having a good week. First, he struck a plea deal that avoids a trial and possible jail time in his domestic violence charges. Then, Charlie Sheen has a public breakdown, and nobody even notices Gibson had a court date coming up.

Gibson has pled guilty to simple battery charges, avoiding the corporal injury on a spouse charge he was originally up on. The plea will see Gibson undergo counselling and not receive jail time for his misdemeanour domestic violence.

The charge relates to a fight he had with his ex-girlfirend, Oksana Grigorieva, in January 2010. The two have been engaged in a bitter split and custody battle over their baby daughter, Lucia.

Lady Gaga Goes Gogo: She may be that kind of girl, but she’s not that kind of girl. Lady Gaga is upset that a company in Britain selling breast milk ice cream calls itself Baby Gaga Ice Cream.

Apparently she thinks it’s offensive to have her name associated with minors, or something. She has threatened to sue the company, who make the ice cream of breast milk, vanilla beans and lemon zest.

Somewhere, I smell a PR disaster for gogoGaga, who was criticized in the last week for appearing on stage scantily dressed with a 10 year old, and wearing a dress made of meat: but don’t dare invoke my name when selling breast mile ice cream! Sigh.

I am so tired of these pop tartlets who make a career out of offending the populous, and then are so easily offended. Get a sense of humour, a real one where you can laugh at yourself as well as others, or get off the stage.

Fluffernutter Al Pacino, Audrey Hepburn, Baby Gaga Ice Cream, Britney Spears, Charlie Sheen, Kamofie & Company, Kenneth STarr, Lady Gaga, Lindsay Lohan, Mel Gibson, Oksana Grigorieva, Pope, Two and a Half Men, Vatican, Warlocks, Warner Brothers

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

The Kings Speech was the big Oscar winner with Best Movie, Best Actor (Colin Firth), Best Director and Best Original Screenplay.

Highlights of the telecast include the lovely Melissa Leo, who won best supporting actress for The Fighter, saying on national, prime time television:

When I watched Kate two years ago it looked so fuckin’ easy.

The other highlight was jerk off Christian Bale seeming to forget his wife’s name during the thank you’s.

Lowlight was Gweneth Paltrow singing.

The anti-Oscar’s, also known as The Razzies, went off as usual Saturday night in Los Angeles. The Razzies “celebrate” all that is bad in movies, giving awards to the worst movies and performances of the year.

Worst movie of the year went to The Last Airbender, a movie I hadn’t even heard of, but got a $320million box office received a 6% rating on Rotten Tomatoes.

Worst Actor was Ashton Kutcher for his role in Killers, and worst actress went to the girls in Sex in the City 2.

Unlike last year when Sandra Bullock attended the Razzies and showed real grace and class by accepting her worst actress award, none of the winners appeared this year.

The week that was: Chuck Sheen

Monday: Sheen fired his long-time publicist, Stan Rosenfeld hours after Rosenfeld quit. Sheen has been going off the publicity reservation a fair bit the past few weeks, and his publicist Rosenfeld seems to have had enough. In an interview, Sheen said Rosenfeld had erred in October when defending Sheen’s action:

I respect Stan, he was doing the best he could at the moment. Had I conformed with him, I probably would have come up with something better

Because his improvisations the last week have turned out so well, presumably.

Sheen later said of Rosenfeld: “He’s not allowed to quit, so you’re fired.”

Tuesday: After a series of bizarre interviews, Sheen joins Twitter, listing as his occupation, unemployed winner. By nights end he had over 400,000 followers, and I‘d make a joke about them being all twits, if only I wasn‘t one of them.

His interviews, meanwhile, continue to be some of the most colourful ever:

It (the AA principles) was written for normal people, people that aren’t special. People that don’t have tiger blood, you know, Adonis DNA…
I’m tired of pretending like I’m not a bitching, a total freaking rock star from Mars… You can’t process me with a normal brain…
They picked a fight with a warlock.

He also demanded a raise to return to his hit – ahem – “sitcom“ Two and a Half Men: “I’ll even do season 10, but… it’s 3 mil an episode (he was making $2 million an episode).

