At Home in Hespeler

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

I’m not a football fan, don’t base my month of January around the Super Bowl. Really, don’t watch it very much, don’t much care. If I do end up watching it, it’s always the same story: I turn on the half-time show, and decide to stick with the second half of the game.

This week it was announced he half-time show for Super Bowl XLVI will be headlined by… Madonna. The “singer” says she will team up with Cirque de Solei to produce a Super Bowl extravaganza.

All this gives me a big headstart when planning my January: In no conceivable way will I be busy on Super Bowl Sunday.

Wonder if all those football fans wish they hadn’t played their half-time show petition card on Nickelback?

Speaking of over the hill singers who can’t actually sing, Britney Spears turned thirty last weekend. The dancer with the headset donned her wholly underwear and went skating in Houston with her boyfriend, Jason Trawick.

As Britney Spears leaves her 20’s behind, it’s a worthwhile exercise to look back and remember the decade that was: the panti-less nights; her sister, who managed to avoid the talentless yet famous trap; and whatever became of her husband, Kevin Federline?

Well, since you asked, Federline is in Australia where he was recently hospitalised for heat exhaustion. He is in Australia filming a celebrity weight loss show called Excess Baggage. While Britney spent their breakup tramping around with Paris Hilton, Federline ate away his heartbreak, gaining 85 pounds. He lost 30 pounds in 2010, filming VH1’s Celebrity Fit Club: Boot Camp, but gained it all back. Hence, he was in the Australian outback filming Excess Baggage when he showed signs of heat exhaustion.

Here’s a question. Federline’s resume has one skill on it: dancer. Why does he need physical trainers in the Australian outback? Put down the sandwhich, turn on the music and dance for a couple of hours a day. It’s your one job, how hard can it be to do it?

Or was that whole dancer thing just a fabrication to convince us that Britney hadn’t married a completely useless tool.

Hey not all marriages have to end in appearances on Celebrity Fit Club: Boot Camp. Thus we all live in hope that Sinead O’Connor’s fourth marriage to Barry Herridge has better luck.

The singer and her “unknown boyfriend,” tied the knot in the back of a pink Cadillac at the Little White Wedding Chapel in Las Vegas Nevada this week. O’Connor met Herridge online three months ago, and the bulk of their relationship has been mostly of the virtual variety.

What I want to see is the morning he wakes up and realizes the woman he married is former singer Sinead O’Connor. Sure hope he’s not catholic.

Alec Baldwin had a flying sh*t-fit this week, when asked to turn off his phone based video game during take off. An American Airlines air-hostess asked Baldwin to turn off his phone while the plane was in the taxi-way. Baldwin refused and, according to the airline, left his seat and went to the bathroom to continue the game. He caused such a scene that he was escorted from the plane and had to take a later plane.

Baldwin says, much as he was moving to Canada if George Bush won in 2004, that he will never take American Airlines again, at which the bankrupt airline no doubt replies good riddance.

In Baldwin’s defence, he is an idiot.

Harry Morgan (1915-2011):

Henry Morgan is known mostly, and significantly, as Col. Sherman Potter in M*A*S*H from 1975 until it’s end in 1982. As a main character in one of TV’s most popular ever shows, Morgan virtually entered millions of homes every week for almost a decade.

So it is that we sadly say Goodbye, Farewell and Amen to Morgan, who died this week age 96. Morgan died at his home in Los Angeles.

Besides M*A*S*H, Morgan played officer Bill Gannon on Dragnet from 1967 to 1970 and appeared in over 100 movies, including two of my personal favourite oldies, High Noon and the Glenn Miller Story.

Morgan was predeceased by a son, and his wife of 45 years, Eileen and is survived by his second wife, three sons and eight grandchildren.

It was, in short, a life well lived and well worth celebrating.

Britney, Fluffernutter alec baldwin, American Airlines, Britney Spears, Henry Morgan, Kevin Federline, Madonna, Sinead O’Connor, Superbowl

Saturday Fluffernutter – all the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities.

Britney Spears returned to the stage with her new Circus tour in Louisiana this week The early review: not good. No audience engagement and, according to People magazine,  “given that Spears probably doesn’t do much live singing either, it left a definite chill in the air.” Ouch.

Morkian funny-man Robin Williams was hospitalized with “heart issues.” The 57 year old comedian was in Florida to perform his one man show “Weapons of Self Destruction,”  when he complained of shortness of breath.

The tour has been postponed and Williams will have an aortic valve replacement surgery. Best wishes and Godspeed to Robin Williams.

