At Home in Hespeler

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

It was awards weekend last weekend as The Canadian Music Awards, known as the Juno’s, the Country Music Awards and The Razzies all were handed out.

With William Shatner hosting, Michael Buble winning best album for a Christmas album, and then not being present to accept his award, The 2011 Juno’s are being called strange. One reason they are being called strange is that deadmau5 did not win best electronic dance album. Frankly, any award show that takes a man in a mouse head seriously is by definition strange. The fact the man with the mouse head was in Ottawa only makes things a little less strange.

Over in Las Vegas, meanwhile, the Academy of Country Music Awards were also handed out Sunday night. The big winners were husband and wife Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert. Mr Lambert won best male vocalist while Mrs. Shelton won best female vocalist and album of the year for her record, “Four The Record.”

But the Junos and the Academy of Country Music Awards are the small potatoes. The real news is The Golden Raspberries. The Razzies for the worst in movies for the past year were handed out on Saturday night and for the first time one movie cleared the table. Adam Sandler’s Jack & Jill had more nominations than categories and Sandler won worst actor and worst actress for his dual role as Jack Sadelstein and his sister Jill Sadelstein. As well, Al Pacino won worst supporting actor for his role as Al Pacino in Jack & Jill. The movie, which critics at review site Rotten Tomatoes disliked almost unanimously, received all ten Razzies handed out.

A Charlize Theron sex video sounds like the end of the line for Internet porn, any further videos having being made moot. Alas, it was not the case as the sex-video released this week was a parody sex video involving Theron as in a dominatrix role and two submissive men being cowered by her. It was, according to press reports, Theron proving she had comedy chops. I disagree, it was not all that funny. It was, however, proof that what the world needs is a real Charlize Theron sex video.

Speaking of hot Internet videos, Bond Girl in the upcoming 007 flick, Skyfall, Naomie Harris, has spent the last two months at the shooting range learning how to use , “machine guns, hand guns… Walter PPK’s,” in preparation for the role as Eve, a field agent who works with James Bond. She has a video diary highlighting her progress, available, no doubt, at the better internet sites.

The role of James Bond in Skyfall will once again be butchered by Daniel Craig.

In other James Bond Skyfall news, there is rumour that the English Olympic committee is planning on having a Skyfall promo as part of the opening ceremonies of the London Olympics this August. This is apparently an answer for those who complained the Jimmy Page and Leona Lewis on top of the bus schtick was too cheesy. Because a Daniel Craig/ James Bond trailer wouldn’t be cheesy.

Alec Baldwin is engaged. the former Mr. Kim Basinger (54), retweeted a message this week that said:

Congrats to my longtime friend Alec Baldwin and his wonderful bride to be Hilaria Thomas. Congrats on his engagement

Thomas’s, for the record, is a 28-year old yoga instructor.

The good spirits around the engagement lasted all of a day, after 2 New York Daily News reporters attended Thomas’ yoga class Monday, where they snapped a couple of pictures of the Hilaria Diamond, a square-cut Cartier engagement ring. Baldwin was peevish in tweets Tuesday:

New reporters from the Daily News crashed @hilariathomas yoga class today to take photos and post pictures. their names are … Simone Weichselbaum… And Enid Alvarez… shame on the no-talent trash from the Daily News for invading the privacy of 75 people in a yoga class to take a picture of someone.

While he has a point, I must say, shame on Baldwin for using multiple tweets to send one message. I’ve un-followed people for less.

Fluffernutter alec baldwin, Blake Shelton, Charlize Theron, Country Music Awards, Daniel Craig, deadmau5, Hilaria Thomas, James Bond, Juno's, Michael Buble, Miranda Lambert, Naomie Harris, razzies, Skyfall, William Shatner

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

I’m not a football fan, don’t base my month of January around the Super Bowl. Really, don’t watch it very much, don’t much care. If I do end up watching it, it’s always the same story: I turn on the half-time show, and decide to stick with the second half of the game.

This week it was announced he half-time show for Super Bowl XLVI will be headlined by… Madonna. The “singer” says she will team up with Cirque de Solei to produce a Super Bowl extravaganza.

All this gives me a big headstart when planning my January: In no conceivable way will I be busy on Super Bowl Sunday.

Wonder if all those football fans wish they hadn’t played their half-time show petition card on Nickelback?

Speaking of over the hill singers who can’t actually sing, Britney Spears turned thirty last weekend. The dancer with the headset donned her wholly underwear and went skating in Houston with her boyfriend, Jason Trawick.

As Britney Spears leaves her 20’s behind, it’s a worthwhile exercise to look back and remember the decade that was: the panti-less nights; her sister, who managed to avoid the talentless yet famous trap; and whatever became of her husband, Kevin Federline?

