Archive for the ‘Fluffernutter’ Category

Fluffernutter Friday

February 19th, 2016
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Some new Joe Bonamassa, Drive. You can download it free.

For certified professional guitar repair in Cambridge Ontario: Brian Gardiner Guitar Repair

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Saturday Fluffernutter: The Kanye Who Edition

July 4th, 2015
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All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

fluffincolor“Man it’s cold down here,” Satan said to his minion in charge of the furnaces. “What’s going on?”fluffposter01sample

“That Fluffernutter guy agrees with something David Crosby said,” said the minion. “We’re beginning to freeze over.”

“Noooo! More Brimstone!! More Brimstone!!!”

And what did David Crosby say

Kanye West can’t write, sing or play. So I have trouble with him as anything but a poser. Produce? That means he sits in a chair while the engineer does the work. He’s a poser!

fluffincolorKanye meanwhile, headlined Glastonbury where he butchered – as in hog tied, slit the throat of and left to drain blood on the floor in agony – Queens Bohemian Rhapsody.

Earlier, modesty getting the better of him, Kanye declared himself the “greatest living rock star on the planet,” proving quite conclusively he doesn’t have a better side.

Later, Pete Townsend of The Who, closing out Glastonbury, told the audience, “we’re going to send you home now with a rebellious “Oh yea? Who’s the biggest fucking rock star in the world?”

fluffincolorAs for The Who, Townsend told the crowd from the stage:

I think I will stop after this year. We’re lucky we’re not in some old people’s home… even this particular gang can grow old, not necessarily gracefully but can grow old ungracefully — or whatever it is we’re doing.

Last month Daltrey scolded a fan at a concert for smoking a joint, so “we’re too old for this,” is hardly surprising. And by “this,” I mean anything whatsoever.

fluffincolorI’ve said before that entertainment reporters are the laziest people on earth. “Oh my, typing out Brad and Angelina is too much effort, lets make it Brangelina,” they will bore entire dinner parties saying. “Why type 15 letters when 10 will do?” Talk about a group that needs to get on a by-the-word pay scale.

The most annoying of these shortcuts, by far, is Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner being called Bennifer. It’s not just lazy, but it’s also not original, being the lame nickname given to Affleck and Jennifer Lopez. Seriously, you can’t even come up with something new and original to save yourself keying in those five whole letters?

So you can imagine how exciting I found the headline this week, “Bennifer no more!” Unfortunately, this wasn’t a directive from entertainment editors, or a promise from the reporters to get on their lazy ass and type out whole names. Rather, it was the unfortunate news that after ten-years of marriage and three children, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner have split up. In a released statement, the couple said they were divorcing, but will “go forward with love and friendship for one another and a commitment to co-parenting our children…”

Hollywood divorces are rarely surprising, in that it’s the almost default expectation in Hollywood. But Affleck and Garner are two very public figures who have managed to maintain a relationship and marriage largely outside of the public eye. So while the divorce announcement is not surprising, it is sad and a bit disappointing.

fluffincolorChris Squire (1948-2015)

After a period of unwellness – stomach ailments, weight loss, extreme fatigue – Yes bassist Chris Squire was diagnosed with acute erythroid leukemia in March. Last Saturday, Just a few months later, Squire passed away at 67.

Squire was the only member of Yes to perform on every tour and every album, from it’s founding in 1968 until this year. His bass playing was distinctive and often brilliant. Rather than play the bottom end of chords, giving tone to the bass drum, as so many other bass players do, Squire played counter-melodic lines, more in a baroque style than standard rock. His Rickenbacker basses had a big sound which was a significant contributor to Yes’s signature sound. He will go down as one of the very best bassist in history, and by one of the best, I do mean top three.

He performed on 21 Yes albums, plus two solo works. In August, Yes will perform for the first time ever without Chris Squire at bass. Personally, I loved Yes and Squire was a big reason why. Whenever you listened to Yes, you often came away with the bass line running through your head, something you can’t say about many other bands.

Rest in Peace Chris Squire, a brilliant bassist and by all accounts, a very decent man.

for certified professional guitar repair in Cambridge Ontario: Brian Gardiner Guitar Repair

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Saturday Fluffernutter: The Stick it to the Rich Edition

June 27th, 2015
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All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

fluffincolorOh this is exciting. Hot off the news that Guy Ritchie is busy casting for a King Arthur movie comes word some movie execs are trying to put together a spy movie featuring all five former James Bonds.fluff_2_2008

Sean Connery (aka Sir), George Lazenby, Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton and Pierce Bronson – ages ranging from 62-year old Bronson to 82-year old Moore – have apparently been approached about appearing in the The Expendables style spy movie.

