At Home in Hespeler

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

For some “stars,” it’s all they can do but take advantage of their fans. Apparently, Nicki Manaj, a singer of some form, is one of those.

Manaj was PO’d last weekend when a fan site, NickyDaily.com leaked a new, never before heard song by the rapper. So what did she do? Delete her twitter account. Leaving with a parting shot at an unfair life that has given her money and fame far beyond any ability, Manaj basically blamed her whole fan base for one website.

Like seriously, its but so much a person can take. Good f–king bye,

Twitter loses one: twitter gains one.

After an hiatus from her twitter account following her very public marriage break up, prescription drug problem and rehab stint, Demi Moore returned to twitter this week.

The actress/cougar hasn’t been seen much since husband Ashton Kutcher stepped out on the MILF queen. Her first tweet since the breakup was a photo of herself lying on her bed (sorry guys, fully clothed). She later tweeted that she was looking to change her twitter name, which is currently @mrskutcher.

I’d suggest @mrsgardiner, but the current occupant of that position might object.

This just in: The Tupac hologram has been shot. I repeat, the Tupac hologram has been shot. RIP Tupac hologram. 2012 – 2012. (h/t to Gord)

Breaking news. Nicky Manaj says the voices in her head made her quit twitter, and she is thinking of rejoining the “look at me” site.

We’re shocked.

Wouldn’t it be nice if once, just once, fans of these vacuous, talentless fame junkies didn’t return when these Diva’s treat them like shite. I know if I was running the free publicity web site she bashed it would have been an ex-web site by about last Sunday.

*********************************
Lousy, lousy week to be a music fan. Doesn’t matter if you’re period is the 50’s and 60’s, late 60’s and through the 70’s or disco era, there’s bad news.

Former Bee Gee Robin Gibb is in a London hospital suffering pneumonia. Gibb has been fighting cancer and the pnemonia appears to be of the fatal variety. Friends and family were called to his bedside last weekend where Gibb fell into a coma.

No recent word on his health, but prognosis does not seem to be good.

How did you know you made it in rock’n’roll in the 50’s?

You were on American Bandstand.

And if you were on American Bandstand, you got bigger and you had Dick Clark to thank for that. Clark was the host of the popular music and dance program form 1957 to 1987.

On top of Bandstand, he hosted Dick Clark’s Rockin’ New Years Eve from Times Square from 1975-2004, when he stopped hosting duties after suffering a stroke.

On Wednesday Clark died after suffering a heart attack following a medical procedure. The timeless entertainer, known for seeming to have not aged in his 50 years in the public eye was 82.

I don’t normally do mourning for celebrities or are bothered too terribly by the death of someone famous whether I liked them or not. Sure, I have empathy for the deceased, and always try to be graceful if I write a eulogy. But they are people I have never met and the effect on my life is minimal. I note their passing, try and offer some thoughts but don’t get too emotional. So this week when Levon Helm died and I found myself deeply saddened, I can’t answer why.

Helm was by all accounts a decent, easy man who did what he did simply because he loved music. When his health failed and treatment for cancer of the larynx took his voice and his money, he kept on playing, creating the somewhat legendary Midnight Rambles at his farm in Woodstock NY, the greatest show I never made it too but really, really intended too.

It took a number of years, but Helm worked his voice back, and if you listen to Dirt Farmer from 2007, it’s clear he is back in fine form.

After asking the audience at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductions to pray for Helm last Saturday, there was a report that ex band mate Robbie Robertson went to Helm to attempt to repair a 30 year rift. On Tuesday, Helms family announced via his web page that his cancer had returned and that he was near the end.

Sadly, he passed Thursday afternoon.

Helm was the drummer, but also played mandolin and guitar, in The Band. The lone American in the otherwise Canadian outfit, Helm had one of the strongest and most soulful voices in rock music. He never really lost his Arkansas accent when he sang, and it gave his singing a character others simply didn’t have.

Levon Helm was, simply put, a vital part of one of the greatest rock bands ever. He was 71.

Fluffernutter Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore, Dick Clark, Levon Helm, Nicki Manaj, Robbie Robertson, Robin Gibb, The Band, Tupac

Saturday Fluffernutter: The Girls, Girls, Lindsay Lohan & Girls Edition

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

This is news that would shock my mom: Mariah Carey is the only person ever to give birth. At least, that’s what Carey seems to believe.

I don’t think I understood the enormity and the magnitude of what it (pregnancy) really does to your body: It’s not just , “Oh, you don’t look pretty and you have a bump”…

It’s difficult to understand what I went through because my pregnancy was very unique in terms of what happened to me.

The jaw drops.

…my sister is a multibazillionaire, and I’m homeless…

Madonna’s brother, 55 year old Anthony Ciccone is homeless in Michigan, after losing his job at his father‘s winery. This, apparently, is all Madonna’s fault.

