At Home in Hespeler

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Brad Pitt is a good leftie. He doesn’t believe in the death penalty for, say, someone who kidnaps a child and spends three days molesting them before killing them. Paul Bernardo, as an example, should be spared the death penalty.

But run a company that has an environmental accident?

I was never for the death penalty before, but I am willing to look at it again (for BP executives)

I love the headline in this weeks In Touch. Angelina Jolie, it claims, calls Brad stupid behind his back.

Talk about belabouring the obvious.

Free at last, free at last. Thank Justice Revel, Lindsay’s free at last.

Lindsay Lohan has been sprung after serving 13 days of a 90 day jail sentence and 22 days of a three month rehab program.

“She is healthy, clear-headed positive and looking forward,” her lawyer said.

Lohan will have to reside at home, submit to random drug and alcohol testing, take psychotherapy four days a week, behaviour therapy twice a week and attend a 12-step program for addicts. Should Lohan fail her drug and alcohol test, “She’ll go to jail for 30 days,” according to TMZ.

You know, the kid (and she is a kid) can act, unlike those other celebrity-celebrities she hangs around with. I hope she gets her act together, while at the same time wondering what I’ll write on Saturday’s if she does.

Jimmy Fallon wants you to tweet him - if you are blonde, lean, long, female and between the ages of 21 and 35. The rest of us can send him a message on Twitter.

Fallon, who is hosting this Sundays Emmy’s, wants twits to send tweets on twitter to him commenting on the show. The shows writers will incorporate them into his material.

In other words, the only people who get paid any real money to write any more (i.e. TV writers), now want you to write the jokes. They get the credit - and the pay check.

You can tweet Fallon at @jimmyfallon

I am not a Martin Short fan. Nothing against the man - he seems nice enough - but his style of comedy is not my taste. That said, I wish him no ill will. Sadly, ill will seems to have found Martin Short anyway. His wife of 30 years, Nancy Dolman, died last weekend at their California home.

Cause of death is unknown, but there have been reports that she diagnosed with cancer three years ago. She was 58. Condolences to Martin Short and their three children.

Fluffernutter Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, Jimmy Fallon, Lindsay Lohan, Marsha Revel, Martin Short, Nancy Dolman, Twitter

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Mr. Zeta Jones, Actor Michael Douglas, announced this week he was diagnosed with throat cancer. Mr. Jones will undergo chemotherapy and is “very optimistic,” of a full recovery.

Back in June his son Cameron, from a previous marriage, was sentenced to five years in prison for dealing methamphetamine and possessing heroin. Which just goes to show, even Kirk Douglas’s son, who’s married to Catherine Zeta Jones can have a shitty go of things.

You can, in fact, have it all and legitimately wonder, “why me?”

****************
Update: Later in the week reports indicate Michael Douglas could lose his voice during the treatment.

Remember Joaquin Phoenix and the beard? He quit acting to become a rapper, then grew a big hippy beard (because that’s what all the rappers are wearing this Woodstock).  Remember the David Letterman non-interview? Remember there was speculation that it was a fake, a sham? All part of a documentary he was making with Casey Affleck? That was denied. “Oh no, this is real,” he protested.

Yea, all fake. The Casey Afflek documentary on Phoenix’s year as a non-rapping rapper will be released in September.

What a wanker.

Aerosmith front man Stepehen Tyler, back on stage after missing the past year when he broke his shoulder falling off a stage, fell off the stage in Toronto this week. Reports are that guitarist Joe Perry bumped Tyler while playing Love in an Elevator. Tyler returned to the stage and joked, “not this time.”

The story as I heard it was Tyler angrily told Perry, “not this time.” A bit of a battle between the Aerosmith frontmen ensued.

Don’t know which story is true, but I like mine better. And if you’re falling off the stage is becoming regular, are you , to borrow Ian Anderson’s phrase, too old to rock and roll?

Soungarden bassist Ben Shepherd is one happy bottom ender that Soundgarden is doing the always profitable reunion gig. Shepherd is “broke and technically homeless.” And these are the good times:

My whole life seemed over (in the late 1990’s). Soundgarden broke up; my other band, Hater, broke up; my fiancee broke up with me, and then I broke three ribs.

I got addicted to pain pills, drank a ton, and wound up OD’ing on morphine. I was laid out in my house for five days, and no one knew it. It was a f**king horrible time.

I saw the Jennifer Aniston ugly duckling photo shoot last week: the one where she makes herself up to look just like Barbara Streisand. A fine example of how to turn beauty butt ugly in one make-up session.

Want to know what my reaction was: “glad I never laminated that list.”

But this Thursday she was on Regis and Kelly, when she said about the photo shoot:

I play dress up. I do it for a living - like a retard.

Cue the professionally aggrieved, specifically Pete Burns, CEO of Arc:

I was extraordinarily offensive and inappropriate. Frankly, someone in her position ought to know better.

