At Home in Hespeler

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Justin Beiber: Minute 16.

A couple of weeks ago Justin Beiber lashed out at a fan looking for an autograph. Famous for about a year, Beiber is already tired of all these kids, children really, throwing their money at him. If only they would go away, he could enjoy his fame in peace.

Last weekend Beiber was accused of assaulting a 12 year old boy at Planet Lazer in Vancouver. While playing he hit/ran over the lad, who complained to management, and then police.

The boy says he hit him, Beiber says it was an accident. I say Justin Beiber’s fifteen minutes are up.

Breaking News: Keith Richards bedded bandmate Brian Jones’s girlfriend Anita Pallenberg in the back of his Bentley on a trip from Morocco to Paris.

I’ll be glad when Keith Richards Autobiography is published, and we can stop getting these 40 year old news flashes. Last weekend it was a 60’s era drug and booze fuelled vacation with John Lennon in the back of his Bentley.

Whose autobiography is this anyway, Keith Richards’, or Keith Richards Bentley’s?

Madonna is rumoured to have dumped her 24 year old Latin lover, Jesus Luz for Brazillian dancer Brahim Rachiki.

For the record, Madonna lists herself as a “children’s author” amongst other things on her CV. Here’s a tip: if you are buying your children books by Madonna, you’re a bad parent!

If you are using Madonna as a role model for your kids, pre-teen, teen, young adults, you are a bad parent.

Want to know why society is a mess? Popular TV show Glee! Had a Madonna episode, where they raved about what a wonderful role model she was for young women. Any society, anywhere, who thinks filthy, skanky, slutty Madonna can possibly be a role model, is a mess. Full stop.

Barbara Billingsley (1915-2010):

Pearl wearing, Jive talking Beaver mom Barbara Billingsley died Sunday. Billingsley played June Cleaver, TV mom to Wally and The Beaver, on Leave it to Beaver. The show ran between 1957 and 1963.

Known as the perfect mom who did house work in pearls and heels, both of those traits were, in fact, sops to Billingsley’s vanity: The pearls covered a “hollow” in her neck, the heels came later to disguise the fact her TV sons were gaining on her in height.

Her next most famous role was a spoof, playing an older lady who spoke “jive,” translating for a couple of black passengers in the comedy “Airplane.”

Barbara Billingsley died of polymyagia at the age of 95 last Saturday. May she Rest in Peace.

Tom Bosley (1927-2010) From the bad week to be a perfect TV parent department:

If June Cleaver was the perfect mom, then “Mr. C.,” Howard Cunningham on Happy Days may have been the perfect TV dad. As the father of Ritchie and Joannie he was always calm and wise: even when he caught underage Ritchie at the strip club.

Possibly more important than his many, many movie, stage and TV roles, Tom Bosley served in the U.S. Navy during the Second World War.

He died Tuesday at age 83. He had been battling a staph infection, but cause of death is currently unknown. Rest in Peace, Tom Bosley.

Fluffernutter Anita Pallenberg, Barbara Billingsley, Brahim Rachiki, Brian Jones, Happy Days, Jesus Luz, John Lennon, Justin Beiber, Keith Richards, Leave it to Beaver, Madonna, Tom Bosley

The $1B E-Health scandal wasn’t a bug, it was a feature:

If this were the French Revolution, by now tumbrels would be rolling up University Avenue…

For those of you who wonder why we’re taxed to death…

Your money is being thrown into a black abyss to pay for well connected insiders…

“In auditing language… the fix was in…”

…consultants are being paid for fancy hotels and Christmas lunches out of tax money…

He (a hospital consultant)charged hundreds of dollars a night for fancy accommodation – $700 a night for five nights in Singapore alone…

…one (dinner)costing $300 for three people – including $140 for booze…

Read the whole thing. It’s appalling, but par for the course for this gang of liars. Sure hope one of them doesn’t become mayor of Toronto.

Dalton, Dalton Dalton Dalton, dalton spend e-health

In the late 80’s early 90’s, Tom Petty had one of the most successful albums of the period with Full Moon Fever. It’s lead hit, Free Fallin’ is still a staple of rock radio and bar bands.

In the 80’s he had a string of hits that include The Waiting, You Got Lucky, Change of Heart, Don’t Come Around Here No More and So You Want to Be a Rock and Roll Star. He also had collaborative hits with Stevie Nicks and the Traveling Wilburys.

In the 70’s, he produced a debut album, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, that had Breakdown and American Girl on it.

In the 60’s, as a teenager growing up in Central Florida, he played in a band with Don Felder, who would find success of his own with The Eagles, and write a little ditty known as Hotel California.

If you’ve never seen him live, Tom Petty puts on a superb show: unpolished yet clean, unpractised sounding yet flawless. He runs a string of hits that surprise you to no end, two hours of songs you know and like but didn’t realize it.

None of it matters.

Tom Petty deserves birthday wishes for 1979’s Damn The Torpedoes. It included the songs Refugee, Here Comes My Girl, Even the Losers and Don’t Do Me Like That. It is a remarkable rock and roll album, rated as all time #313 on Rolling Stones list of 500 all time greatest albums. I rate it much, much higher.

So happy 60th birthday Tom Petty: I would suggest you have a nice rest, but I suspect you don’t do nothing very well.

Birthday Wishes Damn the Torpedoes, Full Moon Fever, Tom Petty, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

My friend Jim Hillis runs The Hespeler Project. He has cross-posted stuff I post here before, and has requested original material from me. I finally got around to giving him something, Changing the Hespeler Hockey Guard:

Here in Hespeler, we have what is euphemistically called, a favourite son. Kirk Maltby’s name is on the Stanley Cup four times, he played over 1,000 NHL games, 908 of them a few hours up the road in Detroit. For all his success, Maltby summered in Hespeler, worked out in the off season at the local YMCA and brought the Stanley Cup to the local bar, where his, and it’s, picture proudly hang on the wall.