Word is Moore is game, but Connery is not interested. “I don’t think he (Connery) wants to be associated with Bond anymore,” Moore told Britain’s Sun newspaper.

fluffincolorWe have a new child star with trouble. Jake Lloyd, who played young Anakin Skywalker in Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace (otherwise known as Star Wars IV) found himself in legal trouble this week.

Driving through Charleston South Carolina like he was Podracing on Tatooine, an officer noted he seemed to be driving erratically. Seeing the police lights behind him, Lloyd made like he was in the Boonta Eve Classic and took off. Pursuit ensued, ending only when Lloyd lost control of his podracer, er car, and crashed through a fence and into several trees.

Needless to say, Lloyd didn’t get off with a warning and was arrested on charges of reckless driving, failure to stop, resisting arrest and driving without a licence. As of this writing, he remained in custody.

fluffincolorTweets from Yoko (A new Fluffernutter Feature): “Imagine letting a goldfish swim across the sky. Let it swim from the West to the East. Drink a liter of water.”

fluffincolor“I’m not funny, can’t sing, not much of an actor and I look like I probably smell pretty bad,” Russell Brand might well have said to the left-wing anti-democracy protestors in London Saturday. “But I still feel pretty much responsible for the voting patterns of 64-million people”

The crowd responds with a roar and a chant of “stick it to the rich,” until someone notices the obvious. “Hey,” he yells, pointing at Brand, “he’s rich.”

“I’ve got a stick,” yells another,

“So do I,” yells another. And so did they all. So it came to pass the Russell Brand ran form the stage, angrily pursued by the only group on earth truly stupid enough to care who Russell Brand is or what he says.

note: the above is, as Hollywood says, “based on an historical event.” If you want to see the most heartwarming video you will ever see, the YouTube video of Brand being chased away by his people, the anti-austerity protestors in London last week will restore your faith in humanity.

fluffincolorRapper Puff Daddy, P. Diddy, Diddy, El Puffaroo has been arrested for a kettle-ball assault in Los Angeles.

Polkaroo, whose real name is Sean Combs (we think) was arrested at UCLA’s training complex for suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon, the deadly weapon being the kettle-ball. P. Diddly-Doo’s son, Justin Combs is a defensive back for UCLA’s football team, who have been working out at the facility.

No word on the identity of the victim, or motive for the assault, however the betting board here at Fluffernutter World Headquarters is that someone mistook Combs for H.R. Puffinstuff.

for certified professional guitar repair in Cambridge Ontario: Brian Gardiner Guitar Repair

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Saturday Fluffernutter: The TV for Girly Men Edition

June 13th, 2015
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All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

fluffincolorSo last week I took a little tiny jab at the overwhelming media coverage of Bruce Jenner’s Caitlinization as Saint Caitlin. “I don’t do Kardashian stories,” I wrote. “That goes double this week.” What’s becoming clear is that little, and bad, joke would not pass the editors desk at any commercial media outlet (thank God nobody pays me for this). That, no matter how you splice it, is censorship. pinkfluff

As proof of my point, I bring you TV for men, guys TV. Presumably, politically incorrect TV. Spike TV.

Further, I give you Clint Eastwood, who was introducing “The Rock” at the laughably named 2015 Guys Choice Awards Saturday night in Los Angeles.The awards will air next week on – (snigger, giggle) – guys TV. Eastwood, by way of introduction, began to compare The Rock to other athletes turned actor: “Jim Brown and Caitlyn Somebody…” the old guy who doesn’t get what all the fuss is about said.

OH MY GOD!! Razor blades flew. Film chopped into unrecognizability. The comment has been cut. Chopped. Edited out.

The clavern of simpering idiots®, i.e. Spike TV executives and Guys Choice Awards organizers, having less stones than Caitlin Jenner, have chosen to cut the comment from the broadcast.

Because dissent will not be tolerated, and censorship will be enforced.

fluffincolorSo your on your Tinder app checking out some ladies: swipe. Swipe. Swipe… Then Hi­lary Duff’s profile pops up… Swipeswipeswipeswipeswipe.

The cute as a button child-actress, now single soccer-mom, admitted in March she had a Tinder account. But, she now says, she gave it up after a few days suggesting it didn’t work out to well: “I certainly don’t think I will find the man of my dreams on it,” she now says.