Fifteen year old Dakota Fanning is progressing her career toward adulthood by taking on the role of Cheri Currie in the upcoming Runaways biopic. It’s a nice transition role from child star to adulthood, as Currie was a fifteen year old when she joined the infamous LA band. A child herself, Currie none the less strolled the stage in garter and stockings singing songs of teenage rebellion and sexuality.

The movie will also star Twilight’s Kristen Stewart as Runaway guitarist Joan Jett.

Britney, Fluffernutter Britney, Cheri Currie, Circus Tour, Dakota Fanning, Jacksonville, Joan Jett, Kristen Stewart, Louisiana, Robin Williams, Runaways, South Florida, Spears, Twilight, Weapons of Self Destruction

I spent the better part of a week in the summer of 1977 in the back seat of a white Thunderbird with black vinyl roof going to Florida and back. For entertainment I had dad’s really lousy radio stations, and a Cream magazine. I read and re-read Lisa Robinson’s account of Led Zeppelin’s 1977 tour, a review on Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers upcoming debut album, and a story on a hot new girl band, The Runaways. Joan Jett at 16 (remember, I was 14), Lita Ford, and the gorgeous Cherie Currie fronting the band in bustier and stockings. That was a long drive.

Now comes word that those Runaway days will be immortalized on celluloid with a 2009 movie adaptation of the bands success. Twilight star Kristen Stewart is slated to play Joan Jett, who is listed as an executive producer.

Jay Leno has agreed to do a show at 10:00 every weeknight after he stops hosting the Late Show next spring. This means NBC is out of the one-hour drama game, and into the sucking up to Jay game. It was announced previously that Conan O’Brien would replace Leno in the spring. Leno had previously announced his retirement, but has since decided that he would rather stick around. There were rumours that he was going to do a show for rival ABC. We’ll let Leno tell the rest:

Those were rumours started by a disgruntled employee – me.

Like I said, NBC is now officially in the sucking up to Jay game.

Jennifer Aniston, 40 and looking great, has appeared on the cover of this months GQ magazine wearing nothing but a tie. Let me repeat for the men: Nothing-But-A-Tie.

New Rule on the Britney Spears tour if your a back-up dancer – mandatory drug tests. That’s right, the constitutional right to drug test employees, which was once a point of debate for fire fighters, large equipment operators and others on whose job performance the lives of others depended, is now being applied to dancer: Britney Spears.

Because if a dancer falls doing a spin-a-rama, look out!

Bettie Page (1923 – 2008). Betty Page was an original it girl, a 1950’s sex bomb, pin up of the kind Jennifer Aniston aspires to be. She passed this week at the age of 85. For a true memorial from a real fan, my old friend Wonder Woman did a fabulous tribute. And the Bettie Page Memorial Site is a treasure trove for those who are interested.

Britney, Fluffernutter

The nutty stories from the fluffy world of celebrities.

Amy Winehouse has been rumoured to have been offered the theme song in the next James Bond movie: Quantum of Solace. However, apparently Winehouse has to prove she’s drug free in April before she will be given the job. This artist must be drug free policy goes a long way to explaining the dismal Bond themes the past number of movies. Amy Winehouse, clean or no, couldn’t possibly give a worst theme than Madonna did for Die Another Day, even if she has the title Quantum of Solace to work with. Wonder if Paul McCartney would have passed a sobriety test before penning Live and Let Die?

In other Amy Winehouse news, she was refused a Visa to enter the United States this week so she could attend the Grammy’s in Los Angeles tomorrow night. She did eventually receive the Visa, but too late to make it to the awards. No fear, however, as she is going to appear via satellite from London.

Neither Guns and Roses, nor Keith Richards have been asked to do the theme song to Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

Britney Spears has been involved in a terrible saga this week, as courts are deciding who will be her guardian. She is 26 years old and her father has been given control of her legal and financial affairs as if she is an 80 year old Alzheimer’s patient. It may be time for a complete redefining of the word ‘sad.’

Led Zeppelin story of the week, courtesy of Ramble On. AT 5:00 AM Toronto time on Wednesday, the media began reporting the Led Zeppelin would play the Bonnaroo festival in Tennessee this June. It hit many media sites, including some of the most respected music journals (as well as this site). By 10:00 AM somebody spotted that the Bonnaroo artist page was advertising not Led Zeppelin, but Lez Zeppelin, and all girl Led Zeppelin tribute band. Oops!

