At Home in Hespeler

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

I know I’ve been away a while, but some news is just too important to leave to others: and besides, I’m so darn verklempt over the Gwyneth Paltrow/Chris Martin split I can’t work.

This week Gwyneth and Chris, ten years married, announced they would have a “conscious uncoupling,” which apparently means they are splitting.  It is interesting that when you use a phrase like “conscious uncoupling” you’re really unconsciously telling the world you have disassociated from reality. As marriage (and parenting) is the ultimate reality test, it’s kind of hard to make a marriage work when you’ve uncoupled from reality.

Normally, this blog would take the attitude that we are pleased that a stunning beauty like Gwyneth is back on the market, available to discover the joys of a sarcastic, yet loveable, scribbler of bad celebrity jokes. Somehow, however, I think it would  take about 9-years, 11, months, 30 days and 20 hours less time than the 10-years it took Chris Martin to discover she’s a complete whack job.

Good news out of Washington: Chris Brown may be taken from his cell in Los Angeles, shackled and sent to Washington to stand trial for assaulting a man.

Meanwhile, Brown has discovered he doesn’t like sitting in jail, telling a friend he “feels like a caged animal.” Let it be said, here and now: Chris, we’ve seen the pictures of Rhianna after you beat on her, and you are.

Kanye West, meanwhile, slipped in and out of an LAPD station on Thursday in less than an hour to be processed for misdemeanour battery for beating on a photographer at LAX. He has been ordered to not have any more such issues and attend anger management therapy sessions.

Or, he could be given the opportunity to visit Chris Brown for a few weeks, and learn first hand why you don’t go beating people.

Not to be outdone, Justin Beiber has two assaulting photographer cases on the docket, one in LA, and one in Miami. Interestingly, Selena Gomez is a material witness in the LA case, and she’s being questioned about the assault, of which she was there, but also about Beiber’s after the fact comments and his overall opinion of paparazzi. And, the Miami photog. wants Gomez to testify under oath, even though she was not there for that particular bit of tomfoolery.

Must be some sweet nothings the Beib likes to whisper.

Brian Gardiner Fluffernutter