Saturday Fluffernutter:Elton Finds Religion; J.K. Rowling Finds a Lawyer; Doug Fieger – 1952 – 2010
All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities
In an interview with Parade magazine, Elton John angered Christians by stating that Jesus Christ was:
…a compassionate super-intelligent gay man who understood human problems.
US Christians are particularly angry, claiming labelling Jesus a “sexual deviant” is akin to labelling Elton John “fashionable.”
Other little know Elton John religious facts:
-Elton played Candle in the Wind at Jesus’ crucifixion, changing the words to Goodbye, Jesus. Dude
-A recently discovered first draft of an english translation of the bible refers to the holy trinity as The Father, The Captain Fantastic and The Brown Dirt Cowboy.
-John the Baptist also wore powder blue track pants.
-On Halloween 1517, Martin Luther posted a scathing review of the previous nights Elton John concert in Wittenberg on the church door. Pope Leo X, an Elton John fan, declared the review a hearsay and ex-communicated Luther.
-Benny and the Jets is about a Super Bowl III party in the Hampton’s with Pope Benedict, who then went by the sobriquet Benny the Bishop.
-A Priest’s vestments were originally modelled after Elton John’s early stage clothes.
-Elton John was due to appear at Jeuruselum-a-palooza in 1095 when he got a bout of food sickness. Fans rioted, causing the Imams of the Caliphate to issue a crowd control fatwa. The ensuing battle was the First Crusade.
-John was only able to escape with his life when the Knights Templar snuck him out of the holy city. They would be his bodyguards for the next 1,000 years for which he signed over royalty rights to his Greatest Hits album.
-Jesus’ sandals were made by Gianni Versace.
Brazilianaire writer J.K. Rowlings is fighting off accusations that large parts of her book Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire stole liberally from late writer Adrian Jacobs’ book Adventures of Willy the Wizard – No 1 Livid Land. For her part, Rowlings contends she never even read the Willy the Wizard books, “and besides, their crap,” she said something like in a statement.
The case has been brought by the estate of the former writer, which seems to think there might be some money to be had of the accusations can be found convincing.
Gordon Lightfoot was driving to the dentist this week when the report came over the radio that he, Gordon Lightfoot, was dead. He then did what any relatively alive person would do, he called the radio station and disputed the accuracy of their reporting. One thought has bothered me since this happened Thursday: when he was driving down the road and they announced his passing, did he for one fleeting second believe it? Did he think for just that one moment, “and I was having such a good day?”
Doug Fieger – 1952 – 2010.
When you use the term one hit wonder the list is long. There may have been, however, no one hit wonder that was as celebrated or successful in their one hit that The Knack. My Sharona stormed the charts in 1979, an unabashed pop/rock tune when disco and punk were fighting it out for supremacy. My Sharona was number 1 (with a bullet!) for 6 weeks on the Billboard charts.
The Knack’s leader, Doug Fieger, died in Los Angeles last Sunday after a long battle with cancer. He was 57 years young.
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