At Home in Hespeler

I’ve never been much of a Martin Short fan, but real kudos to him for this one.

h/t SDA

Funny., YouTube David Letterman, Martin Short, Osama Bin Laden

it was a very cold day.

Sun Meng has been given the cold shoulder by his community after the extraordinary picture of him cowering naked outside the flat were posted on the internet.

The terrified 25-year-old fled from the balcony window when he was caught in bed with the man’s wife at the married couple’s flat in Chengdu, central China.

Funny.

It’s recommended you keep this, as a handy reference guide:

The Rules Of Rural Ontario Are As Follows…

Yeah, we eat meat and potatoes. You really want sushi & caviar? It’s available at the corner bait shop…

Let’s get this straight; it’s called a ‘dirt road.’ I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you’re going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way…

When we set a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup…

TWO inches of snow & ice isn’t a blizzard – it’s a vacation. Drive in it like you have some sense, and DON’T take all our bread, milk, and bleach from the grocery stores. This isn’t Alaska, worst case you may have to live a whole day without croissants. The pickups with snow blades and tractors with snow blowers will have you out the next day.

Read them all for a good chuckle.

Funny.

Ernie and the Cookie Monster explain the Bernie Madoff scandal.

h/t those guys at Mitchieville

Funny., Humour Bernie Madoff, Bert & Ernie, Bert and Ernie, Cookie Monster, Jimmy Kimmel, Market, Savings, Sesame Street

They’re out of McNuggets:

“This is an emergency, If I would have known they didn’t have McNuggets, I wouldn’t have given my money, and now she wants to give me a McDouble, but I don’t want one,” Latreasa L. Goodman later told police. “This is an emergency.”

“…this is an emergency, my McNuggets are an emergency.”

Good thing she wasn’t having a Big Mac attack.

Make sure to listen to the audio.

Funny. 911, Attack, Big Mac, McDonalds, McNuggets

We love to complain here about the MSM, can’t do their job, don’t do sufficient research, just plain biased &tc. But sometimes a mistake happens, and it’s so obvious even the newscaster gets it.

Please note: this is a serious story about the disappearance eight years ago of a sixteen year old girl. The most serious, unfunny of news stories: now try not to laugh.

PS: He looks guilty as hell.

Funny.

During our evening perambulation, Lady Hespeler last night suggested this election has been particularly negative. Although she tends towards the “if you can’t say anything nice,” school of politics, it is this time a sentiment with which I tend to agree. Not just negative, but completely lacking in humour, which is to me the greater sin. Finally, however, somebody has gone and done something funny: Darth Harper

h/t Gerry Nicholls

Election 2008, Funny.

Too bad the local good guys, the Kitchener Rangers, couldn’t solve the Spokane Chiefs to win the Memorial Cup in Kitchener yesterday. But there was entertainment for everyone when the cup fell apart during the on-ice celebrations.

The look on those poor kids faces, and lets face it, they are kids. Captain Chris Bruton, who is 21, was handing it too Trevor Glass, who is 20. They look like they are thinking, “oh man, were in trouble now.”

h/t to Joanne for the video clip

Funny., Hockey

“I had a premature detonantion…”

The guy with Achmed is Jeff Dunham.

Funny.

Today’s Sun media has a back and forth with Rachel Marsden and (supposed) democrat Bernie Goldberg, Doing the D.C. Dash, about the front runners for the next US Presidential election. No big deal there, but this line by Goldberg, in response to Marsden’s comment that “those photos of Rudy Giuliani in drag… should freak out the enemy a bit”:

I can picture Osama bin Laden sitting around the cave, checking out YouTube on the iPhone he just got at Crazy Ahmed’s Electronic Store in downtown Nut-Jobistan and saying, “Let’s see if I have this right, Zawahiri: Some bald guy running for president in the land of Satan puts on a dress, high heels and lipstick — in public! — and they say we’re crazy But you know what, Z? Just between us. He’s kind of cute. I hope he’s not Jewish.”

“Crazy Ahmed’s Electronic Store in downtown Nut-Jobistan.” One of the funniest lines I have read in a long time.

Funny.

There have been many summer solstice celebrations through the ages – virtually every culture, from the druids to the modern catholic church to the Wiccan’s have celebrated. We can’t help but note it ourselves, and many people tomorrow will mention “it’s the first day of summer.”