Well, since you asked, Federline is in Australia where he was recently hospitalised for heat exhaustion. He is in Australia filming a celebrity weight loss show called Excess Baggage. While Britney spent their breakup tramping around with Paris Hilton, Federline ate away his heartbreak, gaining 85 pounds. He lost 30 pounds in 2010, filming VH1’s Celebrity Fit Club: Boot Camp, but gained it all back. Hence, he was in the Australian outback filming Excess Baggage when he showed signs of heat exhaustion.

Here’s a question. Federline’s resume has one skill on it: dancer. Why does he need physical trainers in the Australian outback? Put down the sandwhich, turn on the music and dance for a couple of hours a day. It’s your one job, how hard can it be to do it?

Or was that whole dancer thing just a fabrication to convince us that Britney hadn’t married a completely useless tool.

Hey not all marriages have to end in appearances on Celebrity Fit Club: Boot Camp. Thus we all live in hope that Sinead O’Connor’s fourth marriage to Barry Herridge has better luck.

The singer and her “unknown boyfriend,” tied the knot in the back of a pink Cadillac at the Little White Wedding Chapel in Las Vegas Nevada this week. O’Connor met Herridge online three months ago, and the bulk of their relationship has been mostly of the virtual variety.

What I want to see is the morning he wakes up and realizes the woman he married is former singer Sinead O’Connor. Sure hope he’s not catholic.

Alec Baldwin had a flying sh*t-fit this week, when asked to turn off his phone based video game during take off. An American Airlines air-hostess asked Baldwin to turn off his phone while the plane was in the taxi-way. Baldwin refused and, according to the airline, left his seat and went to the bathroom to continue the game. He caused such a scene that he was escorted from the plane and had to take a later plane.

Baldwin says, much as he was moving to Canada if George Bush won in 2004, that he will never take American Airlines again, at which the bankrupt airline no doubt replies good riddance.

In Baldwin’s defence, he is an idiot.

Harry Morgan (1915-2011):

Henry Morgan is known mostly, and significantly, as Col. Sherman Potter in M*A*S*H from 1975 until it’s end in 1982. As a main character in one of TV’s most popular ever shows, Morgan virtually entered millions of homes every week for almost a decade.

So it is that we sadly say Goodbye, Farewell and Amen to Morgan, who died this week age 96. Morgan died at his home in Los Angeles.

Besides M*A*S*H, Morgan played officer Bill Gannon on Dragnet from 1967 to 1970 and appeared in over 100 movies, including two of my personal favourite oldies, High Noon and the Glenn Miller Story.

Morgan was predeceased by a son, and his wife of 45 years, Eileen and is survived by his second wife, three sons and eight grandchildren.

It was, in short, a life well lived and well worth celebrating.

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All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Love this: New York Times fashion reporter Cathy Horyn said of designer Donatella Versace, after seeing Lady Gaga’s outfits, “be choosier, Ms. Versace.”

This week, Gaga hit back:

Shouldn’t columnists and reviewers, such as Cathy Horyn, employ a more modern and forward approach to criticism, one that separates them from the average individual at home on their laptop?”

Speaking as an average individual at home on my laptop, who doesn’t get paid to be snide to the vastly over-rated, yes, some level of sophistication would be nice.

But then again, professional singers should be more modern and forward, separating them from the average teenage wannabee on YouTube, but you can’t have everything.

Alec Balwin and George Clooney, two guys who suppose to tell us little people how we should vote (i.e. like them), have both eschewed politics in no uncertain terms. Alec Balwin, for example, asks rhetorically

Would I rather be handcuffed to the emergency command centre in Maspeth during a hurricane, holding down the fort and making sure all the ploughs are working… or would I rather spend some of that 30 Rock money traveling the world with my girlfriend?

Er, yes well. George Clooney on the other hand – a person not afraid to criticize those who make the tough decision, at least until three years ago – doesn’t have the stomach for tough decisions:

If I make a mistake it’s not going to cost 100,000 people their lives. I’m very happy telling stories. Films don’t hurt people.

What is the antonym for putting your money where your mouth is?

If not politics, how about ice cream Alec Baldwin?

In a 1998 Saturday Night Live skit, Alec Baldwin played Pete Schweddy, a baker who was trying to market rum, popcorn and cheese balls, known as “Schweddy Balls.” Now Ben & Jerry has created a vanilla and rum-flavoured ice cream with fudge-covered rum balls. The name? Schweddy Balls Ice Cream.

Ice cream or politics… ice cream or politics… yea I’d pick ice cream too.