I’m no fan of Madonna, and I’m usually ready to blame her for almost any of the worlds woes, but if you can’t keep a job at your own father’s winery, if you are a 55 year old man who uses the word multibazillionaire with straight face (he also used the phrase, “a bazillion times”), maybe the problem isn’t other people.

Lets see, Mariah, Madonna… who am I missing? Ah yes, Britney.

Ticket prices for Britney Spears Femme Fatale show in Birmingham are being slashed. Originally prices at $88, they are now going for $48 on the website Groupon.com. Rumour is, over half the seats are unsold.

Says a Live Nation spokesman:

Offering a deal on Groupon is not a reflection of the quality… of the show.

No, having Britney Spears on the stage is a “reflection of the quality of the show.” All the rest is just business.

Demi Moore, trying to save her marriage to perrenial tool and man/child, emphasis on child, Ashton Kutcher, visited him on the set of Two and a Half Men last week.

Lets see, Kutcher’s accused of being a cad who bedded a nubile young woman. To help things along, Moore went to the set of his show, where he plays a cad who beds nubile young women.

I’m missing something, aren’t I?

Parole Violation, Shlamole Volation.

I guess Lindsay Lohan wasn’t just lying around awaiting judgement on her parole violation hearing, possibly heading back into custody.

Instead, she headed over to Playboy inc. to have her picture taken for the magazine. The magazine is allegedly paying Lohan $1-million for the shoot of Lohan in nothing but her… well nothing.

Meanwhile, over at FleshLight inc., makers of sex toys, they want in on the action. They are offering Lohan $1-million to launch her own line of sex toys. Included in the offer is a request to make a mold of Lohan’s – ahem – VIP room, to make an “authentic,” Lohan sex toy.

Fluffernutter, Magazine Anthony Ciccone, Ashton Kutcher, Britney Spears, Demi Moore, Lindsay Lohan, Madonna, Mariah Carey, Playboy

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Your hitting your 40’s feeling pretty good about life, and it comes at you from nowhere: your much, much younger husband is seen, as in pictures in the paper seen, tooling around town with a gorgeous blonde closer to his own age. Soon the evidence mounts that “around town” is not the only thing he has been tooling. What do you do?

If your Demi Moore, and husband Ashton Kutcher has been caught at a hotel with Sara Leal, you go to a Kabbalah retreat.

Didn’t know there where lawyers at Kabbalah retreats.

I always liked Christina Aguilera, thought she had some talent. But if you haven’t seen the pictures from last weekends Michael Jackson tribute in Whales…

Aguilera, X-Tina to friends, came out in a bodice and fishnets, with hair that looked rather, well, uncombed. Problem is the singer hasn’t maintained her girlish figure, and the outfit is truly dreadful on her.

Remember the TV show Friends, when Courtney Cox’s character would put on the fat suit? That’s the same effect Christina Aguilera has on the eyes, except instead of sweaters, she’s wearing a corset.

She later came out in a suit and looked lovely. But it’s time for some of Christina’s people to explain to her, if you want to look your age, you can’t be dressing like your a teenager.

President Obama’s numbers may be down in the real world, but in Hollywood, he’s still The Big O. Case in point, Melanie Griffith and Antonio Banderas are hosting an Obama fundraiser on October 24th.

The national Latino gala, co-hosted by Eva Longoria, will be at the actors home. It will target Obama’s latino supporters, raising cash for his candidacy. Tickets for the gala cost between $5,000 and $35,800.

Which leads one to ask, Melanie Griffith is latino?

Whitney Houston fell afoul of the flight crew in Atlanta Wednesday when she refused to buckle her seat belt for take-off. The wording here is, “the singer….became irate when members of the cabin crew insisted she buckle up for take-off.”

From the “doth protest too much,” file, the singers reps said she over-reacted a little bit, but, “she is still 100% sober…”

There’s just something about this story which doesn’t pass the sniff test, but I can’t put my finger on it.

Fluffernutter Antonio Banderas, Ashton Kutcher, Christina Aquilera, Demi Moore, Eva Longoria, Melanie Griffith, President Obama, Whitney Houston

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Charlie Sheen showed up in Illinois at the Gathering of the Juggalos Saturday to host the musical event on the main stage of the festival. He was promptly booed and had bottles thrown at him.

“I should have worn my fu&%ing goggles,” he told the crowd, before exiting, stage left (all these Hollywood guys exit stage left – never stage right).

Frankly, that’s the boring part of the story. Here’s the meat.

The Gathering of the Juggalos is a four day “rap and wrestling festival,” put on by rapper (I presume) Violent J.

“I think the Juggalos won’t be respected until 20 years after they’re done,“ said the Insane Clown Posse member. “Everybody will look back on it and say, that was great. That was history.”