No, to do that, you need to find a guy who can type the word “swipe” five times quickly.

fluffincolorI once was researching a 1969 Led Zeppelin concert that took place in Kitchener, Ontario. I was at the local university going through old copies of the student newspaper, and found a picture. Looking at it, the librarian said to me, “I think we have film of that concert.” My jaw dropped. This would be previously unknown movie of a concert of which there is no known visual or audio documentation. It would be a stunning find. She took my phone number promising to see if she could find it, and that was the last I heard of it. Presumably the librarian was mistaken and the film doesn’t exist (a likely scenario). But still…

Now imagine how many multiples of that feeling when a librarian at the University of New Brunswick, hired to digitize the library’s Science Fiction collection, found an early “fourth draft” of the Star Wars script. Unlibrarian-like language of the kind that would make a Spike TV executive blush was sure to be uttered.

fluffincolor It seems as though some Hollywood elite is starting to get that the current climate of speech rules has negative consequences for their business. This week Jerry Seinfeld, a giant in the comedy business, explained how the traditional campus circuit is no longer a gig comedians enjoy:

I hear a lot of people tell me, ‘don’t go near colleges. They’re so PC.’

Jon Gabriel then wrote a piece about the “Progressive Comedy Pause,” that gap between the punchline and the laugh while the listener processes the joke to decide it’s not offensive, before he laughs at it.

Interestingly, Salon then wrote a humourless piece on white guys like Seinfeld getting to decide what is or isn’t offensive, and cited a list of comedians who not so much manage to be offensive, as much as they manage to amuse Salon without offending. “Tell safe jokes and you have nothing to worry about,” Salon seemed to be saying.

Which, these easily offended folks never seem to get, is the point.

fluffincolor It’s hard to imagine that Fagan should outlive the Artful Dodger, but in terms of Lionel Bart’s movie version of Oliver! that’s what happened. The Dodger, aka HR Puffinstuff’s Jack Wild, died 9-years ago in 2006. Ron Moody, who played Fagan, passed Thursday, aged 91.

Moody was a veteran British TV and stage actor, Fagan being just his most memorable role. It is rumored, in fact, that he turned down the role of Dr. Who. For that we here at Fluffernutter world headquarters have nothing but respect. It’s one thing to pick a pocket or two, but dignity must be left intact.

Rest in Peace Ron Moody, 1924-2015.

fluffincolorYes, yes, we get it. Someone from The Lord of the Rings died this week. A seven decade movie career and late in life multi-language, multi album gig as a Heavy Metal singer and all anyone can do is post pictures of Christopher Lee in full Saruman getup.

The man WAS A BOND VILLIAN. Sheesh, some people need to get a grip.

Here’s what you need to know: he was Scaramonga, the man with the Golden Gun in the 1974 movie of the same title. He had a duel, a duel! on the beach with James Bond. Pistols on an unsteady surface, and no need for a big white beard.

Two-hundred and seventy-eight IMDB credits, and all people remember is Lord of the Rings. what’s wrong with people?

Rest in Peace Christopher Lee, 1922 – 2015, The Man With The Golden Gun.

for certified professional guitar repair in Cambridge Ontario: Brian Gardiner Guitar Repair

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Saturday Fluffernutter: The Screech in the Night Edition

June 6th, 2015
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All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities


It was a dark and stormy night. The gates of the Bayside Prison for Men were locked, and officer Belding was doing the rounds of Cell Block D. Suddenly the quiet was disturbed by a Screech coming from the shower.

A prisoner suddenly appeared and sprinted down the hall.

“Morris, slow down. No running in the cell block,” called out officer Belding.

“Sorry sir,” Zach Morris responded, as he slowed to a quick walk until he was around the corner, where he picked up his sprint again. He made it to the showers in time to see Screech, his long time friend, with his pants around his ankles. Max, an inmate so large he was referred to as ‘The Max’ was holding a bar of soap and unzipping his prison fatigues. “Put down that soap,” Zach yelled.

He didn’t. Instead, five other large prisoners stepped out from the shadows. “Oh look Kapowski,” the one with the soap said to Screech. “Your buddy Spano is here.”

Zach was grabbed by two inmates and thrown into the showers, banging his head off the shower knob. Lying on the wet floor, he looked directly into the camera and said, “I kind of wish Mario Lopez had agreed to this reunion show right now. This isn’t going to end well.”


“This isn’t going to end well” is exactly what I thought when I heard that Dustin Diamond, aka Saved By The Bell’s Screech Powers, could be sentenced to prison time for his part of a bar fight last December.