Someone in her position? What, an actress? A fairly average actress who if it wasn’t for the fact she has a very cute, girl next door thing going on you would never have heard of? She should know better than who? The President?

You know who should know better than to say really stupid, intellectually challenged, things: people with CEO on the business card.

Fluffernutter Aerosmith, Ben Shepherd, Cameron Douglas, Casey Affleck, Catherine Zeta Jones, David Letterman, Ian Anderson, Jethro Tull, Joaquin Phoenix, Joe Perry, Michael Douglas, Soungarden, Stephen Tyler, Too Old to Rock and Roll

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

So you’re a dad. You’re daughter is mid-to-late 20’s. She is dating, and has become pregnant by a rich celebrity 26 years her senior, who has four kids by three other women, and recently left his wife and two of those young children due to irreconcilable differences (i.e. she aged). What are the chances your reaction is:

It’s great news and we’re very pleased for them both.

On the other hand, perhaps the next statement explains the previous words of Alan Walsh, father of Kelsey Grammer’s 29 year old squeeze Kayte Walsh:

I don’t know how long they have been together and I have not met him yet, but I’m looking forward to it.

American Idol is looking for judges. First up is Jennifer Lopez. Lopez, who is talentless as a singer and actor, has been bumped from consideration because of her excessive demands.

How excessive can your demands have to be? I want a dressing room, nanny, masseuse, water, flowers &tc. All would be no sweat. What else could a person making millions a year ask from her employers?

Ohhh, perhaps she wanted to sing. Yea, good call American Idol.

Review in Brief: Eat, Pray, Love - I haven’t even seen it, but the preview made me nauseous on three separate occasions.

Since Jenifer Lopez is out of the running for American Idol judge, a plan B is needed. How about… Shania Twain.

Canadian born Twain has several advantages over the aforementioned Lopez: She can sing; she’s smoking’ hot; she lives in a castle in Switzerland, so her tastes and demands can’t be too over the top. I say, sign her up.

It’s not enough to make me watch, but it’s enough to make me put a picture of Twain up once a month or so during Idol season.

American Idol singer Fantasia Barrino had a week to forget. First, she was named as the other woman in a divorce proceeding in North Carolina. The wife of Antwuan Cook alleges the singer had an affair with her husband, which is denied.

The next day, Barrino was hospitalized for a “medication overdose.” She was admitted to a North Carolina hospital and her condition is not considered life threatening.

Paula Cook, on the other hand, is said to be life threatening, if she dare goes near her man again.

Ritchie Hayward (1946 - 2010):
Ritchie Hayward was the long time drummer for Little Feat, one of the most under-rated bands of the rock era. He was there in the beginning in 1969, and stayed with the band until founder Lowell George’s death in 1979.

In 1987, Little Feat reformed, and their 1988 album Let it Roll is probably the best album of the 1980’s (seriously, if you don’t know it but feel sure you’ve missed something: give Let it Roll a listen). Hayward continued with Little Feat until his cancer diagnosis last August.

Other than Little Feat, Hayward has played with Jimmy Buffet’s Corral Reefer Band, was the drummer of record on Robert Plant’s Shaken and Stirred album, had spots with Bob Seger, Eric Clapton, The Doobie Brothers, Peter Frampton, Arlo Guthrie, Robert Palmer, Tom Waitts, Warren Zevon and some guy named Dylan, just to name the people you’ve heard of.

To watch Hayward drum was to watch a man having a seizure in 4/4 time. His arms and legs splayed about in much the way you would imagine a monkey would look if he tried to drum, except with Hayward, it made sense. He was never repetitious, and in fact, a drummer friend once commented when listening to them, “there’s no pattern there to try and follow.”

In short, Ritchie Hayward was an exceptional drummer, and if the general population of music fans was unaware of the fact, music insiders knew it all too well.

Ritchie Hayward died this week from complications of liver cancer. If there’s a rock and roll heaven - I want Ritchie Hayward in my band.

Fluffernutter Antwuan Cook, Fantasia Barrino, jennifer lopez, Kayte Walsh, Kelsey Grammer, Little Feat, Ritchie Hayward, Shania Twain

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

When last we checked in, Lindsay Lohan was off to the Women’s Prison. “Ninety days,” said Judge Revel to the weeping Lohan back in early July.

“Thirteen days,” replied the California Penal Department, “for good behaviour.”

It’s all very surprising: You lock Lindsay Lohan in a building full of bull dykes and Penal-ses, good behaviour is not what you expect her to get off on.

Mitch Miller (1911-2010)

Mitch Miller wore a number of hats in the musical world: musician, singer, conductor, producer and record company exec. A highly successful and long career, including a number of albums as “Mitch Miller and His Orchestra,” Columbia records house band. As well “Mitch Miller and His Gang” had a number of successful records.

