Home > Fluffernutter > Saturday Fluffernutter: The Punch to the Solar Plexus Edition: Lindsay, Madonna, Black Eyed Peas… and Urkel?

Saturday Fluffernutter: The Punch to the Solar Plexus Edition: Lindsay, Madonna, Black Eyed Peas… and Urkel?

July 10th, 2010

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

fluffincolorNot so much a punch to the solar plexus, but Justice Marsha Revel did give Lindsay Lohan a boot to the nads (or the appropriate female equivalent) she won’t soon forget. A weeping Lohan was told by Judge Revel this week that, due to her probation fluffviolations- including not attending an alcohol education programme, she was heading to jail for 90 days.

fluffincolorMeanwhile, a waitress at Hollywood nightclub Voyeur denies she punched Lindsay Lohan during Lohan’s 24th birthday celebrations last Thursday. Said Jasmine Waltz:

All I have to say is that disturbed little train wreck is delusional. I didn’t hit her. But I’d like too.”

Wonder if her lawyers approved that statement?

fluffincolorIt’s what did she really mean day on the set of W.E.. Star Margo Stilley has quit work on the movie citing “artistic differences,” with director Madonna.

Said Stilley:

I had the role, but we had artistic differences. She (Madonna) is really something. I wish the cast luck because they are all really talented.

Ouch, that’s gotta hurt. But considering Roger Ebert said of the other movie Madonna directed, Filth and Wisdom, “…the pop stars directing debut, is a pointless exercise in shocking behaviour,” perhaps the artistic differences are that Stilley doesn’t want to make a crap movie.


post-lindsay-lohan-fuck-you-nailWe interrupt this post named after a sandwich to bring a Lindsay Lohan update: Little Miss contempt of court had a vile, unspeakable comment written on her fingernail during her court appearance. It was just a little joke, COCO assured the media after. Not intended for her honor at all.


fluffincolorFormer child TV star Jaleel “don’t call me Urkel” White is being investigated in an apparent domestic assault incident. Bridget Hardy, mother of an infant urkellete, says the suspendered funny-geek punched her in the chest while they were driving on a Los Angeles freeway last month. The alleged incident continued at their home, where White apparently slapped her and pushed her into a toilet.

Urkel org disputes these events:

The incident never happened. This is just a ploy in an ongoing custody battle over their young daughter to tarnish his name.

fluffincolorThe Black Eyed Peas, who’s manager punched Perez Hilton (not hard enough, it turns out) last June in Toronto, have teamed up with James Cameron to make a 3D concert documentary.

Hoping to merge Cameron’s film technology with the Peas concert experience, the Peas note that:

We have the biggest director, because we are the biggest group on the planet… People will be able to see us in the theatre with the 3D glasses and everything.

Note that it’s the people in the theatre who will be wearing the glasses, not the group – although with will.i.am’s fashion sense, I could have that wrong.

We can assume at least that Fergies biggest assets will be impressive in 3D.

fluffincolorIn Led Zeppeliny circles it’s considered an open secret that Jake Holmes originally wrote Dazed and Confused. In 1967 Holmes opened for the Yardbirds, featuring Jimmy Page by then, at a Greenwich Village Club and performed Dazed and Confused. Impressed, the Yardbirds decided to cover the song, and the next day set about an arrangement, which would become I’m Confused. After the Yardbirds disbanded, Page brought the track to his new band, Led Zeppelin, returning it to the name Dazed and Confused. Fourty years after the fact, Holmes has decided to sue for royalties. In past interviews Holmes, who has remained on friendly terms with Page through the years, has suggested that he would not do so, but he appears to have changed his mind. The suit could be worth millions, but a statute of limitations applies in such cases, so Holmes can only request three years of back royalties. The present filing would therefore include all sales of the 2007 Mothership greatest hits CD, and the re-issue of The Song Remains the Same. No word on when Steve Marriot is going to sue for Whole Lotta Love. And we’re not even going to mention Randy California, Taurus and Stairway to Heaven in the same blog post.

We interrupt this post named after a sandwich to bring a Lindsay Lohan update: Her long time lawyer, Shawn Chapman Holley issued a statement suggesting Lohan‘s punishment was “harsh and unfair,” then tended her resignation as her lawyer. “I don‘t do human rights law,” she isn‘t quoted as saying. Neither did she say, “I‘m sick of wasting my day on this drugged out moron.” Lohan will be represented in her appeal, or future drug cases, or something, by Tiffany Feder-Cohen.

fluffincolorThis weeks episode of the Bachelorette was cut short so the producers could bring you a sniping match between former Bachelor Jake Pavelka and his chosen one Vienna Girardi. Here’s the short of it: they met on TV (he’s a fame whore she declared un-sarcastically), they moved in together after a month (she’s a whore-whore, he hinted equally un-sarcastically), then it fell apart (surprisingly, I editorialized entirely sarcastically). No punches were thrown, solar plexus or otherwise, but this does lead to two unavoidable questions: who are these people? and who watches this stuff?


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