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Posts Tagged ‘Brittany Spears’

Saturday Fluffernutter:

September 18th, 2010
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All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

fluffincolorParis, Brittany, Lindsay and … George? He’s prettier and a better singer than Paris, Brittany and Lindsay. Now George Michael joins the first two in the going to jail for driving while stupid category.
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The former Wham! singer was sentenced to eight weeks in prison after pleading guilty to possession of cannabis and driving under the influence of drugs. He was also fined $1,725.

What’s the betting line on Michael not getting out for good behaviour?

fluffincolorAs if karaoke night run through a pitch adjuster isn’t enough, as if the idea that paying your dues means listening to one judges mean-ish commentary for ten weeks, isn’t enough, there is now one more reason not to watch American Idol: Jennifer Lopez will be judging this years show.

To anyone who has taken the debate with me through the years that American Idol is about finding talented people and not about dispensing celebrity on those not talented enough to otherwise earn it: Jennifer Lopez is judging American Idol.

fluffincolorFormer Led Zeppelin singer Robert Plant stepped in it this week, but came out unharmed.

While on the Today show, he referred to his pre-Zeppelin Band of Joy as playing blues and “spook music.” Spook is, of course, a derogatory term for African-Americans.

Such a comment, uttered on network television in the middle of the day will result in one of two things happening, regardless of the original intent of the comment. Either a large scale media kerfuffle, resulting in career suicide or nothing at all. The latter, which is what happens, is an indication of cultural obsolescence.

Not good news either if you’re the producers of The Today show, and nobody noticed a reference to spook music during your show.


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Saturday Fluffernutter: The You Had to Ask Edition

September 11th, 2010

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

fluffincolorWas it really just two week s ago when I asked what I would write about if Lindsay Lohan got her act cleaned up? That day, the night before the post went up in fact, Paris Hilton got busted with someone else’s purse that contained gum that looked, smelled and tasted suspiciously like cocaine (good thing she didn’t step in it – haha). melissa-glick-warhol-fluff-for-web

This week, Brittany Spears comes to the rescue, or more specifically her former security guard does. He filed a sexual harassment lawsuit this week that claims :

– that he heard her loudly have “sexual relations while her two children where in the suite.”
– that he saw her “having vigorous sexual relations,” on two occasions
– Spears flashed him, intentionally dropping a lighter so she could bend over to pick it up in front of him, while wearing no underwear
– abused her children, hitting son Preston with his belt
– fed the children crab meat, although they are allergic.
– called herself white trash.

I’m not sure what the point of the last one is: if 1-5 is accurate, then #6 is just acknowledging a universal truth.

fluffincolorThe Toronto International Film Festival (TIFF) began this week in Toronto. Here in Southern Ontario our news reports will now prominently feature the comings and goings of B actors, who have B roles in B movies that are premiering here in Toronto. As the 80’s came to a close, Toronto liked to talk about itself as a “World Class City.” Twenty years later, we fawn over Ryan Kwanten for having the good grace to honour us with his presence.

Or maybe I’m just cynical and wrong. Lets see what’s on:

Day 1… Festival Opening… Oh, an international premier…

Score: A Hockey Musical.


fluffincolorWhat’s the strangest celebrity death you can recall?

On Friday last, former ELO cellist Mike Edwards was driving on the highway when a 650lb bale of hay fell off a farm tractor, rolled down a large embankment and hit Edwards car, killing Edwards instantly.

This was all the stranger as I always thought that when a runaway hay bale ran over you it picked you up and continued on, arms and legs sticking out of the bale, and tossed you out at the end of it’s path, dazed but none the worse for wear. Of course, my mom always thought I watched too many cartoons.

Even odder than Edwards death, was the YouTube announcement of his death. It was positively Pytonesque, complete with news announcer who had a Michael Palin accent and could pronounce neither “Edwards,” or “Orchestra.”

ELO was a highly different band. Love them or hate them, ELO was the product of an era when anything went in rock and roll, and guys dragging double basses and cellos around the stage (literally) while band leader Jeff Lynne played a distorted Les Paul and sang was different and interesting. They were part standard rock band, part small orchestra and completely unusual.

Mike Edwards (1948-2010)

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The Freedom of Music: Making a Few Bob.

May 16th, 2010

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One likes to believe in the freedom of music.
Rush – Spirit of Radio.

What’s going to save the music industry from itself? You know what I mean, that whole CDs, golden goose, dead thing. To hear the rockstars and industry execs tell it, sharing files – they call it pirating for Gods sake – will ruin the industry. Who’s going to make music if you can’t make obscene amounts of money doing so?

sidebar-4“Make a few bob and then open a hairdressing salon,” Ringo Starr answered when asked what he hoped to get out of The Beatles. It was The Beatles first trip to the United States, and the press was already asking “what next?” I’ll make enough money to start a little shop, thought Ringo. By the time I get around to writing Octopuses Garden, I’ll have no one to sing it to except my customers. They probably all thought that: A bookstore for John; a music store for George; a hat store for Nigel (Tufnel, the oft forgotten sixth Beatle).

Who indeed?