Here’s your dilemma: it’s 20 years in the future, and your doing a I remember when with your kids. “I remember,” you say, “a rap and wrestling festival called Juggalos, put on by a guy in a group called the Insane Clown Posse called Violent J.” Do you use the word respect without irony?

Here’s a dilemma. Your a Federal Trade Commission investigator. Ashton Kutcher served as a guest editor for Details magazine, in which several stocks were recommended. Kutcher, it turns out, invested in a number of those stocks.

So, FTC investigator, do you investigate this possible breach of securities law, or do you say to yourself, “any person who takes investment advice from Ashton Kutcher deserves to lose his shirt?”

This week, the FTC chose option B. They chose wisely.

Review in Brief: Cowboys and Aliens: The title suggests this could be a very dumb movie: the title is guilty of severe understatement.

Dilemma #3. For the last year or two you have been tabloid fodder. You have just lost your high paying TV job. What acts of desperation are you willing perform to stay in the spotlight?

If your name is Kat Von D, AKA Skanky Tat Ho, the answer is, you are willing to reconcile with serial moron Jesse James.

James and Tat Ho, er Von D, have rekindled their lust and announced their engagement, mere weeks after announcing they were splitting up, but days after it was announced Von D’s TV show was being cancelled.

Dilemma #4: You’re having a baddish day, and it is deteriorating. You have a train to catch, and your running late. How to perk up the day, just a little?

Get Gwyneth Paltrow to run you over.

The story of Paltrow and Lara Lundstrom Clarke on September 11, 2001 came to light this week. Paltrow, it seems, saved the life of Clarke by hitting her with her Mercedes SUV. Clarke was then late for her train, and was not in 2 World Trade Centre when it was hit by a hijacked plane.

“At that time I was annoyed at everything that had made me late that day, including Gwyneth Paltrow… (But) if I had made that train I would have been at my desk on the 77th floor of 2 World Trade Center.”
She wrote a letter to Paltrow detailing her experience on the morning of the terrorist attacks and the actress’ publicist reveals the star was “deeply moved” by the story.

Thank God! Paltrow wasn’t driving a Prius. And yes, when you’re Gwyneth Paltrow, even 9/11 is about you.

Dilemma the last: Your on a plane from Paris to Dublin, except the plane is delayed on the runway. You have to go to the bathroom, but the cabin crew, in the strange, draconian wisdom that airline employees have developed over the past number of years, tell you a can not go to the bathroom.

Of course, as sarcastic teachers have been teaching their students at least since I was in grade 6, may not go to the bathroom and can not go to the bathroom are two different things.

The cabin crew said can not, when what they really meant was may not. What do you do?

If your French actor Gerard Depardieu, you give a lesson. Specifically, Depardieu peed into a bottle. Unfortunately, his bladder was bigger than his bottle and their was spillage.

The plane was delayed a further two hours while Mr. Jutzi taught a lesson on Merlin’s laugh.

Fluffernutter Ashton Kutcher, Charlie Sheen, Gerard Depardieu, Gwyneth Paltrow, Insane Clown Posse, Jesse James, Juggalos, Kat Von D, Merlin’s laugh

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

A large part of the tragedy of the Amy Winehouse story comes via her father, Mitch Winehouse. When Rehab, Winehouse’s ode to denial was a hit he begged fans not to buy the song and album. Your just encouraging her, he said at the time, and it’s going to kill her.

At a private funeral this week, he offered a 40 minute eulogy, telling hundreds of her friends and family while she may have been a troubled star, or a talented singer to millions, to them she was their “angel.”

The poor man humanizes this sad story and makes you wish for a different outcome.

Meanwhile, Amy’s ex-husband Blake Fielder-Civil did not attend the funeral. Fielder, who divorced Winehouse in 2009 after a 2-year marriage, is serving a 32-month sentence for burglary and possession of a firearm. While he is reported in “inconsolable,” over the news of her death, he did not ask for compassionate leave to attend the funeral. He apparently didn’t want to attend in handcuffs out of respect for Winehouse and her family. If true, it may be the first decent thing he’s done since he and Winehouse came to public notice.

Ashton Kutcher is a moron. I know, I know, “news flash.” But seriously, here’s what he tweeted after Amy Winehouse died:

I nevr know wht 2 post after paying respect 2 sum1 who died. Just seems lk anything funny is inappropriate. mayB I’ll just go C HarryPotter

Besides making my spell check cry, there is so much wrong with this. Yes, anything funny is inappropriate, but so is dismissively adding you’ll go “C HarryPotter.” Of course perhaps that was a little joke- the very sentence after saying jokes are inappropriate. Sigh.