Screech, err Diamond, allegedly stabbed Casey Smet in the hand. This week he was convicted of misdemeanour charges of disorderly conduct and carrying a concealed weapon. He could face up to a year in prison for the two offences (nine months for the weapon offence, 90 days for the disorderly conduct).

It’s one thing to be the toughest guy in a bar fight in Santa Monica. It’s a whole other issue going to prison with a bunch of guys who grew up watching you as Screech in Saved By The Bell.

This isn’t going to end well, indeed.

fluffincolorIt’s a longstanding Fluffernutter rule: I don’t do Kardashian stories in any way, shape or form.

That goes double this week.

fluffincolorThis months Forbes magazine has a list of America’s Richest Self-Made Women. The cover features Jessica Alba, whose company The Honest Company is evaluated at $1-billion, with revenue of $10-million. Alba herself is said to be worth about $200-million.

Hmmm, Jessica Alba marriage material, never saw that one coming.

for certified professional guitar repair in Cambridge Ontario: Brian Gardiner Guitar Repair

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Fluffernutter Friday: Bond Girls in the Big Chair

October 10th, 2014

I received the Super Deluxe Edition of Tears for Fears Songs From The Big Chair this week, and listening reminded me that these guys were pretty good.

A favourite story comes from Curt Smith, who s of the Tears for Fears videos, they are “an endless source of amusement for my children: ‘Oh my god, you’ve got braids in your hair!'”

Here’s one without the braids, Everybody Wants to Rule the World – I completely forgot about, and love, the gas pump dancers:


Meanwhile guys, there’s a new Bond girl in town… meet Lea Seydoux



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Saturday Fluffernutter: The Stick That in Your Crack Pipe and Beat Your Dentist With it Edition

October 4th, 2014
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All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities


Big weekend last if you are Venice. Not the inhabitants of that once proud Principality, but Venice itself: the Palazzo’s, the Grand Canal, the little wooden boats not seen since Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. The Clooneys and his wife, formerly Amal Alamuddin, tied the knot at the Aman Hotel on the Grand Canal.6a00e54f0014bd883400e54f8da74b8834-800wi

Clooney was very pretty in black tux, while Alamuddin was tall and ruggedly handsome in red. The guest list was full on A-list, assuming you consider Anna Wintour and Cindy Crawford A-list, two people every media outlet I saw couldn’t help but splash across their pages.

And while George and Alamuddin went for the big show style wedding the real star of the show was the gorgeous city of Venice, which is currently holding for George Clooney’s agent, who is none to pleased with it.

fluffincolorMore trouble for former very cute teen star Amanda Bynes. Now a 28-year old for teen star, trouble has managed to find her. Saturday night, at somewhere in the neighbourhood of 3AM, Bynes was stopped by the CHiPs guys (no not Erik Estrada, the real ones) and arrested for driving under the influence of a controlled subsistence. She was then booked and remained in custody until noon Sunday, when she was released on $15,000 bond.

Question: Where was Frankie Muntz to keep Bynes out of trouble, I always that was his job.

fluffincolorCat Stevens, aka Yusaf Islam, is tired of self imposed obscurity, has booked a concert tour of six cities. The man who once agreed that a Fatwa against Salmon Rushdie for daring to write The Satanic Verses was proper and correct. Now he has the gall to call his little tour the Peace Train Tour, so you can be sure there be lots of hectoring the don’t agree with cold blooded murder types in the audience on their evilness.

Anyway, he has cancelled his New York show because the tickets are paper tickets, not pdf files that people print themselves or something. Remarkably, this doesn’t seem to be an environmental complaint, but something about scalpers being able to resell paper tickets, but not printed PDF tickets, or something.

Look, bottom line here: if you go see this fuck-wad who dislikes free speech and thinks murdering authors whose works disagree with his world view is OK, shame on you.

fluffincolorSad news out of the AC/DC camp. With a new album ready to come down the pipe, and tour plans being made, the band has announced that rhythm guitarist Malcolm Young is suffering from Dementia. Reports are that the 62-year old Young, brother of lead guitarist/perennial school boy Angus, is already in long term care.

fluffincolorOh dear! Charlie Sheen is back in the news, and it ain’t good.

Sheen is being investigated by LAPD for battery against a dental technician and assault with a deadly weapon against his dentist. The story is Sheen went to the dentist for an abscess while high on crack. When the technician put the gas mask on him, he freaked, flailing his arms and hitting the technician. When the dentist finally came in, Sheen allegedly pulled a knife on him.

Nobody was hurt, but it’s reported the LAPD plans to send the case on to the D.A. to decide if charges will be laid.