The day goes so bad for Sheen, that one media outlet dubbed it, “Charlie Sheen’s Scorched Earth Tour,” and former Two and a Half Men producer Chuck Lorre called it a “…Sprint from from Grace.”

Wednesday: Late Tuesday night a judge removed custody of his kids from Sheen. His ex-wife, Brooke Mueller, complained Sheen threatened her. Not, however, an I’ll kill you, you f%$#in’ bi%$&, kind of threat, but the kind of threat a guy with “fire breathing fists” would level:

I will cut your head off, put it in a box and send it to your mom.

He later tweeted: @Charlie sheen “My sons are fine… My path is clear… Defeat is not an option!”

Is it just me, or should the briefcase full of blow, the bevy of hookers, the outrageous statements in the media and the absolute appearance that Sheen may be having a very public breakdown of some kind not seem reason enough to remove the kids from the home. It takes a direct threat of the jihaddi kind to make a judge step up and protect those kids?

Friday: Sheen set a record with 1M twitter followers in 24 hours. It is now expected Sheen can make $1M on a yearly basis selling ads on his twitter feed. Because what Charlie Sheen needs is greater access to easy money.

Wonder how many twitter followers stop following Sheen once he’s running twitterads? One, I know of for sure.

Christina Aquilera was passenger in a car Tuesday when it got pulled over. She was, according to police, “not capable of taking care of herself. She was incapacitated… She was just intoxicated.”

A few hours in the holding cell to sleep it off, and Christina was on her way without charge.

Not so lucky was her boyfriend, Matthew Rutler, who was driving the car. He was arrested for suspicion of drunken driving.

After a big day being feted by Prince Charles, Catherine Zeta-Jones CBE was punched by a photographer in London. Returning from Buckingham Palace last week, Jones and husband, Michael Douglas, exited their car and entered their hotel in a flurry of photographers.

“How dare you punch me,” Jones suddenly yelled. “I want a police officer right now. He punched me. The guy coming in here, he punched me.”

Douglas, who is recovering from throat cancer treatments, turned to accost the photog.

Good on Douglas, who looks weakened but well these days, for standing up for his wife.

Last week I reported a story in which some in the music industry were criticizing artists who played well paying, private parties for the Gaddafi’s in Libya.

This week, Nelly Furtatdo has announced she will repay what she was given to perform for the murderous dictator. Problem is, Ms. Furtado, payment is only part of the problem. Mu’amar Gaddafi was a murderous thug long before anyone thought of tweeting about it. You had to know, and that says far more about you than paying back the money after the fact does.

Fluffernutter Ashton Kutcher, Brooke Mueller, Catherine Zeta Jones, Charlie Sheen, Christian Bale, Christina Aquilera, Chuck Lorre, Colin Firth, Gweneth Paltrow, Kaddafi Duck, Matthew Rutler, Melissa Leo, Michael Douglas, Mu'amar Gaddafi, Nelly Furtado, Prince Charles, razzies, Sandra Bullock, Sex in the City 2, Stan Rosenfeld, The Kings Speech, The Last Airbender, Two and a Half Men

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

It’s open warfare on the Two and a Half Men set.
Sheen went on a flat out rant against executive producer Chuck Lorre Thursday, causing producers to shut down production of the show, and put it‘s future in doubt. Calling Lorre a “contaminated little maggot,” Sheen proved once again that his recent negative drug tests are tainted:

Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words – imagine what I could have done with my fire breathing fists.

His fists breath? Fire??

Review in Brief: Anna Nicole, the Opera: John Paul Jones on bass and a big blowsy blond singing, what could possibly be wrong with that?

(ed’s note: the above opera was not actually seen by the reviewer)

Speaking of Charlie Sheen and floozy blonds, one of Sheen’s hooker friends from his infamous, briefcase full of blow party is back in the news. After the party, and the fame, Kacey Jordan discovered she was pregnant.