Here’s the thing, you stupid, stupid man. If you can’t even take the time to spell correctly for a small tribute to someone who has just died, then don’t bother! Better nothing be said than an illiterate rambling that comes across as disrespectful for the deceased, and makes you look dumb as a bag of hammers – very dumb hammers.

Meanwhile U2 does it right, dedicating Stuck in a Moment You Can’t Get Out Of, to Winehouse.

“We wrote this next song for Michael Hutchence,” Bono told the audience, “but you will understand if tonight we play it for Amy Winehouse.”

Hutchence was the former singer for the band INXS, who committed suicide in 1997.

See Ashton Kutcher, that’s how it’s done, a nice sentiment simply stated. It doesn’t have to be about you.

Sandra Bullok’s ex- moron husband Jesse James has split from the woman he left Bullock for. Tattoo model Kat Von D and James announced this week they have broken up.

Lets see, can’t stick with the wholesome, pretty all American girl, can’t stick with the filthy tattooed skank. Maybe James just doesn’t do this whole relating with other humans very well.

Will they, or won’t they?

Gene Simmons got down on bended knee this week on his reality show, Gene Simmons Family Jewels. Simmons proposed to his long time lover and mother of his 2 adult children, during the finale of the reality show.

After a spat on the Joy Behar show a few weeks ago, it looked like splitsville for the pair. Wether the proposal was filmed before or since the Behar show, I can’t seem to find out.I Guess we have to tune in next season to see what she says.

It’s all so romantic.

Not everybody split up this week, some people were reconciling. Case in point: Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton.

The two had fallen out previously, but this week Lohan turned up at a Hilton party. While the two did not hug, kiss and/or announce an upcoming night on the town sans underwear, the appearance marks the first time the two have been seen in the same space in some time.

You know what Paris and Lindsay together means, don’t you. Means we here at Fluffernutter World Headquarters are going to have a banner season.

Fluffernutter Amy Wi, Ashton Kutcher, Blake Fielder-Civil, Bono, Gene Simmons, Gene Simmons Family Jewels, Jesse James, Kat Von D, Lindsay Lohan, Michael Hutchence, Mitch Winehouse, Paris Hilton, Sandra Bullock, Shannon Tweed, U2

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

The Kings Speech was the big Oscar winner with Best Movie, Best Actor (Colin Firth), Best Director and Best Original Screenplay.

Highlights of the telecast include the lovely Melissa Leo, who won best supporting actress for The Fighter, saying on national, prime time television:

When I watched Kate two years ago it looked so fuckin’ easy.

The other highlight was jerk off Christian Bale seeming to forget his wife’s name during the thank you’s.

Lowlight was Gweneth Paltrow singing.

The anti-Oscar’s, also known as The Razzies, went off as usual Saturday night in Los Angeles. The Razzies “celebrate” all that is bad in movies, giving awards to the worst movies and performances of the year.

Worst movie of the year went to The Last Airbender, a movie I hadn’t even heard of, but got a $320million box office received a 6% rating on Rotten Tomatoes.

Worst Actor was Ashton Kutcher for his role in Killers, and worst actress went to the girls in Sex in the City 2.

Unlike last year when Sandra Bullock attended the Razzies and showed real grace and class by accepting her worst actress award, none of the winners appeared this year.

The week that was: Chuck Sheen

Monday: Sheen fired his long-time publicist, Stan Rosenfeld hours after Rosenfeld quit. Sheen has been going off the publicity reservation a fair bit the past few weeks, and his publicist Rosenfeld seems to have had enough. In an interview, Sheen said Rosenfeld had erred in October when defending Sheen’s action:

I respect Stan, he was doing the best he could at the moment. Had I conformed with him, I probably would have come up with something better

Because his improvisations the last week have turned out so well, presumably.

Sheen later said of Rosenfeld: “He’s not allowed to quit, so you’re fired.”

Tuesday: After a series of bizarre interviews, Sheen joins Twitter, listing as his occupation, unemployed winner. By nights end he had over 400,000 followers, and I‘d make a joke about them being all twits, if only I wasn‘t one of them.

His interviews, meanwhile, continue to be some of the most colourful ever:

It (the AA principles) was written for normal people, people that aren’t special. People that don’t have tiger blood, you know, Adonis DNA…
I’m tired of pretending like I’m not a bitching, a total freaking rock star from Mars… You can’t process me with a normal brain…
They picked a fight with a warlock.

He also demanded a raise to return to his hit – ahem – “sitcom“ Two and a Half Men: “I’ll even do season 10, but… it’s 3 mil an episode (he was making $2 million an episode).

The day goes so bad for Sheen, that one media outlet dubbed it, “Charlie Sheen’s Scorched Earth Tour,” and former Two and a Half Men producer Chuck Lorre called it a “…Sprint from from Grace.”