During a television interview aired worldwide before The Who’s live simulcast farewell concert from Toronto in 1982, Roger Daltry talked about the band’s habit of breaking their equipment at the end of their shows: ‘we would run into a store, grab a guitar off the wall and run out again saying over our shoulder, I’ll pay you later,’ he said. ‘We didn’t make any money until the mid-70’s.’ Yet they managed to come out with Tommy and Who’s Next, alternatively known as the greatest rock opera and the CSI soundtrack album.

Kiss would work their way to the west coast, and have to book gigs, any gig, to eat and travel their way back to New York. Ever seen those early Kiss shows? Phenomenal. They were hungry, they had attitude and they were good. They started making money around the time of the Destroyer album. They stopped making listenable music exactly around the Destroyer album. “They prostituted themselves,” a high school buddy said one day about Beth. I rather think not, think Beth was in retrospect, a reasonably heartfelt song. It was immediately after Beth that the Kiss act became red-light. “This is a great Rod Stewart song,” Paul Stanley told the band about Hard Luck Woman, hoping to sell the song to Stewart. That, my friend, is prostituting yourself.

Nobody got into the music business for the business potential until sometime in the late 70’s or early 80‘s. Before that, even the big stars figured by the time they were 30, then 40, they wouldn’t be acting like rock stars. Mick Jagger said once that he couldn’t imagine running around a stage when he’s 60. He knew then what he refuses to acknowledge now: that he’s become somewhat absurd. But somewhere late in the 70’s, early in the 80’s guys started choosing rock star as a career option. It is considered a remarkable coincidence that people stopped making rock music that was transcendental at the same time.

Who am I kidding? The moment musicians stopped thinking I’ll give it all I got until I’m 28 or so, then get a real job is the moment music changed. If you imagine music as a career, what you’re going to do for the rest of your life, then you’re not about to go out on a limb because you believe from the depths of your soul that the 3rd bar in the 2nd verse should be a C#m instead of an E. If the record company guy, the one in the charcoal suit, says it should be an E, then who are you to withhold the master tapes and risk your future until he concedes your point? And while one C#m may not matter in the grand scheme, once you concede the 3rd bar in the 2nd verse, then why not cut the solo because nobody does solos anymore? And why not rewrite the last verse to make it more radio friendly? Never mind that you talked to God on that solo, or the third verse was absolute poetry, this is about selling records. So why not let the art director from the design department design your album covers, why worry your pretty little head over artistic direction? After all, it’s not art, it’s business.

While the artists were busy working for the man, the people who buy the product, the important line in the supply and demand curve, stopped buying. Instead they, ahem, stole it. Not stole as in left the store with a product, stole as in they took a bunch of 0’s and 1’s that one person voluntarily put on their computer, and moved them to your computer without removing or in any way changing them. Want to talk about the law? Here’s a basic law of economics: price = scarcity. Without scarcity, there’s no need for price. Computer files are technically an unlimited resource. They can be duplicated an infinite number of times without experiencing any degradation of the original file. And if you can duplicate something ad-infinitum, you can’t impose a price on it in the long run. Notice I said can’t, not won’t or shouldn’t, but can’t. You cannot impose a price on something that has no scarcity. And if you can’t impose a price on a music file, the business model of the career recording artist falls apart.

My favourite theory is that recording will become the incidental effort, to promote the live experience that the musician offers. Sooner or later musicians will give away files, sell records and CDs to those (say, me) who must have them, but will make their money for what they do today, or rather tonight, not what they did back in 1982. For this to happen, some things within the industry will have to change, not the least of which is the expectation that musicians should be paid in perpetuity: musicians will have to be first, and always, musicians. Brittany Spears need not apply, we need people who can step on a stage, and sing, or play their instrument; the idea that a concert should be a spectacle will have to end. If you need a ten piece band and dancers – especially if you need dancers – then you can’t be expected to turn a profit on tour. No profit, no performance, it needs to be that simple. A five man band giving it their all, ala the Stones 1972 can be profitable work. An eleven man band playing Jumping Jack Flash while Mick, Keith and Ronny prance and preen ala the Stones now, no Dice, Tumblin’ or otherwise; prices need to come down. Sure Roger Waters or Madonna can carry a circus act, tractor trailer loads full of bricks and flying pigs, then charge $150, but nobody else can. Fourty dollars to hear some band on the margins is too much, they need to be able to play, profitably, for less, maybe a lot less. The trick is get enough people in the seats for $20, and sell them shirts, ring-tones, iPhone cases and downloads of the show.


I mention this because it is, I think, the future, and it is coming sooner than most believe. Here’s an item from this weeks paper:

Christina Aquilera has announced a 20-date North American tour… in support of her upcoming album Bionic. Fans will receive a digital copy of the album with every ticket purchased before June 4.

Give away the music, sell the concert. It’s a new idea, and will take some working out, but it’s economically viable. To put it simply, performance is a scarce commodity, one that can be charged for. As it gets harder and harder to collect on the bits and bites sitting on your hard drive, it will become more viable to look to the performance of music to make a living.

What’s going to save the music industry from itself? That’s easy: musicians. And when they do, music consumers will be better off for it.

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