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Saturday Fluffernutter: The Oh No, Not Kim Kardashian: My Eyes! MY EYES!!! Edition

September 27th, 2014
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All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities


More naked celebrity photo’s hacked from someones cloud account have been relleased, and by celebrity I mean Kim Kardashian. fluffposter01sampleActually, that’s not fair. Vanessa Hudgens and Hope Solo also had shots leaked, and I’ve heard of and know Vanessa Hudgens work, and Hope Solo is an Olympic Gold Medalist. Yet all the headlines says “Kim Kardashian, and others” or some such. It must be galling to these women who’ve actually accomplished something to be second fiddle to fat assed, ugly, done nothing meaningful in life, Kim Kardashian.

Oh, they’re probably not happy about their nude pictures hitting the internet either. Bummer weekend all ’round, I would say.

fluffincolorTMZ has been talking to male celebrities, and many are apparently “scared” that they’re next for the hacked nudie pics treatment.

Here at Fluffernutter World Headquarters the weekend was spent in secret meetings working on a contingency plan lest our own pictures become leaked. After a particularly long Saturday night meeting/sleep that ran well into Sunday morning, it was remembered I’ve never actually taken nude pictures of myself, never had anyone else take such pictures and certainly never saved any such thing to an online account.

Maybe TMZ could do a story about which male celebrities are “scared” so we’ll know who was vein enough to take pictures of themselves and dumb enough to save them online. At the Fluffernutter World Headquarters betting pool, this writer is down for “all of them.”

fluffincolorSorry ladies, he’s taken… this weekend Venice is expecting to see the marriage of the last half-year or so as confirmed bachelor George Clooney will wed lawyer Amal Alamuddin.

Details are being kept rather secret, but Clooney is expected to wed Alamuddin either Saturday or Monday (so bet on Sunday or Friday)at the Palazzo Cavalli, a 16th century Venetian palace on the Grand Canal. Police will close off weekends around the Palazzo to prevent crowds forming, because apparently Venetians are now like North Americans and have nothing whatsoever to do with their life.

Congratulations to the happy couple, and sorry to the ladies who had hopes…

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Saturday Fluffernutter: The Internet Rejected My Leaked Pictures Edition

September 6th, 2014
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All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

fluffincolorSinger Cee Lo Green created a mess out of a mess this week. Following a no contest plea for being accused of slipping Ecstasy in a woman’s drink – who then found herself waking up naked in Cee Lo’s bed – Green took to twitter to, well who knows what he thought he was doing.

brighams-fluffernutter-761079 Basically, Green tweeted that if you are unconscious and can’t remember it happening, it wasn’t rape. Realizing a shit storm was brewing, Green deleted the tweets, then deleted his twitter account, but not before an attempt at apologizing. He has since reactivated his account, minus the offending tweets. In the aftermath, TBS has cancelled Green’s reality show, The Good Life.

Here’s a tip for TBS: when you create a show starring a guy who recorded songs called Fuck You, Groupie Sex and Pimp’s Don’t Cry, the quick cancel doesn’t absolve you from the disaster that follows. Double so when he was already under indictment for slipping a drug to a date, with suggestions (although never charges) that he then raped her, and that didn’t cause you to cancel/ not air his show.

fluffincolorThe big news of the week is the nude photo hacking scandal. Several major female stars, including Jennifer Lawrence, Kate Upton, Kirsten Dunst and, reportedly, up to 100 other celebrities had their iCloud accounts hacked, and nude photos stolen. The photos have, according to accounts, been trading for over a week on the pervert grapevine before a few of them leaked, notably the three above mentioned ladies.

The hacking appears to be, in fact, Apples fault, and Dunst was the first to take them to task for the leak, tweeting “Thank you iCloud,” on Tuesday (God bless her, she got the grammar correct as well – I think I’m smitten). One wonders how many of the victims were even aware that their pictures were being uploaded to iCloud, seeing as, by my recollection, Apple products default to iCloud backup, and the user must change the setting.

Fall out of the pictures is, and will be far and wide, with “comedian” Ricky Gervais being one of the first non-pictures casualties. Proving that the stupid routine isn’t actually an act, Gervais pulled a blame the victim routine tweeting “Celebrities, make it harder for hackers to get nude pics of you from your computer by not putting nude pics of yourself on your computer.” Put another way, anything Ricky Gervais owns is free for you to take if you can get into his house and grab it.

fluffincolorJustin Beiber came to my part of the world last weekend, where she and Selena Gomez took a quiet getaway in Perth, Ontario near Ottawa. Unfortunately, the constant presence in Beiber’s life, the paparazzi, followed (we’re assuming these weren’t Perth’s local paparazzi).