Wednesday: Late Tuesday night a judge removed custody of his kids from Sheen. His ex-wife, Brooke Mueller, complained Sheen threatened her. Not, however, an I’ll kill you, you f%$#in’ bi%$&, kind of threat, but the kind of threat a guy with “fire breathing fists” would level:

I will cut your head off, put it in a box and send it to your mom.

He later tweeted: @Charlie sheen “My sons are fine… My path is clear… Defeat is not an option!”

Is it just me, or should the briefcase full of blow, the bevy of hookers, the outrageous statements in the media and the absolute appearance that Sheen may be having a very public breakdown of some kind not seem reason enough to remove the kids from the home. It takes a direct threat of the jihaddi kind to make a judge step up and protect those kids?

Friday: Sheen set a record with 1M twitter followers in 24 hours. It is now expected Sheen can make $1M on a yearly basis selling ads on his twitter feed. Because what Charlie Sheen needs is greater access to easy money.

Wonder how many twitter followers stop following Sheen once he’s running twitterads? One, I know of for sure.

Christina Aquilera was passenger in a car Tuesday when it got pulled over. She was, according to police, “not capable of taking care of herself. She was incapacitated… She was just intoxicated.”

A few hours in the holding cell to sleep it off, and Christina was on her way without charge.

Not so lucky was her boyfriend, Matthew Rutler, who was driving the car. He was arrested for suspicion of drunken driving.

After a big day being feted by Prince Charles, Catherine Zeta-Jones CBE was punched by a photographer in London. Returning from Buckingham Palace last week, Jones and husband, Michael Douglas, exited their car and entered their hotel in a flurry of photographers.

“How dare you punch me,” Jones suddenly yelled. “I want a police officer right now. He punched me. The guy coming in here, he punched me.”

Douglas, who is recovering from throat cancer treatments, turned to accost the photog.

Good on Douglas, who looks weakened but well these days, for standing up for his wife.

Last week I reported a story in which some in the music industry were criticizing artists who played well paying, private parties for the Gaddafi’s in Libya.

This week, Nelly Furtatdo has announced she will repay what she was given to perform for the murderous dictator. Problem is, Ms. Furtado, payment is only part of the problem. Mu’amar Gaddafi was a murderous thug long before anyone thought of tweeting about it. You had to know, and that says far more about you than paying back the money after the fact does.

Fluffernutter Ashton Kutcher, Brooke Mueller, Catherine Zeta Jones, Charlie Sheen, Christian Bale, Christina Aquilera, Chuck Lorre, Colin Firth, Gweneth Paltrow, Kaddafi Duck, Matthew Rutler, Melissa Leo, Michael Douglas, Mu'amar Gaddafi, Nelly Furtado, Prince Charles, razzies, Sandra Bullock, Sex in the City 2, Stan Rosenfeld, The Kings Speech, The Last Airbender, Two and a Half Men

Ashton Kutcher has told Men’s Health that he keeps himself in tip top shape to “prepare for end days.” Kutcher apparently believes, rather ardently, that a technological Armageddon is coming, and if you don’t practice Krav Maga and yoga (the latter in blazing hot temperatures), you will not survive the apocalypse.

In honor of the New Year, we here at Fluffernutter World Headquarters, situated in a bus buried under 10 feet of solid clay somewhere south and west of Guelph, offer this years best fluffernutters or, as we prefer to call them, signs of the Apolalypse:

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

From the “perhaps we can just forgo the whole horseman drama and go straight to separating the sinners and the faithful,” department:

If Mariah Carey is pregnant is a sign of the apocalypse, what is Mariah Carey is expecting twins a sign of? Surely not just that the IQ of the Carey/Cannon household will soon approach triple digits?
And hey, who’s that guy with the beard and sandals?

Justin Beiber: Minute 16.
A couple of weeks ago Justin Beiber lashed out at a fan looking for an autograph. Famous for about a year, Beiber is already tired of all these kids, children really, throwing their money at him. If only they would go away, he could enjoy his fame in peace.

Last weekend Beiber was accused of assaulting a 12 year old boy at Planet Lazer in Vancouver. While playing he hit/ran over the lad, who complained to management, and then police.

The boy says he hit him, Beiber says it was an accident. I say Justin Beiber’s fifteen minutes are up.

Madonna is rumoured to have dumped her 24 year old Latin lover, Jesus Luz for Brazillian dancer Brahim Rachiki.
For the record, Madonna lists herself as a “children’s author” amongst other things on her CV. Here’s a tip: if you are buying your children books by Madonna, you’re a bad parent!

If you are using Madonna as a role model for your kids, pre-teen, teen, young adults, you are a bad parent.

Want to know why society is a mess? Popular TV show Glee! Had a Madonna episode, where they raved about what a wonderful role model she was for young women. Any society, anywhere, who thinks filthy, skanky, slutty Madonna can possibly be a role model, is a mess. Full stop.