Heath Ledger’s autopsy results were released this week: he died of a lethal combination of prescription and over the counter medications. The DEA is now investigating to see if Ledger was over-prescribed medication. Ledger died January 22nd in New York. Conversely, a coroners report has reported that Brad Renfroe, who died Jan. 15th, succumbed to a heroin and morphine overdose.

Ledger’s death has apparently shook up Hollywood, and party girl Kirsten Dunst has checked into rehab. A source has said that she’s “not doin well,” and “that the Heath Ledger thing put people over the edge.”

Britney, Fluffernutter

The nutty stories from the fluffy world of celebrities.

The new James Bond movie has a title: Quantum of Solace. Formerly called Bond 22, filming is moving along well. This week it was reported that filming will move to Bregenz in western Austria, on the edge of Lake Constance in April. Quantum of Solace is currently filming in London with Daniel Craig back as James Bond, Bond girls Gemma Arterton and Olga Kurylenko and villain Mathieu Amalric.

Trouble Child Amy Winehouse was seen smoking what appears to be crack in a video obtained by Britain’s The Sun newspaper this week (the offending puff is at about the 2:00 mark). Coming in the same week as Heath Ledger’s death, the video is disturbing, to say the least. Police have obtained a copy of the video and are investigating. Winehouse meanwhile has apparently gone, gone gone into rehab, hopefully for real.

It’s Razzie time again, when the folks at the Golden Raspberry Awards give out their hardware for worst movies and performances of the past year. I Know Who Killed Me, the Lindsay Lohan vehicle topped the list with nine nominations, however, Eddie Murphy set a record with five personal nominations – and one wasn’t his wedding video.

Oliver Stone has announced he is making a movie about President George W. Bush starring Josh Brolin as the President. Stone promises it won’t be “a hatchet job.”

Of course it won’t, Hollywood loves and respects it’s president.

This week’s Led Zeppelin rumour, courtesy of Ramble On: Jimmy Page will hold a press conference in Tokyo Monday, presumably to announce new Led Zeppelin shows: don’t be holding your breath, however. It seems unlikely the press shy Page would make such an announcement independently.

Britney dates paparazzi; Britney dumps paparazzi; paparazzi sells intimate pictures of their relationship. Hey, it’s what paparazzi do, did nobody tell Britney this? But really, they were only together two weeks, how intimate can the pictures be?

Through all this, his wife has filed for divorce. Didn’t Britney steal K-Daddy from some other woman too? And what, prey tell, will the presiding judge on the divorce make of intimate pictures he took of Britney Spears while still married?

Saddened to hear the news of Suzanne Pleshette‘s death at age 70. She always seemed a classy lady in an industry routinely short of class of any kind. Bob was right, however: she should have worn sweaters more often.

It’s hard to come up with something to say about Heath Ledger’s sudden death at age 28 this week. In an age when much of the world is expecting a Britney/Lindsay/Amy death notice at any time, did anyone pick Heath Ledger to die of, what appears to be at this stage, a drug overdose. He seemed one of the more down to earth young stars and his passing can only be seen as a shock and a tragedy – especially so for his young daughter, two year old Matilda.

What is strangest in all this though is why anybody, upon finding somebody lifeless in bed, would call Mary-Kate Olsen. Ashley, sure, but dear God! call 911, then Mary-Kate Olsen.

Britney, Fluffernutter

The nutty stories from the fluffy world of celebrities.

It was baby weekend last weekend in the fluffernutty world of Hollywood. Christina Aguiera, Toni Collette and Nicole Ritchie all gave birth last weekend. Also on the list is Christine Kim, wife of comedian David Alan Grier. Congratulations to all.

On other baby news, gorgeous Courtney Thorne-Smith, star of Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerd in Paradise, has had a boy, her first. It is Smith’s and media consultant husband Roger Fishman’s first child.

Courtney Love is hoping to get Scarlett Johansson to play her in a biopic based on her last husband Kurt Cobain.

Well, I suppose if Charlize Theron can play Aileen Wournos, then Scarlett Johansson can play Courtney Love but what’s the point? The life of Courtney Love is hardly Oscar winning material and hell, being Courtney Love isn’t exactly career enhancing so how much lift can you hope to get playing her?

It’s over. Finished. Finito. We may now never find out how Dr. House’s fellowship games play out. The 2007 – 08 TV season is done. The Los Angeles Times reported this week that four studios have cancelled “dozens of writers contracts, effectively conceding that the current television season cannot be salvaged.”

Time to set those TiVo’s you got for Christmas to “next year.”