He also produced a number of artists for Columbia Records during the 1950’s, including Frank Sinatra, Tony Bennett and Rosemary Clooney.

But it is as the inspiration behind The Flintstones “Hum Along With Herman,” that most Americans remember Mitch Miller. “Sing Along With Mitch,” ran for three year in the 1960’s. With the Mitch Miller Singers, Mitch would lead sing-a-longs on a variety of popular songs.

Miller was married for 65 years to Francis Alexander, who predeceased him. He died this week in New York City, age 99.

Fluffernutter Lindsay Lohan, mitch miller

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Not so much a punch to the solar plexus, but Justice Marsha Revel did give Lindsay Lohan a boot to the nads (or the appropriate female equivalent) she won’t soon forget. A weeping Lohan was told by Judge Revel this week that, due to her probation violations- including not attending an alcohol education programme, she was heading to jail for 90 days.

Meanwhile, a waitress at Hollywood nightclub Voyeur denies she punched Lindsay Lohan during Lohan’s 24th birthday celebrations last Thursday. Said Jasmine Waltz:

All I have to say is that disturbed little train wreck is delusional. I didn’t hit her. But I’d like too.”

Wonder if her lawyers approved that statement?

It’s what did she really mean day on the set of W.E.. Star Margo Stilley has quit work on the movie citing “artistic differences,” with director Madonna.

Said Stilley:

I had the role, but we had artistic differences. She (Madonna) is really something. I wish the cast luck because they are all really talented.

Ouch, that’s gotta hurt. But considering Roger Ebert said of the other movie Madonna directed, Filth and Wisdom, “…the pop stars directing debut, is a pointless exercise in shocking behaviour,” perhaps the artistic differences are that Stilley doesn’t want to make a crap movie.

We interrupt this post named after a sandwich to bring a Lindsay Lohan update: Little Miss contempt of court had a vile, unspeakable comment written on her fingernail during her court appearance. It was just a little joke, COCO assured the media after. Not intended for her honor at all.

 

Former child TV star Jaleel “don’t call me Urkel” White is being investigated in an apparent domestic assault incident. Bridget Hardy, mother of an infant urkellete, says the suspendered funny-geek punched her in the chest while they were driving on a Los Angeles freeway last month. The alleged incident continued at their home, where White apparently slapped her and pushed her into a toilet.

Urkel org disputes these events:

The incident never happened. This is just a ploy in an ongoing custody battle over their young daughter to tarnish his name.

The Black Eyed Peas, who’s manager punched Perez Hilton (not hard enough, it turns out) last June in Toronto, have teamed up with James Cameron to make a 3D concert documentary.

Hoping to merge Cameron’s film technology with the Peas concert experience, the Peas note that:

We have the biggest director, because we are the biggest group on the planet… People will be able to see us in the theatre with the 3D glasses and everything.

Note that it’s the people in the theatre who will be wearing the glasses, not the group - although with will.i.am’s fashion sense, I could have that wrong.

We can assume at least that Fergies biggest assets will be impressive in 3D.

In Led Zeppeliny circles it’s considered an open secret that Jake Holmes originally wrote Dazed and Confused. In 1967 Holmes opened for the Yardbirds, featuring Jimmy Page by then, at a Greenwich Village Club and performed Dazed and Confused. Impressed, the Yardbirds decided to cover the song, and the next day set about an arrangement, which would become I’m Confused. After the Yardbirds disbanded, Page brought the track to his new band, Led Zeppelin, returning it to the name Dazed and Confused. Fourty years after the fact, Holmes has decided to sue for royalties. In past interviews Holmes, who has remained on friendly terms with Page through the years, has suggested that he would not do so, but he appears to have changed his mind. The suit could be worth millions, but a statute of limitations applies in such cases, so Holmes can only request three years of back royalties. The present filing would therefore include all sales of the 2007 Mothership greatest hits CD, and the re-issue of The Song Remains the Same. No word on when Steve Marriot is going to sue for Whole Lotta Love. And we’re not even going to mention Randy California, Taurus and Stairway to Heaven in the same blog post.

We interrupt this post named after a sandwich to bring a Lindsay Lohan update: Her long time lawyer, Shawn Chapman Holley issued a statement suggesting Lohan‘s punishment was “harsh and unfair,” then tended her resignation as her lawyer. “I don‘t do human rights law,” she isn‘t quoted as saying. Neither did she say, “I‘m sick of wasting my day on this drugged out moron.” Lohan will be represented in her appeal, or future drug cases, or something, by Tiffany Feder-Cohen.

This weeks episode of the Bachelorette was cut short so the producers could bring you a sniping match between former Bachelor Jake Pavelka and his chosen one Vienna Girardi. Here’s the short of it: they met on TV (he’s a fame whore she declared un-sarcastically), they moved in together after a month (she’s a whore-whore, he hinted equally un-sarcastically), then it fell apart (surprisingly, I editorialized entirely sarcastically). No punches were thrown, solar plexus or otherwise, but this does lead to two unavoidable questions: who are these people? and who watches this stuff?

