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Weekend Magazine: Celebrity News

November 6th, 2011

The Fluffernutter: The Girls, Girls, Justin Beiber and Girls Edition

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

fluffincolorE! Network went into emergency lockdown Monday, as brass went into panic mode when it was announced that some person who is infinitely famous, and entirely unaccomplished, and her basketball playing husband (and former Toronto Raptor), are divorcing after 72 days. E! paid millions to air a multi-episode show of the wedding, which they only finished airing last week.fluffposter01sample

Sadly, shame is not known to have permeated the E! meeting, in which executives who foist this crap on the public bore no real responsibility for their actions. I mean, even I, a sniping blogger who employs and old fashioned and backward approach to criticism (read: I have morals), won’t use her name.

Achievement first, then you get your name in the Saturday Fluffernutter.

fluffincolorThe worst kept secret in celebrity-dom was confirmed this week: Jessica Simpson is pregnant. Simpson was rumoured to be shopping the official announcement to various publications. Showing uncommon restraint, the celebrity press all declined to pay the reported $500,000 to have the scoop for all of thirty seconds.

However, pregnancy is only a secret so long, and this week Simpson announced what everybody already knew – Simpson and fiancé Eric Johnson will have a ring bearer/flower girl for their wedding, expected before the end of 2012.

fluffincolorOh-oh. Lindsay Lohan faced the full wrath of the law Wednesday, facing Judge Stephanie Sautner for various probabtion violations. The judge threw the paperback at Lohan, handing her 30 days in jail, of which she will spend… minutes before being released. She will likely be out, said Sheriff’s officials, without having to change her clothes.

You know what I don’t understand, I don’t understand why Lohan doesn’t take this more seriously.

fluffincolorThis is a story that, if you’ll excuse the use of the phrase, doesn’t really pass the sniff test.

A Justin Beiber fan claims Beiber is the father of her three month old daughter after having, “sex backstage at a concert in Los Angeles.”

Maybe it’s just me but, “sex backstage,” gives an image of banging groupies on the buffet table, ala backstage at Mötley Crüe as described in Nicky Sixx’s Heroin Diaries. I imagine a young, tightly scripted, image conscious money machine like Beiber doesn’t have the chance to have sex backstage, on the buffet table or anywhere else.

Paternity tests will occur, and my bet is, this story goes away just as quick as those tests can get done.

And if not, the law seems to be on standby to ask the fan in question why she was having sex with a minor, backstage or otherwise.


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