Kim Cattrall is one of life’s lucky ones. A good career, success, money. So how does she feel about it?

Recently I was enjoying a quiet lunch in Liverpoo… this guy approaches… He says, “C’mon, stand up – I want a photo with you.” My response was, “I won’t do it. I’m not working right now…”

Quick reminder for Cattrall: this guy you so sneeringly dismiss, he’s the reason you can afford to lunch at Liverpoo.

Boy George was exiled from guy-ville this week, although authorities prefer it be called released from prison.  He served 27 days of an eight week sentence and got early release after the other prisoners complained they needed the rest.

Dear Lindsay:

The rules are simple. Here’s how it works. You do your treatment program, you pass two drug tests a week, you stay out of jail.

Two drug tests a week Lindsay Lohan is mandated to take. Two. You know they’re coming. So how does she do? She fails both of them. On two separate, mandatory samples she tests positive for two separate drugs: cocaine on one test, amphetamine on the second. Two tests, two fails, two different drugs.

It’s hard to muster much sympathy for the bail revoked/4 weeks in jail she got for her transgression.

Sigh! Another week, another sex scandal on Sesame Street… wait… what did I just write?

Singer, fashionista and all round ingénue Katy Perry was to appear on Sesame Street this week, performing a song with Elmo (who’s nose feels so good &tc.). Perry, famous for the song I Kissed a Girl was set to perform her single Hot and Cold on the pre-school MTV. The producers of Sesame Street released the clip on YouTube and then pulled it from the show “based on feedback.”

This blog has never, ever been an advocate for the sexualizing of children, and abhors the practice. But frankly, other than some really bad lip synching, there’s nothing wrong with the segment. An argument can be made that Perry is not the kind of role model we want for pre-schoolers (an argument can be made she’s not the type of role model we want for pre-teens, her target audience, but I digress), but this particular clip is tame.

Brad Pitt is a good leftie. He doesn’t believe in the death penalty for, say, someone who kidnaps a child and spends three days molesting them before killing them. Paul Bernardo, as an example, should be spared the death penalty.

But run a company that has an environmental accident?

I was never for the death penalty before, but I am willing to look at it again (for BP executives)

I love the headline in this weeks In Touch. Angelina Jolie, it claims, calls Brad stupid behind his back.
Talk about belabouring the obvious.

Mr. Zeta Jones, Actor Michael Douglas, announced this week he was diagnosed with throat cancer. Mr. Jones will undergo chemotherapy and is “very optimistic,” of a full recovery.

Back in June his son Cameron, from a previous marriage, was sentenced to five years in prison for dealing methamphetamine and possessing heroin. Which just goes to show, even Kirk Douglas’s son, who’s married to Catherine Zeta Jones can have a shitty go of things.

You can, in fact, have it all and legitimately wonder, “why me?”

I saw the Jennifer Aniston ugly duckling photo shoot last week: the one where she makes herself up to look just like Barbara Streisand. A fine example of how to turn beauty butt ugly in one make-up session.

Want to know what my reaction was: “glad I never laminated that list.”

But this Thursday she was on Regis and Kelly, when she said about the photo shoot:

I play dress up. I do it for a living – like a retard.

Cue the professionally aggrieved, specifically Pete Burns, CEO of Arc:

I was extraordinarily offensive and inappropriate. Frankly, someone in her position ought to know better.

Someone in her position? What, an actress? A fairly average actress who if it wasn’t for the fact she has a very cute, girl next door thing going on you would never have heard of? She should know better than who? The President?

You know who should know better than to say really stupid, intellectually challenged, things: people with CEO on the business card.

Mr. Diana Krall, Elvis Costello, this week joined the “shut up and sing,” club. Costello cancelled two upcoming concerts in Israel, stating:

…merely having your name added to a concert schedule may be interpreted as a political act…

This in contrast to cancelling already scheduled concerts, which is an apolitical act.

Last word to Israeli Sport and Culture Minister Limor Livant:

An artist who boycotts his fans in Israel is not worthy of performing in front of them.

Sean Penn pleaded no contest to charges of vandalism this week after he was videotaped kicking a photographer. He was sentenced to 300 hours of community service and three years of informal probation.

How does an assault, on video, become vandalism? What’s the charge for spray painting walls? A speeding ticket?

Russell Crowe, somewhat known for being quick to rile, got upset and stormed out of an interview in England this week. When the interviewer suggested Crowe had a bit of an Irish accent in his new movie, Robin Hood, Crowe became angered and yelled:

What would you be talkin’ about, ya fekin gobsheit! Ya stupid wee man, ya wouldn’t know an Irish accent if it dropped it’s pot of gold on your toes.

He then finished his Guiness and stormed off.