Fluffernutter

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Mr. Diana Krall, Elvis Costello, this week joined the “shut up and sing,” club. Costello cancelled two upcoming concerts in Israel, stating “…merely having your name added to a concert schedule may be interpreted as a political act…” This in contrast to cancelling already scheduled concerts, which is an apolitical act.

Last word to Israeli Sport and Culture Minister Limor Livant:

An artist who boycotts his fans in Israel is not worthy of performing in front of them.

I know, I know, you’re anxious to know. You can’t sleep at night wondering, worried. That one question that nags at you and won’t go away: how was Lindsay Lohan’s week?

Funny you should ask, actually. She lost her passport. Stolen, along with her other personal papers. Of course, losing your passport in France, better yet Cannes isn’t so bad. So you stick around, maybe visit Paris, until the embassy gets it looked after. Lets face it, it’s not like she has work to go to.

Alas, karma isn’t just a bitch, she’s a mean girl. While the consul was explaining to LiLo that it was going to take a few days, perhaps a week to get her a passport, the judge at a probation hearing in California was explaining to her lawyer why she was issuing a warrant forLohan’s arrest.

Ronnie James Dio (1942-2010)

When Ozzy Osbourne left Black Sabbath the reasonable assumption would be that the legendary heavy metal band was done. They could get a new singer, but it would just be death throes. Surely Black Sabbath without it’s unique voice out front, could no longer reasonably be Black Sabbath. Who did they think they were, AC/DC?

A funny thing happened on the way to the requiem. Sabbath replaced Osbourne with former Rainbow singer Ronnie James Dio and produced what many metal and Black Sabbath fans consider the finest metal album, never mind Black Sabbath album, Heaven and Hell.

In 2007 Dio rejoined with his Black Sabbath bandmates, calling the band Heaven & Hell. They remained a viable touring act until last August. They were scheduled to perform some shows this summer, but early this month those shows were cancelled due to Dio’s health.

He died this week of stomach cancer at the age of 67.

Fluffernutter AC/DC, Black Sabbath, Diana Krall, Elvis Costello, Heaven and Hell, Limor Livant, Lindsay Lohan, Ozzy Osbourne, Ronnie James Dio

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Nashville is sinking man, and Taylor don’t wanna swim…

It’s not making the news like other natural disasters do, mostly it seems because Nashvillian’s are looking after themselves, not looking for the federal government to look after them. However, Nashville is enduring a major flood and the country music world is stepping up. The Country Music Association is donating half the proceeds from their annual CMA music festival to flood relief. The festival runs June 10-13 in Nashville.

Meanwhile, Taylor Swift is donating half-a-million dollars to flood relief. She made the announcement on a local telethon, “Flood Relief with Vince Gill and Friends.”

In other country music news, two of country’s “hottest singles,” are off the market as Miranda Lambert and Blake Shelton are engaged. Thirty-three year old Shelton, winner of 2010’s Country Music Associations, “Vocal Event of the Year,” proposed to proposed to the twenty-six year old, five time Academy of Country Music Award winner on Sunday in Oklahoma.

Being an olde timey kind of guy, Shelton even asked Lambert’s father, Rick, for permission to marry her. Rick apparently didn’t reply:

You marry Miranda? have you seen Miranda? Have you seen you? Go away and come back when you have won as many awards as her.

No word on when the wedding will be.

Meanwhile, in London, Julie Andrews fans are flooding the airwaves with complaints after Andrews gave a concert Saturday at the O2 arena in which she sang only two songs. The legendary actress and singer sang A Cockeyed Optimist, and My Funny Valentine, but left the bulk of the singing to others. Andrews, 74, who had a botched voice operation in 1997, also narrated a musical staging of the children’s book she wrote with her daughter.

One Brit-tab ran the headline, “The Tills are Alive with the Sounds of Refunds.”

Sean Penn pleaded no contest this week to charges of vandalism this week after he was videotaped kicking a photographer. He was sentenced to 300 hours of community service and three years of informal probation. How does an assault, on video, become vandalism? What’s the charge for spray painting walls? A speeding ticket?

In other celebrity legal news, Lindsay Lohan missed a court appearance in her impaired driving case a few weeks ago, leading to speculation she will plead no contest to embezzlement.

Russell Crowe, somewhat known for being quick to rile, got upset and stormed out of an interview in England this week. When the interviewer suggested Crowe had a bit of an Irish accent in his new movie, Robin Hood, Crowe became angered and yelled:

What would you be talkin’ about, ya fekin gobsheit! Ya stupid wee man, ya wouldn’t know an Irish accent if it dropped it’s pot of gold on your toes.

He then finished his Guiness and stormed off.