Upset by the romantice interruptis, Beiber reacted, getting into a collision with a the photographers. Thinks quickly go downhill form there… in the end, Beiber was charged with dangerous driving and assault. This is, by our recollection, Beiber’s second brush with the local law this year.

fluffincolorBetty White has Dyed, not died.

Reports of Betty White’s death circulated this morning, after a parody website did a piece on Betty White Dying her hair. The intelligentsia of the internet then pounced, and twitter reacted with Betty White is dead.

God Bless the collective intelligence of the internet, and long live Betty White.

fluffincolorJoan Rivers (1933-2014)

Other websites and other obituaries will cover Joan Rivers better than I will, but let it be said the pioneering comedienne had a remarkable career, even more so for the way she re-invented herself to keep relevant later in life. Her humour was never my style, but I deeply admire the way she had no sacred cows, something that is desperately lacking in modern day comedy.

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Saturday Fluffernutter: The Justin Beiber TPed My House Edition

August 30th, 2014

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

fluffincolorWhy don’t I particularly like Leonard DiCaprio? you ask. What could possibly be wrong with him? you’re thinking.

imagesThis week, DiCaprio did the same old, same old ALS Ice Bucket Challenge that all your Facebook friends are doing. DiCaprio, however, used it as an opportunity to call out Stephen Harper, whom he seems to dislike, being democratically elected by mere Canadian’s and not Hollywood approved. So from his pious perch, and while visiting the Athebasca oil sands, the little pissant couldn’t resist turning a charity stunt into a political one.

So to answer your question, I can’t stand twerps who can’t let something go, just the one time.


Hibbity-Hop impresario Suge Knight, who was in the car with Tupac Shakur when he was shot, was himself shot this weekend at an LA club.

The – ahem – 49-year old was shot multiple times by a single suspect during a party ahead of the MTV Music Video Awards.

The co-founder of Death Row Records is reportedly resting at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center. “Suge is currently resting and has lost a lot of blood, he’s human. He’s done a lot of things for the community and the culture as a whole so we ask that you respect that,” the family said.

It’s one thing when 21-year olds go to clubs and shooting breaks out – it’s not OK, and it happens far too often nowadays, but at least you can see how it can happen. But a 49-year old? And for the record, the fact that a 49-year old man can’t go to a club without risk of being shot is what the family is talking about when they say, “He’s done a lot of things for the… culture as a whole”


David Beckham booted one on his bike Friday morning, dropping his custom built motorcycle on Sunset Boulevard. Becks was leaving a tattoo parlour – cause what he needs is more tattoos – when he apparently swerved to avoid paparazzi, dropping his ride.

Later in the day, Beckham was spotted at LAX with a cast on his right arm.


Who’s dumber than Miley Cyrus? The people who run the MTV video awards? Close, but no. A lamppost? Not really. Jesse Helt? Yes, and who’s that now?

Helt is a young homeless man, whom Cyrus took to the MTV video awards as her date – if by date you mean someone she picked up literally off the street for the express purpose of manipulating him. When she won an award for “Wrecking Ball,” (which should embarrass MTV no end, but won’t), she had Helt go on stage an lecture the assembled on the plight of the homeless. Problem is, Helt has an outstanding warrant for parole violations back in his home state of Oregon.

All the attention, while I’m sure wonderful for Cyrus’ career, meant that Oregon officials took notice. So Helt has now returned to Oregon and turned himself in. He is out on bail, possibly paid for by Cyrus, but having had his 15-minutes – literally actually –  Helt can now face the consequences while Cyrus gets to go on with her privileged little life.

That’s OK though, Cyrus can feel all squishy-goodnessy about herself for raising awareness about homelessness, even if she had to screw over some homeless guy to do it.


And finally, my favourite story in, well forever. While Justin Beiber is egging houses and getting in car accidents and then blaming the paparazzi for causing them, the guys in Motley Crue mocked him this week as “weak.” The Crue guys took hell raising to unheard of heights during the 80’s, so they know a bad boy when they see it, and they don’t see it. According to Vince Neil this week:

“He started with the eggs, which was a little weak – a poor start. Then he got arrested in Miami for drag-racing and that was kinda cool – he was under the influence. Then he got arrested in Toronto and turned himself in. So he’s getting better, but he has work to do…. The next thing he’ll get arrested for is toilet-papering a house.”

Love it when the Beeb get’s taken to school, but as I always say at these stories, will somebody please tell him to pull up his pants.