The pregnancy is no more, as Jordan told TMZ.com “I don’t have a baby anymore.”

And was Charlie Sheen the father?

“I really don’t know.”

Singing’s a nice gig. Ask Mariah Carey, Usher or Beyonce. On New Years Eve 2009 Carey was jetted to the Caribbean island of St. Barts and paid $1M to sing 4 songs, four – $250,000/song. Nice! Usher and Beyonce both had similar gigs in the year that followed, although actual money amounts have not been disclosed.

Nice gig! Nice people, not so much.

The host of Carey’s million dollar new years eve “shityesapalooza” was the sons of Libyan protest-straffer Mu’amar Gaddafi (or Kaddafi Duck, as I recall it in a famous 80’s era cartoon).

The big billed Bedouin has recently declared war on Libya. This is bad because

a)war is bad and

b) he’s Libyan.

A leader at war with, and murdering his own people is bad company. Now, some music industry types are asking, why were the stars performing for this nutcase and his family. Case in point, Grammy winning band Arcade Fire’s manager David T. Viecelli:

People put a big paycheck on the table, and people don’t consider where the money is coming from, or what they’re at least passively endorsing. I don’t want to specifically say Beyonce or Mariah Carey behaved unethically, because I don’t know all the details. But if it’s true that Mu’amar Gaddafi’s son says, “I’ve got $50 million, come and play for my buddies,” I really think you have to say no to that.

Added former president of Reprise Records Howie Klein:

When I saw Beyonce and Usher and whoever else out there partying with these Libyan criminals… these are people who have stolen tens of millions of dollars from their nation…

Actually what they have in common is they are shooting at their own people, but lets not split hairs.

I can’t speak for Beyonce or Usher, but in fairness to Mariah Carey, she’s really not that smart.

Friday Charlie Sheen Update:

About his bosses at CBS, including Jewish creator and producer of his *ahem* sit-“com” Two and a Half Men:

These people are a bunch of AA Nazis.

As one observer put it, Sheen has an awful expensive lifestyle to afford on residuals.

Catherine Zeta-Jones was awarded the Commander of the Order of the British Empire this week, at a ceremony at Buckingham Palace. The British actress, along with husband Michael Douglas and their children, Dylan and Carys to the ceremony. Zeta-Jones (CBE), was honoured for her charity work and services to the film industry.

Also honoured was American actor Henry (The Fonz) Winkler, who received an Order of the British Empire (OBE) for his work with children’s charities.

Fluffernutter Anna Nicole, Arcade Fire, Beyonce, Catherine Zeta Jones, Charlie Sheen, Chuck Lorre, David T. Viecelli, Henry Winkler, Howie Klein, John Paul Jones, Kacey Jordan, Kaddafi Duck, Mariah Carey, Michael Douglas, Mu’amar Gaddafi, Opera, St. Barts, The Fonz, Two and a Half Men, Usher

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Good news for Charlie Sheen. He has passed, according top reports, two drug tests since his home-based rehab began. He is feeling good, and ready to work.

So good, and so ready, in fact, that he went to work. Turned up at the set and, surprise, it was locked up tight:

…I was banging on the stage door, going, ‘Hello?’ and I don’t know what happened, I guess they’re closed. Nobody told me. I just figured I was supposed to go back to work because I‘m ready…

Did I mention he passed two drug tests?

Karma, meet Justin Beiber: Justin – karma: Young master Beiber had the weekend set up just perfect. A new docu-flick, Never Say Never, on Friday, preceding the Grammy’s on Sunday. Top the box office, two big awards and on Monday morning, Beiber arrived in the BIG time. He sets ‘em up, and then he knocks ‘em down…

Or get’s knocked down: Monday morning everybody was talking about fellow Canadian’s Arcade Fire, who did win big at the Grammys’ and Just Go With It, the 1 star Adam Sandler, Jennifer Aniston flick, which was #1 at the box office.

Consolation prize was a Brit award Tuesday for International Breakthrough act, beating – gasp – the Glee cast.