The scandal in the music world this week is that a number of singers have been implicated in using steroids to enhance their performance. Mary J. Blige, 50 Cent, Timbaland and Wyclef Jean may have, it is reported, received or used steroids or human growth hormone. The drugs may apparently help the vocal chords from becoming strained. If you consider that an asthmatics puffer is steroids this makes some sense. Why you should care if they are taking them, I still haven’t been able to figure out: will they be putting an asterisk beside their Grammy wins now?

A good news Britney Spears story: Four paparazzi were arrested late Wednesday night on misdemeanor reckless driving charges after chasing Spears in the San Fernando Valley. Good work by the officers involved who while on routine patrol “observed the four drivers speeding and making unsafe lane changes in the San Fernando Valley near Plummer Street and Woodman Avenue shortly before 11:30 p.m.”

Farewell to Bobby Fischer who died yesterday at age 64. An undisputed chess genius, Fisher, who beat Boris Spasky in 1972 to become the world champion, Fischer became an extreme eccentric who all but disappeared from public life in his later years. Cause of death is unknown at this time.

Britney, Fluffernutter

The nutty stories from the fluffy world of celebrities.

Britney Spears flipped her wig again this week, locking herself in her bathroom with her kids when Kevin Federline’s bodyguards showed up to return the kids to him. After a four hour standoff with authorities, Britney was sent to hospital strapped to a gurney, and is reported to be under suicide watch.

She is also being evaluated by mental health professionals, where they are likely to find she’s not insane, just a celebrity.

My favourite part of the Britney saga is a small bit in a story about Britney’s lawyers quitting her business, in which the story refers to her ex as “K-Daddy.” From now on, Mr. Federline will be known in these pages as K-Daddy, it’s beautiful.

And speaking of K-Daddy, what kind of clown sends his bodyguards to pick up his children from a visitation? Who is really looking after these kids? It’s been said before, but bears repeating. You know Britney Spears is a really bad mother when he’s the good parent of the couple.

I love Keira Knightly, I really do. But the suggestion that her green dress from Atonement is more iconic than Marilyn Monroe’s in The Seven Year Itch and Audrey Hepburn’s black dress from Breakfast At Tiffany’s makes me want to send a dictionary to the editors of SkyMovies and Instyle magazine, with the word iconic underlined. Below are the three dresses, you decide which one falls into icon status.

Zeppelin Rumour of the week, courtesy of Ramble On.

It appears what Dave Grohl wants, Dave Grohl gets. Dave Grohl wants to drum for Led Zeppelin, so the music media have deemed it so. Dave is in, Jason Bonham out, all because it’s what Dave Grohl really, really wants.

I like Dave Grohl too, he seems like a nice guy, but anyone who thinks it’s Jason Bonham holding Zeppelin back from a tour is delusional. And he was excellent at the Dec 10 show, so there is no musical reason to replace him. Sorry Dave, you have no more claim to the Zeppelin drum chair than I do to a rhythm guitar slot with the boys.

The Three Tenors have decided not to continue without third tenor Luciano Pavoratti, who passed away in Spetember from pancreatic cancer:

For Placido (Domingo) and myself (Jose Carreras) to do something would betray the memory of Luciano, I don’t think that would be ethical.

Yea Yea, Led Zeppelin said the same thing back in 1980. Give them 27 years, and they’ll be right back out there.

Britney, Fluffernutter, The Mighty Zep

Bruce Springsteen ran through Southern Ontario early in the week, playing Ottawa on Sunday night and Toronto Monday, for the only two Canadian shows so far scheduled for his Magic tour. Sunday nights Ottawa show saw some special guests as Win Butler and Régine Chassagne from Montreal’s Arcade Fire joined Springsteen on stage for State Trooper, which Arcade Fire have been known to play live, then Keep the Car Running off of Arcade Fires Neon Bible CD got the E Street treatment with a rousing version that had the audience enjoying a real treat.

Video of both are here…

Weekly Led Zeppelin Update:

Led Zeppelin was never a band to miss a chance to cash in, and with their big reunion concert next month at the 02 arena in London Zeppelin, one of the last bands to make their back catalogue downloadable, this week announced that they would begin to do so.

Hopefully this means an end to those Kashmir polyphonic ring tones and we can get some real Zeppelin on our cell phones.

Meanwhile, congratulations to Jimmy Page, who’s daughter Charlotte gave birth to a daughter, Martha Alice. Check here, scroll down to Oct. 9th – pictures of a very pregnant Charlotte are just above the words October 8.

