At Home in Hespeler

Out here in Hespeler, we’ve been stinging since Prince William and his then new bride, Kate, were made Duke and Duchess of Cambridge. You see, although we are a part of Cambridge, we really hate those guys. It’s all a very People’s Front of Judea v. Judean People’s Front kind of thing. But, Hespeler was forced into an amalgamation it never wanted in 1973 by Bill Davis and, of course, his Chief of Staff, Hugh Segal.

Now that Senator Segal has retired to take Robertson Davies old job at Massey College, what better way to make up for the slight by Buckingham Palace than appointing a Senator from Hespeler to his seat in the red chamber.

Back in 2008 I made a pitch for one of those Senate seats Stephen Harper was tossing around. Honest, show up everyday, never had an expense account in my life and would happily drive myself from Cambridge to Ottawa when necessary. I have a degree in economics that I earned while working 48-hour weeks on the midnight shift at an auto-plant and raising two toddlers. That’s the kind of guy a Prime Minister should want. Instead, he went with more traditional picks like Richard Neufield, Mike Duffy, Pamela Wallin and Patrick Brazeau and what did he get: a turncoat, two traditional media troughers who always wanted to get on the other side of the political money tree and a moron. In Wallin and Duffy, Harper discovered what we all knew: you can’t trust the media. Us bloggers, on the other hand…

So it’s time Prime Minister to correct an historic wrong, and send Hespeler to Hugh Segal’s seat in the Senate.

At Home in the senate Brian Gardiner for Senate, Hug Segal, Mike Duffy, Pamela Wallin, Patrick Brazeau, Richard Neufeld, Senate

I voted At Home in Hespeler for Senator.

Dear Steve:

I know it sounded like a joke at the time. Some blogger from Hespeler – Cambridge for God’s sake – wants to be Senator. Some forklift driver thinks he’s qualified to sit in the Senate.

At the time I suggested with an auto industry in crisis, maybe you could bring in an auto worker. Would do you no harm, with the added bonus that it would drive Buzz Hargrove nuts that a unionized autoworker not named Buzz Hargrove was appointed.

Could play guitar in the Senate band I hinted, and I’m sure we could use a keyboard player. Good for everybody’s image that.

But no, you went with Dick Neufeld (as he is, I’m sure, now called in your circle of friends). And what did you get? A headache. An independent thinker. Hell, lets call a spade a spade: a crony-ist backstabber, entitled to his entitlements.

I’m sure you made Dick sign an undated resignation – all the better to guarantee he runs in an election if you ever get your elected Senate. So date it, accept it, and call someone who knows how to kiss a Prime-Ministerial ass.

Sincerely
At Home in Hespeler

At Home in the senate Brian Gardiner for Senate, Richard Neufeld, Senate, Stephen Harper

Prime Minister Stephen Harper dipped back into the Ontario talent pool and found himself a brand new Senator, Bob Runcimen. Which leads to the question, dear God Stephen, what are you thinking?

Stephen and Harper and I can agree on a few things: Laureen over (Ignatieffs wife) anyday; a Saturday night should be spent playing music, preferably in front of people; the Senate is a largely useless body. We both know Runcimen has an impressive CV, the kind of guy a conservative Prime Minister can use, can find useful. So why render him useless? The truth is if your going to fill a spot that is largely useless, fill it with someone who has been up to this time, largely useless . That’s where At Home in Hespeler comes in.

I’ve stated the case before why I should be elevated to the Upper Chamber. I am a unionized autoworker, a demographic under represented for the Conservatives. A unionized worker, I would add, whom has never had his picture on the front page of any Toronto paper sleeping (although I was sweating the engine line sequence in this movie a little). The movement to have me elevated to the Senate is a populist movement, with a facebook page and several tweets on the subject the past year. The Toronto Star could hardly disparage my appointment after all those, “Harper must listen if it’s on facebook,” columns.

I pointed out before I could play guitar in the Senate band, but I could also back you up, Prime Minister, on a Beatles medley whenever his poll numbers drop. Count Ignatieff goes to University when he needs a boost, we could do a set at Darcy McGee’s. All those people saying you prorogued Parliament so you didn’t have to work, you could say, “hey, I’m working here.” We could finish with Takin’ Care of Business if you want (great piano licks in that). Can Bob Runciman do that for you?

At Home in the senate

When I didn’t hear from the Prime Minister by the weekend, it was occurring to me that he was going to look elsewhere for Senate talent. Who would have thought the politician that owes the most to the blogging world, and the least to the traditional media, whom are always bitching how much he hates them, would put two members of the latter group in the senate? Seriously Prime Minister, your bread is buttered on the other side.