Arcade Fire, conversely, enjoyed a good karma weekend, thank you for asking. The Montreal rockers won a major Grammy for album of the year. They celebrated with a small, private party at their LA hotel’s rooftop patio. They then jetted to London for the Brit Awards, where they won best international album and best international group.

Congratulations to a group of real musicians, making real solid rock music. Lets hope they are the beginning of a trend, not a one-off “talent beats pretty” event.

Karma Juice: A report from the National Enquirer says unconvicted murderer OJ Simpson was beaten unconscious by white supremacists at the Nevada prison he now calls home. Simpson allegedly was talking about his relationships with white women when the prisons Nazi element took offence.

Now what is that saying about picking sides when Nazi’s and OJ Simpson are fighting? Oh yea, c’mon lightning.

Poppa Montana, Billy Ray Cyrus, is speaking out about his daughters recent run of wild behaviour: three tattoos; an underage 18th birthday Party at a bar; a video of her smoking a big bong. The problem, says Miley Cyrus’ dad is her handlers.

This is an 18 year old girl, so I don’t want to make fun. We’ve all seen the path another semi-wild 18 year old ended up on in Lindsay Lohan. So here’s what Papa Billy had to say:

The damn show (Hannah Montanna) destroyed my family. I’d take it back in a second. For my family to be here and just everybody be okay, safe and sound and happy and normal would have been fantastic. Heck yea, I’d erase it all in a second if I could.

I’m scared for her (daughter Miley). She’s got a lot of people around her that’s putting her in a great deal of danger. I know she’s 18, but I still feel like, as her daddy, I’d like to help.”

She seems to be, in truth, acting like a pretty normal 18 year old, or at least, not outrageously unlike an 18 year old, and Billy Ray Cyrus sounds exactly like a worried dad should. While it’s agreed the danger can become more pronounced in a big star like Cyrus, as of yet it doesn’t seem to be anything more than sowing a few wild oats.

Lets all hope it never become more.

Uncle Leo (1922-2011)

Farewell to Seinfeld’s Uncle Leo, aka Len Lesser, who died this week age 88.

Among his other roles, Lesser was three times in Get Smart, including his turn as Luden, in The Decoy. He gets the great line at around 4:30 in the video below, “No torture? What do you have against torture.”

RIP Len Lasser.

Fluffernutter Adam Sandler, Arcade Fire, Billy Ray Cirus, Charlie Sheen, Get Smart, Glee Cast, Grammy, Hannah Montana, Jennifer Aniston, Just Go With It, Justin Beiber, Len Lesser, Miley Cyrus, Never Say Never, OJ Simpson, Seinfeld, Uncle Leo

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Next year marks the 50th anniversary of the James Bond movie franchise. The producers at MGM have decided that to celebrate they would have a new movie with the pouty man-child Bond, and have a special event in which they would bring back all the actors who have played Bond to discuss the role.

Problem: Sean Connery has turned them down, not citing the complete wimpification of the character by the current Bond-holder. We here at Fluffernutter World Headquarters are betting that’s the reason anyway.

Review in Brief: Barney’s Version: Sublime!

If you ever wondered where those great copies of movies that hit the internet before the movie is even out come from, consider the following:

Police are investigating the theft of a DVD of the Mel Gibson movie, The Beaver. The DVD was stolen from Gibson’s mailbox.

Directed by Jodie Foster and starring Foster and Gibson, The Beaver is due for release on March 23, but now, coming soon to an interwebs near you.

Nosing through Oscar nominations, I noted that Paul Giamatti was not nominated for his role of Barney Panofsky in Barney’s Version.

Let it be said, without hesitation, that whoever wins the Best Actor Oscar was the second best actor this year – third best if his name isn’t Colin Firth.

Last week it was emergency hernia surgery after Charlie Sheen attempted to lift his pay cheque. This week it’s rehab for Wild Thing Vaughn after his cocaine and hookers binge gone bad, also known as the weekend.

Charlie is, according to his manager, “looking forward to regaining his sobriety.”