Top signs that Russell Crowe is angry:

- Puts a petrol bomb under your bonnet
- Stands and drops his pants, all the while yelling Pogue Mahone
- Knee-caps you with a hurl.
- Dons an Aaron sweater and says, “I like it too.”
- Drops his pot of gold on your toes.
- Guest edit’s the Globe and Mail
- Bops you on the head with his shillelagh.

Lena Horne (1917 - 2010). Lena Horne was known as an actress and civil rights activist, but it was her silky voice by which millions knew her. Enduring racism early in her career, Horne became an activist in the American civil rights movement of the 1960‘s. She appeared in seven feature films, including Stormy Weather, which produced her biggest hit, the title track.

Lena Horne died this week, aged 92.

Fluffernutter A Cockeyed Optimist, Blake Shelton, Country Music Association, Julie Andrews, Lena Horne, Lindsay Lohan, Miranda Lambert, My Funny Valentine, Nashville, O2 arena, Robin Hood, Russell Crowe, Sean Penn, Taylor Swift, Vince Gill

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Joni Mitchell gave a rare interview last week with the LA Times:

We (Bob Dylan) and I are like night and day, he and I. Bob is not authentic at all. He’s a plagiarist, and his name and voice are fake. Everything about Bob is deception.

Oh, my! Tell us what you really think Joni.

She had more to say regarding Grace Slick and Janis Joplin being drunken tramps - they were “sleeping with their whole bands and falling down drunk” - and Madonna:

Americans have decided to be stupid and shallow since 1980. Madonna is like Nero; she marks the turning point.

Madonna as anti-Christ. There’s an argument I can get behind.

Other revelations in the Joni Mitchell interview:

The Red Hot Chilli Peppers are neither red, hot nor chilli peppers.

Jakob Dylan plagiarized his fathers last name.

The Led Zeppelin song Going to California, heretofore thought to be written about Joni Mitchel, was really written about That Girl Marlo Thomas.

The reason the Toronto Maple Leafs have not won a Stanley Cup in 40 years is that Joni Mitchell cursed them by writing about them in her song Raised on Robbery.

Jose Feliciano is the judge for the People Magazine’s most beautiful people.

Bob Dylan mumbles

Sandra Bullock has filed for divorce from her wayward husband, Jesse James. While Bullock was apparently devastated by revelations of James multiple affairs, she was equally appalled by a picture showing him in Nazi dress, using his finger to mock-up a Hitler moustache and giving a Nazi salute:

The photo shocked me and made me sad. This is not the man I married… anything Nazi…have no place in my life. And the man I married felt the same.

Am I the only person in this world who sees the iron cross that James uses as his business logo and thinks of the Nazi’s?

People Magazine came out with their 2010 Most Beautiful Woman issue for 2010, and the winner is… Julia Roberts?

Even in her prime 20 years ago I wouldn’t put Julia Roberts on my top 50 beautiful women list, a list that includes my wife, my neighbour and my singer. But in an edition of People Magazine that will heavily feature Sandra Bullock, Julia Roberts will be on the cover as most beautiful? Absurd!

Fluffernutter Bob Dylan, Going to California, Grace Slick, Jakob Dylan, Janis Joplin, Jesse James, Joni Mitchell, Jose Feliciano, Julia Roberts, Led Zeppelin, Madonna, Marlo Thomas, People Magazine, Raised on Robbery, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Sandra Bullock, Stanley Cup, Toronto Maple Leafs

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

The latest entry into the Bond fare, Cry Like a Baby starring Daniel Craig has been put on hold due to financial disaster at parent company MGM.

MGM studios is for sale, and with a $3.7B debt, unable to continue as is. This has caused EON Productions, which make the Bond movies, to halt “indefinitely” the making of the next Bond film, tentatively called Bond 23. The movie was scheduled for a 2011 or 2012 release.

Headline in a newspaper this week:

European Airlines hoping for ash hole to fly through.

I can’t be the only person who thought, “finally, a natural disaster in which Sean Penn will be useful.”

Newsflash: Sandra Bullock this week was spotted shopping, without her wedding ring

Her husband has been caught fooling around with what might be the skankiest skank in all of skank-ville, and it’s news she isn’t wearing her wedding ring? Not in prison for killing the stupid bastard, that’s news. The wedding thing ring is up there with McDonalds makes a hamburger.

While on the subject of Sandra Bullock, she has been asked to return her Razzy for worst actress, which she good naturedly accepted the Saturday before the Oscars. The Razzy she took home was a one-off highly valuable trophy. The winners get a replica to take home, instead of the original. Bullock accidentally left with the good one, and her people offered to return it immediately upon hearing the story that she had the wrong one.

Want to know why America loves Sandra Bullock, look at how she has handled the entire Razzy award episode.