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Saturday Fluffernutter: The If This Isn’t Nuts, What Is? Edition

June 21st, 2014
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All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

fluffincolorNow where was I? Ah yes, just before the unexpected Fluffernutter hiatus, Justin Beiber had a spot of bother. Something about eggs and a neighbours expensive panel work as I recall. fluffernutterNow I know some of you thought I must have been too tired, busy or lazy to write the Fluffernutters, but really, I couldn’t possibly write any more while this story was unresolved. As proof, I offer that Fuffernutter is suddenly, unannoucedly back, and TMZ Monday reported “D.A. to File Vandalism Charges Today in Egging Case.”

This all leads to the one inescapable question: whats worse, a 20-year old who eggs his neighbours house? A D.A.’s office that investigates an egging, never mind taking six months to do so? A prosecutor who says “If this isn’t a felony, nothing is,” about throwing eggs? Or a media that uses the phrase “egging case” without irony?

To paraphrase “a prosecutor in the case,” if this isn’t nuts, what is?

fluffincolorMeanwhile, A-1 cutey Selena Gomez, aka the former Beib-friend/current Beib-friend/former Beib-friend is, once again, on Beiber’s arm. This has friends and family worried that Beiber is a bad influence on the nice girl Gomez.

On cue, in the fashion of young ladies from time immemorial, Gomez set out to prove them right. On Tuesday night police were called to Gomez’ house after neighbours complained of a loud party. Because neighbourhood relations are something you go to Justin Beiber for advice on.

fluffincolorI hate talking Miley Cyrus. From cute little girl singer to hopelessly crass skank in one short step, it’s just so disappointing. This week in Spain she put in a concert in which she wore a one piece money suit, and yanked it up in wedgie fashion, showing far more than any sane human wants to see. Oh yea, and she was sticking her tongue out in that german shepherd with it’s head to the window way she seems to think is sexy.

Funny thing about the last three stories. Notice Selena Gomez is the nice girl here. Notice too, the story is her friends and family are worried about her. Now consider that Justin Beiber’s dad was one of the posse when Beiber was busted for racing on the Florida streets a few months back and Miley Cyrus’ dad, Billy Ray, has previously declared himself proud of her skank-shenanigans. A family around who’s worrying about your welfare, instead of enabling your stupidity is such a difference in a young stars life. Here’s a prediction: Gomez will be fine, but I’ll be writing about Cyrus and Beiber until I get sick of them and put them on the Paris Hilton/Kardashian list of people who, short of murder, I just won’t write about.

fluffincolorHarrison Ford is said to be “on the road to recovery,” after having an accident on the set of Star Wars VII: The Infinite Sequel. The 71-year old Ford, who is reprising his role as smuggler Hans Solo, broke his leg when his ship, The Millennium Falcon, fell on him. While initially reported to have broken his ankle, Ford had surgery on his broken leg, and will begin rehab shortly.

To get this straight, Han Solo is now 71 and the Millennium Falcon is falling out of the sky. I’m thinking maybe I’ll take a pass on lining up dressed as a Wookie for opening night of this one.

fluffincolorActor Michael Jace appeared in court this week in the April shooting death of his wife. On May 19th Jace was charged with murder and is being held on $2-million bail in LA. Jace called 911 at the time of his wife’s shooting saying he had killed his wife.

Appearing today, the month in prison has not been good to Jace. The 52-year old star of The Shield (and black panther in Forrest Gump) looks like a 70-year old man. He has aged dramatically in the month since he first appeared.

Jace faces a 50-year sentence if convicted, but don’t look for him survive anywhere near that long.

fluffincolorCasey Kasem (1932-2014)

Up until a couple of years ago, “who is the voice of Shaggy in Scooby Doo?” made a great trivia question at a party. Nowadays, however, everybody seem to know that DJ Casey Kasem voiced the Great Dane’s hippy pal.

Kasem was known primarily as the host of America’s Top 40, a radio show that ran from 1970 to 2009, although it is primarily remembered nostalgically for it’s heyday on the 70’s and into the 80’s.

In his final years he suffered with Parkinson’s Disease, which ultimately took his life, and were marred by fighting over his treatment between his wife of 34-years and his children from a previous marriage. The disagreements sadly prevented Kasem form having some dignity in death, something he always projected in life. None the less, he will be remembered for his silky smooth voice and wonderful way of introducing songs through stories. May he rest in peace.