Top signs that Russell Crowe is angry:

• Puts a petrol bomb under your bonnet
• Stands and drops his pants, all the while yelling Pogue Mahone
• Knee-caps you with a hurl.
• Dons an Aaron sweater and says, “I like it too.”
• Drops his pot of gold on your toes.
• Guest edit’s the Globe and Mail
• Bops you on the head with his shillelagh.

Joni Mitchell gave a rare interview last week with the LA Times:

We (Bob Dylan) and I are like night and day, he and I. Bob is not authentic at all. He’s a plagiarist, and his name and voice are fake. Everything about Bob is deception.

Oh, my! Tell us what you really think Joni.

She had more to say regarding Grace Slick and Janis Joplin being drunken tramps – they were “sleeping with their whole bands and falling down drunk” – and Madonna:

Americans have decided to be stupid and shallow since 1980. Madonna is like Nero; she marks the turning point.

Madonna as anti-Christ. There’s an argument I can get behind.

Other revelations in the Joni Mitchell interview:

• The Red Hot Chilli Peppers are neither red, hot nor chilli peppers.
• Jakob Dylan plagiarised his fathers last name.
• The Led Zeppelin song Going to California, heretofore thought to be written about Joni Mitchel, was really written about “That Girl” Marlo Thomas.
• The reason the Toronto Maple Leafs have not won a Stanley Cup in 40 years is that Joni Mitchell cursed them by writing about them in her song Raised on Robbery.
• Jose Feliciano is the judge for the People Magazine’s most beautiful people.
• Bob Dylan mumbles

Sixteen year old singing sensation/tweener heartthrob Justin Beiber commented to People magazine this week about President Barack Obama mis-pronouncing his name at Beiber’s first visit to the White House last year:

He messed up my name, but I give it to him. He’s not (the) age category I sing to. He’s not “one less lonely girl”.

I would have preferred if he had said, “Dude. You can pronounce Netanyahu, but you can’t get Bee-ber? Put it on the teleprompter and get it right next time.” However, the “it’s more than I expect from some old, square guy,” routine that he went with was good too.

Life and Style magazine has gone undercover to find out, which Hollywood big shots have big shooters. The big men about town, in no particular order, we hope, are: Leonardo DiCaprio, Ashton Kutcher, Jamie Foxx, David Arquette, David Spade, Jamie Kennedy, Brian Austen Green, Jaret Leto and Andy Dick.

Noticeably absent from the list is any of those Hollywood loudmouth types (DiCaprio excepted) like Sean Penn or Matt Damon, proving once again, guys with big dicks don’t have to go around acting like they have big dicks.

In an interview with Parade magazine, Elton John angered Christians by stating that Jesus Christ was:

…a compassionate super-intelligent gay man who understood human problems.

US Christians are particularly angry, claiming labelling Jesus a “sexual deviant” is akin to labelling Elton John “fashionable.”

Other little know Elton John religious facts:

• Elton played Candle in the Wind at Jesus’ crucifixion, changing the words to Goodbye, Jesus. Dude
• A recently discovered first draft of an English translation of the bible refers to the holy trinity as The Father, The Captain Fantastic and The Brown Dirt Cowboy.
• John the Baptist also wore powder blue track pants.
• On Halloween 1517, Martin Luther posted a scathing review of the previous nights Elton John concert in Wittenberg on the church door. Pope Leo X, an Elton John fan, declared the review a hearsay and ex-communicated Luther.
• Benny and the Jets is about a Super Bowl III party in the Hampton’s with Pope Benedict, who then went by the sobriquet Benny the Bishop.
• A Priest’s vestments were originally modelled after Elton John’s early stage clothes.
• Elton John was due to appear at Jeuruselum-a-palooza in 1095 when he got a bout of food sickness. Fans rioted, causing the Imams of the Caliphate to issue a crowd control fatwa. The ensuing battle was the First Crusade.John was only able to escape with his life when the Knights Templar snuck him out of the holy city. They would be his bodyguards for the next 1,000 years for which he signed over royalty rights to his Greatest Hits album.
• Jesus’ sandals were made by Gianni Versace.

The Late Shift II: Conan the Leftoutinthecoldian – There really is one story in entertainment this week: Leno vs. O’Brien.

In a redux of 1991’s decision to replace Johnny Carson with Jay Leno instead of heir apparent David Letterman, NBC announced is shaking up The Late Show, once again anointing Leno and leaving hair apparent O’Brien out in the cold.

Leno’s new 10PM show has bombed, and NBC announced they were moving Leno back to 11:30 with a new half-hour show. O’Brien balked at being moved to midnight, telling NBC to go letter their man. Leno will return to the Late Night fold, with Jimmy Kimmel retaining O’Briens old 12:30 slot. And O’Brien? It appears he will take heed of Leno’s advice to NBC when the story started to break last week and travel: Fox, he said, is beautiful this time of year.