Former Poison singer and current reality TV guy Brett Michaels was rushed to hospital Friday with a brain hemorrhage. Michaels is in critical condition after being rushed to the hospital with a headache. The doctors discovered bleeding at the base of the brain stem.

Michaels had an emergency appendectomy last week after complaining of stomach pains. Next week he is anticipated to have leg pains, resulting in hip replacement surgery.

Michaels is expected to make a full recovery.

Bond James Bond, Fluffernutter Ash Hole, Bond 23, Brett Michaels, Daniel Craig, EON Productions, James Bond, Jesse James, MGM, Oscar, Razzy, Sandra Bullock, Sean Penn

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Recently the Vatican has forgiven The Beatles for John Lennon’s famous 1966 quote, “We’re bigger than Jesus.” At the time the Vatican condemned The Beatles, referring to them as “possibly satanic.”

Ringo Starr replied this week saying, “the Vatican has more things to worry about.”

Funny world when the Beatles are respectable and The Vatican is “possibly Satanic.”

Celebrity biographer Kitty Kellyreleased a new tell-all this week on TV super-duper-star Oprah Winfrey. The most surprising revelation? The big O once lived sinfully with John Tesh of Entertainment Tonight and really bad music fame.

Other Kelly revelations include about Oprah include:

Her real name is Oscar Winfield

Her husband Stedman is the founder of famous Canadian grocery chain, Stedman’s.

Oprah once shared beef Jerky with Ben Roethlisberger in the men’s room of a Georgia deli.

She kicked John Tesh out of their Memphis love nest when Tesh played a new composition for her, which she told Tesh was “space aged white-assed crap, which made me lose what little respect I had for you.”

She sang back-up for Sly and the Family Stone

Larry King, the famous talk guy with the infamous breath, is on the divorce train for the eight time. Rumour is that King, 76, was stepping out with 50 year old Shawn Southwick’s sister. And that he didn’t have a pre-nup.

Ouch! This ones gonna hurt Larry.

Doctor House MD, AKA Hugh Laurie, has gotten himself a record deal with Warner records. Laurie is a talented musician and muti-instrumentalist, as well as leader of the Band from TV.

Expect to hear some House-Music™ sometime in the fall.

Fluffernutter Band from TV, Beatles, Ben Roethlisberger, Dr. House MD, Entertainment Tonight, House-Music™, Hugh Laurie, John Lennon, John Tesh, Kitty Kelly, Larry King, Oprah, Ringo Starr, Shawn Southwick, Sly and the Family Stone, Vatican

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Singer Ricky Martin, long rumoured to be gay, last week announced he was… gay.

In a statement on his website, Martin said week:

I am proud to say that I am a fortunate homosexual man. I am very blessed to be who I am.

No real surprise, I can’t listen to Livin’ La Vida Loca without feeling gay, never mind singing it every night.

Sixteen year old singing sensation/tweener heartthrob Justin Beiber commented to People magazine this week about President Barack Obama mis-pronouncing his name at Beiber’s first visit to the White House last year:

He messed up my name, but I give it to him. He’s not (the) age category I sing to. He’s not “one less lonely girl”.

I would have preferred if he had said, “Dude. You can pronounce Netanyahu, but you can’t get Bee-ber? Put it on the teleprompter and get it right next time.” However, the “it’s more than I expect from some old, square guy,” routine that he went with was good too.

Life and Style magazine has gone undercover to find out, which Hollywood big shots have big shooters. The big men about town, in no particular order, we hope, are: Leonardo DiCaprio, Ashton Kutcher, Jamie Foxx, David Arquette, David Spade, Jamie Kennedy, Brian Austen Green, Jaret Leto and Andy Dick.

Noticeably absent from the list is any of those Hollywood loudmouth types (DiCaprio excepted) like Sean Penn or Matt Damon, proving once again, guys with big dicks don’t have to go around acting like they have big dicks.

From the Department of Segues I never thought I’d use: speaking of Penises (penisi?), Mutt Lange’s ex-wife (a very quiet guy if your ever looking for one) Shania Twain is back in the public eye, causing millions of penisi world-wide top thump around in excitement, “I was in a very deep, dark slump, and I needed to find a way to get myself out of it,” Twain told People, causing thousands of those penises to explode.

Malcolm McLaren (1946-2010) - In 1976 Malcolm McLaren took a band he was managing and replaced first the bass player, then added a singer. The singer, who would audition for McLaren miming to an Alice Cooper song wearing an I hate Pink Floyd short (the words written on after the fact), changed his name to Johnny Rotten, the band to the Sex Pistols. They would stay together two years, scandalising Britain with their celebration of the Queen’s Silver Jubilee with their version of God Save the Queen (She ain’t a human bein’).

The Sex Pistols broke up on their first American tour, and McLaren would go on to break up Adam and the Ants, and regroup them as Bow Wow Wow and Adam Ant. He also had a lengthy music career of his own, begining with 1983’s Duck Walk.