This is a small blog, 100 or so visitors a day. On top of that, I play in a band that performs for 100 people once every six months or so. What this means is I am famous enough to be on Dancing with the Stars, if only I would lower my expectations.

Case in point, Chaz Bono, famous by being daughter of Sonny and Cher and changing her status from maiden to man. He is now “losing weight,” by dancing in preparation of the show.

Now, I am aware Chaz has not been a man for long, so I’m willing to extend the courtesy of explaining certain inalienable facts to Mr. Bono: Men don’t dance to lose weight. Women dance to lose weight, women dance because they enjoy it, women dance with other women and women dance like no one else is watching. Men dance to meet/impress/please the women. Men play basketball, jog, ride a bike or box to lose weight. They dance cause they have to. And men never, ever, dance with other men, especially to lose weight.

So I’m driving down the road, and a sweet, petite blond is jogging along the sidewalk. Hey, is that perennial cutie Reese Witherspoon? I slow down, half checking out Reese, half watching where I’m going, when to my horror I turn into Reese Witherspoon. I can see how it would happen.

However, when Witherspoon was hit while jogging in Santa Monica this week, it had nothing to do with some guy checking her out. Rather it was an 84 year old woman, who was driving 20 miles and hour because she’s an 84 year old woman.

Nonetheless, Witherspoon was taken by ambulance for minor injuries, and released.

Keith: The Movie.

Rolling Stone guitarist Keith Richards autobiography, Life, is set to get the big movie treatment. The big question is, who play’s Keith? Johnny Depp seems obvious, but what if he’s not available? Who do you get to handle that character?

Here’s my cast choices:

Kieth: Johnny Depp
Brian Jones: Owen Wilson
Mick Jagger: Ben Affleck
Bill Wyman: Benicio del Toro
Charlie Watts: George Clooney
Anita Pallenberg: Olivia Wilde
Mick Taylor: Kevin Bacon (he has to be in every movie)
Ron Wood: Hugh Lawrie

The Academy of Motion Picture &tc. have announced that this years Oscars will be hosted by… Eddie Murphy. Yes, the guy who voices Donkey.

Because apparently Ray J. Johnson was unavailable.

Fluffernutter alec baldwin, Cathy Horyn, Chaz Bono, George Clooney, Johnny Depp, Keith Richards, Lady Gaga, Pete Schweddy, Reese Witherspoon

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Hollywood glittered Sunday night as the movie industry celebrated itself in it’s annual Oscar night. The show, co-hosted by Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin, is being widely panned as boring and predictable. The show was boring, the winners predictable. The top winners were:

Best Picture: The Hurt Locker
Best Actress: Sandra Bullock (The Blind Side)
Best Actor: Jeff Bridges (Crazy Heart)
Best Supporting Actress: Mo’nique (Precious)
Best Supporting Actor: Christoph Waltz (Inglorious Basterds)

If there was any surprises, it was that one movie didn’t dominate as is often the case. Favourite, and most nominated movie Avatar, won three Oscar’s: Visual Effects; Cinematography and Art Direction.

Review in Brief: Alice in Wonderland: “It was,” the twelve year old boy shrugged, “OK.”

Higher praise you will not find.

Counterpoint to Oscar night is the Golden Raspberries. The Razzies, which get handed out the night before the Oscars, celebrate the worst performances in movie-dom.

For the first time someone has won both the Oscar and Razzie for acting, as Oscar nights Best Actress Sandra Bullock received the Worst Actress honours for All About Steve. To her eternal credit, Bullock showed up at the 30th annual Razzie awards to receive her award.

Other Razzie winners were:

Worst Picture: Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Worst Actors: The Jonas Brothers (Jonas Brothers: The 3-D Concert Experience.
Worst Supporting Actor: Billy Ray Cirus: Hannah Montana: The Movie
Worst Supporting Actress: Sienna Miller: G.I Joe: The Rise of the Cobra

Miley Cyrus this week had this to say about her relationship with her new boyfriend, Liam Hemsworth:

I think we’re both deeper than normal people…

Which makes them… deeply abnormal?

Pink Floyd won a major court victory this week that prevents EMI from releasing any Pink Floyd recordings in any form except the complete albums.  Floyd originally negotiated a contract that allowed Floyd to block releasing any song individually. In the era of MP3s and iTunes, Floyd decided they are still an album band. A stand that is to be respected, but you have to wonder what it does to Pink Floyd’s long term fan base.

Corey Haim (1971-2010) – Corey Haim was a star for approximately five years during the 1980’s. He seems to have spent the rest of his life paying for his teenage celebrity.

One of the two Coreys, Haim died this week of a suspected accidental overdose – probably prescription drugs – after years of drug abuse.

Originally from Toronto, Haim will be buried in Toronto.

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