There are so many ways to celebrate this, from a few dogs on the Barbie to some beach time, to just skipping off work (tell them your a Druid, it’s a religious holiday).

Me, I wanna go to carhenge to celebrate the summer solstice like a Nebraskan.

Funny.

Last week I was driving south along Townline Road here in Cambridge, toward the site of the new RIM Centre, home of the Waterloo Predators (Names are based on pure speculation and is not to be taken as fact; Site location, however, is based on conjecture, and may be treated as such). This section of Townline is a two lane road, yet some guy on a motor bike travelling north was passing in the centre of the road, between cars. Which brings me to one of the funniest stories of the week:

About 40 motorcyclists from across the province held a rally at Queen’s Park yesterday calling for stiffer penalties for motorists whose actions put bikers’ lives at risk.

“Bikes have a right to share the road and we need to cut down on the carnage,” said Brian Burnett, provincial vice-chairman with Bikers Rights Organization Canada. “The province set up new laws to stop street races. We want to see changes to the Highway Traffic Act regarding the usually lax charges laid in regarding tragic collisions with bikes.”

The group took part in a Fallen Riders Memorial Awareness Ride and held a ceremony for 67 bikers killed on the road since the late 1960s.

Burnett said as many as 40 bikers can be killed on Ontario roads every year.

Because I’m responsible for clown boy passing cars in the middle of the road. Or that guy last year who was driving on a 410 exit ramp at over 200 KM/ hour.

I have always been amazed that I am not allowed to drive to the grocery store at 40KM/hour, without a seat belt, but these guys can drive 100KM/hour on the highway with, as cousin Eddie would say, “nothing between the ground and my brain but a piece of government [approved] plastic.”

With that in mind, they should be careful what they ask for. When Dalton McGuinty sees that 40 bikers a year number, he will be looking to ban bikes; that’s how he solves problems. But really, should they be asking for greater protection from drivers until they have done more about the lousy bike riders on the road. They are out there, they are a legion, and anybody who drives regularly sees them everyday in the summer. It’s not all of them, certainly not, but it’s enough.

But none of that is why the story is so amusing. It’s the last line that makes it so:

The biker group also wants the province to strike down the mandatory helmet law.

Dalton, freedom for the individual is the only truly progressive policy, Funny., Humour

Back on April 2nd, Gerry Nicholls offered what he opined to be the best five baseball movies:

• The Natural
• 61*
• The Rookie
• The Sandlot
• For the Love of the Game

Then, for good measure, he threw in a link to Abbot and Costello’s who’s on first.

I piped in that he missed Bull Durham, and offered a couple of routines to back me up:

And talk about great comedy routines, the meeting on the mound:

Larry: Excuse me, but what the hell’s going on out here?
Crash Davis: Well, Nuke’s scared because his eyelids are jammed and his old man’s here. We need a live… is it a live rooster?
[Jose nods]
Crash Davis: . We need a live rooster to take the curse off Jose’s glove and nobody seems to know what to get Millie or Jimmy for their wedding present.
[to the players]
Crash Davis: Is that about right?
[the players nod]
Crash Davis: We’re dealing with a lot of shit.
Larry: Okay, well, uh… candlesticks always make a nice gift, and uh, maybe you could find out where she’s registered and maybe a place-setting or maybe a silverware pattern. Okay, let’s get two! Go get ’em.

This ones not bad either:

Skip: You guys. You lollygag the ball around the infield. You lollygag your way down to first. You lollygag in and out of the dugout. You know what that makes you? Larry!
Larry: Lollygaggers!
Skip: Lollygaggers.

Then yesterday the Toronto Sun ran this quote in a small caption they call Say it Again:

Relax, all right? Don’t try to strike everybody out. Strikeouts are boring; besides that, they’re fascist. Throw some more ground balls. It’s more democratic.

Strikeouts are fascist; ground balls democratic. You would think that would be the kind of line Gerry Nicholls and myself would remember. Considering the nature of our blogs, you would think that this might have been mentioned.

Aand you would think wrong. Consider the record straightened.

A Day At The Movies, Baseball, classical liberal, Funny., Gerry Nicholls, YouTube

Those who read regularly will recognize Opus, the little penguin of comic fame who sometimes dots these pages. While sometimes overtly left wing and political, other times Opus is positively libertarian. Example, this week:

click on image for full size

On second thought, never mind all that philosophizing – it was just funny.

Food, Funny., Hotties, opus, pus