McLaren died this week, aged 64, after a battle with the rare form of cancer, malignant mesothelioma.

Fluffernutter Adam ANt, Andy Dick., Ashton Kutcher, Barak Obama, Bow Wow Wow, Brian Austen Green, David Arquette, David Spade, Duck Walk, God Save the Queen, Jamie Foxx, Jamie Kennedy, Jaret Leto, Johnny Rotten, Justin Beiber, Leonardo DiCaprio, Livin’ La Vida Loca, Malcolm McLaren, Matt Damon, Mutt Lange, Netanyahu, Ricky Martin, Sean Penn, Sex Pistols, Shania Twain

In an brief phone interview with Detroit DJ Dick Purtan on Friday, Bob Seger announced plans for a fall tour:

Well, we’re thinking about maybe a tour later this year. We’re looking at some dates and trying to get some buildings, maybe October, November. But we just started two days ago, so we’ll see what’s available.

The interview is available here.

Seger’s latest CD, a compilation of his earliest hits, Early Seger Vol. 1, is now available nation wide in Walmart stores. Previously it was only regionally available.

No word on tour dates or availability in Canada, but Detroit’s not that far from Hespeler, and it may be time to see Bob Seger on front of the home town crowd.

Hey Ron, feel like a road-trip?

Fluffernutter, Rockin' and Rollin' and Never Forgettin' Bob Seger, Early Seger Vol. 1

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Hollywood glittered Sunday night as the movie industry celebrated itself in it’s annual Oscar night. The show, co-hosted by Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin, is being widely panned as boring and predictable. The show was boring, the winners predictable. The top winners were:

Best Picture: The Hurt Locker
Best Actress: Sandra Bullock (The Blind Side)
Best Actor: Jeff Bridges (Crazy Heart)
Best Supporting Actress: Mo’nique (Precious)
Best Supporting Actor: Christoph Waltz (Inglorious Basterds)

If there was any surprises, it was that one movie didn’t dominate as is often the case. Favourite, and most nominated movie Avatar, won three Oscar’s: Visual Effects; Cinematography and Art Direction.

Review in Brief: Alice in Wonderland: “It was,” the twelve year old boy shrugged, “OK.”

Higher praise you will not find.

Counterpoint to Oscar night is the Golden Raspberries. The Razzies, which get handed out the night before the Oscars, celebrate the worst performances in movie-dom.

For the first time someone has won both the Oscar and Razzie for acting, as Oscar nights Best Actress Sandra Bullock received the Worst Actress honours for All About Steve. To her eternal credit, Bullock showed up at the 30th annual Razzie awards to receive her award.

Other Razzie winners were:

Worst Picture: Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Worst Actors: The Jonas Brothers (Jonas Brothers: The 3-D Concert Experience.
Worst Supporting Actor: Billy Ray Cirus: Hannah Montana: The Movie
Worst Supporting Actress: Sienna Miller: G.I Joe: The Rise of the Cobra

Miley Cyrus this week had this to say about her relationship with her new boyfriend, Liam Hemsworth:

I think we’re both deeper than normal people…

Which makes them… deeply abnormal?

Pink Floyd won a major court victory this week that prevents EMI from releasing any Pink Floyd recordings in any form except the complete albums.  Floyd originally negotiated a contract that allowed Floyd to block releasing any song individually. In the era of MP3s and iTunes, Floyd decided they are still an album band. A stand that is to be respected, but you have to wonder what it does to Pink Floyd’s long term fan base.

Corey Haim (1971-2010) - Corey Haim was a star for approximately five years during the 1980’s. He seems to have spent the rest of his life paying for his teenage celebrity.

One of the two Coreys, Haim died this week of a suspected accidental overdose - probably prescription drugs - after years of drug abuse.

Originally from Toronto, Haim will be buried in Toronto.

Fluffernutter alec baldwin, Alice in Wonderland, Avatar, Billy Ray Cirus, Christoph Waltz, Corey Haim, Crazy Heart, EMI, Hannah Montana, Inglorious Basterds, Jeff Bridges, Miley Cyrus, mo'nique, oscars, Pink Floyd, Precious, razzies, Sandra Bullock, Sienna Miller, steve martin, The Blind Side, The Hurt Locker, The Jonas Brothers

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

Actor “extraordinaire” and hot head regulaire Sean Penn could be facing up to 18 months in jail for assaulting a photographer last October in the Los Angeles suburb of Brentwood. This is Penn’s umpteenth altercation with photographers and he spend 60 days in jail in 1987 for assaulting a photographer. Of course, in 1987 he was 26. Now at 49 he should know better than to go around kicking people. The fact he doesn’t means he should spend more than 60 days in jail, and if I were the judge he’d see the full 18 months he’s entitled to.