Ladies and Gentlemen, your 2008 Senate Appointments:

Mike Duffy, host of CTV’s Mike Duffy Live
Pamela Wallin, the former host of CTV’s Canada AM
Fabian Manning, Former Conservative MP
Fred Dickson, a lawyer
Stephen Green, a former chief of staff to Nova Scotia Premier Rodney MacDonald
Michael MacDonald, a Nova Scotia businessman
Percy Mockler, a former Conservative MLA in New Brunswick
John Wallace, a former Conservative party candidate and lawyer
Patrick Brazeau, the national chief of the Congress of Aboriginal Peoples
Suzanne Fortin-Duplesis, a former MP for Louis-Hebert
Leo Housakos, the co-founder of the Montreal Hellenic Chamber of Commerce
Michel Rivard, a former MNA for Limoilou, Que.
Nicole Eaton, director and vice-chair of the National Ballet of Canada
Irving Gersetein, an Ontario business man and chair of the Conservative Fund of Canada
Nancy Green, an alpine skier
Yonah Martin, a former Conservative candidate in New Westminster-Coquitlam
Richard Neufeld, B.C.’s former minister of Energy, Mines and Petroleum Services
Hector Daniel Lang, a former Yukon MLA

At Home in the senate

What are the actual qualifications for Senate? you might ask. Here’s the list:

The Governor General appoints senators on the recommendation of the Prime Minister. To qualify for a summons to the Senate, the nominee must:

• be a Canadian citizen;

• be at least 30 years of age;

• own $4,000 of equity in land in the home province or territory;

• have a personal net worth of at least $4,000; and

• live in the home province or territory.

Canadian Citizen – check

At least 30 years of age – check and then some

Own $4,000 in equity of land in the home province – check

Net worth of $4,000 – check

Live in Province (Ontario) – check

Prime Minister, my bags are packed I am ready to serve at your leisure.

If you’re on facebook, join the group Brian Gardiner for Senate. I figure if I get 50 – 100 people the Prime Minister who swears he wants a democratically elected Senate can hardly ignore such an outcry from the people.

At Home in the senate

Much like winning an Oscar or a Cy Young Award, to be considered for a Senate seat a person usually has to wage an internal campaign for their red velvet chair. With that in mind:

why should I be a senator?
Let me count the ways…

I have a degree in economics.

I earned my degree while working full-time, shift work. Over much of the time I was doing my university work, I was working 48 hours a week and had two infants/toddlers at home. I understand the struggle people have to get ahead and I’m not afraid of work.

On the other hand, if you think that makes me overqualified for Senate work, I’m a lazy autoworker.

I could play guitar, acoustic or electric, lead or rhythm, bass and/or mandolin in the Senate band.

The blogging community is under-represented in the Senate.

The government is about to hand billions of dollars to the auto industry, shouldn’t there be someone in some capacity within government who’s actually been on the floor of an auto assembly plant?

I can multi-task (see above)

The Senate is a chamber of sober second thought; upon sobering up I often have second thoughts.

I’m computer literate (everybody puts this on their resume).

It would drive Buzz Hargrove nuts seeing a CAW member not named Buzz get the job.

***************

Update: Phantom Observer makes a point: excluding grammar (and speeling),  I have written nothing on this blog that is indefensible.  

Welcome to the race Chucker Canuck

At Home in the senate

Prime Minister.

Since it looks like you are going to be appointing a number of Senators in the next month, I thought I’d throw my hat into the ring. You see, I work for Chrysler, so it seems likely I will need a job soon. Don’t think of it as patronage, think of it as one less auto worker on EI. But, of course you ask, why me?

Well, Mr. Harper…. Stephen… Good buddy…

First, consider it repaying a favour. You see, it was I who got you your present job in the first place. As I pointed out then:

Back in November when the election was called, you sat at 28%-30% in the polls, a full 10 points behind Mr. Martin. On December 8th, I began “At Home in Hespeler“, and soon thereafter your fortunes began to rise. … Stephen, Mr. Prime Minister, Sir, it wasn’t until I got in the game, and I got comfortable and found my blogging voice that your numbers improved. Today, you are the Right Honourable.

And then there’s all the advice I have provided:

Well since the CBC, Dalton Mcguinty, David Miller and a cabal of detractors feel entitled to give you advice, so shall I. If you are smart you would print it out, take it to the P.A.M.S. Coffee outlet in Lincoln Fields Shopping Centre. Throw in a couple of bucks and you’ll be good for a White Chocolate Mocha Latte, which is truly excellent on one of those cold Ottawa winter days.

I trust you enjoyed your coffee.

Lets not forget that we are old friends you and I. When we met, I didn’t bother you with pesky questions about policy, about Arctic Sovereignty or Free trade, I enquired about the family. (Took some heat for that too, but what am I supposed to ask in thirty seconds?)

Anyway Stephen… Steve. I might just need a job, and you might just have a job, seems like a good fit. I have worked 20 years in “the real world,” showing up for work rain or snow. I’ll not embarrass you by not coming to work. I even like Ottawa.

So Mr. Prime Minister, return a favour here, and consider At Home in Hespeler for a senate seat.

At Home in the senate