Personally, I look forward to when he gets a good look at ex-wife Denise Richards while sober, and realizes what those hookers really cost him.

Farrah Fawcett… Swimsuit… Smithsonian…

We aren’t even done with the Charlie Sheen bevy of hookers; briefcase full of cocaine; rehab cycle and here comes Lindsay Lohan.

Lohan was the last celebrity story cycle and here she comes again. Ms. Lohan is being investigated by Los Angeles Police after a $2,500 necklace was stolen from an LA jewellery store. Surveillance footage apparently shows Lohan wearing the necklace before it disappeared.

A Lohan flunky returned the necklace to police, who were considering executing a search warrant before it was turned in.

This is Lohan’s third time being involved in a missing jewellery story. She was investigated after gems went missing from a photo shoot in 2009. A Beverly Hills jeweller also threatened legal action after she reportedly failed to return $2M worth of pieces loaned to her for an event.

The investigation continues.

Fluffernutter Barney's Version, Charlie Sheen, Farrah Fawcett, James Bond, Jodie Foster, Lindsay Lohan, Mel Gibson, Oscar, Paul Giamatti, Sean Connery

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Last year Bob Seger suggested on a Detroit radio show that a fall tour was in the works. The fall shows never happened, apparently because Seger put the kibosh on them at the last minute. This year he surprised his people by telling them, reschedule for the spring.

Seger will be hitting select venues in select cities with the Silver Bullet Band, working 30 – 40 dates around drummer Don Brewer’s schedule. Reportedly he will be playing classic Bob Seger music as well as songs from a new, unreleased, unfinished album.

When Bob Seger hit’s the stage, he should take to heart the warning that Jimmy Buffet provides: Buffet was unconscious for ten minutes and spent a couple of days in hospital after falling off the stage in Sydney Australia this week.

Buffet stepped to the front of the stage at the Hordern Pavilion and misjudged where the stage ended, falling 30 feet to the concrete floor below. No word on whether the little birdies circling Buffets head were flying clockwise or anti-clockwise

Rock star rumble: In an article in Rolling Stone a few weeks ago, Robert Plant, justifying his choice to make mediocre adult contemporary instead of reuniting with his old mates, Led Zeppelin, said:

There’s nothing worse than a bunch of jaded old farts, people who have written their story… I don’t deal in that, and I don’t deal in people who deal in that.

Who could he be calling out here? I’m sure we could all think of a few names, but Alice Cooper wouldn’t have been one.

None the less, step right up, Alice Cooper:

Jimmy Page wants to do it. John Paul Jones wants to do it. And they got Bonham’s son, who is a killer drummer. All they need is Robert Plant. But what is Robert Plant out there doing? Playing folk music! What is he doing?

Careful Robert, he’s got a snake.

Motley Crue singer Vince Neil was sentenced to 15 days house arrest Wednesday after pleading guilty to DUI. He was arrested for driving his Lamborghini 60MPH in a 40 zone in Los Vegas last June, and found to be over the legal alcohol limit. And Wednesday was a good day for Neil this week.

By Friday, reports had surfaced that Neil is being investigated for up to $1Million tax evasion.

Tax evasion is no 60 in a 40 zone, as Wesley Snipes can testify.

Not a rock star, but Charlie Sheen think he is one. This week Sheen went on yet another bender, this one ending with TV’s highest paid actor in the hospital. Very Rock Star.

His hospital stay is being reported as a hernia, which is, alas, very not rock star. Sorry Charlie.

She may not be a rock star, but she plays the daughter of one on TV. And now, for the second year running, Miley Cyrus is listed as AOL’s JSYK.com’s “worst celebrity influence.”

See Charlie, that’s how Rock Stars do it.

Fluffernutter, Rockin' and Rollin' and Never Forgettin' Alice Cooper, Australia, Bob Seger, Charlie Sheen, Jason Bonham, Jimmy Buffet, Jimmy Page, Led Zeppelin, Miley Cyrus, Motley Crue, Robert Plant, Silver Bullet Band, Vince Neil, Wesley Snipes