The trouble brigade: Britney Spears “breached a court order” and has lost all access to her children. Lindsay Lohan is reportedly broke, and has a new boyfriend, a winner type whom she met, and other stuff, while in rehab. John Goodman is reportedly NOT Lindsay Lohan’s new man, even though he is recently released from re-hab himself.

And farewell to Deborah Kerr, who passed this week at the age of 86. She was both beautiful and talented and she starred in, amongst others, An Affair to Remember and Form Here to Eternity: she was the one kissing Burt Lancaster on the beach while the waves rolled up around them.

Britney, Fluffernutter, Springsteen is still Boss, The Mighty Zep

All the weeks Fluff stories about all those Hollywood nuts.

Led Zeppelin fans hopefully checked their e-mails Monday for one of 10,000 codes that were sent out to receive tickets. Fans who didn’t receive their code are now complaining about the process in various online forums. The chief complaints are that the codes were non-re-sellable and that only 20,000 tickets were made public for a 30,000 seat arena, meaning 10,000 would be going to “Friends” of promoter Harvey Gooldsmith. (I know of two radio stations who are having Led Zeppelin giveaways, so there must be a pile of radio stations worldwide getting a pair of tickets).

At Home in Hespeler is more than a little pleased to say I will be reporting live from London on November 26th.

Britney Spears has lost custody of her children, a judge this week giving full custody to her ex-boytoy Kevin Federline. I don’t know what’s more remarkable, that Kevin Federline is considered a better parent than anybody, or that just when it was looking like Britney was at the end of her particular 15 minuted, morons dressed up as music fans started buying her latest song. So much for the “one last talentless hack to kick around” post.

Meanwhile Forbes.com did some homework and discovered that Britney decreases magazine sales when shes on the cover. So maybe she will just go away anyway.

And the face most likely to sell magazines…

Sigh – I’ll buy that.

Britney, Fluffernutter, Jennifer Aniston, The Mighty Zep

How bad was Britney Spears MTV Video Music Awards opener last Sunday? This article refers to her as a “mumbling, miming performance.” When you are getting panned for both lip synching, and mumbling, you have a problem. Truth is, however, that she was obviously lip synching, so the mumbling accusation must be taken at face value. Perhaps they meant bumbling, which is fair comment. My favourite part? At the 45 second mark (video here) when she steps on up a knee high riser, and needs help. Any performer worth their salt could make that hop with ease.

Then there’s this very troubled young man:

Hey, I wish nothing more for people to leave her alone so she can get on with her well deserved obscurity.

On the complete opposite of the talent scale, Led Zeppelin announced a one-off reunion show on Nov 24th. Tickets are available through a lottery system, and so far “about 20 million fans” have put their name forward for a chance at the $250 tickets. Hopefully a number like “about 20 million” will convince Robert Plant that a tour should happen.

Here’s one I don’t know how I’m going to get out of. Lady Hespeler’s favourite actor, Colin Firth, has signed on to play Harry Bright in the movie version of Lady Hespeler’s favourite play, Abba’s Mama Mia! Even the addition of Pierce Brosnan can’t overcome Abba music and Meryl Streep. And with a July 18 release date, it looks a very un-happy birthday weekend for a well known Hespeler area blogger.

And speaking of Colin’s, yaaa! to Colin Farrell, who this week, instead of whining that we all don’t do enough for the homeless, put his money where his mouth is. While attending the Toronto Film Festival, Farrell spotted a panhandler in the crowd whom he knew from a previous visit (apparently during his last time in Toronto a radio station was offering $2,000 to the person who could bring Colin Farrell in. Farrell grabbed the first panhandler he could find, this same fellow, and dragged him to the radio station to get the $2,000). So Farrell spots this guy, says to him “jump in the car,” and takes him on a spending spree. He buys a couple of grand in outdoor equipment, coat, sleeping bag &tc, then gives him a wad of cash, enough for first and last on an apartment. The homeless guy himself says he gave him a chance to finally get off the street. If he does, then Farrell’s a hero on this one.

On the other end of the human decency scale, OJ Simpson is back in trouble with the law. OJ calls it getting some stuff that belongs to me back, but Nevada police are calling it armed robbery. It’s only in the investigation stage right now, but my guess is if Simpson is charged, tried and found guilty, he’ll get a maximum sentence. And this ain’t Canada OJ, it won’t be 2-5 with possible parole after 1/3 sentence, mandatory release after 2/3. It will be real, hard time.

Britney, Fluffernutter, The Mighty Zep