We love him for none of that.

In Hespeler, there is only one stat that truly counts: did you buy a house in Galt? He never did, so we hung his jersey up at the Hespeler arena and called him ours.

He has had a distinguished NHL career and, sadly, this week called it quits. Retired at 37.

In the last couple of years, Maltby’s Jersey has been joined on the rafters of the Hespeler arena by Tim Brent. Granted, there was a meeting of a committee to have Brent‘s jersey, “ripped down, run through the chipper and burned like an American flag at a commune,” when there was a rumour that Brent was looking at a Condo in Preston, but the mayor (unofficial) arrived with some Grand River Town Hall Lager and sober second thought was replaced with a darn good party.

Brent was, however, always a marginal interest. Playing in Anaheim, he was wasting his career playing games at midnight on Tuesdays. Hometown boy made good, yes, but if your not up to see him on TSN, what good does it do anyone?

With Maltby’s exit from the game and Brent joining the Toronto Maple Leafs, however, an opportunity has opened up. Brent scored the Leafs first goal of the season last week against Montreal at a time when almost all of Hespeler was still up to see it.

He scored his second goal against Ottawa Saturday night, again during waking hours, this time on the CBC. Hockey Night in Canada for God’s sake: Don Cherry almost mentioned him on Coach’s Corner and there was a rumour at the Townline Tim Horton’s on Sunday morning that Rick Mercer may have him on his show – although it was agreed all round that they probably shouldn’t run into Pushlinch lake naked, Pushlinch Lake being in Guelph rather than Hespeler.

Being a Maple Leaf, Brent could easily surpass Maltby as our local hero by winning a Stanley Cup with Toronto. While that sounds like a lot, let it be said that nobody is suggesting he win a show-offy four cups like Maltby, but a modest one.

A-HA! I can hear the cries of Montreal Canadian fans in Galt pouncing. The Leafs win four lousy games and your already planning the parade. Well, yea, actually:

Around the parking lot at Townline Tim Horton’s a few times, just until everybody gets an ice cap
Across Townline road to Ellis Road and down to the arena
Around the arena parking lot, and then to Cooper Street
Down Cooper to Guelph Ave
Along Guelph Avenue to Ernie’s where, the ice caps being almost finished, we can start having our picture taken drinking beer with the Stanley Cup.

It may seem presumptuous, four games into the season. But us Hespelerites know the Leafs now have a secret weapon: A Hespeler Boy.

And no, we’re not opening the gates across the 401 that day. You guys get the Santa Claus Parade (official) and the Canada Day Parade and Fireworks: we get the Stanley Cup parades and picture day at Ernie’s with the cup.

Hockey Hespeler Project, Kirk Maltby, Mayor of Hespeler, Stanley Cup, Tim Brent, Toronto Maple Leafs

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Between Friends hotties Jennifer Aniston and Courtney Cox, Aniston was always the tabloid fodder. Cox married David Arquette while Friends was at it’s peak, had the baby she wanted and settled in to her family and successful TV career.
No more. After eleven years of marriage Cox and Arquette have split:

After our eleventh anniversary she gave me a motorcycle and said “I don’t want to be your mother anymore,”

Arquette told the Howard Stern show this week.

We have not had sex in quite a while… it’s been like four months. We’re not having sex and I completely understand.

Classy guy.

In retrospect, it was bound to fail: Arquette has the maturity of a teenage boy and Cox has a last name that makes teenage boys giggle.

If you are the kind of guy who’s pretty confident in himself, and thinks your in the Courtney Cox league, but alas, you would prefer somebody a little more dame-like, the news is good: Christina Aguilera is also exiled from guy-ville after her split with husband of five years Jordan Bratman.

The great dame and her leechite have separated and have been living apart the last six months and will “see how that goes.”

The betting here at Saturday Fluffernutter world headquarters is better for her than him.

Kim Cattrall is one of life’s lucky ones. A good career, success, money. So how does she feel about it?

Recently I was enjoying a quiet lunch in Liverpoo… this guy approaches… He says, “C’mon, stand up – I want a photo with you.” My response was, “I won’t do it. I’m not working right now…”

Quick reminder for Cattrall: this guy you so sneeringly dismiss, he’s the reason you can afford to lunch at Liverpoo.

Boy George was exiled from guy-ville this week, although authorities prefer it be called released from prison.  He served 27 days of an eight week sentence and got early release after the other prisoners complained they needed the rest.

Fluffernutter Boy George, Christina Aquilera, courtney cox, David Arquette, Howard Stern, Jordan Bratman, Kim Cattrall, Liverpoo

doesn’t include Julian Fantino.

This Friday in Vaughan, there is a rally to support Julian Fantino as the Conservative candidate for the riding. A counter protest, by Conservatives Against Fantino will also be held:

Fantino’s nomination is a slap in the face for every resident in Caledonia and Haldimand County; every police officer who served there; and every Conservative Party supporter who believes in fundamental justice and respect for the rule of law. Let’s tell Stephen Harper that Fantino must answer for Caledonia’s victims, not be rewarded for creating them.

I know which rally I would be attending if I wasn’t working (and they weren’t telling  people to dress up for the protest?).

Find out more about the counter-protest here.

Meanwhile, Christie Blatchford’s new book on Caledonia Helpless: Caledonia’s Nightmare of Fear and Anarchy, and How the Law Failed Us All will hit bookstores October 26th. Here’s a preview video:

Caledonia, Conservative Party Caledonia, Christie Blatchford, Conservative Party, CPC, julian fantino