Home > Uncategorized > SpongeBuzz PinkPants! Part 3 – Remaking Society in Buzz’s Image

SpongeBuzz PinkPants! Part 3 – Remaking Society in Buzz’s Image

August 31st, 2006

As I write about the CAW report Eye Of The Storm: The CAW and the Remaking of Canadian politics (pdf document), I can’t help but to play a little mental game with myself. If they ever attained their goal and replaced capitalism with socialism, what would the CAW call the new entity. Personally, I like the Social Unionist Republic of Buzzastan. It’s boring, and likely won’t look like much on a hockey shirt, but boring and uninteresting logo material is probably exactly what they’re planning on creating.

What is the CAW planning on creating anyway? They are, unfortunately, not much help. The paper spends a fair bit of space imagining a new world order, where working people are genuinely prosperous, secure and equal, where “tools of government…are used proactively to support workers interests, rather than business interests.” Buzzastan will be a “society in which corporations are held to account for their actions.”

It all sounds so wonderful, but platitudes aside, what will Buzzastan be like? Here, the prospective Buzzastanians are less helpful:

True, we don’t know exactly what that hopeful vision will look like, let alone how to get there. Those details will need to be worked out…

Well, I’ll wager a guess; Buzzastan will look like Soviet Russia with better cars. Let’s face it, doing away with capitalism means doing away with capital: your money, your house, any property, vehicle or item above the base needs. If buddy living under the Gardiner Expressway doesn’t have it, why should you? That’s what socialism is, equality of results, and since some people simply cannot be made rich, by any means, then poverty for all must be the case.

Consider what happens when the denizens of Buzzastan are done using the tools of government to look after workers interests. Will there be corporations and private businesses left? Not likely, not when most corporations in this country, especially the ones represented by the CAW, do the bulk of their selling to that market directly south of us. Will they chose to stay, or relocate and make goods for Americans in more friendly environs.

But that’s OK, the leaders of Buzzastan have that figured out (even if they don’t know what Buzzastan will look like):

We need to… expand public ownership and non-profit enterprise.

If, as they dream, however, capitalism is done away with, by what means would they expand public ownership? If there is no capital with which to purchase assets, then assets must be taken. Nationalized is the common term.

If they have no issues nationalizing businesses, how soon until they are nationalizing your home? Surely in an even handed system one person cannot live in a 2600 square foot home, as many do now, while others have 1000 square feet. Even if that is what the latter chose, it is clearly an inequity. What of cottagers, with scenic views over-looking pristine lakes (and they will be pristine; no capital means no boats with which to ruin the view). Is that OK, when I, living in modest suburbia, wish for such a view. Surely that too must be nationalized.

And make no mistake, this is what they are talking about. Taking your property and making it their property, to dispense as they see fit.

They talk often about democracy, improving it, a new kind of democracy they say, but what if you object to their taking your property? What if 50% of the population object, as they surely will? Will democracy be allowed to prevail?

Of course, it can’t. In the preamble to the CAW’s constitution they refer to themselves as a social union. If the union members all got together and voted that it would not be a social union, it would not change the fact. They build it into their constitution, and make it unchallengable. Some locals have written into their by-laws that officers of the union must be involved in the social struggle. The same would, presumably happen in Buzzastan. What then happens to those who challenge it? Historically, they find themselves in the gulag (or prison camp, or internment camp, re-education camp). Are the unionistas above imprisoning those that disagree with it? They certainly don’t say, and that can’t be considered hopeful. It is also noteworthy that the CAW is a very top down institution; this report itself is full of talk about educating members on their world view:

UPC’s (Union in Politics Committees) undertake the full range of political initiatives, including:

– Educating CAW members about key issues and about politics in general.

Note that they will educate their members, not take direction from. Their vision will be our vision. That is the kind of democracy you can expect when the Social Unionist Republic of Buzzastan is a national entity. Expect education camps, re-education camps, youth education camps for our children and, as always happens when you start limiting peoples prospects, imprisonment for dissent.

Welcome to Buzzastan, where turning back the clock 90 years is considered progressive.


  1. Ron
    September 1st, 2006 at 08:04 | #1

    Your scenario on the creation of S.U.R.B. brings to mind a couple of points.

    The newly nationalized corporations would want to sell their products to the U.S., right? But how would they get around the trade embargo (a la Cuba)?

    Your desire for a cottage with a scenic view is irrelevant. They will all have been siezed as dachas for the Politburo and the senior apparatchik. Your scenic view will be the giant paintings and statues of the Great Leader.

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