Who the long term winner will be is anybody’s guess, but it seem likely there will be one long term loser: Leno’s reputation as a nice guy.

So your Tiger Woods. Your nice guy image is in tatters, your reputation need rebuilding. Your wife is leaving, and taking with her the kids and $300M. Pat Burns is on Montreal radio telling the world your gorgeous Swedish wife took a nine iron to your face before you got in the Cadillac, which she then took the nine iron to the windows of. What do you need to revive your image? How about a magazine cover with you looking like it was taken in the prison yard:

The world is upside down when I feel sorry for Tiger Woods.

Fluffernutter Andy Dick., Angelina Jolie, Ashton Kutcher, Barack Obama, Barbara Streisand, Bob Dylan, Boy George, Brad Pitt, Brahim Rachiki, Brian Austen Green, Cameron Douglas, Catherine Zeta Jones, Conan O'Brien, David Arquette, David Letterman, David Spade, Diana Krall, Elton John, Elvis Costello, Glee!, Grace Slick, Guelph, Jamie Foxx, Jamie Kennedy, Janis Joplin, Jaret Leto, Jay Leno, Jennifer Aniston, Jesus Luz, Johnny Carson, Joni Mitchell, Jose Feliciano, Justin Beiber, katy perry, Kim Cattrall, Kirk Douglas, Krav Maga, Led Zeppelin, Leonardo DiCaprio, Limor Livant, Lindsay Lohan, Madonna, Mariah Carey, Matt Damon, Michael Douglas, Pat Burns, Paul Bernardo, Pete Burn, Regis and Kelly, Robin Hood, Russell Crowe, Sean Penn, Sesame Street, The Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Tiger Woods, yoga

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Singer Ricky Martin, long rumoured to be gay, last week announced he was… gay.

In a statement on his website, Martin said week:

I am proud to say that I am a fortunate homosexual man. I am very blessed to be who I am.

No real surprise, I can’t listen to Livin’ La Vida Loca without feeling gay, never mind singing it every night.

Sixteen year old singing sensation/tweener heartthrob Justin Beiber commented to People magazine this week about President Barack Obama mis-pronouncing his name at Beiber’s first visit to the White House last year:

He messed up my name, but I give it to him. He’s not (the) age category I sing to. He’s not “one less lonely girl”.

I would have preferred if he had said, “Dude. You can pronounce Netanyahu, but you can’t get Bee-ber? Put it on the teleprompter and get it right next time.” However, the “it’s more than I expect from some old, square guy,” routine that he went with was good too.

Life and Style magazine has gone undercover to find out, which Hollywood big shots have big shooters. The big men about town, in no particular order, we hope, are: Leonardo DiCaprio, Ashton Kutcher, Jamie Foxx, David Arquette, David Spade, Jamie Kennedy, Brian Austen Green, Jaret Leto and Andy Dick.

Noticeably absent from the list is any of those Hollywood loudmouth types (DiCaprio excepted) like Sean Penn or Matt Damon, proving once again, guys with big dicks don’t have to go around acting like they have big dicks.

From the Department of Segues I never thought I’d use: speaking of Penises (penisi?), Mutt Lange’s ex-wife (a very quiet guy if your ever looking for one) Shania Twain is back in the public eye, causing millions of penisi world-wide top thump around in excitement, “I was in a very deep, dark slump, and I needed to find a way to get myself out of it,” Twain told People, causing thousands of those penises to explode.

Malcolm McLaren (1946-2010) – In 1976 Malcolm McLaren took a band he was managing and replaced first the bass player, then added a singer. The singer, who would audition for McLaren miming to an Alice Cooper song wearing an I hate Pink Floyd short (the words written on after the fact), changed his name to Johnny Rotten, the band to the Sex Pistols. They would stay together two years, scandalising Britain with their celebration of the Queen’s Silver Jubilee with their version of God Save the Queen (She ain’t a human bein’).

The Sex Pistols broke up on their first American tour, and McLaren would go on to break up Adam and the Ants, and regroup them as Bow Wow Wow and Adam Ant. He also had a lengthy music career of his own, begining with 1983’s Duck Walk.

McLaren died this week, aged 64, after a battle with the rare form of cancer, malignant mesothelioma.

Fluffernutter Adam ANt, Andy Dick., Ashton Kutcher, Barak Obama, Bow Wow Wow, Brian Austen Green, David Arquette, David Spade, Duck Walk, God Save the Queen, Jamie Foxx, Jamie Kennedy, Jaret Leto, Johnny Rotten, Justin Beiber, Leonardo DiCaprio, Livin’ La Vida Loca, Malcolm McLaren, Matt Damon, Mutt Lange, Netanyahu, Ricky Martin, Sean Penn, Sex Pistols, Shania Twain