It’s Palin week on the networks as former VP candidate Sarah will be guesting on NBC’s new relaunched Tonight Show with Jay Leno on Tuesday. Meanwhile her daughter Bristol will play Bristol Palin on an episode of  The Secret Life of an American Teenager about teenage pregnancy. The episode will air sometime in the summer.

Whitney Houston is working on her big comeback, trying to revive a career derailed by a bad drug habit and a worse marriage. She was in Australia for a series of concerts this week, but things have not gone as planned. The concerts have been panned, Houston described as “croaking through the show,” took a twenty minute break after six songs. All this would be excusable in the past, but we all know tickets were over $100 a piece, and for that kind of money people reasonably expect a professional performance.

Australians aren’t new to letting performers know when it isn’t good enough. Last year they complained bitterly and demanded refunds when Britney Spears was discovered to be lip syncing during her Australian tour.

Celebrity Tweet of the Week: @lance Armstrong Back from a nice/easy 4 hr. ride. Well it was nice til that cat decided to run right in front of me and I go ass over bandbox.

Andrew Koenig - 1968-2010

Actor Andrew Koenig, who played Boner on the 1980’s sitcom Growing Pains disappeared in Vancouver on Valentines day.  He was due back in Los Angeles on the 16th, but never appeared. His body was discovered this Thursday in Stanley Park, death by what appears to be suicide. he was 41.

One can only offer heartfelt condolences to his family, including his father, actor Walter Koenig, who played Pavel Chekov on Star Trek.

Fluffernutter Andrew Koenig, Bobby Brown, Brentwood, Bristol Palin, Britney Spears, Growing Pains, Jay Leno, Lance Armstrong, Sarah Palin, Sean Penn, The Secret Life of an American Teenager, Tonight Show, Walter Koenig, Whitney Houston

All the fluffy news about those nutty celebrities

In an interview with Parade magazine, Elton John angered Christians by stating that Jesus Christ was:

…a compassionate super-intelligent gay man who understood human problems.

US Christians are particularly angry, claiming labelling Jesus a “sexual deviant” is akin to labelling Elton John “fashionable.”

Other little know Elton John religious facts:

-Elton played Candle in the Wind at Jesus’ crucifixion, changing the words to Goodbye, Jesus. Dude

-A recently discovered first draft of an english translation of the bible refers to the holy trinity as The Father, The Captain Fantastic and The Brown Dirt Cowboy.

-John the Baptist also wore powder blue track pants.

-On Halloween 1517, Martin Luther posted a scathing review of the previous nights Elton John concert in Wittenberg on the church door. Pope Leo X, an Elton John fan, declared the review a hearsay and ex-communicated Luther.

-Benny and the Jets is about a Super Bowl III party in the Hampton’s with Pope Benedict, who then went by the sobriquet Benny the Bishop.

-A Priest’s vestments were originally modelled after Elton John’s early stage clothes.

-Elton John was due to appear at Jeuruselum-a-palooza in 1095 when he got a bout of food sickness. Fans rioted, causing the Imams of the Caliphate to issue a crowd control fatwa. The ensuing battle was the First Crusade.

-John was only able to escape with his life when the Knights Templar snuck him out of the holy city. They would be his bodyguards for the next 1,000 years for which he signed over royalty rights to his Greatest Hits album.

-Jesus’ sandals were made by Gianni Versace.

Brazilianaire writer J.K. Rowlings is fighting off accusations that large parts of her book Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire stole liberally from late writer Adrian Jacobs’ book Adventures of Willy the Wizard - No 1 Livid Land. For her part, Rowlings contends she never even read the Willy the Wizard books, “and besides, their crap,” she said something like in a statement.

The case has been brought by the estate of the former writer, which seems to think there might be some money to be had of the accusations can be found convincing.

Gordon Lightfoot was driving to the dentist this week when the report came over the radio that he, Gordon Lightfoot, was dead. He then did what any relatively alive person would do, he called the radio station and disputed the accuracy of their reporting. One thought has bothered me since this happened Thursday: when he was driving down the road and they announced his passing, did he for one fleeting second believe it? Did he think for just that one moment, “and I was having such a good day?”

Doug Fieger - 1952 - 2010.

When you use the term one hit wonder the list is long. There may have been, however, no one hit wonder that was as celebrated or successful in their one hit that The Knack. My Sharona stormed the charts in 1979, an unabashed pop/rock tune when disco and punk were fighting it out for supremacy. My Sharona was number 1 (with a bullet!) for 6 weeks on the Billboard charts.

The Knack’s leader, Doug Fieger, died in Los Angeles last Sunday after a long battle with cancer. He was 57 years young.

Fluffernutter Adrian Jacobs, Adventures of Willy the Wizard - No 1 Livid Land, Crusades, Doug Fieger, Elton John, Gordon Lightfoot, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, J.K. Rowlings, Jesus, John the Baptist, Knights Templar, Martin Luther, My Sharona, Pope Benedict, The Knack