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Saturday Fluffernutter: The Conscious Unhinging Edition

March 29th, 2014

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities


I know I’ve been away a while, but some news is just too important to leave to others: and besides, I’m so darn verklempt over the Gwyneth Paltrow/Chris Martin split I can’t work.
This week Gwyneth and Chris, ten years married, announced they would have a “conscious uncoupling,” which apparently means they are splitting.  It is interesting that when you use a phrase like “conscious uncoupling” you’re really unconsciously telling the world you have disassociated from reality. As marriage (and parenting) is the ultimate reality test, it’s kind of hard to make a marriage work when you’ve uncoupled from reality.

Normally, this blog would take the attitude that we are pleased that a stunning beauty like Gwyneth is back on the market, available to discover the joys of a sarcastic, yet loveable, scribbler of bad celebrity jokes. Somehow, however, I think it would  take about 9-years, 11, months, 30 days and 20 hours less time than the 10-years it took Chris Martin to discover she’s a complete whack job.


Good news out of Washington: Chris Brown may be taken from his cell in Los Angeles, shackled and sent to Washington to stand trial for assaulting a man.

Meanwhile, Brown has discovered he doesn’t like sitting in jail, telling a friend he “feels like a caged animal.” Let it be said, here and now: Chris, we’ve seen the pictures of Rhianna after you beat on her, and you are.


Kanye West, meanwhile, slipped in and out of an LAPD station on Thursday in less than an hour to be processed for misdemeanour battery for beating on a photographer at LAX. He has been ordered to not have any more such issues and attend anger management therapy sessions.

Or, he could be given the opportunity to visit Chris Brown for a few weeks, and learn first hand why you don’t go beating people.


Not to be outdone, Justin Beiber has two assaulting photographer cases on the docket, one in LA, and one in Miami. Interestingly, Selena Gomez is a material witness in the LA case, and she’s being questioned about the assault, of which she was there, but also about Beiber’s after the fact comments and his overall opinion of paparazzi. And, the Miami photog. wants Gomez to testify under oath, even though she was not there for that particular bit of tomfoolery.

Must be some sweet nothings the Beib likes to whisper.


Fluffernutter Friday: Elton at the Movies

March 21st, 2014

Last month, Lady Hespeler and I braved the cold, and hwy. 6, and trundled off to Hamilton to see Elton John. Our last minute cheap seats, with a behind stage view, turned out to be gems, some 16 rows up and staring at the piano player’s face all night – and no, I didn’t shoot. While John’s voice is hardly in 70’s form, he was nothing short of excellent.

Promoting the reissue of Goodbye Yellow Brick Road, he opened with side 1 from that masterwork, and spent the next hour and a half or so playing hit after hit.  He had a tight little four piece band with him, including long time members, Davey Johnstone and Nigel Olsson.

Next Wednesday, Elton brings his Las Vegas show to the big screen, for a Front Row Centre Event, The Million Dollar Piano.

Track listing for The Million Dollar Piano:

  • The Bitch is Back
  • Bennie and the Jets
  • Rocket Man
  • Levon
  • piano excerpt “Planes”
  • piano excerpt “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart”
  • Tiny Dancer
  • Your Song
  • Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters
  • Better Off Dead
  • Indian Sunset
  • Blue Eyes
  • Goodbye Yellow Brick Road
  • I Guess That’s Why They Call It the Blues
  • Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me
  • Philadelphia Freedom
  • I’m Still Standing
  • Crocodile Rock
  • Saturday Night’s Alright for Fighting
  • Circle of Life

Freedom of Music, meanwhile, returns this Sunday with a review the Deluxe Edition of Goodbye Yellow Brick Road.

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Friday Fluffernutter: Wait… What? It’s Saturday? Edition

February 8th, 2014
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In honour of doing Friday Fluffernutter on Saturday, I offer Thursday, as done on Friday…

On Thanksgiving 1976, November 25th – a Thursday – The Band performed a farewell concert which they filmed and released as The Last Waltz. The final piece on The Last Waltz was shot later on a soundstage, having The Staples Singers join them on their classic, The Weight. Here it is…

Last night – a Friday – Jimmy Fallon said farewell to his TV show, and had some friends join him to sing, you guessed it, The Weight, exactly as The Band did it 38-years prior (well, almost).

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Fluffernutter Friday

June 7th, 2013
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Black Star Riders are what remains of the recent touring version of Thin Lizzy. Their new album, All Hell Breaks Loose, is no Thin Lizzy in their prime. But it does prove that yes, they do still make music like that. Someday Salvation is the absolute highlight of the album, but Bound for Glory isn’t bad either.

And just in case you forgot how good they are, here’s the real thing.

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